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+---- Thread: *Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense (/showthread.php?tid=29654)
*Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense - AdamS - 01-25-2021
So today we’re gonna look into each team’s roster and see exactly how good their positions are. Because why not? Also because I don’t know what to put in my season predictions yet and because I was annoyed by an article that seemed to repeatedly ignore its own stated methodology in favor of putting teams where I felt they chose them to be beforehand. So here we are. Let’s start with some obvious caveats. I can’t really determine what the GMs of each team plan to do for strategy so those kinds of concerns don’t really get a factor. No one is entirely sure yet what the new sim values and doesn’t in terms of positions and whatnot so I’m not going to say LBs are essentially useless or RB TPE doesn’t matter. I’m also going to assume that every player in the league is built competently. I’ve already clicked on almost every player in the league recently and I’m not doing that again (especially since I then got told repeatedly that I did something else entirely). However this time I actually WILL be using totals only.
So with all that in mind here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna break down each position up top and give you any particular grading that’s specific to that position. For that I’m using the breakdown of strategy that the transfer team put together. That sound you just heard was long term followers of my content falling over in shock because I read something. When asked for comment, HO member Istegz said “I mean I’m both surprised but not surprised.” It’s so unusual that I’ve confused Steg.
The top 3-4 in each category will be listed as elite, the next 3-4 will be the good, and everyone else will get an insulting title that they can use to motivate the troops. You’re welcome GMs. The reason I’m leaving the specific numbers a bit open is that there may well be vast gulfs of difference making this a tad more moveable). If the 3rd best QB is 300 TPE behind 2nd and only a few above 4th, then either both 3rd and 4th are elite or neither is. So expect that to be situational. So if you have any issues with this in your replies, I will call you Karen and refer back to this warning. Once that’s all done, I’m gonna then break down each team on their own merits and do my best to rank them as closely as possible to where they sit overall in the league. For clarity at that point, I’m going to refer to them as high, medium, and low to state their position, though I will likely note best and worst in league. Information on TPE and players will be pulled from the league’s budget sheet, which is supposed to be completely up to date or else people are getting fined. TPE numbers are likely one update behind though. It wasn't a big update really so it shouldn’t affect much. I highly doubt there’s anyone who was hanging onto 100 TPE for this weekend. Judgements on rosters will be pulled from me knowing what the fuck I’m doing. Let’s do this.
QUARTERBACKS
(Straightforward)
Elite
BAL Chika Fujiwara 1,297
YKW Colby Jack 1,252
CHI George O’Donnell 1,236
BER Nick Kaepercolin 1,224
Good
NOLA Ben Slothlisberger 1,177
SJS Monterey Jack 1,170
OCO Suleiman Ramza 1,152
Literally Unplayable
COL Mattathias Caliban 929
NYS Sam Howitzer 929
HON Luke Skywalker 917
PHI Brock Phoenix 860
SAR Mike Boss Jr 846
ARI Charlemagne Cortez 836
Vampire
AUS Jackie Daytona 673
Well, at least we started with easily distinguishable groupings. That’s nice. But oh boy is there a huge gulf between Ramza and Caliban here. The league is cleanly broken in half there as we have 7 QBs over 1100 and 7 who won’t even cross 1000 til sometime after trade deadline (if my completely off the top of my head math is right). This is a very very healthy spot for the position to be in, league wide and we should see some very high level play from the slingers this season. I’d also like to take this time to give a shoutout to a very special person. Mooty, you are the worst Quarterback in the league. You suck. But I love you.
RUNNING BACKS
(Each RB group will be judged on the basis that the top one will be the primary, the worst will be the FB, and any others will be complementary. Figure it to be about a 60-20-20 split in how I’m judging. With varying based on each team’s numbers.)
Elite
SJS Jamar Lackson 1,215
Rando Cardrissian 974
ARI Tatsu Nakamura 1,204
Gunner Thorbjornsson 870
SAR Raphtalia Chan 1,430
Running Back 415
S. Sternenstaub 342
Good
CHI Baby Yoda 986
Julio Tirtawidjaja 706
Zed Keppler 416
PHI Darrel Williams 1,106
Fuzzy Dotson 511
Sam Torenson 309
COL Richard Gilbert 1,092
Anders Christiansen 412
YKW Acura Skyline 949
Jameson Vermillion 598
AUS Zoe Watts 913
Kichwa Jones 545
BAL Mai Fukushū 824
Mathias Hanyadi 606
King Tutankhamun 212
BER Joseph Petrongolo 928
Terry Yaki 382
More like Jogging Really
HON Nicholas Ayers 791
Cobra Kai 554
Tristian Hex 416
NYS Captain Rogers 657
Buster Bawlls 483
Ashley Owens 386
Not Even Pretending
NOLA Mr. Forty-Two 531
Mike Rotchburns 515
Forrest Gump 275
OCO Bronko Mills 311
Ace Savage 304
Well, there’s a lot to unpack here. You could ask 3 different GMs and get 8 opinions about how to judge this group because that’s what it’s like asking GMs things. I ultimately separated out the elites for overall utility and top end ability and I didn’t know that rhymed til it was too late. San Jose and Arizona are both truly two headed monsters in every sense of the word. Sarasota has the far and away best player at the position as their obvious bellcow. The whole middle is kind of a mess. Philly might be somewhat offended. Unrelated to that, they may also not like being behind Chicago here in this ranking. Honestly that entire clustertruck could end up better or worse than each other. And then there’s the lower tiers. I changed my format slightly and created a 4th tier because it felt unfair for Honolulu and New York to have to be stuck with the others. Their run games are gonna be serviceable at best. I’m going to put as much effort into the last two teams as they did into their run game.
WIDE RECEIVERS
(For this group I’m going to judge the top 2 as about equal as is close to reality per the handbook. Any additional WR3 types will be significantly less considered. Figure somewhere between 40-40-20 and 45-45-10. Results may vary depending upon position group and whether players may get exchanged for each other. I’m more or less gonna barely register a #4 WR unless they look viable to swap in and out with the others.)
Elite
AUS Videl-San 1,049
Eddie Jeeta 906
Doug Howlett 828
COL William Lim 1,178
Leeroy Jenkins 936
Raphael Delacour 493
ARI Thomas Passmann 1,016
Taro Raimon 871
Darren Pama 691
Saba Donut 412
NYS Jackson Kingston 1,031
Sean Snyder 811
Harley Fank 594
SAR Michael Witheblock 1,219
Tre’Darius J’Vathon 775
Jacoby Clay 481
Good
NOLA Ed Barker 1,166
Brock Bodenhamer 667
Adam C. Spencer 615*
YKW Kai Sakura 1,056
Mark Walker 666
Dre Matthews 588
Arthur Naught 373
SJS Tychondrius Hood 1,049
Zach Crossley 603
Tugg Speedman 508
These are Technically Receivers
BER Achtfünf 827
Susan Cash.Jr 687
Cmon Skiuuup 655
PHI Flash Panda 1,015
Killian Chambers 616
CHI Luca Scabbia 905
Sean O’Leary 748
OCO Garfield Despacito Jr. 956
Owen Holloway 659
BAL Joshua Campbell 737
Korbin Brown 597
Mario Messi 474
Have You Considered Praying?
HON Jed Podolak 799
William Alexander 594
There is, to put it nicely, a wide range of receiving groups here. And this is why I’m judging them both amongst themselves and in the overall context of their rosters. Honolulu’s wide receiver duo may seem like a completely useless piece of shit here that could be easily replaced by several team’s 2nd and 3rd WRs, but in the context of their overall offense it could be very different. Austin stands easily atop this mountain as you could easily put any of those three WRs anywhere on your strategy. Remember I said that later. Keywords: broken down meth lab.
You may ask, are they really elite if you put 5 teams there? The answer is yes. Elite is about ability, and those five teams have it at a higher level than everyone else and I can’t justify separating them. The league also has a lot of good but perhaps slightly incomplete groups here. And then...uhh...maybe the less said the better about some of this. If it helps for those in Baltimore, even if Howlett stayed you wouldn’t have moved up any higher. Berlin on the other hand wins the names award. That trio is like a hodgepodge of different wild bullshit and I love it. When the least notable entry is a man named Susan Jr it says something. There have been 1702 men named Susan in the US since 1880 by the way.
TIGHT END
(If a team has two Tight Ends I’m giving it mild consideration. Like 80-20 at best. That will likely be different when breaking down teams individually.)
Elite
OCO Heath Evans 1,188
Jeffrey Phillips 820
SAR James Angler 1,176
Cleg Manclaw 334
BAL James Lewandowski 1,091
Good
BER Clark Boyd 993
CHI Tree Gelbman 973
YKW Zee Rechs 932
NOLA Austin McCormick 796
AUS Friedrich Vequain 674
PHI Dave Batista 664
PHI Avon Blocksdale Jr. 435
Kinda Sus
HON Ragnar Krashwagen 589
SJS Jaja Ding Dong 503
ARI Rigby Raccoon 438
ARI Tom Teboat 424
NYS James Wilkinson 373
COL Frank Michell 335
Well, here we have an interesting position group in that I feel there are only three truly elite talents. And...one backup who rides some coattails into that category. Cleg Manclaw: Technically Elite. With us not really knowing how well the new sim treats TE’s, it's hard to be super enthused about anyone in the Sus category, but those in the good ranking should be just that. At least good. Some of them may edge closer to elite if the sim is at all kind to TEs and of course based on team build. This position definitely takes the cake thus far for having the most wide spread TPE amounts though. Quick note for the team based ratings later, the TE and WR groups will be judged more together. I’ll note their ratings in their own categories separately but judge them as a group.
OFFENSIVE LINE
(Humans only. I’m going to be going above replacement here with 550 as my basis. So other than humans I will be presuming the remainder of the line is 550 and judging the overall squad. So a single great OL player will likely be rated less than two good ones due to the overall improvement. Based on my discussion with the transfer team, the same ideals should hold that a human 250 TPE OL is viable so I’m going to judge it as around the same or a little better than a 550 bot.)
Goddamn
CHI Benson Bayley Jr. 985
Julio Jones 900
Givussafare Rubbe 730
Icebox Riposte 650
Alexander Franklin 424
Perry Tucker Jr. 322
Elite
OCO Future Trunks 926
Lord Beerus 717
Carl Wheezer 498
Ne Mo 422
COL Greedy Sly 1,023
Mo "Mamba" Magic 883
Dick Thruster 516
ARI Jay Cue 901
Calvin Golladay 768
Mattress Cadaire 401
YKW Bruce Buckley 1,088
Maurice Virtanen 504
Douglas Quail 405
BER Byron Dolls 751
Taylor Cooper 576
Ananda Adyan 546
Good
NOLA Adam Mellott 681
Dorfus Jimbo Jr 607
PHI Simon Tremblay 812
Macaroni Elephant 319
NYS Marlon Alexander 501
Marc Hamel 476
AUS Connor Quigley 473
Slurms Mckenzie 359
High Schoolers Beating up Middle Schoolers
BAL Felix Archstone 587
SAR Thad Pennington, Jr. 357
SAR Clay Stallworth 333
HON Richard Littlewood 427
SJS None
Sharp eyed readers will notice a different category at the top because Chicago is rocking a full on 6 piece breakfast combo here. And they’re paying a total of $14 million for it. That’s less than Darrel Williams and Joseph Petrangelo combined. There has not been a position group more widely dispersed than this one and it's not even close. This is likely the biggest difference. Honolulu at the bottom of the list will be starting an OL that is functionally more than 2000 TPE worse than Chicago. With traits and how much the experience and position skill stats affect things, I may actually be underselling the difference quite a bit.
Overall the league is in a pretty healthy position here at a spot once thought to only be filled with people who created and maintained OL players out of spite. I wonder if there will ever be a public acknowledgement of how wrong those individuals were. Either way, we’ve got a whole battalion of pancake making motherfuckers in the league these days and they’re about to get some sim love with traits and strategic flexibility to be moved around game to game. I’d argue that due to award rules, they actually have more flexibility than DL players do. So it may be interesting to see how that chess game plays out between various teams. San Jose meanwhile has decide to play chutes and ladders instead.
KICKER/PUNTER
(Straightforward.)
Elite
SJS Matthew McDairmid 1,162
HON Venus Powers 1,043
Good
SAR Jacob Small 887
CHI Sam Sidekick 885
NYS Dougie Smalls 876
YKW Blago Kokot 628
PHI Jake Fencik 611
COL Silver Banana 607
BER Danny King 543
Have You Considered the Tight End Kicking?
BAL Datsum PhastBawls 421
ARI J.J. Jay-Jaymison 414
NOLA Pseudo QB 317
Literally Below Free Agents and DSFL Players and This is NOT a Punchline
AUS Leo Bloomfield 246
OCO Alex Dasistwirklichseinnachname 161
Ahh the position wherein TPE has never once mattered. I’m going to be generous and assume that’s not the case anymore because what’s even the point otherwise? We could very well see some interesting results if the kicking is improved within the sim. The strategic value of a huge leg compared to an average one is the difference between an offense that needs to go for it at the 30 and one that can comfortably expect points on the board if they get inside the 40. And on the punting side, it simply means better things for your defense. If you can consistently give your D five extra yards to work with, you win more often. Nigel Powers’ granddaughter and Palpatine’s nephew stand at the top very comfortably.
And that folks, is the offensive side of the ball. The next part will handle the defense and part 3 will cover each team individually. I didn’t intend for this to be 3 parts when I woke up this evening but hey, this is where we are in life. It still makes more sense than when someone whips their opponent into the ropes in wrestling and the other person bounces off and comes back.
*Sexy
RE: Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense - Starboy - 01-25-2021
Quote:Chika is elite
I’ll fucking take it
RE: Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense - Guunar - 01-25-2021
But I AM pretending!
RE: Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense - AdamS - 01-25-2021
(01-25-2021, 10:27 PM)Guunar Wrote: But I AM pretending!play action
RE: Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense - Mooty99 - 01-26-2021
A QB is only as good as his WRs, I really hope this is true
RE: *Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense - Faded - 01-26-2021
i do be plug walking into a five-yard gain
RE: *Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense - Net - 01-27-2021
(01-26-2021, 06:26 PM)Faded Wrote: i do be plug walking into a five-yard gain
This is my favorite thing I've seen in the ISFL so far
RE: *Adam's Mega Position Review: Offense - Faded - 01-27-2021
(01-27-2021, 10:26 AM)Netlandic Wrote:(01-26-2021, 06:26 PM)Faded Wrote: i do be plug walking into a five-yard gain
This is my favorite thing I've seen in the ISFL so far
thanks man lol