International Simulation Football League
*S26 Draft Wiki Review - Printable Version

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*S26 Draft Wiki Review - LancedJack - 02-14-2021

"Oh shit" you're probably thinking "It's Rusterford Reginald Rucker back with a brand new track." Ah who am I kidding you're not thinking that, you're actually thinking "Who is this clown and why should I care?" Well here's why you should care. Cause I'm going to type things about your player and that's really what fuels this league economy. Who knows, if you're good there may be a compliment in here for you. Wouldn't that be wonderful? If you're someone who can cope with knowing only the stats from the index, this isn't for you. However are you like the majority of users who get into a war room and immediately search their own name? This is for you. For those of you who don't know I do the simple task of approving wiki's. The guidelines are paper thin, they're like the plot of The Devil Wears Prada. There's absolutely no substance there, it's the rules equivalent of a meringue. Even then, even with this piss poor criteria we still have catastrophes of epic proportions. So let's see who's truly terrible shall we. 

1.01 - Bambam McMullet - Berlin Fire Salamanders
Wiki Grade - B

I'll tell you this for the square root of nothing. Where @Swanty opened the S25 wiki review with a stellar effort of A, @manicmav36 has tried and just come up short of reaching the lofty standards set by the season priors number one overall pick. What he does have however is an actually rather amusing wiki, a photo and sidebar information. He's also managed to get the correct team colours.... for the wrong team. Alas it could've been an A performance for Bambam but his luxurious locks can only take him so far. Let's throw a table in there, some hard data and some season one info and I'll bump the grade up. Decent opener though before I delve into the madness that'll follow.

1.02 - Dogwood Maple - New York Silverbacks
Wiki Grade - A

Dogwood Maple is what happens when the rat from Ratatouille who's name I can't remember, is under your hat controlling you whilst you make a wiki. This is art, it's borderline divine. Let's start with the two key drawbacks; the picture was done in MSPaint by an eight year old and there's zero later season information, as far as I can tell he's still not been drafted into the ISFL. Those two rather bitter anomalies aside this is great stuff. A high school draft rating profile shamelessly stolen from either mine or 37th's wiki page (It's okay I steal everything from other wiki pages, my high school ratings actually that of Elton Johns.) Also Dogwood is basically IKEA, he's got tables on tables on tables. I'm into it. There's raw data in here and I'm all about it. All I'll say is Dogwood, take some of that dope media money I know you have and buy some Dotts packs, get your card and update the wiki. 

1.03 - Ernest Lover - Baltimore Hawks
Wiki Grade - B+

I'm starting to see a trend here. It would appear boys dip in, snatch that +10TPE bag and hit the road before there's any requirement for more info. Ernest has a full and burgeoning wiki but it's very much like a box of cinema popcorn. A lot of mass, not a lot of substance. Although I'll tell you this, it's the first time I've seen paternity leave in a wiki so that was what secured this wiki the +. It was a straight B beforehand. Negatives? Photos wack, lets improve on generic combine photos people. I'm letting Ernest away with it but we're dropping a minimum of half a grade for these from now on. @Mojojojo is the second half of the Dogwood Maple Dudley Brothers. He's got tables on tables on tables. This has the potential to be some serious gourmet shit. I want it to be. Help me to help you bud lets get some ISFL draft info in here, some updated photos, maybe throw in a bigger bit about winning Defensive Lineman of the Year? That's pretty sick.

1.04 - Arthur Naught - Yellowknife Wraiths
Wiki Grade - A

I opened this wiki page and a brass band cover of Sexual Healing began to play. That's how much I enjoy this wiki page. The tuba alone would've sold it but the entire band? Forget it. He's got the rookie ticket up there, he's got some weird thing about how he wasn't born he simply was and to top it off? An embedded photo further down. Beautiful. Literally the only knock against this glorious Canadian beast is his lack of ISFL draft info. There's a whole lotta abandoned wiki pages out here. I suppose we're paying for that Sarah McLaughlin license money we might as well use it, but c'mon now. We're in COVID lockdown boys just drop the extra info. Of special note also is you've grandiosly overperformed the S25 4th place draftee @Asked Madden so well done on achieving that not so lofty goal.

1.05 - Vincent Jones Jr - New Orleans Second Line
Wiki Grade - D-

You know sometimes when you do a fart and you're like, sitting on it, and it doesn't actually come out past your butt cheeks or the chair so you're just kinda sitting on a fart and you adjust but it doesn't actually come out like a fart it almost sidles out like a lazy sloth crawling out of a jungle bush. That's what this wiki page is. Just truly pedestrian stuff. I suggest you check it out for yourself but here's a particular highlight - 

Quote: He played college football for None and has declared his intent to enter the professional ranks next season.

College football for None. NONE. None ain't no college I ever heard of they speak English in None?!

1.06 - Ryan Negs - Philadelphia Liberty
Wiki Grade - D

Not to worry, we're back again with another wiki page just thrown into the abyss shortly after birth. I picture Ryan Negs running up the steps of Notre Dame clutching his wiki page in a cloth blanket, swaddling him against the cold of the French winter when Frolo (also played by Ryan Negs in this scenario) knocks the page out of his arms and down the steps of Notre Dame, cursing the poor page to live forever in the belfry like the abomination it is. What we really need here is Ryan to take an Esmarelda turn. Just coax that wiki out. I have no idea who you play for or what you do going by your wiki page. I don't even mean ISFL, there's no DSFL info either.

1.07 - Cobra Kai - Honolulu Hahalua
Wiki Grade - B+

A breath of fresh air here as we have a page with some semblance of action on it. We've got a photo, we've got team colours, we've got DSFL draft info. We're short ISFL draft info so I can't commend it too heavily. You know what though the image alone bumps it up a grade. The lack of tables is a killer for me as I do somewhat fetishize them when it comes to these rankings but the photo makes up for it. Take your B+ and get out of here before I change my mind.

1.08 - Alexander Franklin - Chicago Butchers
Wiki Grade - D

If you took every abandoned wiki page in this first round you would have enough to fill at least two more expansion teams. THATS RIGHT I SAID EXPANSION. I'm even out of boring diatribes at this point. It's grey, he's going for the "Soon to enter the professional ranks" look which is just oh so beautiful and that's about all I can give this. It's got a table it's just unfortunately as empty as the quality control on these pages. Wait that's a self burn.... shit. 

1.09 - Moe Skeeter - Arizona Outlaws
Wiki Grade - D

Christ alive see the above. How!? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? I'm doing an average grade comparison at the end of this. Yeah last years wiki pages weren't exactly stellar but by God by comparison to these @Crunks page looks like Ayn Rand. 

1.10 - Demon Jaxson - Sarasota Sailfish
Wiki Grade - B-

Let's tackle the elephant in the room immediately. Demon? Like... Demon? The doctor held you and said "To Mr and Mrs Jaxson, a son, Demon." Absolutely bonkers. That being said the rest of the wiki is pretty good. Photo, colours, team information, all here. No ISFL info though but I'm at the point now where I'm settling for even putting in that you've been DSFL drafted. Oh! Nice bonus, some table filth down the bottom there with combine info. 

1.11 - Derek Wildstar - Berlin Fire Salamanders
Wiki Grade - C+

You know what right? This is a mess, no DSFL draft info, no ISFL draft info, empty tables he's gone completely off script in the opening into (Sidenote, probably shouldn't have been approved bad me) but if you check the history he's taken 8 attempts at this. Legally Blind Gamer is the username and he's legally blind by nature as well. I have genuine belief that there's been actual attempts and hard work put into this that just haven't paid off. We don't punish results, we reward effort.

1.12 - Leonard Taylor - Yellowknife Wraiths
Wiki Grade - F

This is the first time I've given an F for a wiki page that actually exists. But it can't be hotlinked on our wiki page because apparently "taylor" has been spelled lowercase on the entries. For the son of Lawrence Taylor I'm sure he'd shit his CTE riddled underwear if he found out you were going around lowercasing his name. I mean, he doesn't have the strength to snap a wet cigarette anymore, but I'd still feel threatened. 

1.13 - Redbear McFredbeard - Colorado Yeti
Wiki Grade - F

[Image: 056c4872-d6ed-4e89-a52b-953b0382f7d6_750x422.jpg]

1.14 - Tugg Speedman - San Jose Sabrecats
Wiki Grade - A

At this point I'm a broken man. I have stockholm syndrome held hostage by terrible wiki's. I'm six beers deep, nothing makes sense anymore. Time is a flat circle. I'm staring into the abyss and the lone bright spot of Tugg Speedmans wiki is not enough to right my ship. It's enough to give me a glint in my eye of happier times. Of correctly formatted times when I didn't desperately just want things to make sense. There's colour, a photo, nothing more. I have given in. This is enough. This is my sustenance now. Season 25 spoiled me. I have become the wiki bourgeouise. Immoral. 

And that is the wiki pages of the first round of the ISFL S26 draft. If you'd like to help me in my quest to regain some semblance of my own sanity just add some info to your wiki. Good info please, but just even stats would do. I'd like that, it would be nice.


Quote:1807 Words


RE: S26 Draft Wiki Review - zaynzk - 02-14-2021

I feel like I watched a man slowly lose his grip on reality over the course of this post

RE: S26 Draft Wiki Review - LancedJack - 02-14-2021

(02-14-2021, 07:30 PM)zaynzk Wrote: I feel like I watched a man slowly lose his grip on reality over the course of this post


"I'll just redo that article from last season" I thought "That'll be easy money" the naivety

RE: S26 Draft Wiki Review - CLG Rampage - 02-14-2021

Review my wiki pls

RE: S26 Draft Wiki Review - manicmav36 - 02-14-2021

(02-14-2021, 07:17 PM)LancedJack Wrote: He's also managed to get the correct team colours.... for the wrong team. Alas it could've been an A performance for Bambam but his luxurious locks can only take him so far. Let's throw a table in there, some hard data and some season one info and I'll bump the grade up. Decent opener though before I delve into the madness that'll follow.

Oh shit, you can change the colors?!

RE: S26 Draft Wiki Review - Rusfan - 02-14-2021

Review my wiki pls

RE: S26 Draft Wiki Review - 37thchamber - 02-15-2021

you know, if you'd done the first pick of the second round, you might have regained some sanity... Tongue

(02-14-2021, 10:36 PM)manicmav36 Wrote:
(02-14-2021, 07:17 PM)LancedJack Wrote: He's also managed to get the correct team colours.... for the wrong team. Alas it could've been an A performance for Bambam but his luxurious locks can only take him so far. Let's throw a table in there, some hard data and some season one info and I'll bump the grade up. Decent opener though before I delve into the madness that'll follow.

Oh shit, you can change the colors?!

It's automatic based on the current team value

RE: *S26 Draft Wiki Review - Crunk - 02-15-2021

There is nothing good about Ayn Rand.

RE: *S26 Draft Wiki Review - Rusfan - 02-15-2021

(02-15-2021, 02:31 PM)Crunk Wrote: There is nothing good about Ayn Rand.
Objectively incorrect

RE: *S26 Draft Wiki Review - slate - 02-15-2021

Bring back offseason wiki PT

Make wiki pages up-to-date again