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+---- Thread: *S26 ISFL draft grades based on player names (/showthread.php?tid=28003)
*S26 ISFL draft grades based on player names - ReverendOReily - 11-29-2020
Arizona Outlaws
Round 1, pick 9: Moe Skeeter, Safety
Round 2, pick 18: Tom Teboat, Tight End
Round 2, pick 23: Logan Sarassin, Linebacker
Round 3, pick 37: Akil Ozymandias, Running Back
Round 4, pick 51: Bismo Funyuns, Wide Receiver
There are two names that really jump out at you here - Moe Skeeter, coupled with a brilliant render that helps explain the name to anyone who doesn't get it, and of course, Bismo Funyuns. Right off the bat, we're starting the article off with one of my favorite names in this draft. The name Bismo Funyuns rolls off the tongue like a luscious drizzle of perfection; league historians will write songs about Bismo Funyuns in a few years time simply because it's so much fun to say. These two names really help to bring up an otherwise somewhat uninspiring draft class by the Outlaws. Ozymandias also gets a shoutout because that's a great episode of Breaking Bad and also I guess a pretty good poem. Draft grade: B+
Austin Copperheads
Round 2, pick 17: Slurms McKenzie, Cornerback, Dallas Birddogs
Round 4, pick 44: Glueteus Maximus, Kicker/Punter, Minnesota Grey Ducks
Round 5, pick 59: Jackson Maine, Linebacker, Kansas City Coyotes
A tiny, but strong draft class coming from the wire skulled snakes of Texas; we have got to start with the party worm himself, Slurms McKenzie. Some might have you believe that this league is really lacking in futurama references, and I am in strong agreement with those people, mostly because I am referring to myself. Glueteus Maximus is another excellently named player, although I am still a little disappointed Net didn't go with Thickum Kickums for his fat kicker. The name Jackson Maine is a tad weaker than the other two, but it is of course far from the worst name in the draft class. It reminds me of Jackson, Mississippi. But, y'know, in Maine. Maine seems like a pretty cool state. The name has actually grown on me as I've typed this paragraph. Three pretty strong names, but the overall draft grade takes a slight ding simply due to small sample size. Draft grade: B
Baltimore Hawks
Round 1, pick 3: Ernest Lover, Defensive End, London Royals
Round 2, pick 16: AJ Lucas, Linebacker, Kansas City Coyotes
Round 2, pick 20: Mario Messi, Wide Receiver, Portland Pythons
Round 2, pick 22: Caven McRae, Safety, London Royals
Round 3, pick 31: Chet Larson, Linebacker, Myrtle Beach Buccaneers
Round 3, pick 39: Sirdsvaldis Miglaskems, Runningback, Dallas Birddogs
Round 4, pick 50: Something McDerpants, Kicker/Punter, London Royals
Ernest Lover is a top tier name that is sure to leave you wanting more. Mario Messi somehow combines (in my strange mind, at least) the ideas of Lionel Messi and Mario the goomba stomping plumber. Chet Larson is a name that, if you could pardon my language for a second, fucks. Sirdsvaldis Miglaskems is one of the most intimidating names to pronounce in the league, so the Bananas get points for that. I don't understand "Something McDerpants" but I think I'd like to. Draft Grade: B+
Berlin Fire Salamanders
Round 1, pick 1: BamBam McMullet, Linebacker, Tijuana Luchadores
Round 1, pick 11: Derek Wildstar, Safety, Kansas City Coyotes
Round 2, pick 27: Captain John Price, Safety, London Royals
Round 3, pick 32: Schumi Hulkenvettel, Wide Receiver, London Royals
Round 4, pick 43: Erik Kirkland, Linebacker, Dallas Birddogs
Round 4, pick 46: Rocky Jackman, Wide Receiver, Portland Pythons
Round 5, pick 57: Kemorian Moore, Wide Receiver, Tijuana Luchadores
Round 5, pick 60: Dimitrius Rogers, Defensive End, Norfolk Seawolves
BamBam McMullet is another top tier name in this draft class; if we were doing a re-draft based on names here, I don't think he'd still go first overall, but he would be a high first rounder without a doubt. Derek Wildstar feels like the name of someone in an adventure novel. Captain John Price is the name of Johnny Depp's character in a bootleg version of Pirates of the Caribbean. Schumi Hulkenvettel is simply marvelous. Erik Kirkland reminds me of Costco. Rocky Jackman makes one wonder - what if Hugh Jackman starred in a rocky spinoff? What if indeed. The last two names are just eh. Draft grade: A-
Chicago Butchers
Round 1, pick 8: Alexander Franklin, Offensive Line, Minnesota Grey Ducks
Round 2, pick 15: Raphael Delacour, Wide Receiver, Norfolk Seawolves
Round 2, pick 25: Evan Jones, Safety, Tijuana Luchadores
Round 4, pick 53: H. H. Hopkins, Wide Receiver, Kansas City Coyotes
Round 4, pick 55: Ben Siegel, Defensive Tackle, London Royals
There honestly isn't a whole lot to love here. I think Ben Siegel is the winner of the group, although H. H. Hopkins has some real potential. I'd love to learn what the H's stand for some day. Raphael Delacour is a seemingly sophisticated if not a little pompous. Evan Jones is a milquetoast name. Rumors have been buzzing around the league recently; they say that Alexander Franklin should consider a name switch to Alexander Hordle. Draft grade: C
Colorado Yeti
Round 1, pick 13: Redbeard McFredbeard, Defensive Tackle, Kansas City Coyotes
How tf did I not realize Colorado only had one pick in this entire draft? Rhyming is usually great in my book, and this is no exception. It's a name that really rolls off the tongue. A name you could pair with.. well probably not a fine wine, but maybe with a miller lite on a hot day or something like that. I approve. But, I am again dinging some points off due to Colorado's tiny draft class. Draft grade: B
Honolulu Hahalua
Round 1, pick 7: Cobra Kai, Running Back, Dallas Birddogs
Round 2, pick 21: Lalo Salamanca, Wide Receiver, Norfolk Seawolves
Round 3, pick 35: Richard Littlewood, Offensive Line, Myrtle Beach Buccaneers
Round 3, pick 41: Pope Francis, Defensive End, Dallas Birddogs
Round 4, pick 49: John Johnson, Tight End, Dallas Birddogs
Pope Francis is the winner of the group here - the idea of an 83 year old defensive end wreaking havoc in backfields all over the ISFL brings me joy. Richard Littlewood is a name that speaks to me, but I just can't put my finger on why exactly. John Johnson is another good one; I wonder what his middle name is. I haven't seen the show yet, so I feel like I can't really comment on Cobra Kai. Cobras are pretty freaking cool though. Lalo Salamanca is another fun one to say. Draft grade: B
New Orleans Second Line
Round 1, pick 5: Vincent Jones, Linebacker, Tijuana Luchadores
Round 2, pick 19: Mr. Forty-Two, Running Back, Norfolk Seawolves
Round 3, pick 33: Jonathan Shuffleboard, Safety, Tijuana Luchadores
Round 4, pick 47: Julian Jurevicius, Wide Receiver, Tijuana Luchadores
Round 5, pick 57: Tater Tosser, Wide Receiver, Kansas City Coyotes
I have very strong feelings about the name Tater Tosser. Incredibly positive feelings. Tater Tosser probably should have been a quarterback instead of a wide receiver if he's tossin tatos, but regardless, it's a name that inspires confidence in one's teammates. Julian Jurevicius is a cool name cause it reminded me that Joe Jurevicius exists. I don't know if the person behind this player is a big fan of Joe's or what, but it's cool to see him get some love I guess. Jonathan Suffleboard is a damn fun name. Vincent Jones is classy, if not a tad bland. The rest of the names do not spark joy. Draft grade: A-
New York Silverbacks
Round 1, pick 2: Dogwood Maple, Safety, Norfolk Seawolves
Round 2, pick 26: Makota Otawara, Defensive End, Minnesota Grey Ducks
Round 3, pick 40: Primo Berto, Defensive Tackle, Dallas Birddogs
Round 4, pick 45: Jalen Washington, Wide Receiver, Minnesota Grey Ducks
Round 5, pick 58: Johnathan Smith, Kicker/punter, Portland Pythons
Johnathan Smith is bland, but it's so bland that I kinda like it. It speaks to me. This name screams "I am caught in the middle of class struggle just like you." That's probably why he's a kicker/punter. Primo Berto is a fun name, especially when you say it with an Italian accent. I don't know what a Dogwood Maple is, but I know I like it. Draft grade: B-
Orange County Otters
Round 3, pick 30: Maiteers Rico-Shea, Offensive Line, Tijuana Luchadores
Round 4, pick 54: Ty Tyson, Linebacker, Portland Pythons
Another tiny draft class, but OCO's draft grade doesn't get dinged because of my biases. Just kidding. OCO's first picks caused something of a stir on draft day when, while excitedly crying upon finding out he had been drafted, his tears started to ricochet around the room. Run on sentences can be beautiful. Ty Tyson is a long lost cousin of Mike Tyson in my head canon. Draft grade: B-
Philadelphia Liberty
Round 1, pick 6: Ryan Negs, Quarterback, Minnesota Grey Ducks
Round 3, pick 34: Laxus Dreyar, Defensive End, Kansas City Coyotes
Round 4, pick 48: Emi Rune, Quarterback, Norfolk Seawolves
There really isn't anything here that inspires confidence. Laxus Dreyar is the standout name here. It's fun, but there's not much else to it. Laxus is a great first name though. Draft grade: D+
San Jose Sabercats
Round 1, pick 14: Tugg Speedman, Wide Receiver, London Royals
Round 2, pick 28: Jaja Ding Dong, Tight End, Minnesota Grey Ducks
Round 3, pick 42: Byakuya Togami, Defensive End, Myrtle Beach Buccaneers
Round 4, pick 56: Dick Grayson, Wide Receiver, Minnesota Grey Ducks
Jaja Ding Dong is putting in a lot of work to carry this draft class as a unit. Eurovision was a damn entertaining movie and dissenting opinion havers can fight me in the parking lot. Tugg Speedman isn't bad either. I really have to resist the urge to ding the entire team simply because Tugg Speedman is a route runner archetype and not a speed receiver. Draft grade: B-
Sarasota Sailfish
Round 1, pick 10: Demon Jaxson, Defensive End, Portland Pythons
Round 2, pick 24: LeBron James III, Quarterback, Portland Pythons
Round 3, pick 36: Quavious McGrady, Wide Receiver, Tijuana Luchadores
Round 3, pick 38: Big Chungus. Running Back, Myrtle Beach Buccaneers
Round 4, pick 52: Owmy Back. Tight End, Kansas City Coyotes
I really wasn't too sold on Owmy Back until I remembered the way Frost announced the pick on the draft stream. That won me over. The Sarasota Sailfrosts had a fairly strong draft, highlighted by third round standout Big Chungus. The league needed a Big Chungus, and the chungly man heeded our call. Praise be. Draft grade: B
Yellowknife Wraiths
Round 1, pick 4: Arthur Naught, Wide Receiver, Kansas City Coyotes
Round 1, pick 12: Leonard Taylor, Linebacker, Myrtle Beach Buccaneers
Round 3, pick 29: Big Slammu, Linebacker, Dallas Birddogs
Big Slammu is a damn excellent name. Leonard Taylor is the name of a man I wouldn't want to fuck with. Also reminds me of one of Dave Chappelle's characters, Leonard Washington. Arthur Naught ain't bad, but he's no Arthur Read. Draft Grade: C+
RE: S26 ISFL draft grades based on player names - zeagle1 - 11-29-2020
I'm thankful for Rev media (1.5x comment bonus pls)
RE: S26 ISFL draft grades based on player names - Southie - 11-30-2020
Jack Sparrow is Johnny Depp's character in Pirates Of The Caribbean.
Captain John Price is the main character from Call Of Duty: Modern Warefare and it's sequels.
RE: S26 ISFL draft grades based on player names - Tomasnz - 11-30-2020
(11-29-2020, 09:17 PM)ReverendOReily Wrote: Chet Larson is a name that, if you could pardon my language for a second, fucks
For the life of me I cannot work out if you mean this as a good thing or a bad thing.