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+---- Thread: *Richard Leaking breaks his media silence (/showthread.php?tid=24427)
*Richard Leaking breaks his media silence - ReverendOReily - 07-30-2020
BATON ROUGE, LA - From atop a bayou boat hovering over his family swamp, I was able to convince Richard Leaking to speak to me about why such a highly coveted draft prospect has been so silent in regards to the media. The propellers of his boat hiss and whir as mosquito corpses pass through the propeller and disintegrate through the sheer power of Richard Leaking's presence (although the propeller probably didn't help either.)
Leaking was a star in college; highly touted as a surefire first round pick in the NFL draft, Leaking shocked the world earlier this year when he declared for the DSFL draft. On the decision, he was quoted saying "I want to be the best football player I can be, playing for the best football team I can play for. At the end of the day, the talent pool in the DSFL is just so much bigger and better than that of the NFL, and the teams are simply more competitive. All of you NFL fans can hang onto your fancy Super Bowl winning quarterbacks, I'll take a guy like Mattathias Caliban any day over some wannabe hack caprine like Thom Brady."
"Yep, when it comes down to it," Leaking tells me, wiping sweat off of his sun-soaked forehead, "I've been pretty damn silent in the media recently. I know, it's shocking that such a highly coveted draft prospect has been so quiet, but I think it's important for both the GMs and fans to remember that at the end of the day, the forum is for boomers." Upon asking him for clarification, Leaking tells me "Look there's certainly nothing wrong with the forums. I think they're well-organized, easy to navigate, there's a wealth of information and extremely neat graphics to explore. But they're still a little.. boomer-y, don't you think?"
"But Richard!" I tell him, "how can you expect to rise to the top of this league without being active on the forum? You've got to talk to the media if you want to earn money!" Mr. Leaking's eyes meet mine, and he slowly looks me up and down. "I'm talking to you now, aren't I? Hold your horses and don't be jumping to any conclusions now, I'm not saying I'm going to pull a Marshawn and abandon the media. I am simply trying to have a conversation with you about the more boomer-esque qualities of the forum, but I can tell this isn't a conversation you're ready to have, so why don't we just change the subject here and now."
Even since his playing days at Stanford University, Leaking has been somewhat known amongst journalists and sportswriters such as myself as a man who isn't necessarily easy to talk to. At least part of me thinks that he wanted to have this conversation on his bayou boat so that the noise of the propellers would drown out our conversation; perhaps he thought I would get frustrated and leave after a short period of time. Not this reporter: perseverance is a must if I want to understand the complex, mature, refined brilliance that is Dick Leaking. I decide to try a slightly different approach.
"Can you tell me about what you do to stay in shape on a daily basis?" Richard gestures over to some mountains to the north and says "See that big one that kind of looks like Robert De Niro? I run up and down that mountain every morning." Instantly, I am confused, because we are in Baton Rouge and the nearest mountain range is several hours away, however at this point I also recognize that the interview hasn't gone all that well so far. If I question how he put those mountains there, it may upset him which would jeopardize the rest of this interview. I simply let him continue instead. "After that, I eat a breakfast consisting of 6 eggs, each prepared in a different way. I eat one raw, because Rocky did that and things seemed to turn out pretty okay for him, hard boil and soft boil one each, poach one, scramble one, and I eat the final egg sunny-side up. Each different preparation of egg prepares my body for football in a different way. Furthermore, cooking six different eggs six different ways all at the same time also keeps me mentally sharp. After breakfast, I flip monster truck tires in the back yard with my pet gator Skeeter. It's exactly as cool as it sounds."
Leaking then rambles a bit about lunch before telling me about the capabilities of his "subterranean weight room," which I probably would have just referred to as "my basement where I put some strength training equipment" but that's neither here nor there. "A lot of athletes stress the importance of routine, and they're right, but I try to work on a different skill every day on top of my usual routine. As an example, yesterday I covered my hands, arms, and body in Pam cooking spray and practiced jumping routes to make interceptions." When asked how he is feeling about the upcoming draft, Leaking had this to say:
"I'm excited for this draft man. I'm ready to be on a team so I can get back out onto the field and let the way I play do my talking for me. There's been a lot of speculation about one team or another being interested in me, and while I definitely would prefer some teams to others, at the end of the day I'm keeping an open mind so I can be the best version of me for whichever team brings me on board. There seems like there's some real competition out there, especially when it comes to the other defensive prospects. That guy Guy Fields has a hell of an on-field presence from what I understand, and that Nationalsimulation Footballleague guy? Forget about it. Remember though, there's only going to be one Richard Leaking selected in this draft. We have ourselves two kinds of teams in the DSFL: those who recognize that fact, and those who will be watching Ultimini from home this year."
That's all for today, I am Raddam Schefter and thank you for reading Generic Sports Magazine.
(1040 words)