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+---- Thread: *Grey Ducks as SEC Schools (/showthread.php?tid=21963)
*Grey Ducks as SEC Schools - 24redcrayons - 05-10-2020
In this exercise, I took the derivatives of the eigenvalues of third letters of each of the names converted to hexadecimals and ran a multiple regression accounting for the rotation of the Earth and the apex of the sun during the day. These are my results. For simplicity, I removed myself (Julio Jones, Offensive Lineman) because obviously I am the commissioner. Also, if this gets traction I will make Late Night Thoughts with 24redcrayons a recurring thing. Thanks for reading and don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe.
Florida - Sim Snowbow - Sim Snowbow, the quarterback would be the most analogous to Florida. While he does not account for nearly as much of the offense as Jamar, who is the MVP and henceforth Vanderbilt, Sim very much is probably #2 on the list (honestly probably tied with T. Hood). But all three are GOATS anyways. However, Snowbow gets the nod as Florida due to the fact that he has the highest intelligence on the team. Much like how Florida would be the smartest school in the SEC if it wasn’t for Vanderbilt. Snowbow gets the job done when you need him to and is a great locker room presence, much like how Florida can consistently be counted on to be somewhat relevant athletically. Also, you know who else was from Florida and is a great locker room presence? Aaron Hernandez. In fact, I heard they made Tim Tebow room with him because they wanted Tebow to be a better person like Aaron. Thus, Florida.
Georgia - timeconsumer - I had no idea who this was until I listened to the podcast about offensive linemen. Then, I realized that this guy was OLD old. Georgia was the first public land grant university in the United States, and is one of their biggest selling points to prospective students (P.S. ask me how I know) (P.P.S. It’s because I got told that at least 12 times when I visited). But yeah. Much like UGA blazed the path and became the shining beacon for mediocre state schools that have an okay social scene, okay academics, okay athletics, and okay looking girls, timeconsumer blazed the path for Offensive Lineman to become a thing again in the league. Hats off to you.
Kentucky - Macho Man (Daymond Brooks) - Super funny guy. Kind of a wild card, much like Kentucky’s football and basketball teams. They could either go 10-2 or 2-10 and you wouldn’t be surprised either way. Also, they could go for a Natty or John Calipari could poop the bed. Who knows? Also, I think his profile picture is a wrestler or something? Playing the wrong sport just like Kentucky. But, I still genuinely like him a lot. So, Cats by 90.
Missouri - Matt Krause - I genuinely love the vibes this guy puts out. He just seems glad to be here and vibes like an OG. Guy loves meat and talks about it a decent amount, which is honestly 95% of what I know about him. But hey, I love meat too. He is Missouri because god DAMN i love barbecue, and both Kansas City and St. Louis, Missouri are hotbeds for good barbecue. Keep doing your thing, cornerback man, and send me pics of the meat when you’re done cooking it.
South Carolina
Tennessee - Kai Sakura - Kai Sakura would be considered Tennessee in my opinion. While Kai is always a threat to pop off any single game against anyone, he has been overshadowed just a tiny bit by teammate Tychondrius Hood, who through sheer activity, has made himself more well known throughout the league. However, just like how no one hates singing Rocky Top, Kai is someone that no one can possibly dislike. The guy is just a great human overall and there’s not really any way to say anything bad about him. If I could compare him to a specific Volunteer, it would be Josh Dobbs.
Vanderbilt - Jamar Lackson - Jamar is the undisputed goat of the Grey Ducks, just like how Vanderbilt is the undisputed GOAT of the SEC. Jamar holds the ducks together and accounts for a lot of our production, much like how Vanderbilt keeps the SEC average GPA above a 1 and keeps the SEC academic relevant. Furthermore, being in Nashville, Vanderbilt students still know how to have fun, and what could possibly be more fun than seeing Jamar tear off 40 yard gains en route to another 150 yard game? So, thank you Jamar and Cornelius Vanderbilt for your contributions.
Alabama - Dewalt - Dewalt is obviously Alabama. Daddy Dewalt knows he’s packing and isn’t afraid to sling it around when he needs to. Without him, we would be a group of bleary eyed sheep, wandering the plains of Minnesota until we all succumb to the elements or are eaten by predators. Only with Daddy Dewalt’s guiding lantern in the fog and darkness are we able to return to our shelter every single night and continue to fight another day. There is no god but Dewalt. He is Alabama because Nick Saban is also father.
Arkansas - NSFL Bot - Arkansas is literally a bot.
Auburn - Buck DBOY (also can’t find his player name sorry) - Buck is Auburn. He is Auburn because he is a solid presence in the locker room, much like how Auburn is the epitome of the word “solid”. You can’t say anything negative about Auburn, because the chicks there are hot, they’re pretty good at sports, and they know how to have fun. Much like Buck. In my head, Buck is probably 6’1”, in shape, gets good grades, and has a good time, much like Auburn students. Guy knows how to roll with the punches and talking to him never gets awkward, which is SEVERELY underrated. Nice to meet you Buck.
LSU - Tychondrius Hood - Tychondrius Hood got the go ahead as LSU due to two main factors. He plays WR, which in my opinion is the blingiest of the bling bling positions. Furthermore, he was very much a dark horse at the beginning of the season. I remember running into him the first day of the league, and he was just a WR with a big mouth and even bigger dreams. However, throughout this season, he’s consistently stepped up to the plate when the team has asked him to and exceeded expectations heavily. Now, I’d be angry if he wasn’t WR1 taken in the draft. Much like LSU, who was seen as a dark horse at the beginning of the College Football season. Furthermore, LSU and Joe Burrow are also more blingier than your traditional champs (Alabama), which fits the bling bling profile of Mr. Hood.
Mississippi - Philip Stein - This guy is a hoot. I think he accounts for most of the question marks put into the Ducks discord. But hey, that’s absolutely not a bad thing. Much like Hugh Freeze, the kid knows what he wants and just goes out and does it. I don’t really know him as well as I should (and I apologize for that), but on the surface, he looks like a fairly normal and easy going dude. 10/10 would hang out with on a random Tuesday afternoon. Also, remember, kickers/punters are people too.
TAMU - CLG Rampage - JOHNNY MANZIEL? GOAT. CLG RAMPAGE? GOAT.
Irrelevant Tier
Mississippi State (who?)
*Grey Ducks as SEC Schools - CLG Rampage - 05-10-2020
Objectively correct article, no bias here.
*Grey Ducks as SEC Schools - Tylus - 05-15-2020
Just now seeing this, thanks for the kind words man! (even if I hate LSU)