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*Juno Hu's ISFL Draft 1st Round Preview - j00 - 03-14-2021 What's up, ISFL? Juno Hu, this is! Just here to throw in my two cents on the draft this year. Now, I gotta let you guys in on a little secret before we start. I've already been signed by the Hawks, so, hopefully you guys still have time to fix your ISFL draft PTs. Anyways, onward! Pick #1: Baltimore Hawks select Juno Hu, CB As I said, I've already signed with the Hawks, so me getting drafted here is no surprise, to me at least. The rest of you are probably gonna be shocked, but that's why I'm telling you now! The hawks are in dire need of a playmaker, and the good news is that I can play CB, SS, FS, WR, and even RB! I'm ready! Sure, maybe I haven't been doin' dat Jerry Rice training, but I've been doin' some Rice'n'Beans training down here in Tijuana at least 4 times a day which is probably just as good if not better. Put me in, coach! Just put me in if you wanna win! Pick #2: Baltimore Hawks select Juno Hu, CB Alright, there is a chance that they might pick that Luke Quick or Bush Goose or whatever his name is first, but that's totally fine. I mean, they get 2 picks in a row, so obvious they're just jebaiting everyone with the first pick. Luke invited me to a workout this offseason and I gotta hand it to the guy, he is pretty damn good. We met twice this past season and I definitely had my hands full defending him. No disrespect to all the other WRs of S28, but he is hands down the best one, so it's no disrespect that he gets the nod before me. It's just a formality after all. Honestly can't wait to be making money hand over fist with this guy being the top 2 most desired players of the S28 draft. He also needed a hand getting ready for the big move, so I decided to be a good friend and help him out. Also did some handiwork around the house with him. Pick #3: Orange County Otters select Juno Hu, CB I've just been informed of some rumors around the league that the W. Bush Guseman guy has some dirt on the management over in Baltimore and that they basically have to draft him and Luke Quick or else a bunch of dirty laundry gets aired out. I don't know too much about that and I personally hope they still make it happen via Wikileaks or somethin', but if that's true, then I guess I get to go back home! Well, the OC ain't exactly home home, but compared to playing outside of SoCal it might as well be. How can I say no to year-round sunshine? And I get to be super close to Tijuana which is dope because I already bought a house there. Pick #3 via Orange County Otters: Philadelphia Liberty select Juno Hu, CB It wouldn't surprise me if Philadelphia traded up for me as a result of this leak--I mean, mock draft, as I'd be a perfect replacement for Atlas Quin. Sorry Atlas, but the future is now, old man! It's all good if I go to Philly. #3 overall is still pretty good! And I have a feeling that the Philly crowd's gonna love me! And I'll probably get to have unlimited Philly cheesesteaks! Not a bad deal. Pick #3 via Orange County Otters: Berlin Fire Salamanders select Juno Hu, CB It's crazy, I know, but if Liberty doesn't pull the trigger, then Berlin will. You're probably asking, why the hell would Berlin trade up to grab a CB when they have 3 CBs on their roster? Because I'm worth major draft capital! So they probably pick me and then send me off to San Jose or somethin'. Pick #3 via Orange County Otters via Berlin Fire Salamanders: San Jose Sabercats select Juno Hu, CB The Sabercats are in dire need of a Nickelback. Not that Nickelback, THIS Nickelback! And what a blessing I'm gonna be to that secondary. Since it's an immediate need, I'll probably be called up to play immediately which would be great 'cause I can't wait to be making big boy money! Plus, it's really not fair for me to play another year in the DSFL. It's like letting a 19 year old senior punk on some high school kids. Have some mercy on those poor folks and call me up! It's just a shame that San Jose's gonna have to pay such a heavy price for me, mortgaging their entire future and all to Berlin, but it's totally worth it. Pick #3 via Orange County Otters via Berlin Fire Salamanders: Yellowknife Wraiths select Juno Hu, CB Look, I don't know everything about every team, so maybe San Jose doesn't have their shit together or somethin', and Yellowknife ends up making out with the deal of a lifetime. It's all fine by me. I just got one question, where the fuck is Yellowknife? Oh it's in Canada? Like near Toronto or somethin'? What? It's even farther north than that? What, it's like this tiny ass town somewhere in the Northwest Territories? The fuck? People live there? Aw shit, I'm gonna die from the cold, aren't I? Have mercy on me, man! Nothin' against Yellowknife and the three families that live there, I just wasn't born to be that far from the equator. I don't even know what the fuck a jacket is! But if I have to play there, lemme get an XXXL jersey 'cause I'mma be needin' me layers and layers and layers for every game. Pick #3 via Orange County Otters: Arizona Outlaws select Juno Hu, CB The Outlaws, being cunning outlaws, are gonna cut the middleman outta the equation and go straight to the source for this pick. And thank god for that because I was just about to click Place Order on my Amazon shopping cart of over 200 articles of cold weather clothing gettin' ready to go to Yellowknife, but luckily I can keep my current wardrobe and melt in the summers of Arizona instead. Heat, I can handle! Pick #3 via Orange County Otters: Colorado Yeti select Juno Hu, CB Colorado has quite the well rounded roster, but just like the Sabercats, they need a Nickelback, and they're ready to make a push for the #3 pick to get it, especially since that pick is a guaranteed future lock for Hall of Fame. They fell a bit short of the Ultimus this year, and it's probably because they lacked my services, but I don't hold that against them, because I wasn't eligible yet last season. Guess I'll be yet another former Californian moving to Colorado and pissin' off the locals by not knowing how to drive in snow, but with them big paychecks comin' up, hopefully I don't have to drive myself anywhere anymore! Pick #3 via Orange County Otters: Honolulu Hahalua select Juno Hu, CB If Honolulu acquires this pick, it'll likely be by including one of their star secondary players like Jim Waters in the trade or else it doesn't make too much sense. But just like Colorado, they fell short of the Ultimus because they didn't have my services, but also just like Colorado, it's again no big deal because I wasn't eligible. People might say that's way too expensive a price for me, but they're gonna look the fool when I'm scoring more touchdowns than entire offenses! Pick #3 via Orange County Otters: Sarasota Sailfish select Juno Hu, CB Congratulations to the Sarasota Sailfish for winning the Ultimus. As it was their first appearance and win, they will now surely be able to recognize the grandest champion of all that is me, and will undeniably trade up, as a new dynasty will be born with this pick! If Sarasota isn't foolish, then the next Ultimus is pretty much in the bag! Pick #6: New York Silverbacks select Cade Williams, OL New York is the first team to be able to make a case for not needing me at any of their positions, and with only one OL on the roster (honestly, how the hell do you even play football with only one OL?), they're gonna go with Cade Williams, because he's my boy and I know he's gonna be 1st OL off the board! Cade, brotha, wish we coulda gone to the same team in the ISFL, but, you gonna do great things! Pick #10: Chicago Butchers select Lonnie Jackson, RB Chicago is the second team on this list that can legitimately say they don't need my services, but they will probably need an RB to replace Old Man Yoda. They probably would've loved to draft Buzz Gooseman or whatever that guy's name is, but since I'm being told that the dirt rumor is real, they're gonna have to settle for the next best RB which is Lonnie Jackman. "But what about Manhattan Project or Erik Gaare??" you say? Look man, don't shoot the messenger. I'm just here to spit fax, and Lonnie is the best RB of the S28 draft class! Pick #13: New Orleans Second Line select ??? Honestly I have no idea who the hell they're gonna pick. None of them spoke to me, so it's probably not me, and I don't know why, I mean. It's their loss, really, so, who cares about NOLA. I'll be long gone before they get up to the podium anyway. Pick #13: New Orleans Second Line select Romulus Roman, S Oh, I know now. They're gonna pick the best available player of course, and that's Romulus Roman. They have some aging DBs whose play are about to fall off the face of the earth, so they'll very likely pick up the best safety in this draft. Romulus is a very versatile player and will be able to service whatever holes NOLA might have. RE: Juno Hu's ISFL Draft 1st Round Preview - Kotasa - 03-14-2021 Quality content, this is why they took away our Mock draft PT!!!! They knew J00 cracked the case! RE: Juno Hu's ISFL Draft 1st Round Preview - Amulos - 03-14-2021 I'm here to service some holes cap RE: Juno Hu's ISFL Draft 1st Round Preview - Faded - 03-14-2021 why does oco have so many picks ;-;