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+---- Thread: *Tatsu Nakamura Draft Destinations (/showthread.php?tid=20758)
*Tatsu Nakamura Draft Destinations - qWest - 04-03-2020
Tatsu Nakamura here. I'm feeling high off of locking up a playoff berth with your friendly neighborhood Portland Python squad, a squad that is gearing towards a championship after a legendary comeback from a less than stellar S20 record, and I am just getting more and more excited every day for my first NSFL Draft. I had a lot of fun reading fellow Python rookie Zamir Kehla's article on his favorite draft destinations (and even more fun seeing the comments and replies light up) and I'd had the same kind of idea in my head for the last week or so, with just over a week left before the NSFL GMs meet in their dark, smoke-filled room for the inevitable round-robin tournament of armed combat to the death for the hand of her royal majesty Lady Tesla or perhaps a big, thick, juicy piece of the Phat, I thought I'd walk a hundred yards in Zamir's cleats and try to lay some praise on my favorite, most ideal draft destinations while burning as many bridges as I can roasting the lower tiers of my list. I don't think I can quite stir up the torches and pitchforks like my boy Zamir "Pick City" Kehla, but it's worth trying just to make someone angy.
Using a similar tier system (except, like, real tier names like A tier, and not just "Tier 1," boom first roast) as he did, so let's just yeet right into it.
S Tier
Honolulu Hahalua This might be the last time that Hahalua is first in something other than a draft in a few seasons, so putting these flappy bird-looking fish boys first in my draft destinations might surprise some people. Don't get me wrong, I don't like losing but even more than that I sure as hell don't like losing or winning on a team that I don't feel like I can be a big part of. If I can't come in and be a leader and a driving force in the locker room and on the field then the victories and losses just won't feel like mine, they won't feel like I can own and celebrate the wins or use the bitter defeats to push me on to the next game. I am really attracted to the expansion teams for this reason, getting drafted to be the keystone running back for a team and being able to lead that team from nothing sounds like a really cool experience. As to why I put the Hahalua above the other new expansion franchise, I'll get to roasting the Sailfish when they come up, but I'll take this bit to put praise onto Raven and ADwyer87. I had a great conversation with ADwyer when they first scouted me, and I've been having a good time hanging out in the Hahalua locker room on Discord. Both have shown a good amount of Pokemon nerdiness and just both seem like really fun people focused on building a fun, positive locker room and a team that I would be really proud to win a championship with. They did a podcast and answered some of my questions there too, and I enjoyed getting to listen to that as well. Honolulu is definitely the team I've communicated with the most and it's been totally positive. Raven and ADwyer are going to put together a super cool and great squad even without me, and if they're able to snatch me up as well they'll be damn near unstoppable in a couple of seasons.
Colorado Yeti This one is kind of a surprise to me honestly. Not to say that I think the Yeti aren't a great team to play for, but after everything I said about Honolulu, Colorado is kind of a 180 from that. Not only are the Yeti a well established and respected team in the league, but they also have a great RB1 with Ashley Owens. I'm not thrilled about taking second fiddle to another great running back, but I know that by the time I take another season or two either stomping all over the DSFL or giving the Yeti the extra boost at the second running back slot I'll be ready to take over more and more of the backfield share. And I have to agree with Zamir, everything about the Yeti, from their management to their logo and branding, to the way that their players act on the forums, screams elite. Now I've heard from reliable sources that that Frick guy may, in fact, suck butt however fellow GM Woelker more than makes up for Frick's bombastic butt sucking. Colorado gets extra bonus points as the first team that reached out to me and I enjoyed the flow of conversation and the way that they performed their scouting. That left a great impression not just for me wanting to come to Colorado, but also to me knowing that they must draw in a lot of other great players and personalities across the league. Definitely an S tier organization and a great team to find long-term success with.
A Tier
Yellowknife Wraiths Yellowknife, in my mind, is in a pretty similar place as Colorado in terms of truly excellent and elite branding, organization, and opportunity. The Wraiths get knocked down from S Tier to the top of A Tier because A) they finished third in their conference to the Yeti and the Hawks, B) honestly, I've kinda got the hots for Woelker, and C) they somehow managed to put their team in a colder, more desolate shithole then Colorado. I mean, if you were going to pick a sadder, less populated version of the Colorado Yeti, they might as well pull up their Canadian roots and become the Laramie Bucking Ball Sacks. Though the relocation and rebrand would mean the loss of an excellent and unique branding in the Wraiths, it'd be worth it to not have to play in an empty stadium that seats more people than the entirety of the Northwest Territories. Plus the flights into and out of Yellowknife sound like they'd be awful. Roast aside, the Wraiths, much like the Yeti, have a great established back with Hanyadi out front, but I know I could help push the team forwards from the background until I get my opportunity to carry the load as the feature back. I'd be really excited to be a Wraith.
Sarasota Sailfish Taking the Honolulu spot in A Tier is the Sailfish. While all of the comments I made about the opportunity available with a new expansion franchise in my Hahalua segment remain true, Sarasota gets the bump down to this spot because of Dax Frost, the young cornerstone of the franchise at runningback and a GM player that'll be taking his talents to South Beach this season (or wherever the f#@k Sarasota is, seriously I should have called this tier the "Pick a better city" tier). Not only would I have to come in and compete with a player just one season my senior, but Frost has also been plying his trade as a member of the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers for this season and the season prior and MB is, at best, top 5 B's. For real though, as much as Frost makes a terrible opponent, I'm confident from what I've seen that he'd be a great teammate and GM to play with and for. Even if he sucks he's got an excellent co-GM in RainDelay, one of my favorite people I've interacted with in the league so far. With those two at the helm, the Sarasota Sailfish will be a force to be reckoned with in a couple of seasons, and they could be doing so with one of the league's best two-headed monsters coming out of the backfield made up of Frost and Nakamura. I've heard they might've jacked their logo off of a stock photo website though and their colors are derivative at best, so I might move them to F Tier in a later edit.
Orange County Otters Up until the final moments before publishing this article, the Otters were seated firmly in D Tier as they had yet to reach out to me. However, Senpai Laser finally noticed me at the final hour. As I have had at least some communication with two teams today that had not previously reached out, I hope that San Jose and Philadelphia both see the error in their ways and reach out as well. Now having resurrected themselves in my mind, the Otters find their place among the other A Tier teams. I think the Otters have the potential to be an S Tier destination for me though, but I haven't had enough communication from Orange County yet to make up for their late arrival. OCO have a top seed in the playoffs and have an amazing opportunity to step in and be a leader in a really fun locker room. Outside of potential MVP QB Franklin Armstrong, the Otters lack weapons in the run game to have sustained success after their 10-win season. Orange County should be looking to reload at the running back position and they'd be wise to make an early move to pick up Tatsu Nakamura, the best at the position in the S22 Draft.
B Tier
Chicago Butchers Chicago has been kind of a circus the one season that I've gotten to see them in the league, and they're damn near needing to raze the roster to the ground to start over. However, coming into Chicago presents to me a similar opportunity to the expansion teams. Chicago needs to go into total rebuild for their locker room and for their roster, and they have the opportunity to start that off right with the best running back prospect in the S22 draft class, Tatsu Nakamura. With Leaf Jr. trying to get out by all reports, the door is wide open to take the helm of Chicago's run game and I'm excited for that. The scouting team from Chicago was very upfront in what I've read and heard from them in needing to take a whole new approach and build from the ground up with young leaders, and they'd be smart to start that path forward off by picking me up. However, I am a little worried about wearing a Chicago Butcher's jersey. For one, red is not my best color, but honestly, their branding looks like I'm going to be drafted into a biker gang made up of 43-year-old men that wear gloves to the gym, make way too much noise, and leave the leg machines without wiping their crusty sweat off of the cracked leather.
Austin Copperheads Much like Colorado and Yellowknife, Austin is in a position where they have a solid piece at running back and just need to find a compliment to take the RB2 spot where they can groom them as the future star at the position. The Copperheads get the bump above the Outlaws in this tier because of some great people that I've met and interacted with in and around their locker room. They are also only one of three NSFL locker rooms that I've been personally invited into, so extra brownie points. Despite their recent success, Austin is kept out of A Tier because they don't have the same elite feeling to me that the Wraiths and the Yeti have. That's certainly due in no small part to what may be my least favorite branding in the league, and I'll be excited to not have to see their banner at the top of the forums unless NOLA chokes harder than me trying not to vomit looking at the sight of Austin's logo. I'm being harsh here, but I have to disagree with Zamir here, I'm definitely not attracted to the idea of spending my career in a uniform covered in the Copperheads rustic dung that they call "orange." Also, Dermot Lavelle Jr. looks just like me but he keeps saying that he's white and that's unsettling.
Arizona Outlaws Much like with Sarasota, the Outlaws have a young RB ready to come up from the DSFL this coming season. Although I wouldn't get to own the role in the way I'd really like to, I'm sure that Baby Yoda and Tatsu Nakamura would be able to form a formidable running back committee to bring Arizona to relevance in the NSFL. Even though they managed not to implode like Chicago this season, they still fell behind the Butchers 5-8 record and need to make a lot of moves to contend in their loaded conference. I haven't gotten to know the Arizona GMs real well or get a feeling on their locker room and team culture, but I've definitely got experience in taking a 3 win team to the playoffs the next season, so the Outlaws would be very lucky to bring me in. B Tier may also get renamed the Godawful Branding Tier though. Not only does Arizona manage to pull out the worst shade of red in the league and possibly the known universe, but the white, crinkled butthole of a man with his old tampon bandana that is their logo looks so stereotypically "Arizona man" that I'm worried that he'll shoot me in self-defense if I ever wear a hoodie and put my hand in my pockets within a three-mile radius of his camo-wrapped Dodge dually.
D Tier
San Jose Sabercats I'm skipping C Tier because none of the remaining teams deserve it. You can suck my toes if you don't like it.
San Jose, like Philadelphia, is suffering from having to own a low tier all on their lonesome due to another team contacting me at the final hour. Despite the Sabercats coming up on an almost certain need at the running back position in the coming draft, they still have not had the time or care to reach out to the best running back in the class. To me, that means one of two things. Either San Jose have foolishly discounted me and set their sights on some Busch League scrub like Acura Skyline or White Goodman for their running back of the future, or their scouting department is lazy and they suck at their jobs. The Sabercats have one of my favorite brands in the NSFL, they have a great opportunity available for an amazing running back and leader, and I've heard great things about their GMs (despite having no personal experience to confirm that) which is keeping them out of F- Tier, but they're going to have to make some serious reparations in order to get out of my dog house.
Ok, I'm a little bitter.
F Tier
Baltimore Hawks There is just one good conversation with Duilio standing between the Hawks and the F- Tier. Honestly, I think the Hawks are a great team with great branding and great culture, but the opportunity and the fit just aren't there. Baltimore is just so far removed from the need for a young star running back like me, so they have to fall to here. Also, they're losing a great quarterback to Honolulu and it looks like it could be hard to maintain their current success. I'm still wishing the Hawks the best of luck. S Tier team, but unfortunately an F Tier fit at this time.
New Orleans Second Line The Second Line just clawed their way out of F- Tier this morning after I received my first correspondence from the New Orleans scouting team. However, NOLA remains a bottom five destination for Nakamura. This is definitely not for lack of a great, elite culture with an amazing locker room filled with really positive, fun players. No, the big issue here is the same issue keeping Baltimore in F Tier alongside the Second Line: opportunity. NOLA already boasts the most fierce and formidable two-headed-monster in the NSFL with both Forrest Gump and Marcella T?riki capable of bringing a defense to their knees on their own. Together the have lifted both the Second Line as well as my fantasy team to a top spot heading into the playoffs. And yet, despite that, the Second Line have compromised their once sterling winning culture coming out of the midpoint of the season by yeeting their gameplans for their last 4 games of the season into the fires of Mount Doom. New Orleans league stonks have now crashed harder than the coked-up Elvis impersonator who put together the Second Line branding after he traded in his crack pipe for an early-access copy of Bannerlord. Perhaps I'd be more willing sit under Hanks and T?riki for the entire prime of my career if NOLA hadn't managed to somehow sh*t on an amazing color combination more thoroughly than the Kansas City Coyotes. At least I won't have to see the Second Line take up the top banner on the forums for the next season as long as their stonks remain where they are.
F- Tier
Philadelphia Liberty When I initially wrote up the F- Tier section of this article, the Liberty had the righteous blow of the bottom spot softened by NOLA's scouting team's ineptitude. After sneaking in at the exact last minute, the Second Line have managed to climb out of the Liberty's total garbage tier, leaving the full weight on Philly's frail shoulders. The Liberty combine the worst of D and F Tiers into one, as they are both an awful fit and they have also failed to reach out to me in any way at this time. The Second Line couldn't fully tear themselves away from the stench that the Liberty put off, as they both suffer from having great color schemes that they have squandered on terrible brandings. My girlfriend knows nothing about the NSFL but she works in production and marketing and she ranked the Liberty and the Second Line as the worst teams out of all of the league's brands. Both teams' names and logos garnered the response, "what the f*@k is that?!" I take that as a serious ill omen. If the Liberty had made the bare minimum move to reach out to me so I could have said this all to their face they might not have had to sit alone at the bottom.
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Well hey, that's my list! I'm excited for the draft and super ready to put my all into being the best player I can be for whatever team picks me up. I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope that everyone that got roasted can take the playful bant... I mean... uhhh you're all terrible, suck my toes. I only want to play on a team of 22 Tatsu Nakamura's and it'll be called the Nakamura Suckmytoes and I'll win the Ultimus every year cause you all suuuuuuuuuuck.
*Tatsu Nakamura Draft Destinations - IsaStarcrossed - 04-03-2020
(04-03-2020, 03:57 PM)qWest Wrote:And yet, despite that, the Second Line have compromised their once sterling winning culture coming out of the midpoint of the season by yeeting their gameplans for their last 4 games of the season into the fires of Mount Doom.
This wouldn't hurt quite as much if it weren't so true. Yeeting our gameplans into the fires of Mount Doom seems to be a pretty standard present from the sim gods at least once a season for us. Rofl.
*Tatsu Nakamura Draft Destinations - Tesla - 04-03-2020
Since Tatsu is a former Husky just like my client Magnus Rikiya I admit to having followed his career closer than most, and to get such a nice shout out in this article is quite the honor. Thank you.
All that said I love the thought put into this and especially the honesty about wanting to be the guy for a team. Hope you get to go somewhere you will be warmly welcomed!
*Tatsu Nakamura Draft Destinations - Frick_Nasty - 04-03-2020
Imagine ranking yeti S tier, maybe in butt sucking