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+---- Thread: *Oh Fuck I am out of money (/showthread.php?tid=28649)
*Oh Fuck I am out of money - supertardis101 - 01-03-2021
Have you ever been out of money in a sim league before? I know right. It's the fucking worse. You just feel poor and inadequate to everything around you. Well I am out of money now. I need to get some money too. This is me getting money. Please forgive and please forget. Ok. Now who wants to hear a crazy story from the last season of the International Simulation Football League. This story is so batshit crazy that you will not understand what I am saying if you get my drift. Wink. Wink. Hahahah. Well I hope you enjoy this story. It comes from a special place in my heart. This time its for real. You guys are the real GOATS. Lets. Fucking. Do. This. Ah.
The whole thing starts when San Jose won the Ultimus after the S25 season. Man. What a fucking game. We were in Colorado directly after the whole thing and I can remember the walls crashing down around us. We were celebrating our fucking asses off and we never had been so happy. I remember running over and giving my good friend Matty a huge bear-hug. Me and Matty had our disagreements in the past, especially when he stole my lucky-charms and tried to fight me after my Ultimini win, but in this moment we only felt pride and happiness together. It was a great experience. The party after the win was so insane I cannot quite remember all the details. I remember being ushered along with my teammates up the podium where we were awarded the Ultimus Trophy by Commish Bex. That was a great experience and seeing my face all over TV was something I will never forget. After that we began to pile out of the stadium and we were set loose on the streets of Denver. We walked down the street with huge grins on our faces as we hit up bar after bar after bar looking for alcohol. We did not have too much luck as it was late at night, but we did find a few places to get a couple of beers in us. The owner of this one bar recognized us and gave us all free drinks for beating his hated Yeti. The free booze and partying turned out not to be the best combination. Through all the happiness and celebrating we realized we forgot one really important thing. The Ultimus Trophy.
It was probably around 4 AM when we first realized that none of us had the trophy. We were set into an immediate panic as this very expensive and very important piece of metal was missing. We began to search through all the bars and streets that we had passed through, but we had no immediate luck. Everyone checked all of their pads and equipment to see if it had fallen down there somehow. We went down into the sewer to check that out and no luck at all. After several hours of searching, we could not find jackshit and we got very worried. The sun would be coming up soon and we would have cameras and press in our faces demanding to get up close and personal with something that was not rightfully theirs. We decided that we would need a replica for the next day and potentially the next several years. We went to a hardware store and found some nuts and screws while going to the cooking supplies store and getting some bowls. Using these simple tools we created a replica of the trophy that would be enough to fool even the keenest of eyes. It was truly a sight to behold. Afterward, we went out into public. We showed off the trophy and everyone talked about how happy they were for us. It was a long day, but we made it through and finally went to bed for a good night of sleep. Right as the team was getting settled in for sleep in our 40x120 ft bed, that we sleep in together, we noticed something weird outside. I got out and began to look and I saw something amazing. It was shiny. It was bright. It was metallic. TWAS THE ULTIMUS TROPHY.
We all piled out of our snug bed and began to make our way outside to retrieve the trophy. How did it get there? Why was it there? What was going on? These questions plagued our minds as we scrambled to get it. We finally got there and trudged through the snow. It was then we noticed something rather strange. There were large aching footprints all around the trophy. It was as if a large mammal of some kind had set it there. We proceeded on foot till eventually, we could put our hands on it. I sat down. I put both hands on the trophy, and I heard a mighty roar. It was a crazy roar. It was loud and deafening. I swiveled around to see what it could possibly be. I looked and I recognized my foe immediately. Twas the Yeti. Normally a rather docile creature, he was angry. His favorite football had lost the big game and he vowed for some revenge.
He gave us his biggest roar and his biggest stare as to scare us. We all took a few steps back, but soon after we all glanced at each other and we knew what we had to do. I removed my large broadsword from its container and Matty removed his large boot from its container. We stepped forward and stared down this Yeti with our most grimacing looks. Matty started the fight. He lept up in the air and began to fly his foot towards the large Yeti. He spun around it and kicked it square in the ass. The Yeti was reduced to his feet and he felt helpless on the ground. He gave a large groan, but still seemed to be alive. Matty gave me a signal with the nod of his head and I began to run at the downed Yeti with my sword. I ran full speed and with a great jump high into the air I crashed down upon the Yeti and he was decapitated with his head rolling in circles on the ground. It was a great site. The team gave us three hurrays as a reward for our work and we took the Yeti head and body and buried it respectably. Our hubris and pride were off the charts and we took back the Ultimus trophy in our arms as if it was a baby that was being returned to us after a long day of daycare. Life was good and life was splendid. We were happy and we were champs. Those were the days of my life. The days I will look back on when I was old as the best I ever lived. I encourage my teammates and my countrymen and countrywomen to savor every moment of every day. Whether your day is a boring day at work or a Yeti-beheading trophy-winning day, I hope you enjoy it.
This article was a lot of fun to write and I really hope it gets me some money for my troubles. I realize this was article was kind of silly, but I do want to give a serious thank you to everyone in the San Jose franchise. @ckroyal92 and @Rradum you guys are great GMs and @Matty7478 is one of my favorite people in sim leagues and a great team captain. Thank you for everything and I look forward to another strong few seasons with the San Jose franchise!
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1,274 Words x2 | Holiday Media Please!!RE: Oh Fuck I am out of money - Jimi64 - 01-03-2021
Norfolk legend!
RE: *Oh Fuck I am out of money - Rradum - 01-04-2021
