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+---- Thread: *L'Gazzy Burfict : Five times on the Up (/showthread.php?tid=30943)
*L'Gazzy Burfict : Five times on the Up - y2bobman - 03-22-2021
***Cheaply edited titles play, showing clips of BoBo Saxton and L’Gazzy Burfict from the original “Dare to Dream” series plus snapshots of newspaper articles whilst Chumbawumba’s hit single ”Tubthumping” plays over the top. We join BoBo Saxton, dressed smartly in a polo shirt and tracksuit bottoms, learning on a blackboard in a dimly lit studio***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, so hello, hello, welcome all, it’s your main man BoBo Saxton here for this special edition show. If you’re expecting to see Arizona superstar L’Gazzy Burfict pop out at some point you’ll be disappointed I’m afraid – he’s back in Shubuta spending a little time with family and friends before he heads back for the new season. Yeah, I hear you leaving… didn’t want you watching anyway.
So for those of you who are staying around, thank you. And huh, yeah, this is hopefully going to be at least a little interesting. Now you and me have something in common. We both have favourite ISFL player, and we both know it’s Outlaw L’Gazzy Burfict. And if it’s not, you can get the hell outta here right now!
***It looks as if BoBo Saxon is getting some loud and clear messages through his earpiece. He coughs a few times and adjusts the collar of his polo shirt.***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, family show, huh, right, anyway, ok. So here it is. I thought we’d take a look at our main man L’Gazzy Burfict, but I wanted to take a different view. Who are the guys in the ISFL who are out performing him on the field right now? Who are the guys with more tackles, more sacks, who are the ones picking up the awards and what do I think that L’Gazzy Burfict needs to do to his game so that he’s the one at the top of the stat chart? So without further ado, come with me on this journey. Lets do this.
***BoBo Saxton stands up, takes a pack of white chalk from his pocket and turns towards the blackboard. At the same time an odd fanfare plays in the studio, like a customised national anthem. BoBo seems lost in his thoughts as this plays. Suddenly, it stops.***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, so right, here we go. I mean, I mentioned it just now – tackles. In the regular season L’Gazzy Burfict only managed a lowly 73 tackles. I mean, this was up on his debut ISFL season when he only hit 53 tackles. But man, my expectation was a little higher I’ll be honest. And 73 tackles, that’s almost half of what the league leading linebackers were putting away. Douglas Quaid hit a league leading 139 tackles for the Yellowknife Wraiths. Jack Banks was just behind this is 134 for the New York Silverbacks and rounding off the top three was Derred de Ville, hitting 118 tackles for the Sarasota Sailfish – who would go on to win the Ultimus trophy come the end of the season.
***As he’s talking through these players, BoBo Saxton is writing names up on the blackboard. His spelling is pretty terrible.***
BoBo Saxton: Man, I was really thinking L’Gazzy Burfict was going to hit triple figures this year. But why did these guys do so well, how did they managed to pull in such numbers? Well of course, L’Gazzy Burfict plays alongside another two top top linebackers in Stanislaw Koniecpolski and Galf Wilf. In fact, it wasn’t long ago that Wilf was bringing home top defensive honours in the ISFL. But what is interesting is that both of these guys only managed a handful of tackles more than L’Gazzy Burfict – 82 and 77 respectively. So I’ve had a think about this. The Outlaws had a great game, and at one point it looked as if they may have been heading all the way to the Ultimus. But they fell before the finish. The team was looking great for the majority of the season and these things can happen. But really, a key reason for the lower numbers was efficiency. The Outlaws were shutting teams down fast. Shutting down teams like this means your guys on the field are sipping on more Gatorade than having tackles notched up against their name on the stats chart. I feel that the new coaches have come in, seen the potential in the Outlaws franchise, and built such a solid core. So I mean, I’ve seen some tape on Quaid, on Banks, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t have the time to check out de Ville. But look. The Wraiths gave up 417 points, the Silverbacks 375… the Outlaws only 355. They shut teams down. And with the three linebackers on the field it’s no wonder the numbers didn’t come their way. But in the future, sure, I expect L’Gazzy Burfict to make a charge up the stat table. But will that mean the Outlaws giving up time on possession? We’ll have to see.
***BoBo Saxton pulls a cloth out of this pocket, rubs out the three names of the league leaders and writes “L’Gazzy Burfict” and draws an arrow pointing up. ***
BoBo Saxton: So tackles, they don’t make or break a player. A top linebacker knows what his job is. It’s to take down the QB. Sacks, the sack is where we need to take a closer look at now.
****BoBo Saxton pulls out his chalk again, poised to write on the blackboard. He then takes out his little black notebook and glances down***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, right, so sacks. And the top three linebackers looked like this…
***BoBo Saxton starts writing as he talks, adding the names of the top three in the linebacker class up on the board.***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, well a couple of Colorado Yeti’s at the top of the stat chart here it seems. Melvin Murder-Moose had himself 19 sacks and Rusty Rucker was only one behind with 18. And third was that man again Derred de Ville with 16. No wonder those Sailfish won the Ultimus trophy, mans on fire. But, yeah, stay on topic. So L’Gazzy Burfict registered eight sacks over the season. Less than 50%, that’s as good as my maths can put it. But, I mean, Wilf and Koniecpolski only managed 10 between them. So sure, the Outlaws shutting teams down quick could have been an influence here too. But I’ve seen the tapes. And to me, it’s obvious. I’ve been in the game over 50 years, I’ve seen it all. I know my football. And yeah, the QBs were scared to face the Outlaws. They were looking to get the ball away quickly, be that a quick pass or a focus on the run game. And that disappoints me a little. I may even go as far as saying that teams were taking the easy way out. They know what L’Gazzy Burfict is about, they clearly highlighted our man as a key threat and looked to avoid giving him a sniff. But not all teams went this way. And that’s why L’Gazzy Burfict came away with three sacks in the week 11 game against the Austin Copperheads. So yeah yeah, the guys at the top had more sacks. But maybe they were given an easy ride. I’m not going to watch the tape. I’m comfortable with my football knowledge. And will L’Gazzy Burfict come good, build on the numbers? Well that depends on whether or not coaches are brave enough to take him on. My money is on them not… go on, prove me wrong. So huh, yeah…
***BoBo Saxton pulls a cloth out of this pocket, rubs out the three names of the league leaders and writes another “L’Gazzy Burfict” on the there, also drawing an arrow pointing up. ***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, but the tackles for loss is where it also matters. Sure, it’s no sack, but these numbers be important and a good way of saying that the defence is getting up in the face of that offence. And, well, it’s a similar story for our main man L’Gazzy Burfict I’m afraid, but I’m gonna explain to you why this doesn’t really matter one little bit. So the top three in the stats chart were…
****BoBo Saxton pulls out his chalk again, poised to write on the blackboard. He then takes out his little black notebook and glances down. As he reads through the names he’s simultaneously writing their names up on there, spelling mistakes and all***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, erm, that name again, Douglas Quaid of the Yellowknife Wraiths. Then we have Gary Goodman of the Philadelphia Liberty, first time we’ve seen his name here this evening. And finally we got Brach Thom…huh..slasher. I think I got that right? He plays for the Austin Copperheads. So these three guys put up 26 tackles for loss between them. And L’Gazzy? Well he registered a meagre five I’m afraid. How did the other Outlaws do there?
***BoBo Saxton glances back down at his notebook, flicks a few pages and mumbles to himself a little.***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, so it looks like Wilf, Koniecpolski and Burfict all hit five. You know what that says to me? Consistency. Team work. Team players. Those three linebackers are a family, working together, getting the job done. There isn’t one of these guys who is trying to out do the others. Of if they are, then they are all doing it. My point is, the Outlaws have a linebacking core which is second to none. As three men on the field they are getting the job done. Have I checked up on what the other guys on the Wraiths, on the Liberty, on the Copperheads have got. Huh, no. I don’t need to. Plus here’s the thing. Wilf, Koniecpolski and L’Gazzy Burfict are doing their thing. And I mean, when you add Reyu and Roth there, that’s some serious weight right there. So where am I going with this? Well, look. If L’Gazzy Burfict wanted ten tackles for loss, he’d get them. If he wanted 15, why not. But he’s not looking for those numbers. The three Outlaws linebackers are a well-oiled machine, they work in unison. Add into the mix what I said earlier, that teams are looking to throw the ball away quick when facing these guys. It just all adds up. Which is why…
***BoBo Saxton pulls a cloth out of this pocket, again rubs out the three names of the league leaders and writes a third “Burfict” on the there, also drawing an arrow pointing up. ***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, much better. So lets think about this some more. We’ve looked at tackles. We’ve looked at sacks. We’ve looked at tackles for loss. So it makes sense that we go look at some stats for… hell, lets look at safeties, why not.
***BoBo Saxton again glances down at his small black notebook, flicking through a few pages. He looks a little puzzled for a moment, running his finger down one of the pages.***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, so let me get this straight. I’m up here, looking at the numbers, trying tell you all at home that L’Gazzy Burfict is gonna come good, that’s there ain’t nothing to worry about. Well I don’t need to no more. Well, huh, not when safeties come into it. Now there was one player who registered two safeties this season. Before you get too excited, no, it wasn’t L’Gazzy Burfict, it was actually Son Goku. Why do you not recognise the name? Goku is a Defensive End. Sure, he’s gone on and won the Ultimus. But, yeah, I don’t care about Defensive Ends, we ain’t here to talk about them. So after him, huh, there were eight linebackers who registered a safety last season. Am I calling these eight the elite linebackers of the league? I don’t know, you tell me. But in no particular order…
***BoBo Saxton again glances down at his notebook, grabs his chalk and starts writing down names as he reads them out.***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, so, L’Gazzy Burfict, The Arizona Outlaws. Jack Banks, New York Silverbacks. Melvin Murder-Moose, Colorado Yeti. Hingle McCringlebery, Berlin Fire Salamanders. Heinrich Kackpoo, Honolulu Hahalua, George Fisher, San Jose Sabercats, Alejandro Chainbreaker, Chicago Butchers, and Makoto Otawara from the New York Silverbacks. Now if you thought this list was elite, you need to watch some more tape. But huh, yeah, it does give you a good idea of the league linebackers who like to get up in your face, and quickly. A safety is also a good indication of an intelligent player. They know what is going on, what the possible reward is for taking that man down. If you’re on the offence and you’re being taken down for a safety, you need to up your game, you need to be thinking quicker than that, you need to run your routes better than that. These opportunities don’t come around often, but when you are, you need to be ready. What this tells me, tells us, about L’Gazzy Burfict is that his footballing brain is turned on, it’s turned up, he ain’t gonna be missing a beat. You so much as give him a sniff, he’s gonna be in there and taking you down. That’s the way that he played back in Rutgers, that’s the mentality that helped win Ultimini championships and numerous awards in London, that’s the reason L’Gazzy Burfict is going to make a name in this game. Period. You can teach foot speed to an extent, but some guys just have a head start and are always gonna be out front. But brain speed, how quickly you can think on the field. You either have it or you don’t. You know what this means…
***BoBo Saxton pulls the cloth out of this pocket, this time rubbing off the whole list of linebackers who managed to register a safety. He then re-writes “L’Gazzy Burfict”, and also draws another arrow pointing up next to the name. ***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, so look. Should I be rounding this analysis out with forced fumbles, with fumbled recoveries? Maybe. But I’m not getting any younger. To me, the numbers on the chart there don’t accurately reflect the game L’Gazzy Burfict played last season. Only one fumble? Give me a break. No fumble recoveries, huh, get outta my sight. I ain’t buying that. Now I’m not calling this some big cover up, I ain’t one of those who is gonna tell you to believe in flying saucers, or that Bruce Lee is still working as an undercover cop infiltrating the triads. I mean, it’s possible, right? But don’t get me started on that. All I will say is that those numbers are gonna be going up next season. You have my word on that. Any comparison right now would be worthless, as I guarantee that will happen. That’s a BoBo guarantee right there.
***BoBo Saxton turns closes his small black notebook and puts it back in to his pocket. He turns towards the blackboard, adding a fifth “L’Gazzy Burfict” with an upwards arrow beside it. He then turns back.***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, so yeah. At the start of this show I said that we were gonna be looking at the guys in the ISFL who were outdoing our main man L’Gazzy Burfict on the stats chart. And sure, we’ve done that. And I like to think I was fair. So what does that leave us with?
***BoBo Saxton turns back towards the blackboard.***
BoBo Saxton: Huh, L’Gazzy Burfict, on the up. L’Gazzy Burfict, on the up. L’Gazzy Burfict, on the up. L’Gazzy Burfict, on the up. L’Gazzy Burfict, on the up. Is that five L’Gazzy Burficts? Five times on the up? Well what to you know. How did that happen? I’ll tell you how. Because stats don’t tell you everything. You don’t win a game with stats, you win a game with points. And points ain’t stats. It don’t matter what stats you have against your name, unless that stat is how many times you been an Ultimus Winner. Or Defensive Player of the Year. Or Linebacker of the Year. So those are the stats we all want to see L’Gazzy Burfict’s name up against. And based on this weeks events, that is most certainly going to happen with L’Gazzy in Arizona as he put pen to paper on a long term deal with the franchise.
So go out, get your Burfict shirt on, get some drinks inside you, put some chicken on the grill and get yourself ready. The new season is coming. Let’s see if L’Gazzy is able to get his name against one of those important stats this time round. I’ve laid it all out, now it’s up to L’Gazzy Burfict to deliver on my promises. So I’ll be catching up with you all soon I hope, and maybe even back alongside the main man himself. That’s all from me then, huh, BoBo out.
***Chumbawumba’s ”Tubthumping” kicks back in, slowly fading up as BoBo’s piece to camera ends***
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