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+---- Thread: *Jenkins Family Hour Ep. 1 (/showthread.php?tid=28384)
*Jenkins Family Hour Ep. 1 - Jiggly_333 - 12-21-2020
(Intro music)
Rose Jenkins: Hello out there. With the pandemic and quarantine being the way it is, I’ve been at home for an extended period of time.
Dakota Reid: You know, you can go out at any time to get groceries or something.
Dorothy Morimura: Yeah, it’s not like a complete lockdown, you just need to socially distan-
Rose: I get it, stop. You haven’t been introduced yet.
Dottie: Then introduce us.
Rose: I will. (beat) Hello out there-
Dottie: No, please don’t start over again. Hi, I’m Dorothy Morimura, you probably know me as Dottie, legendary Providence Crabs left fielder. This is a podcast that we’re doing now.
Rose: (laughs) Yeah. So I figured that since we were all living together in the same place right now during quarantine and we’re all very opinionated on sports, especially the NSFL-
Koda: ISFL, Rosie.
Rose: Sorry, the ISFL. Still not used to that. I thought that we could start a little podcast about the league, take it on a case by case basis. My girlfriend Dottie already introduced herself. I am Rose Jenkins, former quarterback of the Chicago Butchers and this over here is my mom and legendary San Francisco Pride enforcer: Dakota Reid.
Koda: Hi everyone.
Rose: My dad said that he wanted no part in this and Aunt T, Tegan Atwell, not my aunt but that’s just what I call her, is in SoCal and the whole origin of this podcast is that we’re all in the same place so she’s not here.
Koda: She can still be a guest if she wants. And don’t worry, internet, I’m going to drag Leroy in here at some point.
Dottie: If this podcast makes it to multiple episodes. Better than “Thorns as Sharp”.
Rose: HEY! It was a good idea. I just got tired of it way too fast.
Dottie: It was a good pun, I’ll give it that. What’s this one going to be called?
Rose: I don’t know… The Jenkins Family Hour?
Koda: Reminds me of the Watkins Family Hour. Who’s gonna be on fiddle?
Dottie: I don’t know fiddle, but I do have a cute sundress.
Rose: Guys, no one’s going to get this reference.
Koda: They should. Everyone: Listen to more bluegrass.
Dottie: Although we’d be more like “I’m With Her”.
Koda: Shit, you’re right.
Rose: I don’t even know what you guys are talking about anymore.
Dottie: You think Papa Bear knows mandolin?
Koda: Actually, I remember he tried to get in contact with Chris Thile once-
Rose: Guys!
(silence)
Rose: This is a sports podcast.
Dottie: Okay, then. What’s our topic for this episode?
Rose: Well, I have some breaking news from an inside source.
Koda: You still have sources?
Dottie: I thought everyone hated you.
(audible sound of a high-five)
Dottie: Dammit, we gotta wash our hands now
Koda: Here’s the hand sanitizer.
(sound of shuffling around)
Rose: I remember when you two hated each other.
(sound of hands rubbing in hand sanitizer)
(It’s taking a weirdly long amount of time)
Rose: Yup. Make sure it’s good and in there.
(sound of the hand sanitizer getting pumped again)
Dottie: Can never be too sure.
(more rubbing)
Rose: You two done yet?
(a final bit of rubbing and then silence)
Koda: Go on.
Rose: Okay, cause this is actually a really serious and honestly weird story. (beat) So, following the Baltimore Hawks’ embarrassing 43-14 loss to the Arizona Outlaws, the Baltimore GM discovered a scroll on his desk.
Dottie: A scroll?
Rose: Yes, a scroll.
Koda: Oh, God. Is this who I think it is?
Rose: On that scroll was a trade request from Mai Fukushuu.
Koda: (groan) Yup, that’s her.
Rose: You have thoughts?
Koda: Yeah. Not a big fan of Fukushuu.
Rose: So you think her trade request is wrong?
Koda: I mean, I don’t care what she does, really. It’s just that she’s got this whole thing going around her that makes her incredibly unlikeable.
Rose: How so?
Koda: Well, first off, it’s the mystical background stuff.
Rose: You don’t like it.
Koda: Who would? I mean, what kind of person would wake up one day and say “Yes, I am going to devote my life to cosplaying as freakin Princess Mononoke while also playing football.”
Dottie: I’ve noticed she doesn’t wear the mask very much anymore.
Koda: Yeah, “very much”. She still does and she is way too committed.
Rose: You know what I think?
Koda: What?
Rose: I think she reminds you of Dottie when she first showed up.
Koda: OH STOP!
Rose: No, Dottie, don’t you see it?
Dottie: I mean, I guess. I wasn’t really chuunibyou like her.
Rose: Babe, please translate that for those who aren’t weebs.
Dottie: Oh, it’s just the anime version of an edgelord.
Koda: I thought all anime was edgelords.
(sound of another high five)
Dottie: (laughing) Okay, you guys got me. But I guess her big entrance was sorta similar to all the waiver problems I had back when I first got to the minor leagues.
Rose: Yeah, for those unaware, Dottie’s first run in with public ridicule was when she wrote a press release about not going to the team she wanted to go to.
Dottie: Actually, it was an incredibly complicated case that happened years ago and I never thought about again.
Koda: Sure, sure.
Dottie: Koda, please don’t.
Koda: No, I won’t say anything about it. But I do see the resemblance now.
Dottie: I’ll take that as a compliment. Fukushuu is jacked.
(Rose and Dottie start laughing)
Rose: OH MY GOD, YOU SAW THAT PICTURE TOO?
Dottie: You were the one who showed it to me!
Koda: What picture?
Rose: Okay, so you know how her whole thing about how she’s all into nature and shit?
Koda: Yeah?
Rose: So apparently she’s been helping out around some forest preserves around the Baltimore area. And… Here’s a picture from pre-season that’s only just been surfacing now of her in the summer helping clear out brush.
Koda: Oh wooow!
Dottie: I know, right?
Koda: So, since this an audio podcast, I’m just gonna describe what I’m seeing here. It is Mai Fukushuu in running shorts, and a sleeveless cut-off hoodie.
Dottie: That’s just so impractical!
Koda: It’s the dumbest thing to wear while essentially doing yard work.
Rose: You can see all the scratches on her biceps from the branches.
Dottie: But you gotta admit, that’s hot.
Koda: (sighs) Fine, you’re right.
(Dottie and Rose laugh)
Koda: Okay, so what’s this about her trade request?
Rose: Well, the scroll was written in Japanese and listed a couple of different reasons. She felt she wasn’t being paid what she was worth, she was promised a bigger role this season, there were signings made that she didn’t like, and overall she just said she feels betrayed by management.
Koda: Betrayed is a harsh word.
Dottie: Says the woman who played for one team her entire career.
Koda: Really?
Dottie: Look, I’m the only one here who has experience in trade requests. Mama Bear never left San Francisco her entire career and Rose would’ve stayed in Chicago forever if it wasn’t for a last second move to Sarasota.
Rose: You forgot about being drafted to the San Jose Sabrecats.
Dottie: Oh, right. But you were still playing in the minors with Kansas City and got to take an easy way out to Chicago. I actually had to live with being on a team I didn’t want to be on. So I can empathize.
Rose: But are you sure if the trade request is about wanting to leave or if it’s just a message to management to get their shit together?
Koda: Management shouldn’t have to “get their shit together”. I mean, she’s not a star. She’s only in her third season. She wasn’t a high draft pick.
Rose: But even you adm-
Koda: Even I admit that she should’ve been taken much higher than she was. But she hasn’t done anything yet. She’s not even the best player in her draft class.
Dottie: To be fair, she’s in a draft class with Zoey Watts, a once in a lifetime talent. Not once in a generation, once in a lifetime.
Koda: Yeah. All the more reason not to give in to her demands.
Dottie: So are you arguing against players exercising autonomy and voicing their concerns?
Koda: No, no, never. What I’m saying is that she’s looking out for her own career. Being a team player is great and all, but if you don’t identify with the team then why should you help it?
Rose: Do you think that’s the problem?
Dottie: Well, you said it with one one of her reasons. She was promised a bigger role going into the season. She had over 200 carries last season, was climbing towards a thousand yards and now she’s over halfway through this season and she’s got less than 50 carries mostly in short yardage situations. She was promised more carries, she was improving herself on the training field, and then to have the rug pulled out from under you is very jarring. Being told “It’s for the good of the team” isn’t enough and it’s especially maddening when the team actually does worse now that you’re not getting those chances.
Rose: Just as the fact check, I’m pulling up the official stats right now; but after their week 10 win over the Sabrecats Fukushuu has 41 carries, 160 yards, and 3 rushing touchdowns.
Dottie: And how close is that to last year’s numbers?
Rose: Last year her season total was 232 carries, 860 yards, and 4 rushing touchdowns.
Dottie: And her rookie season?
Rose: That was 192 carries, 744 rushing yards, and 6 touchdowns.
Dottie: So, there’s 6 weeks left. Using math, Fukushuu is on pace for around 65 carries, 256 yards, and about 4 touchdowns.
Koda: That is…
Dottie: Abysmal, right? And it doesn’t seem to be her fault. Her yards per carry put her at about 918 yards this season if she got the ball exactly as much as last season.
Koda: But yards per carry is bullshit, we can all agree.
Dottie: It’s only bullshit if it helps my agenda to be bullshit.
Rose: Just cause I thought it’d be interesting to check out. If we do what you did and put the current Hawks starter, Mathias Hanyadi, on track for where he’d be at the end of the season. He seems to be set for 300 carries, 1,139 yards, and 4 touchdowns.
Koda: Only four touchdowns?
Rose: He’s only got 3 right now. The Hawks are a passing team. Speaking of which, Fukushuu’s receiving numbers are up.
Dottie: I wouldn’t put much into that.
Koda: Why not? It’s really important for running backs to be able to catch the ball. I remember that’s what Leroy had been focusing on in his last two seasons.
Dottie: Look, there’s adding an element to your game and then there’s square pegs being shoved into round holes. That’s like if the team I was playing for decided that they wanted me to try for a steal every time I’m on base. Sure, I’ll get more steals out of sheer volume, but it’s not the best way for me to be used.
Rose: Dottie does have a point. Fukushu may be one of the top receivers in Baltimore, but she also has the most drops by a wide margin.
Koda: Well she should work on her hands then.
Dottie: That’s not the point! She has a style of play that she’s incredibly good at and forcing her into something she’s only decent at is going to just make her look bad. She’s essentially being humiliated by her coach.
Koda: I mean, 45 catches, 4 touchdowns, and almost 500 yards isn’t humiliating. That’s better than Tegan’s first season at wide receiver.
Rose: To be fair, she was splitting time between cornerback and as either a fourth or fifth string receiver at that time. Fukushuu is full-time on the offense at her position.
Koda: Okay, let me put it this way for you then, Dottie: Do you think that the Baltimore Hawks would be winning if Fukushuu were starting?
Dottie: I don’t think that matters-
Koda: Answer the question!
Dottie: No. I really don’t think so. There’s so many more reasons that can be pointed to-
Koda: So you’re saying that with or without Fukushu, the Hawks would still be bottom of the league.
Dottie: What I’m saying is that if your team decides to put your career in danger and say it’s for the good of the team, you’d expect wins out of that, wouldn’t you? (silence) Wouldn’t you?
Koda: Yeah, but-
Dottie: When a team signs older players, they expect to win right now. Win-now mentalities sacrifice the future. Rose knows that, you know that, I know that. And if you can’t win now, then your future is sorta screwed since you weren’t able to develop the youth on your team, your best players are retired and you’re back at square one.
Rose: So what are you saying?
Dottie: I’m saying that Fukushuu is looking out for herself and her career. If she can’t get the playing time she feels that she deserves, then she should absolutely be making a fuss about it. We’re talking about her like she’s still a rookie and yes, she is still young; but this is her third professional season, a time where most players start hitting their stride. The Hawks have made moves to kneecap her.
Rose: So, I was looking this up while you and mom were arguing, but Fukushuu did just recently sign her new contract at the end of last season. That contract keeps her around for at least next season with a mutual option for the one after. All for $5 million a season. One of the other complaints she has is not getting paid what she’s worth.
Dottie: I-
Koda: No, no, no. You don’t get to talk about money Dottie. You got a contract so big that the league went into total anarchy for an entire week. You don’t get to talk about money and contracts.
Dottie: Okay, fine.
Koda: I think that Fukushuu is being paid plenty. She’s getting more than their starting quarterback, she’s not a league star. I’m surprised she’s even getting that much.
Rose: I think that this contract was done before they signed Hanyadi. Fukushuu’s announcement came in the middle of the previous season while Hanyadi was in the offseason.
Koda: The guy’s actually getting paid less than her, I don’t know what she’s complaining about.
Rose: Well, you know how money is in these sort of leagues. You can only get better if you put money into it.
Koda: So? She doesn’t just need a contract, she could do something else for her money.
Dottie: What? Media pay-outs? The girl avoids the press like the plague… wait that phrase doesn’t work anymore. The girl avoids the press like cops avoid consequences. She hasn’t spoken to anyone since her initial press conference and I’ve heard that she doesn’t even speak to her teammates.
Rose: And I heard from Alex that no league office is willing to take her on with how volatile she is.
Koda: I mean, this goes back to the whole reason why she’s so unlikeable. She doesn’t do anything. So why is she complaining when she sees her own consequences?
Dottie: Okay, being pushed back in the depth chart isn’t her own fault when she has no say in the signing.
Rose: Alright guys. I would love to continue this content, but we are running out of time. I think it’s time to give our final thoughts and sign off. So. Mai Fukushuu’s trade request. Warranted or not warranted?
Dottie: Warranted. She was promised so many things and is sitting around with so little. The Hawks are toying around with her career and she has every right to demand it back.
Koda: Not warranted. I think she’s overreacting. I think that Hanyadi’s going to be gone in a couple of seasons and if she keeps training like you guys say she has, then she should have no problem making up for lost time.
Rose: I think I’m going to fall into the warranted camp, but I don’t think she truly wants to go. I think that she, like mom said near the beginning, I think she just wants to force her GM’s hand. She definitely has reason to feel let down by management, but at the same time stuff like this happens in the world of sports and you’ve just gotta take the loss now and then.
Dottie: Taking an entire season of your career as a loss?
Rose: Haven’t we all done that at some point?
Koda: Not me, I was consistent all the way through.
Dottie: Please don’t bring up the Turd Ferguson again.
Koda: It was the greatest honor I’d ever received!
Dottie: Not even your Ring of Pride induction?
Koda: Okay, that too. But the Turd Ferguso-
Rose: Thank you mom. And thank you listeners. I’m Rose Jenkins.
Dottie: Dorothy Morimura.
Koda: Turd Ferguson.
Rose: That’s Dakota Reid and don’t forget to wash your hands, wear your mask, and stay hydrated.
(outro music)
Code:
2911 wordsRE: Jenkins Family Hour Ep. 1 - platanocat - 12-21-2020
Hi, I don't know you. Is this league related?
EDIT: I read more than four sentences. Got it.
RE: Jenkins Family Hour Ep. 1 - timeconsumer - 12-21-2020
I wanted to hear from Jenkins and Atwell....
RE: Jenkins Family Hour Ep. 1 - Jiggly_333 - 12-22-2020
(12-21-2020, 09:49 PM)timeconsumer Wrote: I wanted to hear from Jenkins and Atwell....If I can get myself to make new episodes, they will absolutely be making appearances. These three are just my most fleshed out characters so I have an easier time writing for them.