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+---- Thread: *[EPSND Radio] Tayshawn Crunk - Safety First (/showthread.php?tid=24112)
*[EPSND Radio] Tayshawn Crunk - Safety First - Crunk - 07-23-2020
[EPSND Radio Intro plays]
Intro: "You're listening to EPSND Radio, the only radio station giving you 24/7 DSFL!"
[Whooshing noise]
Marty: "Good morning everyone, you're listening to Marty and the Madman in the morning..."
[Wacky, prerecorded voice: "MARTY AND THE MADMAN"]
Marty: "...live on EPSND Radio..."
[Robotic sounding female voice: "EPSND RADIO"]
Marty: "...the only radio station giving you 24/7 DSFL."
Madman: "We're MAD about the DSFL!"
[Loud, irritating air horn sound effect plays 5 times.]
Marty: "Yes we are, Madman, yes we are. We'll have our usual blowhard Ed Heartattack on later to discuss the nailbiting playoff wins for the Coyotes and Seawolves last night..."
Madman: "REFS SCREWED THE ROYALS!"
Marty: "Save it for later, Madman. Playoff recaps coming up, along with a look ahead to what looks to be a tight Ultimini.... but first, we have on the line a DSFL draftee who is trying to make a name for himself on social media..."
Madman: "WHAT'S SOCIAL MEDIA?"
Marty "We'll get to that, after a word from our sponsors. Marty and the Madman in the morning is brought to you by Guyshave, the best way to smooth your sack."
[Guyshave Ad, narrated by a bad Morgan Freeman impersonator: "Are you sick of having the lady in your life laugh at your junk? I know I was. Then I found Guyshave. With their patented NutSafe technology, I'm smoother than a pool ball down there. They deliver you fresh blades for the low, low price of just $29.95 a week. Don't be a loser. Don't just shave. Guyshave."]
Madman "I LET MINE GROW!"
Marty: "That's... that's just great Madman. Now, going first overall in the DSFL draft is the dream of every young football player, but now we have a prospect who appears to be taking things into his own hands. Ole Miss safety Tayshawn Crunk has taken to Twitter to petition the Portland Pythons into taking him with the first overall pick of the upcoming draft, and he's joining us now."
[Get Low by Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz plays]
Marty: "Hey Tayshawn, how's it going?"
Crunk: "Thanks, guys, I...
Madman: "TO THE WINDOOOOOOOW"
Crunk: "Uhhh... thanks guys, I... uhhh.... I never had that intro before."
Marty: "So Tayshawn, other than the obvious benefit of recreational legalisation combining well with the DSFL's testing policy..."
Madman: "NOT ONE SUSPENSION!"
Marty: "You're right, Madman... other than that, what makes you want to go to Portland?"
Crunk: "This ain't about Portland. This ain't about a city or a team. This is me getting what's mine. I got the talent, I got the work ethic, I just need to get my name out. You know how much a number 1 DSFL draft pick makes?"
Madman: "NO"
Marty: "Can't say I do...."
Crunk: "Uhhhh.... well, me neither, but however much that is, it's mine. So I'm coming for it."
Marty: "So why do you think you'll be a good fit for the Pythons?"
Crunk: "A good fit for the Pythons? Look at these pythons!"
[A few awkwards seconds pass.]
Marty: "Tayshawn, this is a radio show, so whatever it is that you are doing, we can't see you."
Madman "WE ON THE RADIO!"
Crunk: "Ah shi.... yeah, I was flexing my arms, God damn..."
Marty: "So why Twitter? Is Twitter is the right place for you to get the attention of Portland? Apparently you only have 8 followers on there."
Crunk: "Your research is out of date. I got 10 followers. I had zero followers yesterday, man. If each of those 10 give me 10 more, every day until the draft, that'll be... 10... 100.... a lot of followers on Twitter... I guess. Maybe people hear this and follow me. Hey, y'all - follow me on Twitter and help me make the Pythons do the right thing. I'm at 25 line Crunk on Twitter, come hit me up."
Madman: "UNDERSCORE"
Crunk: "What?"
Madman: "THAT LINE IN YOUR TWITTER NAME"
Crunk: "Yeah?"
Madman "IT'S CALLED AN UNDERSCORE"
Crunk: "Okay... uhh... 25 underscore Crunk on Twitter, come follow the next big star in the DSFL and remind Portland's GM to do what their momma always said. Safety first."
Marty: "Hah, because you're a safety..."
Madman: "SAFETY FIRST!"
[5 more blasts of irritating air horn sound effect play]
Marty: "But don't you think you might be putting people off by being this out front? Not every team wants a guy who is going to be in the media all the time."
Crunk: "Maybe a team wants to draft a quarterback who says his prayers, takes his vitamins and goes to church every Sunday. Maybe they need a big tackle who works hard, quietly gets all his TPE and doesn't cause a fuss. Or maybe they want a guy who is gonna put on a show by taking big picks back to the house, a guy who gets you seven points up from kickoff. That's what you got with me. That's Crunk."
[Get Low by Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz plays again]
Crunk: "Man, I didn't choose my name, you know."
Marty: "You kind of did though, didn't you?"
Crunk: "..."
Marty: "Okay, I think we get who you are, but that's just not how it works. Every DSFL team has a scouting system, they must be looking at you. You had a big year at Ole Miss, people probably know you from Final Warning College, why would you need to start harassing teams on Twitter?"
Crunk: "Sure, they all got scouts, and you know what? I got half the DSFL in my inbox. I can't play a game of Warzone without getting a message from a scout asking me some questions. And that's cool. RIP my Warzone stats, but it's cool. But you know what else? I got half the DSFL that ain't in my inbox yet, and that don't feel right, you know?"
Madman: "COME SCOUT THIS GUY!"
Crunk: "That's what I'm talking about."
Marty: "Surely you know that it's still early in the process. Players are still declaring for the DSFL every day."
Crunk: "Yeah, but that don't change that I ain't heard one thing from the guys in Portland. My DMs are full of scouts from playoff teams - big surprise that they're the playoff teams... wait, fu... can you edit that out?"
Madman: "YOU LIVE, TAY!"
Marty: "Yeah, this is going out live. Maybe crtiticising organisations isn't the best way for you to get drafted by them."
Crunk: "I... ummm... yeah... ummm..... whatever. If they gonna get butthurt, it's coz deep down they know I'm right."
Madman: "BUTTHURT!"
Marty: "Okay Tayshawn, that's pretty much all we got time for. Thanks for coming on the show today, and good luck with the DSFL draft. I guess we'll have to wait and see how it turns out for you."
Crunk: "I guess we will, man. I guess we will. Peace."
Marty: "Right, up next we have Ed Heartattack on to talk us through last night's DSFL playoff heartbreak for London and Dallas..."
Madman: "REFS SCREWED THE ROYALS!"
Marty: "Yes Madman, we'll be getting right to that after the commercials."
Madman: "WHY YOU ALWAYS TALK TO ME LIKE I'M STUPID, MIKE?"
[EPSND Radio ident plays]
Code:
1202