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+---- Thread: *Unnatural Forces Behind Vequain's Early Success? (/showthread.php?tid=22015)
*Unnatural Forces Behind Vequain's Early Success? - Sutj - 05-12-2020
Following Week 6 of the DSFL season, second year Tijuana receiver Friedrich Vequain has established as arguably the best receiving threat in the DSFL, tied neck and neck with the London Royals receiver Nick Kaepercolin. At the time of writing, Vequain stands at 31 receptions, 469 yards, and two touchdowns. Very impressive statistics, however, rumours have started to swirl that otherworldly forces are at play..
Friedich Vequain finished his last season in Tijuana with 50 receptions, 580 yards, and two touchdowns. Not even halfway through the DSFL season, Vequain has already matched his previous year's touchdown total, as puny as it was, and is just one big game away from breaking past his previous year's yardage total as well. Though you could attribute this to a few logical factors, such as the absence of the troublesome and possibly demonic Thomas Passman, who was drafted to the Outlaws (a tragedy that can not be understated, as Vequain wished to escape Passman's cruelty in the NSFL, only to be drafted to the same team). You could also argue that Vequain has simply improved a bit over the offseason, or even that Vequain has two extremely skilled quarterbacks throwing to him in quarterbacks Ben Slothlisberger and Jim Waters. All somewhat valid points which logically do make sense.
However, we would like to suggest an alternate theory, which makes complete sense. Vequain's increase in yo-yoing has been the biggest contributor to his recent success and is the only reason that Vequain is even nearly as good as he is right now. It is known that Vequain was a talented yo-yoer even as a child, and competed on the international stage as a teenager, solidifying himself as a historical, hall of fame worthy talent. However, after discovering football in high school, he dropped yo-yoing. But after suffering abuse and cruelty from receiver Passman, he went back to the yo-yo as a form of therapy, which helped immensely. He once again fell in love with the yo-yo and it was reported that Vequain had trained incredibly hard with the yo-yo, even implementing it in all his training routines. It was rumoured that Vequain may have been preparing for a return to the international stage, but we think that Veqain has used the yo-yo to gain an unfair advantage in football.
Is it really a coincidence that after an entire offseason training with a yo-yo that Vequain is arguably the best receiver in the DSFL? We think not. The only explanation? Vequain's immense yo-yo training has instigated divine and ancient forces to help him on the football field. This is the only reasonable explanation. However, this shocking revelation has a severe impact on every player in the league. Now that Vequain's secret is out, could yo-yo training become the new and most popular training method amongst players? Though this might allow players to improve tenfold, it gives players an incredibly unfair advantage against those who refuse to sell their souls and yo-yo. In the coming weeks we will be able to see the impact that these discoveries have lead to. Will it cause all football training as we know it to completely convert to Vequain's yo-yo training? Will Vequain continue to wrongfully claim his success is due to his own hard work? Will we run out of toilet paper? Or maybe all of this is a misunderstanding, and Vequain really did just improve - extremely unlikely.
All questions we have no answer to, but will be able to answer in the coming weeks. Thanks once again for tuning in.
Godspeed, hasta la vista, long live and prosper, adieu,
and farewell.
*Unnatural Forces Behind Vequain's Early Success? - FleshBagSoup - 05-12-2020
Yo-yo gods > satan???
Hopefully Vequain can stay safe from Passman.