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+---- Thread: *Who is LeBong Simwell? (/showthread.php?tid=24439)
*Who is LeBong Simwell? - Birdman - 07-30-2020
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Who is LeBong Simwell?[/div]
[div align=\\\"center\\\"]Sports Illustrated for Kids Exclusive[/div]
It's a question that has plagued the ISFL for weeks - who is LeBong Simwell? The big butt D Tackle made a big splash in the DSFL, signing with the Tijuana Luchadores at the trade deadline and going on to be a key contributor to winning the Ultimini last season. This past season, the big brain GMs in Kansas City selected Simwell and he became a stalwart up the middle in the team's deep playoff run. The question remains - who is the stunningly handsome and fit D Tackle? Where did he come from? This media piece aims to answer some of these questions about the enigmatic Simwell.
LeBong Simwell was born on a Carnival Cruise ship in international waters. His mother was the Director of Entertainment aboard the ship, based out of New Orleans, and interacted closely with guests, occasionally criticized for interacting a little bit too closely with guests. Legend has it that Ms. Simwell was entertaining a group of players for the New Orleans Second Line on a cruise shortly before coming pregnant, but that is hearsay and this fine journalism rag wouldn't dare print such innuendo (Editors note: we decided to include this).
LeBong was a surprise pregnancy and birth. His mother was not aware she was pregnant as she was going through a rough patch with eating and thought she was just settling into standard Southern obesity. As a result, she never stopped her unhealthy habits of drinking copious amounts of alcohol and abusing her 6 foot bong.
On the fateful day, the ship was returning to port when the ship's captain ignored his daily weather briefing and brought the ship directly into a hurricane. Many guests panicked and threw themselves into sea, we aren't sure why. The tumultuous sea pushed Ms. Simwell into labor and the ship's doctor brought an massive baby into the world. After coming to her senses, Ms. Simwell named her son after her favorite possession with a New Orleans twist - LeBong entered the world.
LeBong spent most of his childhood living on the cruise ship. He was an angry child, often bullying the children guests of the ship and often got in fights. A New Orleans high school football coach that brought his team on a cruise identified 13 year old LeBong as a prodigy after watching him nearly drown a 17 year old offensive lineman in the deck pool. This coach invited LeBong to live in his home on the condition he get a percent of his salary when he goes pro - make no mistake, this was an economic transaction and Sandra Bullock wasn't involved.
LeBong went on to be a star player in high school and got a full scholarship to LSU. Sadly he had a falling out with his high school coach and father figure because of a disagreement over splitting LSUs under the table payment program. LeBong had a relatively pedestrian college career and naturally had character concerns heading into the DSFL draft. He's admitted to being lazy and not wanting to put in the extra effort to buy equipment. That being said, his teammates love the guy and he's said to be a joy in the locker room.
LeBong looks forward to his next chapter and the ISFL draft tonight. He's committed to bringing the same level of moderate intensity and above average play to whatever team decides to burn a draft pick on this big butt D tackle.
2x first draft media bonus