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+---- Thread: *Juno Hu's Cherry Poppin' Comin' Out Party Presser (/showthread.php?tid=29273)
*Juno Hu's Cherry Poppin' Comin' Out Party Presser - j00 - 01-18-2021
ready for grading, 2x - new user
Juno enters the room, a long, uhh, white...ish, towel in hand, still wipin' down the sweat from his latest workout. His tight-fitting, seemingly decade-old frayed tank top begs for mercy and retirement. The logo and lettering on his athletic shorts have long since faded away. Perhaps if you were familiar, you'd be able to recognize remnants of his old high school logo on them. Rockin' socks and sandals, he makes his way to the podium with unnecessary, and definitely unwarranted (at least, currently) swagger. He gives an upward nod to the half dozen reporters present, pretending to wipe sweat off his face to momentarily hide a look of disappointment from the lack of a packed room.
"Whattup, whattup?! Juno Hu, I am! This' my first ever presser. So, congrats on having the honor." He shakes his head, " Pfft, all the others don't know what they missin' out on. 20 year old CB, fresh outta USC, ready to take the DSFL by storm! Bringin' dat S-D-E, ever heard of that? Dat Stiff-Dee-Energy, baby! We had this saying in college, we be like 'C'MON DEE, STIFFEN UP!!' Haha. Not sure y'all are ready for this." He steps up onto a small hidden stool, cracks his neck, and leans forward with crossed arms onto the podium. "So, whatchu guys wanna know? I'm an open book. Hit me!"
Hu points at @zaynzk, "Go 'head!"
Q: What are your expectations come draft time?
A: Gotta be the first CB off the board. Hell, I oughta be the first player off the board. Hell, I oughta already be signed! Don't they do that sometimes?? C'mon KC, y'all already picked me right?? Psst, if you did, can I get a lil bit of that signing bonus in advance? scratches junk. But yeah, apparently teams have certain "needs" or whatever, so who knows where I'ma end up. Personally, I think it's all just silly nonsense. Lemme tell you somethin', whatchu need is ME!! Stop overthinking it and CUT! THAT! CHECK! CUT! THAT! CHECK!
Q: Any other prospects stand out to you?
A: Oh yeah, we definitely got some competition this draft. Dexter Zaylren's lookin' to be the prime QB of the draft, and it's lookin' like I'ma have to keep my eyes on Chunt The Badger, Saleem Spence, and Sam the Onion Man. All 3 are lookin' like potential problems for years to come--uhh...for all the other DBs in the league of course. Ain't gonna be problems for me.
Q: What’s something you want all DSFL teams to know about you?
A: When it's all said and done, I'ma be the best ever barring anomalies! I'ma be the most lock down corner there ever was especially with certain cherry picked stats! Ain't no one can beat me consistently! My style is exquisite! My technique is impeccable! If I'm on your schedule, just go ahead and spend them sick days, 'specially if you care about your stats!
Hu gestures over at @maupassant, "You!"
Q: What players do Juno Hu look up to?
A: All the greats man. They in the hall for a reason: they all got somethin' special in their arsenal for me to poach. For example, I mastered the art of tactical business decisions from Prime, and the high steppin', too, of course. Hayes and the art of the sticky icky. Revis and the art of non-called holds. Just don't dare compare me to a sorry ass trash talker like Sherman!
Q: Do you have any preference as to what team drafts you?
A: Whoever got the most in the bank! Lemme get itttt!!! Matta fact, when you pick me, don't bother with a jersey, get me one of those big ass checks instead! You know like on those game shows? Hahaha, yeah! Hellye, hellye! And it better be like NEIN-NEIN-NEIN-NEIN-NEIN-NEIN-NEIN-NEIN! Hu's hand slaps against the podium with each syllable. Gnome saiyan??
Q: What is the thing that motivates you the most?
A: Juno Hu oughta be a household name by now!! The fact that it ain't is a disgrace, a crime against humanity, I tell ya! How've you plebs ever made it this far without me in your lives? Jeez, no wonder half of America are such poor, miserable f***s! But don't chu worry, help is on the way! I repeat, HELP IS ON THE WAY! And you guys, too! Yer careers as media people're gonna skyrocket just from this interview alone! You're welcome!!
Hu raises his chin and peers into the back at @Duilio05, "Mah dude in the back! Whatchu got for me?"
Q: You got a rival yet? Who? And why?
A: The f*** is a rival? S***, I give you the time of day and this the question you gon' ask me? You think somebody actually rivals me?? Shhhhhhhh...tahahah! I'm just f***in' with you, bruh. You shoulda seen your face. Honestly, I'm not gonna know until I'm in the league. You can't be lookin' at this surface level organization of prospect bowl games and drawing any conclusions from it. Only way you gon' see my talents shine is if you can give me a consistent pass rush, shut down the running game, have a 2+ possession lead, and have some competent DBs covering the other half of the field. Otherwise, QBs don't ever have to throw at me!
Q: What makes your prospect team special?
A: Haha, we definitely special alright. We probably the most special. cough ahemfirethecoaches cough cough cough 'Scuse me. Caught a dust mite for a sec. cough, ahem. Anyway, we the best team 'cuz we in the Asian Bahamas baby! I ain't never seen so many god damn beautiful women with financial struggles due to their country's economic standings around waiting for me after every games! And the purchasing power, lemme tell ya, haha! Dolla-fiddy go brrrr! Tssss...man any other prospect tell you their team is better is lyin'!! All I hear is jealousy!
Q: How do you improve the atmosphere of your teams locker room?
A: I haven't heard any haters yet, 'cept from some of those media talkin' heads who know nothin' and just wanna talk trash! How the hell those people even have a job? I wouldn't trust 'em to flip burgers. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, Thkip Bayless III! Why don't you put a jersey on, then, Thkip? You think you know so much! Put a jersey on!! Anyways, so aside from those nobodies, everyone I've met so far seems to love me. For real though, I'm a fun guy, a jokester. I like keepin' it light with everyone. I've given nobody any reason to doubt my work ethic. Like, are you kidding me? I'm getting paid to play football! No better job in the world!! If I didn't love this, I wouldn't be here. And if I didn't love working alongside others, I wouldn't be playing the ultimate team sport. Everybody alongside me, the camaraderie. It's been great! Shoutout to the DeeBeeeeeeeeees: the big hitter K-Harris, Cole-Maxxx, and KK! My big boys keepin it real up front, esp BEEFCAKE!! And the captain of this defense: D-Hall! That dude gonna be a beast, I'm tellin' you. Keep an eye out! To all the haters: if you think I'm a cancer, I implore you to ask my former teammates and coaches about me. Ask my current ones, too! Think I don't understand the importance of morale?! Pshhh, lemme just ask this: Who's playin' and who's watchin'?
Hu leans towards @frazzle14 as he extends a mic.
Q: Where do you see your player in 5 seasons?
A: Barring a career ending injury, crosses fingers, hopefully as the frontrunner for defensive player of the decade, at the very least, if not all-time!
Turning to @Guunar as he sounds out.
Q: What do you think will be the biggest challenge of your rookie season?
A: In the DSFL? The biggest problem is probably the fact that defense usually takes more than a season for the pieces to really start gellin', so I'm afraid all these non-football heads are gonna just look at the stats and be like aw man Juno Hu's trash? Nah! You don't know my assignment. You don't know the calls. And be honest, did you really watch the tape? But that's worst case scenario. A hall of fame career starts with gettin' the Ultimini, so that's the goal.
Q: Where do you see yourself in the secondary?
A: RCB more often than not. I mean, I can play on the left, but I'm flawless on the right, somethin' about being right-handed or somethin' if I had to guess, who knows. But, if I gotta shadow then I'll shadow. Easy. I'm a cover corner after all. Just put me in! You wanna win? Then don't Juno Hu gotta be in?? No matter what, I'ma be any given team's #1 corner, but especially so in the DSFL. They call me Plug-N-Play, 'cuz I can fit into any secondary and work no problem. Just feed me reps in practice. Defense only ever becomes great when you can develop chemistry and trust, and ain't no shortcut for that.
Q: What do you hope to achieve in your rookie season?
A: DSFL defensive player of the year AND the Ultimini. Any other result is a let down.
Hu peeks at a pair of cuties outside the doorway, "Alright I only got time for one more. Mmmm...lucky number you!" He points at @Tonzy.
Q: What are some of your biggest highlights from your time at USC?
A: You been livin' under a rock or somethin'? Ain't chu a sports journalist? I just broke my school's record for most INTs and most defensive touchdowns in a season. There's a 21 minute video on YouTube if you care to look! You sure that's a valid press pass you got?
Q: Finish this sentence: My rookie season is a success if.....?
A: Hu quickly flashes a backhand along with a stern look at the reporter. Boy, I oughta....I gotta get DPOY and the Ultimini! C'mon now! Pay attention! Don't just wait your turn to speak, LISS-SEN!! smh
"Anyways, that's all the time I got. I'm now runnin' late for some extremely important business matters that I must attend to. Luckily, it's a meeting where I'm heavily discouraged from arriving too early, so...we made good time here. You're welcome again, mofos! Peace!" Hu throws up the peace sign and steps off the podium's stool. Out the doorway he goes, placing an arm around each of the pair and walking out of view.
RE: Juno Hu's Cherry Poppin' Presser - zaynzk - 01-18-2021
What are your expectations come draft time?
Any other prospects stand out to you?
What’s something you want all dsfl teams to know about you?
RE: Juno Hu's Cherry Poppin' Presser - maupassant - 01-18-2021
What players do Juno Hu look up to?
Do you have any preference as to what team drafts you?
What is the thing that motivates you the most?
RE: Juno Hu's Cherry Poppin' Presser - Duilio05 - 01-18-2021
You got a rival yet? Who? And why?
What makes your prospect team special?
How do you improve the atmosphere of your teams locker room?
RE: Juno Hu's Cherry Poppin' Presser - frazzle14 - 01-18-2021
Where do you see your player in 5 seasons?
RE: Juno Hu's Cherry Poppin' Presser - Guunar - 01-18-2021
What do you think will be the biggest challenge of your rookie season?
Where do you see yourself in the secondary?
What do you hope to achieve in your rookie season?
RE: Juno Hu's Cherry Poppin' Presser - Tonzy - 01-18-2021
What are some of your biggest highlights from your time at USC?
Finish this sentence: My rookie season is a success if.....?