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+---- Thread: *[The Bill Salmon Podcast] - Tayshawn Crunk (/showthread.php?tid=24282)
*[The Bill Salmon Podcast] - Tayshawn Crunk - Crunk - 07-26-2020
Bill: "Today's episode of the Bill Salmon podcast on The Zinger Podcast Network is brought to you by E-Z Hire. Hiring can be difficult, and if you're new to hiring it can be even more difficult, as our friends at EvilCorp can relate. They didn't know where they could find cleaners that they could pay a salary below the legal minimum - they turned to our sponsors E-Z Hire and they found a whole bunch of immigrant workers to do the job. The workers never dreamed they would find a job where they could be so badly exploited this easily, but they created profiles with E-Z Hire and they matched them to EvilCorp because they were a great fit for the job. See how E-Z Hire can help you by siging up at E-Z Hire dot com slash B S. Once again that is E-Z Hire dot com slash B S.
"It's also brought to you by The Zinger Podcast Network, where we just finished recording an episode of The Unbearables with Chris Moron and Alice Singlecell, this week we just watched a bunch of funny cat videos on YouTube and had a great time. We should do more of those cat videos - they were all over the place a few years ago, but I totally think they're making a comeback. That's The Unbearables on The Zinger Podcast Network. Check it out.
"Coming up. First we have a football player looking to make a name for himself in the big leagues. You'll know him from his time on Final Warning College, on that big streaming service we aren't sponsored by so I won't say it. He's trying to up his draft stock with the DSFL draft just round the corner - Tayshawn Crunk will be joining us.
"Then we'll have comedian and former friend of the podcast Louie D K on talking about how he changed his attitude to women completely by watching Steel Magnolias for 36 hours straight while live-tweeting. That's gonna be a lot of fun.
"And finally, we'll have my dad on to talk about the state of the Boston Celtics. I mean - it's the offseason, there is quite literally nothing going on in basketball and he never has anything insighful to say, but hey - he's saving up for a cruise and it lets me pay him an appearance fee.
"But first... our friends from Pearl Jam."
[A live version of Corduroy by Pearl Jam plays for 30 seconds or so. It feels like at least 15 minutes of uninspired grunge.]
Bill: "So it feels like we live in an era of sports where players are super careful with the media now, or that they're using sports media to get their own message out there... to create their own narrative. That's why this next guest is here, he looks like a breath of fresh air to sports media. I mean - this kid has like zero media training! It's great!
"So we are delighted to welcome DSFL hopeful and Twitter phenom Tayshawn Crunk onto the podcast. How's it going Tayshawn?"
Crunk: "I'm good, man. Thanks for having me on the pod."
Bill: "We don't normally get DSFL draftees on the podcast, but most players aren't disrespecting teams in interviews before the draft and openly pleading to be drafted first, so it feels like you're happy to give us an honest, fresh look at the whole process, dawg..."
"Oh no, I said "dawg", didn't I? Man, I sound like John C McGinley talking to Jamie Foxx in Any Given Sunday. That was a great movie, wasn't it? Real classic sports film. Not seen it in a long time. We might have to do a podcast about that."
Crunk: "So, was there a question there or something?"
Bill: "Oh yeah, I was just saying it's good to have you on coz you seem to have... unfiltered takes on the things going on around you."
Crunk: "I pretty much just do what my agent books for me, and that dude is all about the money. Man, I could get a job in a call center and not have a headset on this much."
Bill: "Sounds like my kind of agent. Well, we're super stoked he booked you. So, where did it all start for Tayshawn Crunk?"
Crunk: "Back in Natchez, throwing a ball round in the yard. We ain't have too much growing up but my family love football. My pops a big Outlaws fan, me and my lil' brothers were always gonna play. Go high school, start making plays and I figure I'm pretty good at this. Got to the state championship game in senior year, got offers."
Bill: "So, you signed your letter of intent for Clemson. You wanna talk about Clemson, or no?"
Crunk: "I am so done with that. Police said I done nothin' wrong, team say I 'brought the program into disrepute'. Ain't never been explained to me. Dude, I was doing communications in school, I had to ask my tutor what disrepute meant on the way out."
Bill: "Well, that must have been rough, but a lot of people are kind of happy it turned out that way, because you woulda never gone to junior college, and we never woulda seen you in Final Warning College. Tell us about that bust up with Coach White. Great television."
Crunk: "So first, lemme say that they edit that show to make it look worse than it really is...."
Bill: "Of course, It's television..."
Crunk: "Right, so... that dude. All the guys hated him, and more than half the coaches I think. He's got starters that should be playing SEC and a bench full of D1 transfers that he lied to about the depth chart. We win, he's got his face in a camera talkingabout how great he is. We losing, he's chewing us all out saying guys are gonne be cut. Dude loved to cut. Man, I was cut three times in training camp. We just kept showing up the next day and he'd get us doing drills again. The hardass thing was all for the cameras, and they loved him and his stupid cigar. So that day Coa... nah man, Jason White... I ain't calling that dude Coach..."
Bill: "I love it! Sorry, go on..."
Crunk: "So that day we up by 3, a minute left in the second half. They got the ball on our 43, it's second down and 2. That dumb [bleep] calls a [bleep] run blitz, like what the? So we run it, I'm blitzing up the middle and I hit my gap just in time to see the QB throw the ball. Slot receiver, easy 6."
Bill: "We're gonna have to edit out some of the cursing in that later... but he called the play you ran?"
Crunk: "For sure, man."
Bill: "Holy cow, that's a bad call. So talk us through the locker room."
Crunk: "Yeah, we went in down 4. I was pissed, the boys were pissed, it was a rough spot. So we get in the locker room and in comes White, with his camera crew like always, he walks right up in my face yelling about blown coverages. Like what, [bleep], how you gonna send me on a blitz then tell me I should be in coverage? So yeah, I ain't taking that shit. We said some stuff, the coaches got between us and he cut me again."
Bill: "Yeah, I don't think I've heard an athlete call their coach a dumb motherfucker that many times."
Crunk: "Hold on, how come you get to say [bleep]?
Bill "Our sponsors let us have one a show. So you got cut, but you played the next game, right?"
Crunk: "I played that game, man! He got the defensive backs coach to come talk to me, and he put me back in the fourth when we needed a stop. Fuck Jason White. You can see 25 knocking down passes in that slow motion highlights music bit."
Bill: "Montage."
Crunk "Huh?"
Bill: "Never mind. So you don't keep in touch with Coach Whi..."
[A phone rings in the background]
Crunk: "Sorry, that's my phone..."
Bill: "Oh my God! That could be Portland! You better take this!"
[Some shuffling happens, Crunk is still barely audible.]
[Crunk: "...nah, you got me wrong, I ain't selling that sh... get outta here"]
[Some more shuffling]
Crunk: "Yo, I'm back."
Bill: "I guess that wasn't the Pythons then?"
Crunk: "That was some robot-sounding chick asking if I got mesothelioma. What were you saying?"
Bill: "Oh.. uhh... yeah... so it sounds like you're pretty done with Coach White."
Crunk: "I'm glad they fired him for that stunt he pulled. Pretending to be a lawyer? They could have canned his ass for pretending to be a football coach. The longer he stays out of football the better it is. For everyone. I mean, I'm going pro now, I'm getting drafted, so either way I wont be seeing that [bleep] again."
Bill: "So yeah, the draft. You've taken a pretty unique approach to improving your draft stock, most guys stay quiet, stay humble, maybe post a few videos of workouts... and you're out there on Twitter harassing GMs. You're calling teams out on radio shows because they haven't contacted you yet, I've got to ask you - are you taking any advice at all?"
Crunk: "What do you mean, man? This is working."
Bill: "It's working?"
Crunk: "For sure. I guess you could think that the DSFL teams don't have scouting like the ISFL teams, but that ain't it. Feels like these DSFL dudes listen to everything, they read all your tweets, they be up in your bins like 'this dude had Sonic for lunch'. Since I got loud, I'm down to one DSFL team that ain't talked to me yet."
Bill: "Is that team Portland?"
Crunk: "Nah, man, we talked."
Bill: "So it is working! Can you say how it went?"
Crunk: "Not too much, you know. I think the Portland GM liked me more than he thought he would - you can't argue with the grind."
Bill: "So you are working hard on this. All the media stuff, it's like you're playing them! You're Keyser Soze!"
Crunk: "Who?"
Bill "Keyser Soze... Kevin Spacey in the Usual Suspects. He's telling a story for the whole time then his limp disappears at the end. Man, that was another great movie. You don't watch movies?"
Crunk: "I seen Fast & Furious 43 last weekend. All these movies you talk about are like 50 years old, dude. I ain't on that TCM hype."
Bill: "OK, so... how far do you think you'll go in the ISFL?"
Crunk: "First round pick, five Pro Bowls, three Ultimus titles, name in the Hall."
Bill: "Alright! Well, we've run outta time with you Tayshawn, it's been great having you on the pod and we'd love to have you back sometime. Best of luck for the draft.
"Next up, we got Louie D K on to talk about his comeback tour, though there's nothing funny about what he did. We'll be back after this word from our sponsors."
Crunk: "Yo, tell that dude to keep his pants on..."
["Today's episode of the Bill Salmon podcast on The Zinger Podcast Network is brought to you by E-Z Hire. Hiring can be difficult..."]
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1893