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+---- Thread: *Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular (/showthread.php?tid=29957)
*Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular - UltimateYeehaw - 02-15-2021
Introduction
About a week ago that smelly dino iStegosauruz wrote a mock draft for the Season 28 class. I perused this media piece and have decided that it isn’t even worth being used as toilet paper. I could write a better mock draft in my sleep, and so I shall. I’m not content with just writing a better one than Steg, however. Oh no no no. I must beat him at his own game. I have invited that treacherous dino to co-write this mock draft with me. I shall be taking the even picks and he shall have the odds. This was decided by a coin flip, something that I think he must’ve rigged to avoid having Chunt picked first overall. Always conspiring against me. Its why I say you can never truly trust prehistoric creatures. Always looking to deny your greatness.
Draft Order Stuff (Nerd Alert)
Steg has informed me that I have to put this in to explain how the draft order was decided. Personally, I don’t see why its that important. We should just let Chunt be every pick. I am after all the best badger to play this glorious game. Regardless, for those of you who are of the nerdier inclination he has asked me to tell you that the order was decided based on playoff status first and then the regular tiebreakers. In the playoff section he had the team with home field advantage advance in all the situations. I personally don’t see why it works like that. We should give the win to whichever team is a better ally of #TeamBadger.
The Draft
1. Baltimore Hawks
Record: 0-8
Team Needs: QB, OL, CB, S
Drafter: Steg
In the last mock draft I wrote I had the Hawks select franchise legend Duilio’s new player, Sam the Onion Man, with the logic that whoever takes over the Hawks after the Head Office hiring process is complete could immediately get some credibility in the locker room by bringing in a huge positive influence for the team. Similarly to that mock draft, Baltimore has the flexibility to really take anyone they want here and shouldn’t be shy about skipping team needs and just grabbing the person they think will be best for the team.
The Pick: Luke Quick (Bigred1580) - WR - 202 TPE - Kansas City Coyotes
Bigred is one of the best users in the league. Full stop. Dude’s one of the most positive people I’ve ever gotten the chance to interact with and will be a huge add for a locker room that is desperately searching for stability. He slots in a bit over Duilio here because although Duilio brings some credibility to the team as a former Hawks General Manager I can see the new leadership wanting a bit of fresh blood and go with one of the other amazing recreates in this class. Conveniently BR becomes one of the only players ever to go wire to wire as DSFL first overall and ISFL first overall.
2. Austin Copperheads
Record: 2-6
Team Needs: CB, S
Drafter: The Legendary, Amazing, Truly Godlike Chunt the Badger
In his last mock draft that dumb dino had the Rusty Rattlesnakes take my Dallas teammate, Bayley Cowabunga here. I love Bayley. He’s cuddly and also helps me bully Steg. Due to his status as a #TeamBadger ally this will be the one pick in this draft in which I forego drafting myself. The legendary Cowabunga is also a good player - not as a good as me of course - but still acceptable. The Chestnut Cobras are missing out on one legend but getting another.
The Pick: Not Chunt the Badger (Womp Womp) - Bayley Cowabunga (JKortesi81) - WR - 175 TPE - Dallas Birddogs
Chunt is clearly the best badger this game has ever seen. It is without a doubt Austin would try to swipe my sexy self off at the beginning but sadly, that is not the case. You see, I have a severe fear of snakes and do not do well within the blazing Texas sun. I would be too hot and sweaty to even think about catching a ball. Further, being that this entire league is aware I coat myself in lube before every game, it would do me no favors since I would sweat it off. Plus, cowboys in Texas eat badgers for fun. It’s a no from me dog. Because of this, I’m giving their pick to my current teammate and adorable dog, Bayley Cowabunga. More of y’all should be #TeamBadger by the way. Lets get it trending.
3. Philadelphia Liberty
Record: 2-6
Team Needs: CB, S
Drafter: Steg
In the last mock I wrote I had Philadelphia select Juno Hu. They desperately need help in the secondary, however, with their safety core beginning to age and their cornerback group being supported by some great players but rounded out with some slower earners. Adding another piece to the back half of their defense should be a priority for the team going forward.
The Pick: Juno Hu (j00) - CB - 196 TPE - Tijuana Luchadores
No surprise I went with the same player here. Juno Hu fits the bill for the Liberty and is the top defensive back prospect in the class currently in terms of TPE - however Anton Bruckner and Cole Maxwell are biting at his heels. What sets Hu apart from those options for me is the connection he already has with Pat - Philadelphia’s GM - from their time together in Tijuana. Pipelines exist and I can really see this being a slam dunk pick for the Liberty.
4. Orange County Otters
Record: 2-6
Team Needs: WR, DL, LB, S
Drafter: The Legendary, Amazing, Truly Godlike Chunt the Badger
Steg had Orange County take “Mongo” in his last mock draft. That’s a good pick but there are definitely better ones. Specifically one better one. Chunt. Me. I’m the best. I must say though that I find otters to be very offensive. So I propose we alter the team to recognize the true monarch in this league, me. Orange County will now be known forevermore as the Orange County Badgers. Our field will have black and white stripes that are not only classy, but sexy. Scouts, we can talk more about this later on.
The Pick: Chunt the Badger (UltimateYeehaw) - WR - 213 TPE - Dallas Birddogs
5. New Orleans Second Line
Record: 3-5
Team Needs : TE, WR, LB
Drafter: Steg
In the last mock I wrote I had the Second Line snatch up franchise legend Bex’s new Quarterback, Raeni Clark. I think thats still an option here in a normal draft but since my counterpart in this adventure is only picking Chunt the Badger I can safely assume that Bex will fall to the second round in most situations. New Orleans has two second round draft picks which gives them the flexibility to prioritize her there.
The Pick: Sam the Onion Man (Duilio05) - WR - 203 TPE - Norfolk Seawolves
The Norfolk to New Orleans pipeline feels real and Duilio feels like a player who would fit in well in New Orleans. A team that has always prioritized culture fits gets to snag one of the best users in the draft at a position of need. A total win for New Orleans.
6. Berlin Fire Salamanders
Record: 4-4
Team Needs: LB, DL, S
Drafter: The Legendary, Amazing, Truly Godlike Chunt the Badger
Steg had the Fire Lizards take Prof. Godfrey Gravity in his last mock draft. That offends me royally. Defensive line is great and those big boys up front definitely do a lot for the team, however you can’t win without scoring points. There’s one player in this draft who could score a lot of points for the Lava Geckos. Its me. Surprise. Although the Spicy Iguanas sound like a great snack, I will refrain from eating them when I am drafted here in honor of my team.
The Pick: Chunt the Badger (UltimateYeehaw) - WR - 213 TPE - Dallas Birddogs
7. New York Silverbacks
Record: 5-3
Team Needs: OL, DL, CB, RB
Drafter: Steg
In the last mock I wrote I had New York select Glenn Smart, the standout DE for the London Royals. Defensive line is definitely an option for the Silverbacks here who are hampered by not having a second round pick in a draft that will still see quality players on the board there. They have to make the most of the picks they have in the spots they’ll be selecting.
The Pick: Manhattan Project (Modern_Duke) - RB - 192 TPE - London Royals
Woelkers forgoes putting pressure on Bubba Thumper’s hall of fame trajectory and instead grabs one of the top runningback prospects on the board and a former friend of his from Colorado. Ashley Owens is on his last lap in the league and so the Silverbacks can shore up the backup runningback spot here and get a great user for their locker room.
8. Sarasota Sailfish
Record: 5-3
Team Needs: WR, LB, S
Drafter: The Legendary, Amazing, Truly Godlike Chunt the Badger
A team needs a wide receiver? You know what that means. In his last mock draft, Steg had the Sailfish (Marlins?) take Dexter Hall with this pick. I don’t like linebackers. They are essentially blocks of cheese in human form that stop wide receivers from being able to catch the ball. We should eliminate them completely from the game. It is unfair of them to tackle a badger, I’m literally only 11 inches tall. Please hit my line if you want to propose this at the next rules summit. Anyway, I’m taking myself here once again. I look super sexy in green.
The Pick: Chunt the Badger (UltimateYeehaw) - WR - 213 TPE - Dallas Birddogs
9. Colorado Yeti
Record: 5-3
Team Needs: DL, CB, WR
Drafter: Steg
In my last mock I had the Yeti go with franchise legend infinitempg’s new player, Busch Goose. Runningback may not appear to be an immediate need for the Yeti but infinite is a player who probably doesn’t survive long on the board unless something bizarre happens. There is some decent depth in this class at all the Yeti positions of need too.
The Pick: Busch Goose (infinitempg) - RB - 204 TPE - Kansas City Coyotes
Wow what a surprise another repeat pick. I basically explained my logic here in the little snippet above but just to add a few more words (and $$$ to my bank account) I just really can’t see the Yeti skipping infinite here if he wants to come back home. They can options down the board at their positions of need - someone like C.J. Sonjack or Kelvin Harris could fill their need at DB in the second or third round. Lock up the franchise legend.
10. San Jose Sabercats
Record: 6-2
Team Needs: RB, OL, DL, LB, S
Drafter: The Legendary, Amazing, Truly Godlike Chunt the Badger
This team doesn’t need a wide receiver? That’s their loss. Wait, no it isn’t. I’m going to do it again. You don’t even need to keep reading this paragraph. In his last mock Steg had the Saberkitties take another wide receiver. It wasn’t me. This is one of the worst betrayals I have ever seen. I’m angry, hurt, and ready to release my frustrations. Its Valentines Day and I find out this man has a team take a wide receiver that isn’t me? Someone’s in the dog house tonight. Go get some kibble you specieist. Woof woof.
The Pick: Chunt the Badger (UltimateYeehaw) - WR - 213 TPE - Dallas Birddogs
11. Chicago Butchers
Record: 5-3
Team Needs: QB, WR, CB
Drafter: Steg
In my last mock I had the Butchers select Chunt the Badger. If you’ve made it this far in the mock you know thats not an option here, or well I guess it could be but like 7 teams can’t select Chunt. Can they? I don’t know but I definitely know the Butchers have some glaring holes but a lot of options to fill them.
The Pick: Saleem Spence (StadiumGambler) - WR - 214 TPE - Portland Pythons
Spence is one of the top earners in the class - clocking in at only 2 TPE behind the current leader Stumpy Jones. He’s active on the forums and discord and fills an immediate need for the Yeti to be a star across from Luca Scabbia in the coming years.
12. Arizona Outlaws
Record: 6-2
Team Needs: DL, LB, S
Drafter: The Legendary, Amazing, Truly Godlike Chunt the Badger
In his last mock draft Steg had the Bandits select Anton Bruckner. I was really angry at him having the Marlins take a linebacker. Then it only got worse when I learned he had the Saberkitties take a wide receiver that wasn’t me. But now I find out he’s endorsing teams draft players that are specifically designed to stop me catching the ball. Thats okay though, they get the chance to fix their mistake here by handing me the keys to their franchise. We will win an Ultimus together and never hesitate to rub it in Stegs face. You’re welcome Bandits. Furthermore, every team can and will select me Steg. You’re just jealous you aren’t as sexy as I am.
The Pick: Chunt the Badger (UltimateYeehaw) - WR - 213 TPE - Dallas Birddogs
13. Yellowknife Wraiths
Record: 5-3
Team Needs: WR, DL, LB, CB
Drafter: Steg
In my last mock I had the Wraiths prioritize wide receiver with their selection of Saleem Spence. He’s no longer on the board here, however, and three of the other top pass catching options in this class are off the board. It makes sense for them to potentially look in a different direction here.
The Pick: Prof. Godfrey Gravity (z0rem) - DT - 211 TPE - Kansas City Coyotes
Gravity is one of the top earners in the class - coming in at 4th currently. He’s a multi-league user awho active in all the typical spots and would safely shore up the Wraiths defensive line for years.
14. Honolulu Hahalua
Record: 6-2
Team Needs: WR, OL, DL, LB, CB, S
Drafter: The Legendary, Amazing, Truly Godlike Chunt the Badger
What is a hahalua? Are they edible or is that like a crime? I’m unsure but excited to find out. I’ve heard Hawaiian food is good and this Badger loves to eat. Anyway, these swimming pancakes need a wide receiver and that means they get to hit the jackpot like every team did in this class and draft me, Chunt the Badger. Chunt shall reign supreme. All hail the badger.
The Pick: Chunt the Badger (UltimateYeehaw) - WR - 213 TPE - Dallas Birddogs
Conclusion
To all the teams that had the privilege of drafting Chunt the Badger, you are welcome. Take note ISFL, this is how the draft should go in a few weeks. Acknowledge that a badger playing football is basically a cheat code, understand that I have the best taste in lube in the league, fight back against the tyranny of Head Office for even being okay with employing such a radical speciest as iStegosauruz.
To those teams that did not get the great privilege of imagining your team’s future with Chunt, I am sorry. I wish you all could have drafted me, but alas Steg refused to acknowledge that there is no better pick than Chunt. This man had three other wide receivers get drafted in this draft and none of them were me. He obviously despises me. It is okay, I have a plan to get back at him. You’ll have to read my next media piece to find out about that though.
Grading Note:
This was written 50/50 between Steg and myself, however he sucks and I’m great so please pay 60% to me and 40% to him. It only seems fair for him rigging the draft so Chunt couldn’t go first overall. Plus I wrote the introduction. He’s too lazy. We all know it.
RE: Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular - zaynzk - 02-15-2021
Needs more Badger
RE: Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular - 124715 - 02-15-2021
This is one of the most chaotic media articles ever written on this website
RE: Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular - siddhus - 02-15-2021
:shock:
RE: Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular - gucci - 02-15-2021
(02-15-2021, 01:12 AM)UltimateYeehaw Wrote: To all the teams that had the privilege of drafting Chunt the Badger, you are welcome. Take note ISFL, this is how the draft should go in a few weeks. Acknowledge that a badger playing football is basically a cheat code, understand that I have the best taste in lube in the league, fight back against the tyranny of Head Office for even being okay with employing such a radical speciest as iStegosauruz.
This paragraph really makes me hope Honolulu actually drafts you.
RE: Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular - OrbitingDeath - 02-15-2021
The real question is, why isn't Chunt drafted at the odd numbers? Look at the amount of WR's Steg predicts, and not one of them is you. You should make him pay.
RE: Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular - AdamS - 02-15-2021
seriously dont let this guy have sex with your pets
RE: Chunt's Mock Draft Spectacular - UltimateYeehaw - 02-15-2021
(02-15-2021, 08:42 AM)OrbitingDeath Wrote: The real question is, why isn't Chunt drafted at the odd numbers? Look at the amount of WR's Steg predicts, and not one of them is you. You should make him pay.You are an ally of #TeamBadger Always appreciated and you will be rewarded.
(02-15-2021, 01:27 AM)zaynzk Wrote: Needs more BadgerYou are a saint and the Badger loves you.
(02-15-2021, 07:09 AM)gucci Wrote:Chunt's inbox will always be open for Honolulu(02-15-2021, 01:12 AM)UltimateYeehaw Wrote: To all the teams that had the privilege of drafting Chunt the Badger, you are welcome. Take note ISFL, this is how the draft should go in a few weeks. Acknowledge that a badger playing football is basically a cheat code, understand that I have the best taste in lube in the league, fight back against the tyranny of Head Office for even being okay with employing such a radical speciest as iStegosauruz.
This paragraph really makes me hope Honolulu actually drafts you.