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+---- Thread: *S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results (/showthread.php?tid=40774)
*S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - RockbotRockbo - 08-12-2022
S37 Mock Draft, but Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results DISCLAIMER: I harbor no hate towards anyone here, I love you all. Plz don't take anything here personally and feel free to roast this mock or my other mocks in the comments below.
With that being said, today I decided to let Alexa randomly decide each pick in the S37 ISFL Draft. Then I'll go through each pick and either roast the team that selected them or the player. Here's how it worked:
1. I assigned each prospect a number from 1 to 43.
2. I asked my Amazon Alexa to pick a number from the number pool, and whoever is selected gets picked.
3. Repeat until draft is over.
4. Roast the results.
Anyways, lets get the show on the road:
Round 1
1. Round 1 Pick 1
Berlin Fire Salamanders: RB Aaron Ford - @Aford9910
Norfolk Seawolves - 83 TPE
Aaron Ford looks to join Rab Thecrab and Marvin Toledo as their RB committee of the future so they dont draft number 1 again.
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2. Round 1 Pick 2
New York Silverbacks:DE Stryker Brown - @chxhawk
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - 187 TPE
Stryker Brown will learn under Medicinal Toblerone and literally become the starter if active, because if Toblerone is active any longer he would probably die.
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3. Round 1 Pick 3
Colorado Yeti:KP Cade York Jr. Jr. - @LSUFAN101
Portland Pythons - 104 TPE
Instead of drafting for need, Colorado prioritizes the two KP system with Cade Yor Jr. Jr. and Orlando Doom.
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4. Round 1 Pick 4
Austin Copperheads: RB Danny Ndelko - @Crunk
London Royals - 256 TPE
Austin gets Philadelphia's GM to replace Jim the Vampire. Let's hope this is the only RB Austin takes...
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5. Round 1 Pick 5
Baltimore Hawks:S Ryan Murray - @RyanM1414
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - 130 TPE
Ryan Murray gets to join the Safety room in Baltimore and take over Pasta the Turtle someday so their secondary can actually stop a pass for once.
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6. Round 1 Pick 6
New Orleans Second Line: OL Yummy HotDogPie - @FleshBagSoup
London Royals - 119 TPE
HotDogPie will join IsHe... ReallyInvisible and Madison Beer in the Big Easy. Beer, Hot dogs, and being invisible sounds like the recipe for an interesting night.
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7. Round 1 Pick 7
New York Silverbacks: RB Michael Touchback - @TacocaT
Minnesota Grey Ducks - 194 TPE
The Silverbacks take TacocaT as he counts up the yards to their starting role. That is if TacocaT doesn't immediately ragequit at New York's non-counting prowess and decides to recreate out of spite.
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8. Round 1 Pick 8
Colorado Yeti: CB Bacarri Rambo - @Bacarri_Rambo
Kansas City Coyotes - 63 TPE
The Yeti go for the lolz and take the lowest rated player on my board to immediately take over Stark and Harper's starting roles combine. for the lolz.
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9. Round 1 Pick 9
Yellowknife Wraiths: QB Nova Montagne - @OrbitingDeath
London Royals - 277 TPE
Wait... how the hell did this happen again? The QB succession for Yellowknife is safe in this mock too. Lucky them. Parmelee can mentor Montagne in how to be absolutely screwed by the sim.
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10. Round 1 Pick 10
Berlin Fire Salamanders: QB Brock Landers Jr. - @gucci
Dallas Birddogs - 250 TPE
Berlin ignores drafting for need and will roll with the 3 QB system, with Singh, Santa Cruz, and Landers Jr.
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11. Round 1 Pick 11
Honolulu Hahalua: KP Paddy MacGuinness - @ThePope
Dallas Birddogs - 76 TPE
Paddy MacGuinness joins and becomes literally the future kicker for the Hahalua. That is my roast.
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12. Round 1 Pick 12
Chicago Butchers: S Inspector Gadget - @Gadget
Portland Pythons - 133 TPE
Chicago ignores drafting for their future offense and will rock the 4 Saftey look in S38.
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13. Round 1 Pick 13
Sarasota Sailfish: DE Thwomp - @WALDO
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - 166 TPE
Thwomp! Sarasota requires more Defensive Ends after drafting both Harley and Steele last season. However they are terrible at stopping the run since they don't have a RB to stop in practice.
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14. Round 1 Pick 14
Honolulu Hahalua: OL Brandon Mason - @Bmason0520
Kansas City Coyotes - 189 TPE
The Hahalua replace Lane Frost with Brandon Mason. Easy decision here and the pick should be turned in faster than Lane's retirement.
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Round 2
15. Round 2 Pick 1
Berlin Fire Salamanders:CB Tingis Pingis - @negs
Norfolk Seawolves - 253 TPE
Berlin ignores drafting for need again and decide to take Arizona's GM here so that their GM can stop earning and sabotage his opponent.
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16. Round 2 Pick 2
New York Silverbacks: WR Dip Dhillon - @Dip
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - 279 TPE
Wait... this pick makes sense? In real life, Dip would have gone earlier but a good WR is much needed for the Silverbacks. A broken clock can be right twice a day. Take notes, New York.
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17. Round 2 Pick 3
Colorado Yeti:LB Gribbuh Fister - @Hontier
Minnesota Grey Ducks - 179 TPE
Colorado picks up a LB that is not in S30 or S33. He will pair well with Jones for the one season they are both relevant.
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18. Round 2 Pick 4
Austin Copperheads: RB Dobromil Dvorajk - @Southie
Portland Pythons - 82 TPE
Austin drafted a Runningback with the 4th pick, so they should focus on other needs such as running back...
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19. Round 2 Pick 5
Colorado Yeti: DE D'Squarius Green V - @Ren_Solo
Tijuana Luchadores - 177 TPE
The Yeti goes from Mongo to D'Squarius Green V. What a name man. There are as many D'Squarius Green's as there are letters in the name Mongo.
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20. Round 2 Pick 6
New Orleans Second Line: QB Delores Bickerman - @Kyamprac
Tijuana Luchadores - 336 TPE
New Orleans forgets they need to draft defense and drafts Delores Bickerman to play... in a 2 QB system with Elessar Jones.
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21. Round 2 Pick 7
Philadelphia Liberty: LB Jordan Hartline - @RDBSouthPaw
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - 232 TPE
Jordan Hartline becomes their next young LB. And only young LB.
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22. Round 2 Pick 8
Philadelphia Liberty: CB Adam Rage - @MrMom
Tijuana Luchadores - 140 TPE
Philly has drafted a CB in S28, 31, 34, 36, and now 37. Why draft for need when CORNERBACK.
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23. Round 2 Pick 9
Yellowknife Wraiths: WR Matthew Mara - @High Stick King
Dallas Birddogs - 308 TPE
Troy Abed will retire soon, so they have Spiff taking over for Abed, and Mara taking over for Spiff. They need weapons when Yellowknife has its yearly sim meltdown.
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24. Round 2 Pick 10
San Jose Sabercats: S Dalibor Dvorsky - @Lemorse7
Kansas City Coyotes - 69 TPE
San Jose chooses not to draft for need but to have a 3 safety look in 4 years' time. This is the new meta.
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25. Round 2 Pick 11
Arizona Outlaws: WR Cornelius King III - @CeeKay
Dallas Birddogs - 95 TPE
Arizona will look for a... WR when they have Crash and Staggs. I guess this means Torch is their full-time returner now.
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26. Round 2 Pick 12
Sarasota Sailfish: CB Jason Oexius - @Moldycheez4
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - 277 TPE
The entire reason why Sarasota selects Oexius is that an amazing name will replace another amazing name. Jason Oexius replaces HeHateMe PickSix II.
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27. Round 2 Pick 13
Chicago Butchers: LB Charlie Thorsen - @Amidships
Tijuana Luchadores - 323 TPE
Chicago... you need to think about your future offense at some point... However, Chicago wants MOAR DEFENSE.
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28. Round 2 Pick 14
New Orleans Second Line: WR Rocky Moreaux - @qWest
Dallas Birddogs - 260 TPE
The Second Line draft ANOTHER WR for the future to add to Dobbler and Rockbo, rather than going for Defense. In a few seasons' time, the Second Line will have Dobbler, Mada, Moreaux, and Rockbo score 3 Touchdowns each as they lose 99-84.
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Round 3
29. Round 3 Pick 1
Berlin Fire Salamanders:TE Cardorino Tarotino - @lamp_wizard
Norfolk Seawolves - 82 TPE
Berlin looks at their 2-12 defense and says this is fine. Instead opting for the only TE in the draft... that is IA.
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30. Round 3 Pick 2
New York Silverbacks: KP Known Acquaintance - @r0tzbua
Kansas City Coyotes - 266 TPE
New York hears about the 2 KP meta and decides they want in on the fun. Known Acquaintance joins Ian Cole III in the Silverback locker room.
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31. Round 3 Pick 3
Colorado Yeti: QB Preston Beatz - @DarknessRising
Minnesota Grey Ducks - 246 TPE
LLL has more L's than the L's in his name. Colorado thinks this is absolutely unacceptable beyond any reasonable doubt, so they take Preston Beatz here.
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32. Round 3 Pick 4
Austin Copperheads OL Dusty Wilson - @dustywilson22
Kansas City Coyotes - 269 TPE
Austin got their Runningbacks, now they need to make the 900 runningbacks on their roster move the football effectively. They take Dusty Wilson to help out with that.
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33. Round 3 Pick 5
Baltimore Hawks: WR Luther Vox - @LutherVox
London Royals - 160 TPE
Baltimore takes another RB so that Sconnie McSix can change positions AGAIN to become a RB.
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34. Round 3 Pick 6
New Orleans Second Line: LB Monty Ward - @xQCFamous
Portland Pythons - 204 TPE
New Orleans remembers they have a defense to fix and goes for the LB that will actually, maybe win games for them. Maybe. No promises...
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35. Round 3 Pick 7
New York Silverbacks: DE Bay Webb - @TheHammer43
Dallas Birddogs - 254 TPE
New York's DE situation is so bad... they went for 2 DE's this draft... I honestly feel too bad so I'm not gonna roast this one. This isn't even a joke I legitimately feel bad.
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36. Round 3 Pick 8
Berlin Fire Salamanders: CB Vader Page - @Vishy
Minnesota Grey Ducks - 68 TPE
Instead of drafting for need, Berlin takes another young CB so they can finally achieve their lifelong goal of picking number 1 back to back.
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37. Round 3 Pick 9
Yellowknife Wraiths: QB Grayson Yates - @Arctic
Bondi Beach Buccaneers - 252 TPE
Yellowknife drafts another QB to learn the Parmelee way of being screwed by the sim.
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38. Round 3 Pick 10
San Jose Sabercats: WR Mickey Lauvin - @McLovin
London Royals - 71 TPE
San Jose looked at London's receiving corps and decides, "You know what? We need some of that!" Absolutely mental.
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39. Round 3 Pick 11
Arizona Outlaws: QB Adrian St. Christmas - @nunccoepi
Portland Pythons - 281 TPE
Arizona decides they want a QB named St. Christmas in the literal hottest place in America. St. Christmas will not be happy here and will depart back to the North Pole... or Yellowknife (close enough) when his rookie contract is up
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40. Round 3 Pick 12
Orange County Otters: WR Orion Jasper - @HasumiKi
Norfolk Seawolves - 100 TPE
Slim pickings left for Orange County who seems to emulate the LA Rams bc "f*** em picks'. They need to get a WR to catch the final touchdown in a playoff gameE where they lose in heartbreaking fashion yet again.
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41. Round 3 Pick 13
Sarasota Sailfish: S Deckerd Deshaw - @deckerd
Tijuana Luchadores - 122 TPE
Going for a S here makes so much sense bc they need a literal saftey net for maybe 1 performance next year.
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42. Round 3 Pick 14
Honolulu Hahalua: RB Blibby Shpoopy - @WhatAmUs
Portland Pythons - 100 TPE
Honolulu fell asleep when the clock was running and Shpoopy'd out this pick. Their brains must be as mushy as the author after trying to roast every draft pick.
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Round 4
43. Round 4 Pick 1
Berlin Fire Salamanders: CB Wae Traynes - @Jabs
London Royals - 199 TPE
Berlin somehow got the first and last pick of the ISFL Draft. They hope getting Traynes means that they will only get the last pick of the draft next time.
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RE: S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - Exilizer - 08-12-2022
This is peak off season content!
RE: S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - Moldycheez4 - 08-12-2022
wow Alexa is on crack
RE: S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - Opera_Phantom - 08-12-2022
4. Round 1 Pick 4
AUS Austin Copperheads:
RB Danny Ndelko - @Crunk
London Royals - 256 TPE
Austin gets Philadelphia's GM to replace Jim the Vampire. Let's hope this is the only RB Austin takes...
@Crunk secret agent
RE: S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - TheHammer43 - 08-12-2022
3RD ROUND?????!!!! Alexa! Why you gotta do me like that!
RE: S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - Kyamprac - 08-12-2022
Quote:New Orleans forgets they need to draft defense and drafts Delores Bickerman to play... in a 2 QB system with Elessar Jones.
I mean I guess if I gotta share at least it's with mith
RE: S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - OrbitingDeath - 08-12-2022
(08-12-2022, 01:59 AM)RockbotRockbo Wrote:
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9. Round 1 Pick 9
QB Nova Montagne - @OrbitingDeath
London Royals - 277 TPE
Wait... how the hell did this happen again? The QB succession for Yellowknife is safe in this mock too. Lucky them. Parmelee can mentor Montagne in how to be absolutely screwed by the sim.
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@ZootTX I'm sorry. But do you believe in faith by now?
RE: *S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - Crunk - 08-12-2022
Always happy to GM Philly!
RE: *S37 Mock Draft, but my Alexa randomly picks each pick and I roast the results - Yeenoghu - 08-12-2022
New York with absolutely incredible RNG in this draft.