+- International Simulation Football League (https://forums.sim-football.com)
+-- Forum: Community (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=5)
+--- Forum: Media (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=37)
+---- Forum: Graded Articles (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=38)
+---- Thread: *BREAKING: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! [Ready for Grading] (/showthread.php?tid=30286)
*BREAKING: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! [Ready for Grading] - j00 - 02-25-2021
Ready for grading.
=============================================================
Juno prances up to the podium wearin' a Christmas-themed luchadore mask, gettin' daps from some of the reporters along the way.
"WUSSSSSUUUUPPPPP TIJUANAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Christmas came early tonight!!!!!!"
Camera flashes click throughout the crowd as Juno flexes in various poses. "You're welcome!"
@CalvinGolladay butts in quick wit it, "How've you enjoyed your time playing in Tijuana?"
"I love it here! Already bought a house here! It was so cheap. The food, the grills, the locker room, the management, the ownership, the watergirls, the trainers, unbelievable all around!"
"Any statements you want to make about opposing DSFL teams?"
"Yea! MUCH LOVE TO KCC BABY! We expect to see you in a few weeks!"
"Early thoughts on the ISFL draft?"
"I'm expecting to go 1st Overall! And if not, then I better go 2nd Overall! And if not, I better go 1st round! AND IF NOT?! THEN Y'ALL ARE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE!!! HOW YOU GONNA PASS UP THE BEST CB THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN?!?! FIRE YO SCOUTS IF I DON'T GO TO YOUR TEAM!! I'ONO HOW THE F*** IT'D BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO FALL OUTSIDE THE FIRST! THERE MUST BE SOME SLANDER I AIN'T AWARE OF! IS IT YOU?? YOU SLANDERIN MY NAME OUT THERE?? BETTER WATCH YOSELF!!"
"What do you think has led to your affinity for the solo CB blitz?"
"Ahhah! I see you been watchin' film huh? That's cool. Well you know, maybe one day when I hang it up I can tell all, but right now that shit is a trade secret baby!" Juno checks under Calvin's collared shirt, "Why? You a Dallas undercover or some'n, tryna get some scouting report intel?? Hahah! Ain't gonna get it that easy!! Try again!"
"Any predictions for the playoffs?"
Juno looks at the reporter with disdain, "What you think, foo? You been doin' this how long? What chu expect me to say? That we ain't got a chance? Da hell is wrong with chu?!"
Juno bats @CalvinGolladay's microphone away, "NEXT! This foo's time is over!" Juno points at @Kevin5010, "you!"
"What 3 players do you consider the most vital to Tijuana's success?"
"Why you gotta make me single guys out like that? Man, y'all reporters all the same, and I thought it was gon' be different here in Tijuana. Look, I ain't gonna speak on O cuz I ain't in those meetings, but on D, it's Devonte Crook, Jonathan Shuffleboard, and Buck Nekkid. But ultimately, it's a team sport. We wouldn't be in the playoffs without everyone on this squad doin' their part! Aiite, you happy? Got your soundbyte to make it sound like I don't give a f*** about anybody else on my team? Aiite, then git!"
@slothfacekilla pipes up, "Can you give some superlatives to Tijuana players for the season?"
"Teheheh, yo my boy Devonte Crook is SMOKIN FOOS out here. Mothaf***a's faster than me, can you beliee dat?? Need to be putting in somma dat speed training this offseason 'cause of him. I can't be lettin' a damn LB show me up, god damn. And Boo Tee! You know, I luv when he make a play and the whole stadium be like BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Hahah! Love that. And my boy Shuff, I call him Sauron, 'cause he always WATCHIN'. He back there lookin at the whole field, and always erasin' our mistakes. The BIG BOYS UP FRONT, Ramcyzk aka RAM CHECK. He breakin' down yo door no matter what, is just a matter of time! And Gyles, Gyles be lurkin on the other end. You know like how the cops knock on yo front door, and then some other foo climb through the back window and BLAM! That's Gyles right there, slippin' in from behind. And you know my boy BUCK. NEKKID. He oughta be CBotY, and if he ain't, then it's time to RIOT and FIRE THOSE FOOS VOTIN, GAME IS RIGGED! Oh, and we got a piece oda Roman Empire up in here. He slowly pickin' up all the tricks from the vet Shuff. Just give him some time and he gon' take over the world! And OPAL, you know, every time Opal make a play I be like OP! Getit? Man they got Opal playin' in the box, I mean, das crazy right? Imagine you playin' DB your whole life and then get drafted and the team be like Yo I'ma put you WITH THE BIG BOYS UP FRONT, YOU GONNA GAP FILL WIT US! It's like wut? Dayum! Anyway ontada offensive side oda ball. We got the TRIPLE TRIAD BACKFIELD! We just fuckin' rotate 'em in like pokemon and shit, you know, GO PRESTON PARKER! THRASH 'EM! And he just be like BLAHHH! BLAHHHHH!! BLLLAHHHHHH!! SO much power!! And then we switch 'im out for Drip Dad who proceeds to just dad d*** mothaf***as like it's NOTHIN', and he can do it multiple ways, too, nom'saiyan? Legs on the ground, legs in the air. And then just when you think we outta gas, we bring in LONNIE YAC-SON, tank kept full with Gatorade® and he just FLY BY EVERYBODY! And then our QB, I mean, til this day, I'ono what the mothaf***a look like, it's crazy. I just see a floatin' ball and s***. At first, I thought this place was haunted and s***. But naw, he really just invisible. And again the BIG BOYS, wit my boy CADE and Rico-Shayyyyyyyy! They runnin' that NEVER ENDING PANCAKES SPECIAL sponsored by IHOP and I don't see it ending any time soon! Go get yoself some free breakfast while it lasts!"
"How did you celebrate making the playoffs?"
"Shit man, I already done celebrated making the playoffs at the beginnin' of the season. Now that the actual game comin' up? I'm preppin' like it's doomsday!"
"Favorite Mexican dish?"
"Carne Asada Burrito, with EVERYTHING. Don't skimp! Gotta keep it classic. You know, it's like the perfect lazy man's meal. You can just hold that shit with one hand and do whatever the f*** you want with cho other hand, nom'sayan? And if its wrapped well, ain't gotta worry about shit fallin' out the bottom. And if the cook on his game, then there ain't no grease poolin' up at the bottom and shit. And if you extra lazy, you tell them to put the salsa IN the burrito. Shit is life changing, bruh. Also I like it with that EXTRA SPICY RED SAUCE so I can taste it twice every time! Shit you know some times, my s*** be comin' out red as fuck and every time I be like hmm, should I be concerned? But nah, I just order another burrito and go at it again. Also I been doin' this thing, I learned this s*** in New Mexico, they call it CHRISTMAS STYLE, you put both the red and the green salsa at the same ti---awwwwwww yeeeee you know wussuuupp?? Hahah! That's how to do it!!"
Juno looks towards @"Punter715", "Ye?"
"Tijuana has become known as a Cornerback factory, with stars such as Andrew Witten and Rich Triplet playing there recently. Where do you see yourself in comparison to those two?"
"One of the best things about having them come through here is that all their past exploits is on tape. So first thing I did was raid the archives and start studying. But not only that, they both hit me up after the draft and asked me to work out. Showed me some tricks in person! Apparently the Luchas got a deep brotherhood here, so honestly I couldn't be more thankful! Shoutout to Rich and Andrew!!" Pumps chest.
"Which team from the other conference would you prefer to play in the Ultimini and why?"
"KCC! They helped us get here, and they are a formidable foe. Honestly they should have way more wins. Real tough. Tougher than Portland, I might even say. Honestly, Portland a bit overrated!"
"What is your idea of a perfect first date?"
"Aww shit, my mang, you got a date and need some advice? I gotchu."
Juno reaches into his pocket, away from the cameras, and pops open his "medication bottle", slips one to @"Punter715" as part of a dap, subsequently pulling him in and whispering in his ear, "Aiite check it. First you put a lil bit of this bananaslammajamma in some juice, I like Gatorade Fruit Punch but you know, you do you, and then you invite her over to yo crib, and you have sommadat bananaslammajamma juice with cho dinner! And then in about an hour's time, after you finish digestin', it's gon time perfectly for some BANANASLAMMAJAMMA! Trust! Aiite? Also this s*** gon' help with dat uptime, too! Get at it, boyyyy!"
Juno pulls away with a few pats on @"Punter715"'s shoulder and back onto the podium mic, "Anyway, my idea of a perfect first date is a home cooked meal, or takeout, on a Friday night with the whole weekend unbooked! winks Y'all ladies payin' attention, right?"
@Dewalt27 asks, "What are your feelings about Slothfacekilla?"
"Who the f*** is the Sloth Face Killa? Is that like some serial killer runnin' around right now, or some legend I ain't heard of yet, like the Chupacabra?"
"What is your favorite thing to say to WRs to get them mad?"
"Honestly, and I can tell you this because it works even if people know, 'cause these soft mofos can't handle it, I like describing all kinds of f***ed up s***, and it gets worse and worse as the game goes on. Like 'imagine covering your d*** in s*** and stickin' it in yo gramama's p****, especially in the morning when openin' it up be like peelin' open a grilled cheese sandwich! Might even find a jolly rancher or two in there for some early morning sweetness. And if you be playin' with her saggin' a** t***, you can make it clap real loud if you get the contact just right. You could even tie 'em up in a knot and sh'--hahahahahah!!!! Look at your face!! It's the same face these WRs make. And then the ball snap and they drop a wide ass open pass! HAHHAHHHH! It's like, bruh if you can't even catch that, why even bother showin' up??"
"Do you think Tijuana will win a championship this season?"
"Man, we just been over this 5 mins ago. Is it a requirement to ask such stupid a** questions as a reporter or somethin'? They teach you that s*** in reporting school? No wonder non'e'y'all can get the real scoop! NEXT!"
Juno shoos @Dewalt27 away and gestures at @mee for a question. "Why is Jonathan Shuffleboard the key to the Lunchadores success this season?"
"Ayy, somebody been watchin' the tape! Give that man some accolades! It's a damn shame he ain't in the talks for best safety in the league. All these mofos all off of is stats and stats and stats and stats. You know I be tellin' him too like yo, you gotta bait these QBs man! They see you in such good coverage, they afraid to test you. You gotta make 'em think they can fit it in! Naw, but yeh, that foo, Shuff, he the real key to our D. He's the reason why the rest of us can run around the way we do. We all eatin' healthy 'cause of him! SHOW SHUFF RESPECT!"
@ForSucksFake asks, "Why is Slothface hiding from me?"
"I'ono man, you gon' hafta ask him 'cause I don't even know who the f*** Sloth Face is. Ay SLOTH FACE! IF YOU WATCHIN' THIS S***, APPARENTLY YOU OWE SOME MOTHAF****S SOME MONEY OR SOME S***! I AIN'T YO BILL COLLECTOR!"
@dude_man asks, "Why is Cade Williams your favorite teammate?"
"How'd you know he was my favorite? Well, he and I flew in together, and we just hit it off right away. The clubs, the taco stands, everything! He's the only one down enough to ride with all my shenanigans. He's just a good dude, and it's just good to have a big man watchin' yo back around these parts, especially when we f***in' around past curfew and s***. I hope we travel together into the ISFL."
@flyeaglesfly29 asks, "Rank your ISFL Destinations!"
"S*** man, what I look like, like I got a powerpoint ready to go and s***? You really expect me to break down 14 teams and my thoughts on them off the top of my head?? Git outta here. Look, it's simple. Whoever ultimately drafts me is an S-Tier landing spot. I'ma MAKE it S-Tier!"
Juno's stomach rumbles audibly and his stance tightens up. He takes a glance at his watch. "Aiite look. Burrrrrrrrp That's all the time I got, I need to go think and s***. I'm out!" He skitters off stage, crop dusting the line of reporters on the way out.
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - CalvinGolladay - 02-25-2021
How've you enjoyed your time playing in Tijuana?
Any predictions for the playoffs?
Any statements you want to make about opposing DSFL teams?
Early thoughts on the ISFL draft?
What do you think has led to your affinity for the solo CB blitz?
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - Kevin5010 - 02-26-2021
What 3 players do you consider the most vital to Tijuana success?
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - slothfacekilla - 02-26-2021
Can you give some superlatives to Tijuana players for the season?
How did you celebrate making the playoffs?
Favorite Mexican dish?
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - Pat - 02-27-2021
Tijuana has become known as a Cornerback factory, with stars such as Andrew Witten and Rich Triplet playing there recently. Where do you see yourself in comparison to those two?
Which team from the other conference would you prefer to play in the Ultimini and why?
What is your idea of a perfect first date?
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - Dewalt27 - 02-27-2021
What are you feelings about Slothfacekilla?
Do you think Tijuana will win a championship this season?
What is your favorite thing to say to WRs to get them mad?
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - mee - 02-27-2021
Hi Juno,
Why is Jonathan Shuffleboard the key to the Lunchadores success this season?
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - ForSucksFake - 03-01-2021
Why is Slothface hiding from me?
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - dude_man - 03-01-2021
Why is Cade Williams your favorite teammate?
RE: BREAKING NEWS: Tijuana has all but locked up the #2 seed in the SFC! - flyeaglesfly29 - 03-01-2021
Rank your ISFL Destinations!