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+---- Thread: *The Yeti/Zona Trade (/showthread.php?tid=15475)
*The Yeti/Zona Trade - C9Van - 09-14-2019
[Okay, so this is 1550-ish words long and meets that silly 1.5x media bollocks. It is ready to be graded.]
Hello everyone! Before I get into this it is disclaimer time for this piece of media: Do not get me wrong. I bloody hate x2 being dead but I only managed to make 70 million 2 seasons ago so I will need to abuse the living fuck outta 1.5x media it seems. The quality is also gone from all of my media (I did the math. I do not believe I could do a 2500 words Laszlo thing in enough time without it hurting quality and/or something I am not proud of.)
But perhaps I can discover a new format. One being I talk about whatever makes 1.5x media in a more improve heavy setting. One of the little applicable sections of 1.5 media is none other than "Review one of the trades and say what you think the impact will be"
So with a lot of trading going on I decided to be edgy and avoid probably every trade excluding one I believe will be most overlooked. It also sadly, and spoilers, be a happy and overall positive trade as I think both teams won in the end. Me shit talking will have to wait until I remind myself x2 is dead or someone points out a stupid trade and then I can just shit all over whatever organisation in the National Simulation Football League made a mistake and everyone will enjoy the salt. But until then the trade we will be focusing on is none other than the trade the Colorado Yeti and the Arizona Outlaws made roughly just before the deadline time.
If you need a reminder of what the trade exactly was, here it is:
ARI receives
Beau Montgomery
COL receives
Martavius Mack
ARI S18 3rd Round Pick
ARI S18 5th Round Pick*
ARI S18 69th Round Pick**
* Prior to this trade, Arizona had the rights to the better of the ARI and YKW S18 5th Round Picks. This trade will revert all rights attached to both picks to Colorado as they will now own them both.
** Will only be sent if Dangles13 provides the team with back rubs.
So now that that we are all on the same page let us truly break down this absolutely groundbreaking trade.
Starting with the more obvious. The Arizona Outlaws are gaining my boi Beau Montgomery. This really does help the whole Arizona Outlaws being All-In with winning this season and gunning the back-to-back titles. They are getting a pretty good player but more importantly, and you can quote me on this, the pound-for-pound best back rubber in the National Simulation Football League today. No, god damn fuck that. The best the league has ever had.
Unrivalled, truly. He would be Hall of Fame tier for back rubbing stats alone if not for the fact the National Simulation Football League banned this stat because Dangles would never be caught.
Oh and I guess they get a lot better of a player in his respective position, this helps Arizona have better depth and player-for-player they clearly win and the fact he is way better for overall Locker Room presence and whilst not a max earner he does update from time to time when free.
But fuck all that pointless logical nonsense, the Colorado Yeti may never recover in the backrubbing department.
This is just overall a good move for the Arizona Outlaws and SwagSloth is my Whaler/Halifax/Luchadore bro so I wish him luck in the play-offs.
Okay so we have established that the back rubs of the Yeti is in tatters, but what about what they are getting from this trade? Well, hold on a second bucko! We need to break it down.
Let us get the player out of the way. We are getting the (I assume? Surely he is dead forum user wise) inactive Martavius "The Snack" Mack. Why is he called "The Snack"? Because he eats up draft picks that is why!
I have completely forgotten the history of this player that someone told me in which he was traded for something really high and it did not end up working out and he basically went inactive. However, I do not get paid quicker by fact checking. So let us just be generous and say it was a 1st rounder and 2nd rounder. Or at least roughly. Hopefully someone in the comments calls me out on how dumb I am. Trust me, I know. Imagine being me dude.
Anyway, we do not massively benefit from him in my opinion but I guess a small chance exists he comes back and magically becomes a max earner. Doubtful like since he'd probably reroll into a new character but its improbable, not impossible.
The real legit reason the Colorado Yeti win is the 3 total draft picks. The season 18 3rd rounder, the season 18 5th rounder and the prestigious season 18 69th rounder. (I know these have stipulations but I know Dangles will back rub the fuck outta the Arizona Outlaws so it is basically ours.)
The Season 18 draft is looking like a big one for a lot of teams. Quite a bit of top quality exists in this and even 3rd and 5th rounders will matter. Hell, in my opinion unless a team actively trolls or does not scout whatsoever you are more than likely getting a great pick regardless. I can already heard the people giving comments about the draft saying "This is a great pick!" about 15 times over for the first two rounds. Which is fine do not get me wrong but the true way teams win this upcoming draft will be finding the people who are diamonds in the rough. Getting 3 or 4 really fucking good long term max earners.
Probably a bit obvious to state but it is more important considering the sheer size of active people that will drop most likely. Drafted my boi Bjorn Ironside? Wow, good job very impressive. You got the dude everyone knows is going to be a star in his prime purely cause you had the highest pick. Getting that god tier corner back who just kinda joined at a bad time cause everyone else is overlooking him cause he does not talk in rookie discord? Now that is the true winner!
I would also like to heavily point in an aggressive pointing fashion why it is even more important to the Colorado Yeti. Most of our core are young players. Now it is fairly easy to just say the Colorado Yeti were really bad last season and we are not exactly looking at play-offs currently but the improvements are there. Laszlo Forty-Two and Bubba Thumper are now on the roster. I like to call it the Bubba42 effect since we've quadrupled the wins so far :^) (Ignore that we're rookies and every stat ever. No logic is allowed here.)
We are not contending just yet but the future is a hell of a lot brighter in Colorado than damn near anyone else and with a few great rookies joining that core and earning the Total Points Earned we will be looking at a really good team. That is why these picks are so important and why the Colorado Yeti also win this trade.
Also, I think it goes without saying Arizona losing the 69th rounder in the Season 18 draft was what killed them winning the overall draft. They're going to feel really stupid when they make the 68th rounder pick (Assuming they actually still have it) and realise they still want a player and just can't because they traded it for back rubs. It is just silly really. I expect the General Managers of the Colorado Yeti to go really fucking hard for this one, really picking someone special. If not it may be time to call for someones head.
I feel like doing a little tiny fan service so here is Laszlo Forty-Two's opinion on the matter.
Laszlo Forty-Two: Laszlo Forty-Two is deeply saddened by the loss of the person who gives The Laz back rubs. Laszlo will surely miss them. He will give the Arizona Outlaws an edge in the play-offs purely by making rest of puny team feel more refreshed after every play and game.
His thoughts on gaining Martavius "The Snack" Mack to the Colorado Yeti roster.
Laszlo Forty-Two: Laszlo does not know who that is. Laszlo will break him if he dares eat Laszlo's favourite snacks. He will get his own or watch Mortal Kombat become reality.
Alrighty. That will do. Just put it down to him being annoyed at how the old Colorado Yeti owner acted or something.
I will say this. I am really hyped to see the future of the team that drafted me. This is a little project that me and all of the core of the new Colorado Yeti are looking forward too. It is early days mind but given enough time this team is looking like play-off bound and as a legit contender overall. So hype. I do not really have any way of ending this piece of media well. So instead have an anti-climatic sentence and ending.
*The Yeti/Zona Trade - lamp_wizard - 09-14-2019
I see Colorado is considering bringing me home for that 69th pick.
*The Yeti/Zona Trade - C9Van - 09-14-2019
(09-14-2019, 09:13 PM)lamp_wizard Wrote:I see Colorado is considering bringing me home for that 69th pick.
Fingers crossed lol
*The Yeti/Zona Trade - Frick_Nasty - 09-15-2019
(09-14-2019, 03:42 PM)C9Van Wrote:I know Dangles will back rub the fuck outta the Arizona Outlaws
( ?° ?? ?°)