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*S31 DSFL Team Overviews + Predictions - HasumiKi - 09-16-2021
S31 DSFL Team Overviews + Predictions
by HasumiKi
2,915 words
As Hououin Kyouma prepares for his final season in the DSFL, I figured I'd take a look at the new-look rosters of the DSFL and make some predictions. These teams are vastly different than when I joined the league, but will the outcome be any different? I'll start with the worst teams in the league from season 30 and make my way up to the Ultimini champs.
London Royals (S30: 1-13)
How far the Royals have fallen in just two seasons after winning the Ultimini in S28. Looking at their roster, it doesn't seem like they're all too poised to make a run this year either. They return captain QB Dustin Parmelee, a top-half QB in terms of passing yards but also the league leader in interceptions last year. Parmelee keeps all three of his recievers from last season, including Bradley Welch, who led the team with 1,304 yards and 8 TDs last season. They also add Toucan Sam, Activia Dannon, and Władysław II Jagiełło for backup. They've got a new-look backfield as well, losing Kiara Tenoh but adding two viable backs in Deluxe Pogger and Rocky Rhoads to take the load off of Jack R. The real question will come with their sim luck however, as all five offensive linemen for the Royals are bot players. They'll have to rely on Orlando Munoz, their GM bot, to hold down the line and create holes for their runningbacks.
On defense, they return Savior Hawkins, one of the league leaders in interceptions last season, as well as an improved Cedric Wilkins II across from him. They'll have to step up on pass defense to help Ripoff CheeseBrand, who's holding down the safety core. However, their biggest issue last season came from the front seven, as they had bottom-2 numbers in tackles, forced fumbles, and sacks. This is going to be a tall task as they lose two massive contributors in LB Sam Squanch and DT Will Smyth. For now, it's on the backs of Lennay Kekua, Zephyr GreyWolf, and Anya Mind to cover for a very-depleted London front seven.
Prediction: London has gotten a lot of upgrades to their offensive skill positions, but with a severely depleted defense as well as an unpromising offense, the Royals appear to extend their stay in the bottom of the North. It won't be as bad as S30, but London still has work to do to return to Ultimini contention. 3-11, Last DSFL North.
Norfolk Seawolves (S30: 3-11)
Norfolk has been in the bottom of the league season after season, but they seem ready to turn things around this season, keeping many of their key contributors and adding pieces to a locker room that has been gaining TPE at one of the fastest rates in the league. If sim luck goes the Seawolves' way, the South might have to keep an eye out.
Malcolm Savage still leads the offense, and with a WR core that includes French Fries, Malcador the Hero, and Johnny Patey, he looks very ready to improve upon last season's 3766 yard, 19 TD season. Fries and Hero were both 1st round picks in the most recent ISFL draft, and they'll both be looking to make an impact while they're still in Norfolk. In the backfield is the tandem of Jeremy Crouse and Matthew Holford. Their rushing game isn't as potent as other big tandems, like last year's Noah Johns and Jax Baker, but their skill set at pushing for short yards to get first downs can't be understated. On the offensive line is big man Clifford Wilson, who finished last season with 99 pancakes and 0 sacks allowed. Wilson is poised to have another stellar season and has a very real possibility to break the 100-pancake barrier. They also add Ms. 'Stacks' McHits, wife of star linebacker Sconnie McHits. She'll look to take some of the pressure off of Wilson this season.
On defense, Norfolk added help to an overworked secondary. 4th-year cornerback Hououin Kyouma has help now with the addition of Dragazor Blaze, and with captain Spike Daniels holding down the last line of defense, it doesn't look to be as much of a pushover as it has been in recent memory. On the defensive line is Nep Neppy and new pickup Arnie Rufus. Neppy showed potential in his first season and hopes to duplicate those efforts. Rufus sacrifices a bit of the strength of great defensive linemen, but is one of the faster big guys and if he is able to consistently get into the backfield, he could be a very good partner for Neppy. The LB core is by far the best unit defensively for the Seawolves, as all three have incredible talent. Sconnie McHits set the tackles record last season in his rookie campaign and looks to further improve it this year. Sigo Hendricks and Nathan Claflin have been excellent help for McHits as they finished with a combined 159 tackles between them, good for 3rd and 4th on the team. This defensive unit has talent everywhere on the field, but they will need to put it all together to become the top unit in the league.
Prediction: Norfolk keeps all of their strong players from a team that showed promise last year, upsetting the Grey Ducks and handing the eventual champs their only loss on the season. With a fast-improving team, Norfolk cracks the playoff for the first time since the ISFL changed simulations. 9-5, 1st DSFL South.
Bondi Beach Buccaneers (S30: 6-8)
Gone is star QB Dexter Zaylren, in is RB convert Tron Carter. Bondi will no-doubt be a run-first offense, as Carter's arm leaves much to be desired and with Ken Oath and rookie D'Hydration Hennessey in the backfield, Bondi has options to get their run game going. Theo AwardsSystemIsBad and Abed Nadir will have to create holes for them, but it will be a tall task to replace Pepelegs Johnson and Ray the Manta Ray. Their receiving core isn't great either. With no Kotoni Staggs or Squidward Tentacles on the outside, it's a one-dimensional passing attack for the Bucs with only WR Troy Demonson and TE Lenard Graf as options for Carter.
Losing big pieces was a theme for a BBB team that really couldn't afford it this season, as top CB Guy Gibson is also gone from a depleted Bucs squad. James Sharkey slots in at CB1 and will have work to do to contend with the WRs in the league. The D-line looks to be the Bucs best unit, bringing two star defensive ends in Tomme Salami and Doo Fus. Garfield Despacito III lines up in the DT position, so it'll be up to their line to cause havoc in the backfield. Their LB core leaves a lot to be desired, with Senbyo Korin looking to be the leader of the defense with little help around him. Rookies Jackson Walsh and Efram Geller will look to help Korin in the middle of the field, but the Bondi defense has many holes beyond the line. Rookie Samm Gamwich is the last line of defense for the Bucs this season, but this team is chock full of rookies that will take time to grow.
Prediction: Bondi has a good young core, but it will take time for them to improve. With a one-dimensional offense and a defense that has holes in almost every position, Bondi is a contender for the top pick this season. 1-13, Last DSFL South
Kansas City Coyotes (S30: 7-6-1)
The Coyotes barely missed the playoffs last season, but bring back a lot of pieces to threaten Minnesota's reign over the North. Carter Knight has the opportunity to be a top QB in the league with many of the big names gone, and he keeps options on the outside with both Andy Fantuz and captain Jaycee Higgins as reliable targets. TE Marquees Acho Jr also provides a big man target for Knight and versatility in the Kansas City offense. Their run game also returns its top two backs, with both Yaji Robe and Lot Smith VIII coming back to the Coyotes for another season. Beeg Beeg Yoshi and Dallas Fort-Worth have room for improvement on the line, but the Coyote offense looks to be one of the top units in the league this season.
On defense, Kansas City returns first-round CB selection Tessie Garciaparra as well as LB DeCarr Rek. Arguably their best returnees are on the line, however, as both Amabacus Fitted and Hercules Kamealoha look to disrupt offenses. Kansas City's talent is all around their defense, as Fitted Cuddles provides the last line of defense. However, KCC's depth is not the greatest. CB Dakota Grossman, FS Yondu Yorukan, and rookie DT Owen Baker will have to step up to give KCC the stellar defense that they have the potential to be. Otherwise, they've got a good amount of holes that opponents can exploit.
Prediction: The North looks to be more favorable for KCC this season, and returning most of their squad bodes well for a Coyote team that looks to return to the Ultimini for the first time since S27. If the defense can improve quickly, consider Kansas City a frontrunner to win the Ultimini this season. 9-5, 2nd DSFL North
Portland Pythons (S30: 8-5-1, Lost in North CCG)
Portland loses their biggest source of offense, that being the two-headed monster of Jax Baker and Noah Johns in the backfield. Replacing them is rookie Marques Brown and DeAndre Henry, but QB Panda McKyle might have to dip more into his passing game than he did last year. Portland stumbled into the playoffs last season relying on their run game, and with only WR Tay Swizzle and TE Mark Goodhead as legitimate threats on the outside, Portland is poised to take a step back on the offensive side of the ball. McKyle was the only starting QB to have less than 200 pass attempts last season, but with Calvin Hobbes gone, he's got little help. Michael Carimi is one bright spot for the Python offense, and he looks to be a stud on the offensive line.
On defense, Portland returns The Laz, defending CBOTY, as well as R.L. Stine on the defensive line. They add Fenrir Greyback as a replacement for Rocco Blade, and their secondary sees the return of Siaosi Multiauaopele and Jay Spears. Their LB core is much weaker, however, led by rookies Spicy Ron and Pasta the Turtle. They'll have a tall task as they try to replace Elliot Hord, who finished third in the league for tackles as well as Teddy Murphy in the center of the field. Look for this unit to take a step back this season as well.
Prediction: Portland isn't short of talent by any means, but they don't have anything clear to rely on to make another playoff run this season. Expect them to be a middling team league-wide. 6-8, 3rd DSFL North.
Dallas Birddogs (S30: 9-5, Lost in South CCG)
Dallas returns their star QB Ricky Stanzi, who is a frontrunner for MVP and QBOTY this season. He'll have to make do with a lot less help on the outside though, as Cliff Burton, Deffo not Leroy Leroy, and Eleven Kendrick-Wotts are all off the roster for the Birddogs. Ivan Toastovich lines up at WR1 and Escanor Sama provides a strong rookie option at WR2. They also have one of the best tight ends in the league in Anthony MacGuire, a dual threat both in recieving and the offensive line, which will be vital since Dallas has no other users on the front lines. This doesn't bode well for Beniri T'Chwama and John Riggins as they look to provide a strong rushing attack to Dallas, who has had troubles in the playoffs recently.
Their losses on defense aren't as massive as offense, although Ian Torrent departs from a very strong defensive line, featuring JJ Jay Jay-Jaymison Jr as the cornerstone. Orpheus Czargyros still prowls the middle of the field and will be a force to be reckoned with for opposing offenses, as the cornerback group is lockdown on the outside. Sakeem Webb is coming off of a strong rookie campaign and Ben Delabaguette looks to hold down the opposing side as well. These four will have to hold down the fort, as Dallas doesn't provide many big names elsewhere on their defensive unit.
Prediction: Dallas looks to be one of the more volatile teams this year. They still have the pieces to make a playoff run, but it requires a lot of overachieving from their stars. They won't be able to make up for the rest of a sub-par squad and miss the playoffs this season. 7-7, 3rd DSFL South.
Tijuana Luchadores (S30: 8-6, Lost Ultimini)
QB IsHe... ReallyInvisible is gone but backup Live Laughlove is ready to take their place and continue Tijuana's streak of Ultimini appearances. Tijuana's RB room looks to be the best in the league, retaining both CMC's Burner and Miracle Whip for another season. Their offensive line isn't the strongest to start the season, but Zoltan and A Kicker will be looking to plug holes to help out Burner and Whip. The Tijuana TE duo of Rex Crenshaw and Gronku Muerto are gone, which might prove a big setback for Tijuana's pass game, but a WR core including Dumais Wells, captain Jason Waterfalls, and Troy
Barnes gives Laughlove plenty of options to throw to.
Omni Man and Erick Bolanos provide the centerpiece to Tijuana's defense, and with Caleb Watt on the line, the Luchadores have talent in their front seven. They also return CB Doc Holliday, a CBOTY nominee last season. Amari Springer and LaDamien Beck provide the last line of defense for the Luchadores. Like many other teams, the Luchadores bring a lot of talent in not as many pieces. Their stars will have to hold down the fort if Tijuana wants to make a 4th consecutive Ultimini.
Prediction: Despite revamping a majority of the offense, Tijuana still has talent to be explosive. They'll make their way back into the playoffs once again. 8-6, 2nd DSFL South
Minnesota Grey Ducks (S30: 13-1, Ultimini Champions)
Minnesota has now won two straight Ultimini titles (both over Tijuana) and looks to make it a third in the upcoming season. They've always been a revolving door of talent, but it won't be easy for them to replace Kazimir Oles Jr. and John Huntsman, both of whom are gone this season. Also gone is Vincent Sharpei Jr., which thins the Minnesota WR core a little. The new-look Grey Duck offense features QB Tobias Worthington III, and rookie Lalu Mohammed Zohri slots in as RB1 for the defending champs. The WR room, although thinner, is still stacked, featuring Moses Malone, Rodka Raskolnikov, and Janis Lux, which gives Worthington III a much easier time in his first season. Their OL is the most complete in the league, with Madison Beer, Nick Denslow, and Howard Walters all protecting a strong Minnesota offense.
Minnesota's defense is lead by linebackers LeCarpetron Dukemarriot and Nick Kaepercolin Jr., who lock down the center of the field. Morpheus Czargyros is back for another season, and along with Joseph Charles Raymond they form a dangerous duo on the defensive line. Minnesota's secondary provides the one weak point for the Grey Ducks, as it's led by rookie CB Modern Nazgûl as well as fellow rookie SS Colin Kramer and FS Cal Stevenson. It's on the defensive line to provide pressure to help a very weak secondary if they don't want to be exposed all season long.
Prediction: Expect Minnesota to stay in the playoffs as per usual, but they won't be near as dominant as they have in years past. Minnesota is vulnerable, and this might be the year their title streak ends. 10-4, 1st DSFL North.
Playoff Predictions
DSFL North Conference Championship: (1) Minnesota Grey Ducks vs (2) Kansas City Coyotes
Kansas City comes out and surprises everyone by knocking the Grey Ducks out of the playoffs in the CCG. Minnesota's line will be tested by Fitted and Kamealoha, and expect rookie Laughlove to make some mistakes in their first big game. Garciaparra will capitalize and grab an interception to seal up a 27-17 win for the Coyotes.
DSFL South Conference Championship: (1) Norfolk Seawolves vs (2) Tijuana Luchadores
In their best shot in a long time to win the Ultimini, Norfolk capitalizes on Tijuana's defensive holes. Holliday is great at CB, but the Seawolves have too many options on the outside. Malcolm Savage lights up the rest of the Tijuana defense, and despite a late push from the Luchadores, they fall just short and lose their Ultimini streak. Norfolk advances 38-30.
S31 Ultimini: (N2) Kansas City Coyotes vs (S1) Norfolk Seawolves
In a rematch of Ultimini 21, two very potent offenses face off in a heated battle. This one's going to come down to which defense can make more stops, and while Kansas City has the better defensive line, Norfolk has more playmakers all around, capped by Sconnie McHits. Norfolk seizes their opportunity before their key players are called up and wins their second Ultimini title, 31-27.
Rereading this, I totally see that I've got my navy-tinted glasses on, but what's a prediction without a little bias? I'm really excited for this season as there are many teams with the potential to win it all, and the playoff race will be intriguing up til the last regular season game.
RE: S31 DSFL Team Overviews + Predictions - Jimi64 - 09-16-2021
You’re gonna get major cash for this article. Great job!!
RE: S31 DSFL Team Overviews + Predictions - Dp-420 - 09-20-2021
Good article. Wish I could talk shit or at least defend the Royals, but I cannot. I hope we win more than 3 games though.
RE: S31 DSFL Team Overviews + Predictions - Net - 09-20-2021
Go 'Yotes
RE: *S31 DSFL Team Overviews + Predictions - LordEscanor - 10-27-2021
*Laughs in Ultimini champion*