+- International Simulation Football League (https://forums.sim-football.com)
+-- Forum: Community (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=5)
+--- Forum: Media (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=37)
+---- Forum: Graded Articles (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=38)
+---- Thread: *Richard Skinns and Mr.Money Address the Fans. (/showthread.php?tid=38013)
*Richard Skinns and Mr.Money Address the Fans. - Dab.exe - 03-03-2022
Dick Skinny strides into the media area with his mullet and stache carrying smoothly through the wind. He is accompanied by a large muscular man in a suit carrying a brief case and wearing a slick pair of black shades which the man removes. It should be noted that Skinns is ALSO wearing shades, his being golden circular ones, but he does not remove them. He's too cool.
The man pulls out a seat for Skinns and, himself. As they take a seat the man sets his briefcase down on the table in front and begins to speak.
"Ahem, the names Erasmus Equinimous-Valdez Esq. But you may all refer to me as, Mr.Money. I'll be acting as Richard Skinns agent from his point henceforth. Now of course Mr.Skinns and I are busy people, however we are aware it would further his draft stock, along with our profits if we appear and speak to the media. So we have taken the time to discuss his thoughts on the DSFL teams which may have the privilege to procure my clients services. I am here to...Well filter out some of the derogatory thoughts, and present his opinions in the best light possible."
Mr.Money pulls a file out of his briefcase before placing it under his seat. He pulls out a few pieces of paper, and begins to readdress the crowd.
"First I'd like to start with some words about my client. He played the Corner position all through out college for Alabama. I haven't checked thoroughly but I am confident in saying he is one of, if not the quickest person in the draft and, he still hasn't even begun to reach his full potential. With all of that in mind, he is a very versatile athlete and a student of the game. So it is possible he could switch to different positions. Anyway, we'll carry on, it is now time to hear Mr.Skinns thoughts about the possible teams he will end up on."
"We will do this in a civilized and orderly fashion. By in which I mean alphabetical order Starting with he Bondi Beach Buccaneers. My client is very much in favor of the local and culture. He states that the "Australians are dope, and he wants to do a shoey with Tui." Now I for one am not sure what a Shoey is, and when I inquired Mr.Skinns referred to me as a "Melvin" and wouldn't elaborate. However, I am certain that the person he is referencing is Tai Tuivasa from the UFC, but I digress...It seems as if the franchise has been quite successful though looking though their Wikipedia page they have not had much luck recently and the GM/Co position has been a revolving door. Nonetheless we are certain Bondi Beach could be a solid fit. However it seems as if their corner positions may be locked down. I will end this by again stating that my client is a versatile athlete. Maybe keep this in mind?"
Dick Skinny pipes up and simply states "and Buccaneers are fuckin' sweet. Drinking and fighting and, what not...."
"Next we have the Dallas Birddogs, and at first Mr.Skinns was adamantly against this team, however come to find that it wasn't his old hometown of Dallas,PA but instead Dallas,TX he warmed up instantly. He stated the bass fishing is good there, and the weather is usually nice except for that whole incident in early 2021, but that's neither here nor there. My client also found the shades of blue and yellow very appealing to the eyes. Despite being around since S36 the Birddogs have not seen much in the way of wins, however a few good picks could change that, and I can assure you my client is the best pick of all. This guy is going to be known for changing and being the face of of a franchise for years to come. Get in on the ground floor early."
"Now, The Kansas City Coyotes, Mr.Skinns very much enjoys the color purple, so that was a big plus for him. He also stated that he wanted to find Tyreek Hill's son Zev Carter and have a race with him. I explained that Zev is likely in his mid 30s and, one way or the other it wouldn't be fair, but he's adamant on that part. The Coyotes themselves have been around since the start of the DSFL, switching conferences here and there. It looks like they have had a handful of opportunities at the Ultimini but, most have not come to fruition. Other than the 2027 season of course! I think you guys would have a solid chance of bringing some chips in if you grab a guy like Mr.Skinns here."
"Onto the London Royals. I have to say by the way, awful lot of national teams for a development league. Who's footing the bill? I hope its profitable...anyway. Mr.Skinns wasn't stoked about London as far as the location goes however I discovered that he is an avid LARPer. Once he found out you guys have castles....Well there wasn't much more I had to say. As far as success goes, London has seen quite a bit in the DSFL with 3 Ultimini appearances, and 2 brought back with them. It seems like the people in charge knew what they were doing, however it does not seem like those people are running the show any longer. It will be interesting to see if they can carry on with their winning ways. I know the perfect corner to help with that!"
Dick Skinny whispers into Mr.Moneys ear
"Ah...And Mr.Skinns states that he very much enjoys the uh..."British broads" accents.".
There is an awkward silence, Dick Skinny lower his sunglasses, winks, and does finger guns.
"Right then, we will carry right along to the Minnesota Grey Ducks." Dick Skinny whispers into Mr.Moneys' ear again. But, Mr.Money pulls away and cuts him off. "Mr.Skinns I don't think anybody cares much about your affinity for accents.... Please let me continue....Minnesota has a lot of natural beauty, and believe it or not my client is quite the outdoors man. In fact he tends to sleep outside but, that is another story all together. The Grey Ducks have been around since the DSFL was founded and they have been in contention for a large majority of that, and they have 6 Ultiminis off 10 appearances to show for it! Along with that a total of 23 play off appearances in 29 years. The Grey Ducks know how to pick winners, and I think Mr.Skinns would fit in nicely in the Quack Shack. In fact if he were around last season I whole-heatedly believe the Ultimini would have came back to Minnesota."
Dick Skinny shouts "At the very least I wanna meet Sir Quacks a Lot!"
"Norfolk seems like a quiet place, which isn't a bad thing. The Seawolves are one of the few professional sports teams in Virginia alone. All of which being located in Norfolk, interesting fact. Whats even more crazy? This team was once taken over by Cyborgs. That's right, complete cybernetic AI. Synthetic humans. I know a thing or two about them, but I digress....While the Seawolves have technically been around since the start they also were literally not humans at one point. So that's something to keep in mind. However in S38, with a human team the Seawolves were able to finally bring a Ultimini back home to Norfolk, and even more recently they were able to secure a second chip after defeating the Grey Ducks 24-17. An interesting story to say the least, for such a small unassuming town. My client has the speed of a cyborg, but is all human. Keep that in mind..."
"Portland is a great city and without getting into too much detail it lines up quite solidly with my clients ideals! Whether it be the slew of great breweries or, the natural beauty in and around the city. As far as their winning ways they only trail the Grey Ducks and, the Tijuana Luchadores in the amount of Ultimins secured with a total of 5 wins out of 11 appearances. Nothing to scoff at by any means! It has been quite a few seasons since they've been back to the Ultimini game whether due to poor regular season runs, or just bad luck in the post season. It's possible they are just one missing puzzle piece away from clearing this hurdle. One long Skinny piece. Think on it right? Who knows, could work out for you all."
"Now with the last team we will be going over will of course be the Tijuana Luchadores." It seems as if Dick Skinny is going to whisper to Mr.Money, but he receives an intense glare and stays silent. "My client was a huge fan of wrestling in the past, however he has only been exposed to the American style for the most part. He's not a fan of the "crap" they have on TV these days. He's very interested in the Luchadores culture as a whole. One thing that is for certain is that this team has established a winning culture through and through, and this is likely why they lead the DSLF in rings with a total of 8 off of 13 appearances. It's been a while since they have been able to bring the Ultimini home, but I think that can change quickly with the right picks!"
Mr.Money lets out a deep sigh and begins to put the papers he was reading off of back into the suit case.
"I believe that's everything. Any questions can be forwarded to my assistant. If you don't have her contact information than you should not be contacting me, nor my client. At this point we are focusing on the draft, and draft only. Thanks for your time."
The pair leave the conference area, while Dick Skinny signs the back of someones shirt on the way out. They yell at him in protest. It turns out they were speaking at an Arby's this whole time and, no one there had any idea who either Dick Skinny or Mr.Money were.