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*S33 - Top 5 Finishes - jzajenius36 - 02-16-2022
Welcome to Season 33’s iteration of: “Best Finishes!” Everyone’s favorite article that they didn’t ask for and don’t need! Despite my team’s lack of success, I went ahead and jumped into the weekly scores to do the dirty work of finding the best game endings for this season. Let me tell you, it hurt looking at all those Philly L’s, but these are the things you must do as a content creator. You’re welcome.
But before you thank me too profusely, remember, I don’t guarantee these are the best games (orthebestfinishes*) as that would require too much investment into box scores and game tapes. What I do is look to see who scored at the very end of the game and then vomit words all over the place in a half-assed excuse for a unique media article. Hell, I don’t really expect anyone to read this anyways. As long as the grader nods his head in approval then it’s all good, baby. Still, despite all the hedging I just did, I did put a little bit of effort in this, so without further ado lets get to those games!
To ease you into the countdown, we’ll dip our toe into a game juuuust a bit outside the top-5. We call it, the ‘honorable mention’ game. Mostly because it was a kicker making a game winning field goal; and to be honest, my previous countdowns had way too many of these games featured. Frankly I’m bored of the game winning 3-pointer.
Honorable Mention Game:
Week 13
Arizona Outlaws – 34
Honolulu Hahalua – 37Cuz it aint no lie, baby Bly Bly Bly
Despite playing some good football in weeks 11 and 12, the Hahalua were down bad in Season 33. Honolulu lost its first 5 games out of the gate, won two, and then lost 3-straight again. At 3-9 and facing the powerhouse Arizona Outlaws, at 10-2, the odds were not in their favor. Still, the semblance of good football that Honolulu had exhibited over the past two weeks seemed to percolate to the surface early in this matchup, as QB Joliet Christ Jr orchestrated a 12-play, 75-yard drive ending with a 3-yard TD strike to WR Eleven Kendrick-Watts. Not to be outdone, the defense would get in on the action next, as Captain Big Slammu takes an interception 61-yrds for the touchdown! Despite the hole, rookie QB Wendell Sailor would take control, as he had all season; engineering 3-straight TD drives for the visitors. Honolulu would tack on two field goals, including a beautiful 55-yarder from kicker Freddy Bly with little time left, to make the score Arizona 21, Honolulu 20 at halftime.
Both defenses would settle in a bit in the second half as each scored one touchdown a piece and some back-and-forth field goals. After a Hahalua drive stalls at the Arizona 28, kicker Fred Bly is sent out yet again for some magic, this time to extend its lead to 6. But no! Bly misses from 45 with 1:57 left. Arizona would take the ensuing drive downfield and, with just 34 seconds left, kicker Cade York nails a 39 yard field goal to tie the game. Seemingly they’d done enough to force OT. But Kendrick-Watts has other ideas. A huge 44 yard return down the sideline sets up his offense. He’d add a 13 yard catch in after. After another completion from Christ to Savage for 16 yards, the Hahalua spike the ball with 14 seconds left. Out comes Bly again. Does he have the yips? Is the moment too big? From 42. The snap is down and kick is up. And…It’ gooood! Freddy Bly from 42 with 3 seconds left. Redeems himself with the game winner and 5/6 on field goal tries. Bigtime performance from the Hahalua kicker to help take down the juggernaut Outlaws.
Starting the official list, at NUMBER 5:
Week 16
New Orleans Secondline – 38 
Austin Copperheads – 44 That really hurt! I’m gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly!
Ok so a bit of a mea culpa on this one. No - not on my use of an Austin Powers quote. I originally had this game sitting at number 1 on my list as I, after very little research, was under the impression that Austin’s win here on the last week of the season is what propelled them in to the playoffs. However, after taking 2 minutes out of my day to look, it’s clear that Austin had the head-to-head wins over Honolulu to ensure a tiebreaker victory. Oh well. It was still a tremendous finish on the last week of the season.
The Secondline had a real tough year. Coming in to the matchup with just 3 wins, a 3-game losing streak, and the distraction of plane tickets to the Caribbean and other post-season vacations lined up, things were set to go south quick for Nola. Austin would oblige them early. QB Jackie Daytona and future hall of famer RB Joe Watts absolutely tore into the competition, putting up 17 unanswered points through the first quarter. New Orleans would match rushing touchdowns in the second, with Nola tacking on a late field goal to chip at the deficit before the half. 24-10, Austin.
4 punts and matching touchdowns in the third essentially left us where we started heading into the fourth quarter. 31-17, Austin. One has to think this is where the motivation dries up for the Secondline. They put up a decent fight, but now face a 2-touchdown deficit with 15 minutes left in their season. Time to pack it in. Nope. The defense continues to battle hard, forcing two punts and frustrating Daytona. New Orleans takes the ensuing drive and leans hard on its offensive line. Rookie RB The Stig and Captain Mike Rotchburns take turns gashing the Copperheads’ d-line, picking up 20 on the ground. After a 9-yard toss from QB IsHe ReallyInvisible, the QB decides to do the rest himself. Taking the next play on a designed run, finding a hole to the right, and weaving his way through the Copperheads’ second and third levels for an absolutely electric TD run. 44 yards later, its 31-24 with 7 minutes remaining. A little bit of hope bubbling to the surface. But Daytona was determined to pour cold water on it. He would waste no time hitting RB Jim The Vampire for 32 yards. 3 plays later its Daytona to Captain WR Bayley Cowabunga for a 33 yard TD. So much for milking the clock. Still, its now 38-24 with just 4:18 left. After a touchback on the kickoff, Nola will have to go 75 yards in a hurry. Hmm well, how does 1 play sound? ReallyInvisible takes the snap, looks right, and there’s no one in coverage. Cornerback Juno Hu starts to blitz from a wide split, but there’s no one else out there. ReallyInvisible just flicks the ball out to WR Squidward Tentacles, who does the rest himself. 75 yard touchdown in 1 play! 38-31. Austin again goes to the air to try and salt the game away. Daytona to Watts for 30 yards and they’re close to doing just that. But, a 15-yard roughing penalty stalls the drive and forces Austin to punt, allowing Nola 1 more shot with 2:16 left. ReallyInvisible wouldn’t need nearly that much time. Capping off his 4th quarter of his dreams, the Nola QB engineers an 70-yard drive on 8 plays, capped by a 22 yard TD strike to WR Tentacles, to tie the game at 38 with 1 minute remaining. The Austin crowd is stunned, with some slight boos being heard. A last ditch drive goes nowhere and we’re heading to OT.
Mentioned was ReallyInvisible’s incredible quarter (150 yards passing, 2 TDs, 44 yards rushing, 1 TD). Unfortunately, the carriage turned into a pumpkin thereafter. Nola would get the ball first in OT, but an ugly 3-and-out would give Austin the chance to put this nightmare to bed. A holding penalty sets Austin’s drive back to a 3rd and 11, but a determined Daytona finally breaks the Secondline’s back. 30 yards to The Vampire on the third down conversion. 10 more to Cowabunga. And finally an 8 yard strike back to Jim The Vampire for the game winning touchdown. Sweet relief for the home team, who officially make it 8-8 on the season and, thanks to a rough year for the ASFC, will take its thrilling OT win into the Season 33 playoffs the following week.
Moving on to NUMBER 4
Week 7
Colorado Yeti – 41
YellowKnife Wraiths – 34A haunting in Colorado
Well this was a battle against a free fall for both teams coming in. The Wraiths, after a brilliant 27-9 win over Orange County in week 1, proceeded to lose its next 5 in a row. The Yeti, while maintaining a .500 record, had lost two in a row coming in. A combined 7 losses in a row for this week 7 date. Probably already too late to save the season for the Wraiths, but the least they could do is give a good spook here and there. The teams traded TDs in the first quarter, but Yeti Captain QB Matthias Caliban asserted himself in the second. He would toss for 136 in the quarter and two TDs, one each to WRs Raphael Delacour and Cole Maxwell. Down 21-7 with the half winding down, the Wraiths would methodically work its way downfield, eventually to the Colorado 40 with 16 seconds left. Needing a few more yards for a reasonable FG try, YKN QB Dustin Parmelee drops back but is immediately rocked by Captain LB Melvin Murder-Moose, who jars the ball loose, scoops it in one hand, and heads the other direction. A shoestring tackle after a 22-yard return gives the Yeti the ball with 7 seconds left, just enough time to nail a 44 yard field goal. Ouch. 24-7, Colorado.
I wish I could tell you a rousing halftime speech woke the Wraiths up, but instead they went back for a second helping. 1st play from scrimmage in the second half – holding. 3 plays later and guess who? Murder-Moose penetrates the backfield and meets Parmelee from the blindside. Fumble! Rolled onto by Murder-Moose again! 1 play later the Yeti would allow the Wraiths to start again, but not until Delacour grabs his 2nd TD of the game from Caliban. 31-7. Yellow Knife is able to put up 3 points after a booming 54 yard field goal by kicker Blagot Kokot. Another kick from 33 would give knock the imposing deficit to 31-13 heading into the fourth. Caliban would take the ensuing drive all 75 yards, finding Maxwell again for his second TD catch of the game. 38-13 and no mercy. But despite what looked to be an insurmountable climb, Yellowknife wouldn’t give in completely. Parmelee to 11-year vet Kai Sakura for 50 yards. 4 plays later it’s a rookie RB Bradley Welch rushing TD from 6 yards out. 38-20. Caliban would do his thing though, killing 6 minutes off the clock and eventually setting his kicker up who knocks one home from 50 yards out to make it 41-20 with 4:04 left. Parmelee, still in his stride, works the field again and is able to get down near the red zone, were he finds WR Berndt Brot from 22 yards out to make it 41-27 with 1:54 left. However, it’s mostly a formality now. Kokot trots out and lines up for the onside kick try. He steps and gives it a nice boot, perfect second bounce high in the air…and it slips off the hands of the hands-team, and right into the chest of 2-year CB Kalam Mekhar. Recovered by the kicking team! Next play – Parmelee to his other longtim vet WR, Mark Walker, for 37. Walker again for 7. Then it’s Parmelee to WR Brot from 1 yard out for the touchdown with 56 seconds remaining! 41-34. Suddenly, somehow the Wraiths are 1 score away and carrying a swagger while lining up for the kickoff again. A palpable nervousness is in the air for both teams as Kokot takes his approach…tops the ball a bit deeper this time…and it gets over the head of the hands team! A mad scramble backwards 9 yards towards the loose ball. Several players dive on it and a dogpile ensues. Refs peeling players off the stack. Players from both teams signaling in both directions. And…the ref points emphatically for a recovery by the Yeti. Emerging from the pile is Colorado DE Xmus Flaxon Jaxon-Waxon with the ball held high in the air. The Wraiths could force a punt with 11 seconds left, but have time for only 1 play from their own 2. Game over. The Yeti celebrate after getting scared straight by the Wraiths, who at one point trailed by 25 points in the 4th quarter. Spooky scary!
Coming in at NUMBER 3
Week 9
San Jose Sabercats – 24 Colorado Yeti – 28McKyle McPicked by McFredbeard
Week 9 was a big moment in the season for the both teams. After losing 5 of 6 to start the season, San Jose came home and picked up two-straight wins against Austin and Berlin. Sitting at 3-5, and with the ASFC in a bit of turmoil, all-of-a-sudden things didn’t look so gloomy as the Sabercats headed into its matchup with the 4-4 Yeti. Colorado was coming off a loss against Arizona and had lost 3 of 4. While a .500 record is respectable, the NSFC was stocked with quality teams all putting up W’s. Anymore treading water would leave Colorado in the distant wake of several Divisional opponents.
Just another ho-hum start for Yeti Captain QB Mattathias Caliban, as he threw the ball about 1,000 times in the first half, racking up 150 yards and 2 TD passes, one to rookie WR Bud Fingers and WR Cole Maxwell. Using a much more balanced approach, the Sabercats leaned on it’s trio of QB Panda McKyle, and running backs Jamar Lackson and Mason Malone to put up two touchdowns as well. 14-up at the half. The third quarter would prove to exemplify some solid defensive adjustments by the coaching staffs. One field goal on the board for the ‘Cats, and one missed field goal from 53 for the Yeti. 17-14 heading into the fourth.
Although the Yeti were unable to put up points in the third, they headed into the fourth in the midst of a 12 play drive that had them down to the San Jose 7 yard line. 3 plays later, Caliban would put up his 3rd TD strike of the game, again to WR Fingers, to make is 21-17, Yeti. Despite the momentum shift, the aggressive playcalling by the Yeti seemed to have sparked something within the San Jose offense as well. On the subsequent drive, the ‘Cats picked up 1 yard on the ground on first down. From there, it was 7 drop-backs in a row, with the 6th going for a 38-yard dart from McKyle to Lackson, and the 7th right back to Jackson from 11 yards away for a TD. 24-21, ‘Cats. Still – no big deal for Caliban. With 8 minutes left, the Captain drove his team for a few first downs, and then was aided by back-to back defensive pass interference penalties, placing the Yeti offense all the way down at the 6 yard line. Caliban strikes again. A 6-yard TD toss – his 4th of the game. The 3rd receiving TD of the game for sensational rookie Bud Fingers. Back and forth we go. 28-24, Yeti. The Sabercats would start first-and-10 from its own 24, with 2:43 on the game clock. McKyle would go to work again. Having thrown the running game out completely now, and with the Yeti with only 1 sack and no tackles for loss, time was not a factor. McKyle completes 5 straight passes to 5 different receivers. Crossley, Penne, Lackson, Malone, and Higgins get in on the action for 63 yards. All three timeouts have been burnt, and the ‘Cats are at the Colorado 11 with 1:27 left and down 4. The first incompletion of the drive is followed by a quick toss to WR Higgins, who is gang-tackled to the ground in bounds after only 4 yards. Rather than line up for another play, the ‘Cats spike the ball. All of a sudden it’s 4th and 5, with exactly 1:00 left. This next play is for the game.
After going 11-for-13 for 150 yards on his last 2 drives, McKyle now has a condensed field to make 1 throw. Can Colorado, after bleeding yards up and down the field, cauterize the wound in 1 play? The Cat’s motion out Lackson to split-right. Empty backfield. McKyle takes the snap from the shotgun. Looks right. He fires to Jamar Lackson on the quick slant in man coverage….and…it’s picked off! CB Redbeard McFredbeard, who the ‘Cats were hunting on a 1-on-1 matchup with Lackson, jumps the route and secures the INT! He weaves his way 23 yards downfield before finally giving in to teammates imploring him to just go down. With 54 seconds left the Yeti kneel the ball, and that’s your game. Caliban wins the great QB duel with bigtime help from his veteran cornerback in the end zone on the last play of the game.
Making the list at NUMBER 2
Week 1
Baltimore Hawks – 29
Chicago Butchers – 27Safety Dance Walk off!
Ah Week 1. Is there anything better? The smell of fresh, untouched grass, untarnished from the blood and sweat and stench of players. All teams tied atop the standings. Hope springs eternal. And then…the sim. For some, dreams are dashed from play one of the game. For others, however, a season is ignited on the last.
The Baltimore Hawks are coming off a 5-win season. For most, a failure. For Baltimore – not so much. The franchise has won 8 games twice since inception. They’ve never sat above .500 at the end of a season. And the 5 wins were the most in the last 6 years. So at least there’s that. For Chicago, their 5 wins from Season 32 didn’t taste as great. After starting the season 2-1, they went on to win just 3 out of its next 13 games.
Chicago took control early and were not eager to let go. Heading in the half they lead 20-14 on the back of rookie running back Lalu Mohammed Zori’s two rushing touchdowns and dominant free safety play by Dee Walt, who registered a sack and two interceptions in the half.
The second half began the same way it ended for Hawks QB Gimmy Jaroppolo Jr, as his pass intended for WR Sam The Onion Man is intercepted by HeHateMe PickSix and taken 77 yards the other way. Zohri would cap off the brief drive with another rushing TD. 27-14. The Hawks would find its footing to close out the quarter, as they drive downfield in 8 plays for a touchdown of their own, and stay in the game. 27-21, Chicago. Baltimore’s defense would begin to push back in the 4th. The Hawks would force 3 punts and recover a fumble, allowing its offense to chip away with a couple of field goals and eventually tie the game up at 27. And we’re headed to overtime.
Chicago would get a good luck to start, after a 39-yard return sets them up at their own 39 to start the extra frame, a 4 yard run is aided by a Hawks LB AJ Lucas unnecessary roughness penalty, Baltimore’s FIFTH unsportsmanlike flag of the day. Honestly you have to start wondering if the fix is in here. However, as if the refs can hear the question being asked, Chicago WR Vincent Sharpei is flagged for an unnecessary roughness after the play. From second and 3 to third and 15. Baltimore survives the drive and forces a punt after an incomplete pass. Stud RB Busch Goose would start the drive with 3-straight big runs, picking up two first downs along the way. The Hawks push the ball into Chicago territory after Jaroppolo picks up 20 yards on two passes. But just as quick as the drive gained momentum, it would stall as the Butcher defense holds on 3rd and 7 at its own 43. With 4 minutes remaining the Hawks rookie kicker, Daybe Downbad, decided to make an imprint on the game. Downbad puts a ton of air under the kick, angles towards the sideline, and gets the coffin corner at the 6-yard line! Spectacular punt. Standing at the goal line, Butchers QB Kazmir Oles Jr waits in the shotgun with a back to his right and a tight end on the line. He takes the snap with 5 players heading into a route. Baltimore is sending the house! Unable to account for all the rushers, the line needs Oles to get rid of the ball quick. But he’s not quick enough! LB Sherrif Woody comes off the edge on a speed rush, untouched, and envelopes Oles Jr in the end zone. It’s a safety! It’s a walk-off safety for the Hawks! Baltimore perseveres through turnovers, brutal penalties, and trailing most of the game to pull one out in OT. An absolute thriller in week 1.
And Finally, we’ve made it all the way down the list:
AT NUMBER 1
Week 4
Arizona Outlaws – 38 San Jose SaberCats – 34No no, we really DO live in a simulation
Death, taxes, and the Arizona Outlaws being really freaking good. Your guarantees in life it seems. 9 straight years of 9+ win seasons. A Division title in 3 of the past 4 years. What a run. And yet, only 1 Superbowl appearance, and no trophy. It’s no wonder this franchise is still hungry, and it showed coming out of the gate, with 3 straight wins to start the season. Including just coming off a win against Honolulu in which rookie QB Wendell Sailor hit star RB Deadly Memes for a walk-off, 53-yard TD pass. So much for the step back pundits thought the Outlaws may take with a rookie QB at the helm. Well 5 TD passes in his 1st game, followed 6 more in the next two, put that question to rest real fast. Meanwhile, we’ve gone over the SaberCats’ struggles to start the season. At 1-2, they and everyone else in the world knew San Jose was in for a serious early test against Arizona.
The game couldn’t have started any worse for the home team, as Arizona walked on the field and looked to be done with the SaberCats right away. After the ‘Cats punted their first drive away, RB Jay Cue Jr took the first play from scrimmage for Arizona and ripped a 56-yard run. Sailor finished off the drive with a 15 yard TD toss. Lookout. 7-0, vistors. ‘Cats QB McKyle could not find the gear shift, as San Jose goes 3 plays and out, and punts back to the Outlaws. 6 plays later its 14-0, Outlaws. A subsequent fumble lost and a punt had the home team still without points thru 1.5 quarters. Sailor would throw yet another TD, the second to vet WR Taro Raimon to make it 21-0, Arizona. Sailor’s 14th passing TD in 3.5 games. One could hardly blame them, but the Outlaws appeared to let their collective foot off the gas, as McKyle was able to match his team down for a TD, and was able to get the ball back and tack on 3 just before the end of the half. Somehow not dead in the water, the ‘Cats trail 21-10.
This is a classic example of why you don’t play with your food. Although the Outlaws put up 3 on a 45 yard field goal early in the third, the ‘Cats came alive. McKyle to Higgin for a 53 yard touchdown to make it a game again at 21-17. A 3-and-out by the Outalws and the it’s going nutty in San Jose. Fans going wild. Starting with great field position at the AZ 49, Jamar Lackson and Mason Malone batter and bruise the Outlaws on the ground, mix in a couple McKyle throws, and overcome the 21-point deficit with a 1-yard TD plunge from Malone to make it 24-21, ‘Cats. Another Outlaw 3-and-out has us ending the third on a 24-point unanswered run from San Jose. They weren’t done, as they would put up 3 more with 12 minutes remaining in the 4th to make it 27 unanswered, 27-21, San Jose. And this is where it gets fun.
Finally the shell shock starts to wear off for Arizona. Against an unrelenting ‘Cats defense, the Outlaws cap off a 15 play, 75 yard drive with a 1 yard TD pass from Sailor. 28-27, Arizona with 3:29 left. Despite some deflation in the crowd, there’s still plenty of time; however, after a couple incompletions and an illegal motion penalty, the ‘Cats were looking at a third and 15. No sweat for Panda McKyle. The sizzling hot quarterback hits his favorite target on the day, Higgins, for 26 and a first down. McKyle works his way down field, hitting 4 different receivers, until he finds his man Jaycee Higgins again, this time for a 24 yard touchdown! The ‘Cats yank the lead right back, 34-28 with 1:08 to go. Without the aid of 15 plays or 6 minutes, the Outlaws are going to have to do more than dink and dunk its way downfield. The biggest moment of Sailor’s young, electric career. After 3 straight incompletions, the Outlaws QB is looking a bit rattled. 4th and 10 from his own 25, with 58 seconds and needing a touchdown. Sailor takes the snap and gets time – tho he doesn’t need it. A quick hitter to Darren Pama gives him enough time and space to squeak out 12 and a first down. After a timeout, another short pass to 3rd wide-out Kotoni Skaggs, and a second timeout, the Outlaws have something going, albeit a long shot. And then the big mistake – Sailor takes the snap in the gun, pats the ball looking for a big play, and does not see blitzing linebacker, rookie Erick Bolanos, up the middle. QB sack! Timeout Arizona. 2nd and 21 with 33 seconds left at their own 36. Sailor takes the snap and dumps it for a 2 yard gain to Cue Jr…tick tick tick…Sailor for Raimon for 7 yards…tackled in bounds…tick tick tick. The Outlaws scramble to the line of scrimmage. 5 seconds…4…3…2…1…Sailor gets the snap off with no real play called. The offensive line holds up and Sailor looks composed for such a wild moment. He snaps off a deep slant to Memes, who is being shadowed by Captain Guy Gibson. But he’s alone. Free Safety Caven McRae has gotten lost midfield during the wild scramble to match up, and left no deep help coverage to the right side with 1 second left. Sailor hits Memes in stride who hits the afterburners and separates from Gibson. One of the fastest players in the league shows why as accelerates into the middle of the field and towards the endzone. TOUCHDOWN! No time left! Unbelievable. A 53 yard game winning, walk-off touchdown. Sailor to Memes. For the second consecutive game! Is something broken?!? The crowd is utterly silent, standing in stunned shock. Needing a 53 yard touchdown with no time left, the SaberCats leave their corners on an island. Mad scramble or not…there’s no excuse. Sailor rips his helmet off and sprints downfield to greet Memes in the endzone in a moment looking wildly similar to the previous week. If you were to tell me this was the exact moment the SaberCats season ended, I would have trouble arguing.
And that wraps up our Season 33 review of the best finishes we saw this...year? Good luck to those that made the playoffs and are still in it. Hopefully you didn't find yourself on this list too many times, and on the wrong end of it. Until next season (or double media event), peace!
(4,692 words)
RE: S33 - Top 5 Finishes - Pat - 02-16-2022
I love this article series! Please keep doing them every year!
RE: S33 - Top 5 Finishes - Pvtpenne - 02-16-2022
I dislike this article, also I wrote my UW about the San Jose sim woes this season, we had 6 other 1 score losses outside of the 2 above
RE: *S33 - Top 5 Finishes - manicmav36 - 02-26-2022
Love this idea! Well done!
RE: *S33 - Top 5 Finishes - Pat - 02-26-2022
(02-26-2022, 06:05 PM)manicmav36 Wrote: Love this idea! Well done!
Are you lost?!
RE: *S33 - Top 5 Finishes - manicmav36 - 02-26-2022
(02-26-2022, 07:05 PM)Pat Wrote:(02-26-2022, 06:05 PM)manicmav36 Wrote: Love this idea! Well done!
Are you lost?!
Honestly, I have no idea how I got here, and I'm starting to get a little scared.
Please help me.