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+---- Thread: *Which DSFL team is named the best? (/showthread.php?tid=24275)
*Which DSFL team is named the best? - LancedJack - 07-26-2020
As any DSFL hopeful does at some point I've looked at every team that I could possibly be drafted to. I've envisioned myself pulling on the uniform and trotting out onto the green grass of the home park, the fans applause ringing in my ears. But quite what uniform? And where about? What logo will adorn my chest when I stride out? More importantly, which of these is "the best" a term that is obviously measurable and not at all subjective.
With that we need look no further than the humble bracket format. With no March Madness this year or any other form of bracket completion it's taken us to this point. I put all eight teams into a bracket generator and randomised the seeding. That's right, randomised, so Portland don't feel too miffed about your 8th place seeding. It was completely random and not at all an indication of the fact you haven't messaged me yet.
So here is the opening bracket in all its glory.
![[Image: U2NzjLX.png]](https://i.imgur.com/U2NzjLX.png)
So without further adieu....
THE QUARTER FINALS
1. Kansas City Coyotes vs 8. Portland Pythons
Straight out this gates this is a battle. Neither team has messaged your boy, so both are at a natural disadvantage. Portland gave birth to the show Portlandia so that's a black mark on the Pythons but at the same time coyotes do that weird thing where they make a noise like women being murdered so that's another black mark for them. Really this is quite hard to make an argument out of because everyone sucks here. There's only one natural thing to do here. Who would win in a fight, a python or a coyote and with that in mind I reckon Portland takes the dub here. Pythons are damn enormous, like engorged, blood filled murder sausages. Not to mention they come in all kinds of varieties like terrible American trucks. You've got the Python Silverado, Python XL, Python with metal Balls hanging off the back. I'm sorry but coyotes just have one thing and it's coyotes and even then they're basically just wolves with primordial dwarfism.
Pythons with the early dub.
4. Minnesota Grey Ducks vs 5. Dallas Birddogs
David and Goliath stuff here, if David was also a giant. Unless I'm missing something this is literally ducks vs the dogs who collect their corpses from lakes. It seems like a foregone conclusion on paper. But lets look at the facts here, as we plan to do throughout this series. Birddogs are hunting dogs, who collect the bodies of the things that their owners have shot. The dogs themselves DO NOT shoot the ducks. In my research I did discover dogs can shoot guns -
![[Image: fgw5CpB.png]](https://i.imgur.com/fgw5CpB.png)
That being said can they do it on a consistent basis to shoot ducks? As for the grey ducks I think it's a sly ploy to combine the three most boring things in modern language. Minnesota? Sleepsville. Grey? There was a whole movie, Pleasantville, about why grey sucks. Ducks? I mean, they've got corkscrews for dicks and they suck hard. But combine all three of those? You've got a murder wagon.
Also the birddogs logo in it's condensed forum version looks like a Labrador in traction.
![[Image: 761AoWC.png]](https://i.imgur.com/761AoWC.png)
Over the rainbow bridge for you Nigel, it's the Grey Ducks all the way.
2. Norfolk Seawolves vs 7. Myrtle Beach Buccaneers
An entirely nautical match up in our third quarter final, the Seawolves playing host to the Buccaneers. I, in my real life, have played rugby for a team called the Buccaneers. I also have been known to enjoy the real world stylings of Mike Evans. So that's two points against Norfolk immediately. On top of that Norfolk, in the UK, sucks immensely. Three point comeback? It's going to be challenging. But lets do for this matchup what we did for Portland/Kansas. Buccaneers would've been on sloops, galleons, other types of boats I don't know the name of. Seawolves? Straight up underwater dildos that shoot explosive dildos. How can any pre industrial revolution ship hope to stand up to the might of an unseen opponent shooting rockets at them from UNDERWATER. Lest we forget Buccaneers thought manatees were thicc women and called them sirens. Sorry but there's no way I can in good conscious give this to Myrtle Beach when I know they'd have no way to even detect their opponent. They'd sneak up on them, dismantle them with a swift torpedo and be on their way before scurvy set in. Also I have no idea where Myrtle Beach is so my only conclusion is it's named after the crying ghost in Harry Potter.
No chance, Norfolk Seawolves
3. London Royals vs 6. Tijuana Luchadores
To be clear the London Royals were one of the first teams to approach me, their discord is... I believe the kids say either bumpin' or poppin' so we'll say both. It's bump pop. The Luchadores have held their masked silence up to this point. Really everything is in the Royals favour. These masked madmen, these suplex, rope scaling, Isla Nublar frog splash fiends, don't really have much of a chance. I even thought "Well, you've been doing a comparison of the two mascots taking each other on, so do it for this" but even then the Royals take it. I mean just look at it? Ray Mysterio Jr runs in, rips off his cloak to reveal his rippling, aged body with his eye still hanging out the socket. The palace guards draw their guns only for the Queen herself to lower their barrels. She timidly walks forward, each step a guarded secret. Once she's close enough to see the fury in the Lucha's eyes she does what only one so regal can do. She throws him up on the shoulders, hits him with Kenny Omega's finisher the One Winged Angel and pins him, shoulders to the mat no botch jobs here, for the 3 count.
She stands up, cracks two beers overhead and swills them both. London Royals cannot be touched.
Join us next week for the semi final round, when we'll see Portland take on the Grey Ducks and the Seawolves take on the Royals
I am accepting all forms of bribery
Code:
1044 Words*Which DSFL team is named the best? - IsaStarcrossed - 07-26-2020
This is the kind of content I need in this league.
*Which DSFL team is named the best? - SchwarzNarr - 07-26-2020
(07-26-2020, 07:51 AM)LancedJack Wrote:I am accepting all forms of bribery
So, cute animal pictures and delicious homemade food??
*Which DSFL team is named the best? - Lime - 07-26-2020
wrong
*Which DSFL team is named the best? - Asked Madden - 07-26-2020
Peak off-season content
*Which DSFL team is named the best? - Ben - 07-27-2020
(07-27-2020, 01:40 AM)Lime Wrote:wrong
I would be ok with it if you said a lion would kill the luchadore but this is just crazy talk
*Which DSFL team is named the best? - McCransky - 07-27-2020
Birddogs! WoofCaw!