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*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - Printable Version

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*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - Warner - 04-07-2020

Can Lizzo eat a Phat Boi-sized cheeseburger in one sitting?
[Image: lizzo-burger-site-636x397.png][Image: gettyimages-336881.jpg]

Disclaimer:
Alright, so, before I actually write this, I figured I'd make a little introduction here to provide some transparency on the purpose of this article. Hopefully you guys can understand where I'm coming from, and can find a way to somehow enjoy this mess of an analysis that I put way too much effort into making compared to what I'll actually get for it. Hope you enjoy.


As most of you already know, I'm here to try and find the answer to a question. A question so intricate and complex that its answer has eluded even the wisest philosophers of the past and present. Not even the most intelligent man of our time, iStegosauruz, has been able to deduce a solution to it. I've had to compile hundreds of theories, analytical articles, and videos in my attempt to try and find a solution to this ever-so intriguing question, and I've had to comb through them one by one. So, without further adieu, here is my proposed solution to the question that's on everybody's mind: Can Lizzo eat a Phat Boi-sized cheeseburger in one sitting?
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So, to begin, let's introduce the subject of our experiment. Lizzo. Lizzo is an immensely popular singer, rapper, and songwriter, who is famous for a variety of hit songs, including Yummy, Juicy, feat. Gunna, and Exposing my Thong and Twerking at a Lakers Game. She was also in a really bad movie about strippers, and is quite famously known for being able to consume a very large amount of edible material in a very short amount of time, and weighs 308.5 pounds, which is more than twice the average weight of a woman who is the same height as her. This is what makes her the perfect candidate for this experiment.

As for the other variable in this experiment, we will be using Phat Boi, star Defensive Tackle for the Kansas City Coyotes. Phat Boi weighs in at exactly 300 pounds, and is 6'1" in height. (Lizzo could probably be a suitable replacement for Phat Boi once he leaves the Coyotes in the draft. Buttersqauch101, it looks like you have some scouting to do.) This will be quite the challenge for Lizzo to get through, but I'm pretty sure that she'll be able to get through it.

[Image: 20071105__071105randle.jpg?]

So, according to Quora, the capacity of an average human stomach is about 1.5 Liters. We'll assume that, since Lizzo is twice the weight of an average human, that her stomach can hold 3 Liters of material. We'll also assume that Lizzo will be sitting on a toilet as she tries to get through this gigantic burger, and we'll also give her an office water tank filled to the brim with cheese sauce just in case she needs help pushing it down. To make things easier, we'll also assume that this burger is just an average Wendy's Double Cheeseburger, which is 5.8 ounces. We'll also use the conversion rate for water from liters to pounds to try and make things a bit easier for me since I hate math. Now, 1 liter of water = 2.2 pounds of water. So, 300/2.2 = 136.4 liters, which ends up giving us a 4,612.3 ounce burger, but I'm bad at math and this is probably wrong. Since an average office water tank hold 5 gallons of fluid, this means that she'll be getting 640 ounces of cheese sauce to help her get through the burger. No fries, though, because she's trying to stay healthy. This will truly be a monumental task for Lizzo.

[Image: j0Hcnsz.jpg]

I'll be giving her about 10 minutes to get through the whole burger, because I feel like that's a very fair amount of time for someone to get through a quick meal by themselves. The only example of her eating that I could find was her chowing down on a loaded plate of buffalo wings. However, I can't find a video of her actually eating the wings, so we'll have to base this part on assumptions. She was eating the plate of wings during an interview about food, but there's no recorded video of this interview, so I'll assume it was 20 minutes long. In the picture that was taken, it looks like there were about 12 wings left on her plate, and she was already eating one of them. So, I'll be a bit conservative here and assume that there were around 50 wings on her plate. Now if you consider the fact that she had to talk, and was probably pacing herself a bit during the interview, you can assume that if she was eating those wings alone it'd take her way less than 20 minutes to get through that plate of wings. So, we'll be a little conservative here as well and assume that she'll be able to eat about 10 wings per second, if you include the bones. Now, from what I could find, the average chicken wing is 4 ounces. If you consider that she was eating about 10 of those per second, then it means that she can get down about 40 ounces of food per second. So now that we have that information, let's get our answer.

[Image: 8a0b790f74e38efd0a4045dd6e0776f5.jpg]

So, Lizzo has 10 minutes to get through nearly her own body weight in food. No biggie, right? We'll see. Drumroll, please...

The answer is...
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Lizzo can indeed eat a Phat Boi-sized Wendy's cheeseburger in one sitting. In fact, it only took her about 115.3 seconds. This is just under 2 minutes, which is 1/5th of the time that I had given her. Now let's say she decides to drink the sauce to try and top off her meal. She'll be done with it in 16 seconds, which means that she finishes the entire meal (no fries) in 131.3 seconds, which is just over 2 minutes. I think that she could really shake up the league if she decided to put on some pads and try some reps at Defensive Tackle.

[Image: 99aa453f-6b77-4169-b77b-00de09d0005e-1920-1080.PNG]

So, there you have it, folks. The mystery is no more, and it's all thanks to yours truly. This is the most pointless thing that I've done in the past 72 hours, and I don't plan on stopping here. Make sure to tune in for next week for "How far can Gimmy Jaroppolo throw a Kiara Mia-sized football?" I'll see y'all then. Don't forget to hit the like button and subscribe.
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*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - jeffie43 - 04-07-2020

What tf did I just read

*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - Drizzy - 04-07-2020

real bruh moment

*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - Warner - 04-07-2020

(04-07-2020, 09:49 AM)jeffie43 Wrote:What tf did I just read
the answer to the most important question of our time

*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - HalfEatenOnionBagel - 04-07-2020

Why men great til they gotta be great?

*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - Warner - 04-07-2020

(04-07-2020, 09:59 AM)HalfEatenOnionBagel Wrote:Why men great til they gotta be great?
This the trap game, Abraham Lincoln

*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - NamelessNate - 04-07-2020

(04-07-2020, 05:49 AM)jeffie43 Wrote:What tf did I just read


*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - Ben - 04-07-2020

(04-07-2020, 09:59 PM)HalfEatenOnionBagel Wrote:Why men great til they gotta be great?


*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - 37thchamber - 04-07-2020

Waiting for the "How quickly can Doja Cat smoke one SaberCat worth of sticky doja?" episode tbh. Or maybe the "Can Christina Milian Dip It Lower than the Liberty's win total in season ten?" episode.

*Can Lizzo eat Phat Boi in one sitting? - Phalanx32 - 04-07-2020

Dude it's too early for peak off-season content like this.