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+---- Thread: *Spector lures Burnsman to NSFL? (/showthread.php?tid=3288)
*Spector lures Burnsman to NSFL? - RedCydranth - 08-13-2017
Biff Henderson for Spectrum Media reporting on a Breaking News Story!
Texas running back sensation Erlich Burnsman, Heisman candidate, has opted to come to the NSFL. Spectrum Media has the inside scoop on how he came to the decision to come to the NSFL instead of continuing his college career. I have an open interview with Erlich via satellite. Also joining us, from an undisclosed location, is Marc Spector, Cornerback for the Orange County Otters.
Biff: Thank you for joining me gentlemen. What has made you, Erlich, decide to forego a senior year at Texas for the NSFL?
Erlich: Easy question, easy answer. Fame. Sure, I'm college famous. I want to be world famous.
Biff: And what makes you think you're going to be any better than legends like Ardie Savea or Bubba Nuck?
Erlich: You've got me wrong, Biff, you bitch. I'm ALREADY better than them two.
Biff: You haven't even stepped one foot on the professional field. How can you claim that at this point?
Erlich: Look at what I've done, Biff! I only lost the Heisman on a technicality! Nobody can prove I received gecko blood transfusions! How do you even test for that?! Man...next question!
Biff: I'm gonna switch over to Marc at this point. Mr. Spector, you claim to be Burnsman's friend. How did you two meet.
Marc: We are mutual acquaintances. We met at in Austin, Texas. I was dealing Geck... er... Pokemon Cards and he bought some from me. Yes, Pokemon Cards.
Biff: Wait, did you say Gecko...
Marc: I said nothing. Next Question.
Biff: But...
Marc: NEXT QUESTION.
Biff: Uh, okay... How did you convince Erlich to come to the NSFL?
Marc: I didn't really convince him. I was just talking to him via Darkweb and mentioned how he'd dominate up here. He agreed and made the decision on his own. I had no influence.
Biff: Darkweb?
Marc: I said Skype. There is no Darkweb. Stop putting words into my mouth.
Biff: Uh okay, back to you Erlich. Where do you see yourself playing in the NSFL?
Erlich: Behind the QB, usually, Biff. Sometimes next to him. I can't predict the draft, Biff. I'd like to play with my boy, Spector.
Biff: So, the Otters have your eye. What happens if, say, San Jose or Philadelphia pick you?
Erlich: Then I'll be wearing San Jose or Philly colors in the Hall of Fame, I guess. You know I wouldn't mind stopping at Paddy's in Philly if that's where I end up. San Jose has water probably, right? I can do beaches.
Biff: Paddy's is fake, you know, right? Like Cheers or Moe's Tavern. Your wonderlic score must be like a -80.
Erlich: The only real thing in this world is me, Biff. I know Paddy's isn't real, Biff. Does San Jose have geckos?
Biff: Arizona has lizards, but I don't know if they're geckos. And Marc eluded to... nevermind. I know nothing about Geckos or their blood. Leave me out of this controversy!
Erlich: There's no proof of ANYTHING! Does someone have any evidence other than that CLEARLY photoshopped photo? I didn't think so.
Marc: There was no photo. No blood. The science behind it has been debunked anyhow. Fake News!
Biff: This has gotten way out of hand. I'm going to wrap this whole silly thing up. Any final words before I go, Mr. Burnsman?
Erlich: I'm the greatest RB in the world, Biff. I bet I'd be the greatest interviewer, too.
How many times have you been carried of the field, Biff? 31, that's how many times I've been carried off the field and only a couple of those were by the medical staff. The point I am trying to make Biff is love me or hate me, I'm here now and the league needs to be on notice. RB's, you're not safe. None of you. Your jobs will be mine, your cities will be mine, your wives will be mine. It may not happen today, it may not happen tomorrow, but it will happen, Biff.
Biff: Damn, I have to say, he gives one hell of an interview. Marc, what's your take on what he just said.
Marc: I believe in him. 1000%. If he's not the Offensive Rookie of the Year next year, I'll be shocked. It wouldn't shock me if he's also the Defensive Rookie of the Year too somehow. Hell, he's so damn talented he'll probably be the Offensive Rookie of the year for the next 5 years.
Biff: That's not possible.
Marc: He's just that talented. The league will be forced to give him the award anyways. Wait and see.
Biff: Well, that concludes this interview. For Spectrum Media, I'm Biff Henderson.
Erlich: You mean, you're Bitch Henderson!
[cuts feed]
(796 words)
*Please give half profits to @BoltyMcSpeedy*
*Spector lures Burnsman to NSFL? - adam2552 - 08-13-2017
While Paddy's may be fake, Mac and Sweet Dee do own a real bar, Mac's Tavern, in Philly!