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+---- Thread: *Why I am quiet (/showthread.php?tid=36301)
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*Why I am quiet - Dagumpa - 11-28-2021
Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed your weekend and, for some of us, time around family. This is definitely a stressful time of the year for, I’m sure, most people in this league. Personally, I’m already busy enough with finals or seeing family or just enjoying the occasional amounts of time I get off. And really, all those things kinda make sim leagues an afterthought for me. I don’t believe that lull affects my ability to earn or do whatever tasks I may have though. But it does limit my desire to interact with the community or my teammates through Discord, the forum, or wherever communication may take place. Realizing that I am rarely checking Discord or the forum around times like these got me thinking: why am I not more active in the community?
I remember there was a time when I was in four sim leagues. I was a part of five teams as I was the GM of a team separate to the one I played for in that league. That meant there were five locker rooms (or team chats) that were not exactly expecting, but more desiring for me to be active within them. And, unfortunately, I was not very active in most of them. Whenever I was asked about it, I’d always give the same excuse: “because I’m a GM.” And that was partially true. I devoted the vast majority of my attention to my team as it was my job to run it. But that came at the expense of every other LR I was a part of. None of them, fortunately, relied solely upon my activity within them (thank god). But I always felt a guilty conscience whenever I’d come back after a long time without sending a message.
As a former GM, I realize the importance of an active LR. An active LR creates engagement in users and it makes them more likely to participate and earn. That, of course, relies upon users who are willing to be active within them. And, unfortunately, I’m not one of those users. I feel extremely bad about this since that was one of the most recurring questions I got when being scouted for my most recent draft. Every time, I’d say “I plan on being more active” in the LR. Earning was never a problem for me; I’ve been able to max earn in almost every league I’ve been in. But I was always seemingly daunted about having a LR that ‘depends’ on me. Not just one, actually, but multiple.
How could I be active within five LRs at once? To some, this seems like nothing. And power to those people for being some of the best users in these leagues. But for me, my brain always shuts off at the notion that I need to be a willing contributor to every chat I’m a part of. So...I wasn’t. I went silent in most of my LRs. I’d pop in from time to time just to prove that I didn’t go IA. And I was always greeted with a reaction similar to as if I just came back from active combat. Seeing messages like those really made the guilty conscious kick in: I failed these people.
So, why am I not more active in LRs? Well, I’m an anxious person. I feel a lot of nervousness and hesitancy even sending the most basic of messages. I’m easily thrown off by someone saying something I disagree with or people fighting about minute things. I’m not a confrontational person and I hate starting arguments. I get stressed out if the last message in a conversation is my own or if no one responds to me. And ultimately, I see a lot of LRs that I’m a part of doing fine without me. And I get this sense that I’d be better off not disturbing the peace.
I’m sure to a lot of you, those things in regards to LRs or communication with others sounds far fetched. There are few things in life that are easier than just sending a message saying “good morning” or “when’s the sim” in those chats. And yet, something always kicks off in the back of my brain when I think about sending a message. Am I disrupting something? Am I intervening? Is what I’m saying out of place? Am I out of place?
Truth be told, the answers to all of those questions are almost certainly ‘no.’ But my brain constantly fails to accept that truth. I’m blessed to have people in my life who are willing to engage me within a conversation rather than expecting me to start one or carry one. I know I act like I don’t like other people, but I genuinely do. Everyone needs someone in their lives to interact with. And for me, a lot of that interaction comes through sim leagues. To everyone who has opened up to me throughout my time here, I just want you to know I have the utmost appreciation for you. Interacting with all of you has made my life better for sure. But even though I may trust someone or have a lot of admiration for them, there’s still times when I struggle to talk with them.
I’ve been a part of six teams while I’ve been in this league. And in all of them, I was delighted by some great LR contributors who did not share the same fear I did. But despite having these people who I know will open up to me (because they open up to everyone), I still struggle. In all of those LRs, I admit to not being anywhere near as good of a LR contributor as I put myself up to be. And to all of the GMs who have had my players over the years, I’d like to give you this explanation: Nothing you have done has made me less interested in being part of your team or your LR. I just don’t talk a lot because that’s the way I am.
I should also say that I’ve genuinely loved being a part of this league. It has, and probably will always be, my 2nd league to PBE. But that hasn’t stopped me from remaining active within it through ups and downs. This isn’t my way of saying I’m stepping away or anything, far from it. I just feel that I owe an explanation to any of the people who’ve wondered why I’m not more active in chats. And as I’ve said previously, it’s not any of your faults. I see how well a lot of these chats function and it makes me really happy. I’ve seen a lot of posts recently about showing support for other users and how much people enjoy being here. I’m very thankful for this community. That’s what I told my family at Thanksgiving. They then asked me what a “sim league” is and I just said it’s kinda like fantasy and they shrugged and went back to eating.
So yeah, I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. To make this somewhat league topical, I will say I’m very happy to be a part of the New Orleans Second Line. We’re having a better-than-expected season and morale in the LR is very high. I’m gonna try to do what I can to become more active there, but just know that I’m always checking up on things and everything there is looking good. Enjoy the next few weeks and the time around your family. Peace <3
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1254 WordsRE: Why I am quiet - unconfident - 11-28-2021
Ily Dag
RE: Why I am quiet - Dagumpa - 11-28-2021
(11-28-2021, 05:50 PM)unconfident69 Wrote: Ily Dag<3 <3 <3
RE: Why I am quiet - Starboy - 11-28-2021
You take your time, boo. Know that it’s been a while since we had a locker room together, but I always appreciated whenever you chatted even if it was only from time to time.
RE: Why I am quiet - Kotasa - 11-29-2021
We loved having you around in Tijuana and glad you still hang around! As a GM my most important concern is people having a good time, even if they aren't the most LR active I want it fun for everyone and I can say that you bring that to LRs for sure!
RE: Why I am quiet - MN_Moosey - 11-29-2021
You'll always be my favorite sim league person.
RE: Why I am quiet - Net - 11-29-2021
Dag, nothing but love for you
RE: Why I am quiet - Amadan - 11-30-2021
We don't know each other, but I wish you well! Good luck!
RE: Why I am quiet - Dagumpa - 11-30-2021
@Starboy @Kotasa @MN_Moosey @Net @Amadan <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
RE: Why I am quiet - GuitarMaster116 - 12-03-2021
Being quiet isn’t a bad thing, especially with how busy it has been with holidays, and trying to stay active in multiple LRs really is difficult. The biggest LR impacts aren’t always the ones saying the most words. Anxiety can be a huge bitch so I hope you are doing okay. But regardless you are still one of the best users in sim leagues and we are super happy to have you in NOLA!