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+---- Thread: *You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge (/showthread.php?tid=36211)
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*You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - 37thchamber - 11-15-2021
In the year of our Lord two thousand twenty, the prophet Bagel -- known in some regions as Baggle -- brought unto the Yeeti the deep lore. An arcane ritual, which would birth a culinary wonder the likes of which none had before seen.
Hot dog pie.
Some of you are confused right now, I'm sure. So let me explain.
Hot dog pie is a... delicacy... intended to be served cold, and created entirely from things you would normally use to construct a hot dog. The beauty of hot dog pie is in its simplicity. The original ritual consisted just three components -- not counting optional bits for flair; you'll see what I mean -- hot dogs, hot dog buns, and gelatine. That's all. So simple, even a child could prepare it (of course they cannot; children should not be left unsupervised in the kitchen).
And this is the wonder Bagel brought to the Yeeti.
In the days that passed, the lore spread. Soon, devotees of the ritual of the hot dog pie could be found in many corners of the International Simulation Football League. The ritual had passed into legend.
Despite its status, hot dog pie remained something of a mystery to all. Many revered it, many reviled it. Emotional responses varied from curiosity to abject fear. From awe to disgust. But none dared to attempt the ritual.
Until 12th April, 2021.
A man known as 37thchamber, sometimes referred to as "academydropout", or "Thor Codinson", volunteered as tribute, offering his body -- and perhaps even his soul; considering the nature of the ritual -- to attempt to create and sample the legendary pie. He stipulated that he would attempt the ritual if, and only if, the International Simulation Football League could raise over $2,500 for charity. Some suggested "Uncle Chamber" -- as he is affectionately known to the Colorado Yeti -- had not expected the league to meet this target, but he had horribly miscalculated. Within 48 hours of announcing the challenge, it had almost been beaten.
However, he would not recant. "I am a man of my word," Chamber said. And thus, he resolved to his task.
When the final count came in, the league had indeed far surpassed the target set. Months passed, with Chamber claiming that there had been "many obstacles". On 29th July, 2021, Chamber posted an image to the Colorado Yeti discord server, of a can of hot dogs, with a packet of gelatine sheets, and the caption "...I'm going to be making something with these two ingredients soon and it is pure filth."
Among the reactions were the comments "oh my god. its happening" and "I'd forgotten. I am so sorry", as newcomers to the team were regaled with the tale of "Darth Bagel the Wise", characterised as "a story the Jedi would not tell you.". Despite the horror, Chamber resolved to complete his task, repeating "I am a man of my word." and "It must be done."
One of the aforementioned obstacles was explained at this point also, with Chamber revealing that his fiancee "keeps putting [the hot dogs] back in the cupboard every week" on the assumption that he was not going to do anything with them. Naturally, this was due to Chamber's procrastination on the completion of his task, which he would latter attribute to a combination of "busy-ness" and "nerves".
Eventually, a time came when the ritual would be completed. On 13th November, 2021, Chamber set out to complete the ritual. We have included excerpts of his notes, and transcriptions of his original recordings below.
From the notes of 37thchamber, 12th November 2021
The hot dog bun crust seems like a possible issue. Won't there be too much moisture? It won't be crumb-y enough, I suspect. I'll use a store-bought pastry instead, but otherwise no changes to the ingredients. Just hot dogs and the water they come in. The filling is the star of the show anyway.
From the notes of 37thchamber, 13th November 2021
Maybe I can make two pies, like I suggested before. I know Ephy will be disappointed with "gourmet bullshit" but I do wonder if I can make this actually kind of good. I can try a Binging with Babish type thing. I have to do the basic version as well though, as close to the original as possible. That was the deal, after all.
From the notes of 37thchamber, 13th November 2021
One can of hot dogs should be enough. I can make a smaller pie. Not sure I have enough gelatin for a bigger one.
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"Okay so I can just boil the hot dogs in the water from the can, then blend that all together... Ah no I need to split out some of the water for the gelatine. Looks like I can use just two sheets as well, this is much less volume than I expected..."
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"Man it's tricky to cut hot dogs up with one hand, and keep them on the cutting board. Actually fuck it, I don't really need to cut these up, I'm gonna blend them anyway."
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"Hmm... these aren't blending well. I need to add some water."
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"Ah that's better. Blending a bit better now. God this smells gross. Yeah maybe I don't make two pies..."
From the notes of 37thchamber, 13th November 2021
Worked best to split out the hot dog water into two parts, and combine one part with the hot dogs in the blender, with some water, to get a smooth consistency. The other half could then go with the gelatine sheets once bloomed.
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"Ah shit the mixture seems too thin. Maybe if I add more gelatine? What's the volume so far? About half a litre, okay. Yeah it says four sheets to that much liquid. I'll add two more sheets directly to the blended hot dogs, that should work."
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"Babe how do you blind bake pastry? That's when you put the beans in it right? .... Yeah okay cool. Like 12-15 minutes, right? Oh. Uh, I'll google it no worries."
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"Ohhhh so that's why you get a soggy bottom. Huh. Okay so I gotta put it back in for a bit, right? ... Okay a few minutes. Got it."
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"This still looks way too runny. Just gonna have to wait and see, I guess. If this fails, I'm gonna be so pissed."
Transcript of 37thchamber's original footage, 13th November 2021
"Hm. I have some filling left. I wonder if I can season this and make like... a poor man's pate? I'm gonna try it. Add some butter for fat maybe, to bring up the flavour..."
Chamber has agreed to release the footage of the process, documenting the ritual for future generations. Originally he had intended to narrate the process for clarity, but the mental strain of the ritual has left him in no state to do so, even 48 hours after the ordeal. You can view the video without narration below.
P.S. Chamber also provided the following quote: "The ghetto pate isn't bad. Bit grainy texture-wise, but I'd eat it. If you're curious, I added butter, applesauce, paprika, cinnamon, and ginger."
RE: You are now about the witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - IsaStarcrossed - 11-15-2021
This is the single most glorious peice of media I've ever read and I appreciate you so much for going through with this. Lmao.
RE: You are now about the witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - infinitempg - 11-15-2021
oh my god the mad man fuckin did it
RE: You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - hotdog - 11-15-2021
hey wtf
RE: You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - zaynzk - 11-15-2021
Pay him 3x media @JKortesi81
RE: You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - KoltClassic - 11-15-2021
This is amazing
RE: You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - Raven - 11-15-2021
I want to hate it, but it also doesnt sound all too bad.
RE: You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - unconfident - 11-16-2021
This is probably worse than microwave salad @Tonzy
RE: You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - Bigred1580 - 11-16-2021
I think this is the peak moment of league history. There is no topping, we are officially now on the downhill.
RE: You are now about to witness the strength of kitchen knowledge - deadlunatic - 11-16-2021
That was amazing!