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+---- Thread: *Suleiman’s Guide to Survive Until the Draft (/showthread.php?tid=20665)
*Suleiman’s Guide to Survive Until the Draft - Blasoon - 03-31-2020
Suleiman Ramza’s Declassified Guide to Survive Until the Draft
A Completely, 100% Factually Accurate, Fool proof, Definitely not the Ramblings of an Incompetent Rookie, Guide to Keeping your Sanity Before you get Drafted
Hello ladies, gentlemen and everyone on that wonderful technicolour in-between (belated happy Trans acceptance day, by the way) of the wonderful National Simulation Football League. I hope that you have all been having an incredible day. I was too, but then I remembered that the National Simulation Football League draft is fast approaching and now I might have gone a wee bit mad in anticipation.
But don’t you worry, my lovely comrades in this sport of grids and irons, I have gone mad, so that you don’t have to. This guide is one hundred percent fuelled by nervous energy, and will teach you all the tips and tricks to keep your sanity before your name gets called and you head out of the green room and accept your new jersey from Commissioner Bex. And for all you recreates, there are some good tips for you guys too, and besides, if you can’t trust a rookie in his first ever league, then who can you trust?
Tip Number One: Do not, under any circumstance look at the claim thread in the hopes that you’ll find some magic new chain with just the right amount of TPE to take you to that next big upgrade. I cannot stress how important this step is. I believe this to be the main cause of my temporal insanity. Earlier in the day, your humble narrator looking for that extra three TPE to come in clutch and help him get to a nice multiple of five in one of his stats. Said narrator then felt each second pass through his body as he attempted to refresh the page every ten minutes in hopes of getting his fix. Please, don’t make this mistake. Instead, try and upgrade your equipment for a quick fix of TPE. I can confirm, new equipment very much helps take the edge off.
Now you might be saying ‘but Blasoon, I don’t have any money. How am I supposed to get my virtually infused hit of dopamine?’ and to that my friends, I say, really? You guys haven’t been saving up for a rainy day? But I digress, this will lead me to…
Tip Number Two: Work for gratuitous media that is only mostly self-serving, and more importantly allows you to use your university degree for something. Besides, it’s as the old adage says ‘One day you write for virtual currency, the next you write for real life currency’ Want to know who first said that awfully worded proverb? I don’t know who you expected, but it’s pretty clearly me who made it up in my delusion. If you need extra incentive to sit at your computer and destroy your back with bad posture, know that the National Simulation Football League is currently offering one and a half more times pay for these pieces. A five-hundred word piece will bag you a cool million. And for those of you who are not inclined to write around the same topic until all the words become a form of sematic satiation, I present GFX. Run Gimp, get a cutout of your player, slap some flames in the background, and you’ve just created a damn good, freshly minted signature! I would say more, but I’ve never actually done one past the rookie tasks.
Finally,
Tip Number Three: It’s just an online sim. So breathe. Take it all in. Watch the new games and enjoy the end of the season. You’re about to be drafted to the big leagues, bucko; you might even end up under the banner of Honolulu and their incredible Manta Ray. So just enjoy things and take a minute to appreciate how much better the National Simulation Football League makes quarantine. I hope everyone really enjoys the draft; I know I will.
And if a probable eleventh rounder can enjoy it, you guys can too.
Have a great day everyone, I hope these tips help you survive until the draft!
690 Words.