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+---- Thread: *ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. (/showthread.php?tid=39716)
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*ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - Gadget - 06-07-2022
Hello and welcome to the worst mock draft of the season. With so much talent going around everyone's draft boards are sure to look different, and there are no real consensus snap picks in this draft. I, however, have cracked the code. By going based off what names I like I have mocked this in a 100% ideal way. I am not taking questions
METHOD
by using a new advanced stat, PENIS+, We are able to parse through this loaded draft class and find the true correct order that this draft will be in. Before I get into it, I need to explain what PENIS+ is. PENIS is an advanced stat that stands for Player Entertaining Name In Sim, and ranks players based on their name devoid of any other context. PENIS+ on the other hand puts their name into a little bit of context, factoring in things such as player renders, other players on teams, and adjusts for prior names, and theming with potential destinations. For example if I had a center named Long Snapper, while PENIS would just give him a flat rating and call it a day, PENIS+ would work dynamically, where for example if the render was a Red snapper with football gear on PENIS would miss it, PENIS+ would have them be a snap pick if available for SAR, while also favoring HON, while removing points from the CHI (as butchers kill fish), AUS (as there are no fish in a desert) and OCO (as they are fish's natural predators).
THE MOCK
1. Colorado Yeti - Pan Cakes.Pan Cakes has by far the best score on this list, with his name not only being a pun on how Olines work, a theoretically possible name (I have met a pan IRL and someone with the last name Cake) and a render that represents them, this is a generational prospect, with a guaranteed future in the Hall of Names if Pan Cakes can stay a starter for a significant amount of time. This pick does loose some points in the standout department, as the team has a lot of great names on it already, but there is still no on really close to Pan Cakes as far as a raw prospect goes. He will fit in as an explosive teammate with Manhattan Project, for at least a few seasons.
2. Austin Copperheads - Don DobblerWhile this may seem like an odd pick as Dobbler isn't the name with the most raw potential on the board still, Dobbler fit's perfectly into the copperhead's naming scheme of absurdist names that look as if they came from a different dimension. Dobbler is a project player, as it doesn't have the immediate bolstering that something like Pan Cakes does, However the room for growth for Don Dobbler to become iconic is immeasurable. In addition "The Dobble" is already an iconic dance, however the render does bring the Dobbler slightly down due to a lack of creativity.
3. New York Silverbacks - Bonzi BuddyThe Silverbacks' supporting cast is amazing, there is no doubt about it, one of the best in the league, however they lack a real heavy hitter. Bonzai Buddy is the best pure power name available, however this draft isn't amazing for raw power names unlike S35, with this draft being chock full of supporting cast names, reference names, and names with room to grow. The Silverbacks however don't need someone with room to grow, they need immediate stopping power, lest they continue the path they are currently on. PENIS+ also argues that Absolute Unit is a viable pick here, as there is a major bonus to it, after realizing that "Absolute Unit, the Silverback" is somewhat humorous.
4. New Orleans Secondline - Mike ScottNew Orleans current system favors fictional character / tv charterer names quite a bit, so it was only really a debate over who of Mable Pines, Mike Scott, and Zaphod Beeblebrox would go to NOLA. The obvious choice here is Mike Scott, who as a character is far more iconic than the other two, however has a far lower likelihood to crack the Hall of Names due to the pre-existing connection.
5. Chicago Butchers - Bunk McDunkThe butchers have an established strong core and can spend time developing prospects fairly easily, so that they can set up for their future without sacrificing current success. as a result I think Bunk McDunk is the obvious best project name left on the board. Not much thought needed for this, However there is a world where I can see Pete Zah Being taken here, and they try to snatch up Mr. McDunk off the second pick they have in this draft
6. Berlin Fire Salamanders - Quendyn QuarterstormQuendyn Quarterstorm Is a feast or famine pick. I personally do not love him as a prospect because I saw Quendyn Quarterstorm at a grocery store in Berlin yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical interference,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
7. San Jose Sabercats - Pete ZahThis is someone that PENIS alone rates as one of the best prospects in the draft, However if we start to look at him using other stats, specifically if we use some basketball stats his 3 point percentage is terrible and his RAPTOR and LEBRON are quite poor compared to even minor roleplayers like the windy city wildcat's Nicholas Pool in the Sim Basketball League. as such it's safe to assume Pete Zah does not quite have that Dawg in him, and you aren't getting a ton more then face value with him. As such I have him falling all the way to the 7th, however if a team like CHI believes they can incorporate him into their pick and roll, and get him to develop a jump shot he could potentially be the best pick from this draft.
8. Philadelphia Liberty - William Howard TaftThis may seem like a terrible decision at face value, I mean come on the guy isn't even on a team right now, but I would instead suggest taking a look at his potential. He's got insane potential as a liberty player, as a former president of the USA, he's already a HOF lock in the US political scene, and it's a natural transition to the Liberty, a team with a historical connection to the history of the USA. There are some concerns about his build, as while he has the weight for an O-Lineman, clocking in at a healthy 325 LBS, there is concern for his height, which is a relatively small 6'0. I think this is by far the best piece for the liberty on board, and they would be insane to risk him even dropping a round.
Playoff picks, going off seeding for pick number.
9. Yellowknife Wraiths - Ignatius ReillyWith a rising star in Kumquat Archipelago, you have a fine line to walk if you are the GM of the wraiths. you need to take the best pick you can, but you still want to ensure your development of Kumquat Archipelago isn't derailed by drama as a result of another big name signing. as such Ignatius Reilly fits the bill perfectly. He's going to be bringing the best out of the rest of this roster, and is a can't miss pick.
10. Orange County Otters - Absolute UnitI am aware that Absolute Unit is a GM for the Wraiths. I do not care that he is either. That kind of name is a surefire locker room boost, and you would have to be insane to let it pass you when it's on the board this late. Who cares about conflict of interests when you could have the minds of 2.5 GMS on one team (I will let you figure out on your own where the .5 comes from). Absolute unit could be a top 3 pick if he did not have ties with the Wraiths already, and I think regardless of the current ties, the Otters would be fools to let this much raw name talent be passed up.
11. Arizona Outlaws - Fred EdisonThis pick has a real bright future, as a distant relative of Thomas Edison (probably) he has a shining resume, a glowing smile, and he always illuminates points of interest in the film room. He's one of the brightest bulbs in the draft, and his light style of play ensures he won't dim over time. Arizona needs a guiding light for these next seasons, as a large amount of their core have names that look like the people who made them live in candlelight, so Edison can easily brighten up the war room with his name.
12. Chicago Butchers - Aqeel SteeleIn a similar vein to their earlier pick, the butchers are going to go with a second big potential guy, Aqueel Steele is a prospect that has a similar situation to McDunk like their earlier picks. Steele however lacks the same ceiling as McDunk, while having a similar floor as far as iconic names go. In the absolute best case scenario, Steele is the 1b to McDunk's 1a, and those two together would make one of the best named D-Lines in the league. as a result I think it's safe to assume Chicago would be willing to take the risk again on Steele.
13. New Orleans Secondline - Mable PinesNOLA gets to hit all the players they wanted this draft, as they get a strong supporting cast to their core with not only Mike Scott, but also Mable Pines. There really isn't any other pick that would make logical sense for them quite like getting another media superstar. Without Mike Scott, however, this pick likely becomes who I have going to Honolulu,
14. Honolulu Hahalua - JR FrankensteroThis is the exact kind of player a contending team wants. Someone who can step right in and make a serious impact on the name rating of the team. Frankensterno has been a fine player name wise on the Bird Dogs, but looking at Honolulu's situation it is quite clear that there really isn't a better man for the job then Frankensterno, with that kind of name he will fit right in as a supporting cast to the team, and could quite possibly be a core player for years to come.
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - slate - 06-07-2022
Brb submitting this for the First Rounders PT
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - zaynzk - 06-07-2022
New York Would never draft a bum like Bonzi Buddy
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - Twenty6 - 06-07-2022
Mama, I've made it! I'm a meme!
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - DREAMSLOTH - 06-08-2022
Damn how did I not make it on this list, of all the lists...
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - Chucky - 06-08-2022
(06-08-2022, 12:10 AM)dreamSloth Wrote: Damn how did I not make it on this list, of all the lists...
Let it sink in that he put a banned user in this draft over you. I swear you ain’t getting the respect you deserved in these mocks man
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - Ulaire - 06-08-2022
(06-08-2022, 12:50 AM)Chucky Wrote:Wait, who is banned there(06-08-2022, 12:10 AM)dreamSloth Wrote: Damn how did I not make it on this list, of all the lists...
Let it sink in that he put a banned user in this draft over you. I swear you ain’t getting the respect you deserved in these mocks man
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - Jaywe88 - 06-08-2022
Dobbler disrespected once again, mock drafts are my fuel. I will go 0th Round
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - Suggs - 06-08-2022
Based
RE: ISFL mock draft based exclusively on names. - Painted - 06-08-2022
The most definitive mock draft