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+---- Thread: *CHI-nanigans with Shazam Hefner: Quendyn Quarterstorm (/showthread.php?tid=40794)
*CHI-nanigans with Shazam Hefner: Quendyn Quarterstorm - AnUnoriginalGuy - 08-13-2022
![[Image: 3sJeiNj.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/3sJeiNj.jpg)
SH: The break is over, kids! Welcome to the first edition of Chi-nanigans with Shazam Hefner! We’re coming to you live from the home of the Bulls, Bears, Blackhawks and Butchers, Chi-Town! Man, this team really loves their B’s. Hey, speaking of Bs, we’ve got another B right here, it’s the Big Q, the Twitter Committer, the Seattle Storm, it’s Quendyn Quarterstorm (@Twenty6)! Woo, I’ve missed making intros, man. How you feeling?
QQ: Wow... the Twitter Committer and the Seattle Storm. You've really done your homework. Much respect to you! I think "Seattle Storm" might be stepping on some toes, though. Anyway, I'm honored to be here! I regularly tune in to your show, and you've had some great guests. Getting to sit here in front of the Shimmering Showman Shazam is a genuine privilege.
SH: Hey, well, it’s great to have you here currently! Now, let’s talk about your life before the ISFL. You were originally a linebacker before getting switched to safety for Rainer Falls, yeah? It seems as if your time as a linebacker was…less than ideal, so to speak. Can you tell us about that, and how changing to safety saved not just your morale, but maybe your career?
QQ: OK, you've really, really done your homework if we're getting into the high school stuff. When I was 13 or 14, I had kind of a growth spurt, so I was a bit taller and a bit bulkier than most of the defense, especially the secondary. I probably had the ideal body type for an EDGE lineman, but for the life of me I couldn't play in a three-point stance. The next best thing was to play as a linebacker, but it didn't click. I don't know... maybe my brain couldn't process being in the middle of all those bodies, but I often looked lost out there. I was always a step or two behind in execution. After that year, a bunch of the other kids seemed to hit their spurt and I no longer was one of the bigger guys. I also lost some weight so I became less bulky. The coach moved me to safety since it was an overall less impactful position, but ironically, I made the most impact there. Seeing all the players in front of me somehow made me absorb the game better, so my reactions and thought process sped up. Maybe it was the weight loss, or maybe it was a year of experience on the field, but since then I've been in love with the safety position. I wouldn't say it saved my career, since I didn't really expect to play football as a profession, but it has definitely made my career.
SH: Look, you best believe I do my research, haha. Alright, so imma save the on-field stuff for later - for now, let’s talk off the field. Now, you wrote a book earlier this year, “Of Mouse or Man”, and it basically detailed your persona at Rainer Falls and UofW. Can you tell us a little about the persona, how the book came to be, and how it’s popularity has been for you?
QQ: Haha, that book wasn't even supposed to do well! It was basically a minor event that got way overblown because I decided to play into it because high school was high school and the desire to fit in outweighed everything else. I wasn't outspoken and didn't much interact with the other students. One of the more popular kids compared me to a mouse and suddenly that became my nickname. You know that one kids game, Telephone? Well, one day, I'm named Mouse, then a week goes by and I am a mouse...then more time goes by and I'm 26 mice stacked upon each other. It's like the story got more and more fantastical the longer it got passed on.
SH: Alright, now what’s your relationship like with London safety partner Alek Milescu? I’ve heard that your bromance was not just on, but also off the field? How’ll it be affected when you depart for Chi-town and him to Philly?
QQ: Ahhh, Milescu... see, in high school and college, I only played free safety. Then I get to London and I bump into Milescu, and this guy tells me he also plays free safety. I immediately don't like him because now he's competition, ya know? That's fine, though... we were waiver pickups at the time and would go to the draft in a few weeks. We'd probably end up on different teams and I would be FS wherever I went. Well, wouldn't you know it, London takes both of us in the draft. Worse, I play the first four games of the season as free safety, but then the coach decides to put me at strong safety and Milescu at free safety because he thought I had better run-stopping instincts and tackling technique and Milescu had more of a nose for the air ball and QB reads. So I'm frustrated. Didn't really talk to the dude. I know it was selfish of me because we're teammates, but I just thought free safety was mine. As the weeks went by, though, I could see the coach made the right decision. Milescu really did have great reads on QBs and receiver routes, and he taught me what to pick up on and what to do in certain situations. I respected the dude more and more and eventually we ended up great friends. We'd be each other's sounding boards, bullshit together, practice together, and all that. During the ISFL draft, I knew we would be on different teams, but this time I didn't want it to happen. Now, Philly has an excellent safety on their hands, and I'll still get to see him twice a year, but it definitely won't be the same. I'm gonna use all the things he taught me against his team. Watch out, Alek!
SH: Alright, last question before we head into on-field antics: your twitter. It seems like you like every single post by every single ISFL or DSFL player, even teams. What’s your Modus operandi behind this, and what’s your reaction to the “memes” by other players about your style?
QQ: My Twitter motto is "I am a simple man. I see #ISFLsim, I click Like." When I joined ISFL's Twitterverse, I'd been told that activity was quite low. You know what generates activity? When somebody likes what you put out! It's all psychology, man. If you feel that someone likes what you do, you'll do more of it. Let's say you were walking down a street, and you see a guy with a weird but cool-looking hat. As you pass, you say, "Yo, that's a cool hat!" I would bet you $13.5M that the dude wears that hat much more often, if not every day for the rest of his life. Same thing with Twitter! I like stuff, people notice I like stuff, they tweet more. Then we have some people question me on my liking their stuff, so it's like Tweetception! In the end, it's all about the activity. I don't know if you want to let this secret out of the bag, though. People might stop tweeting.
SH: Shit, cats out of the bag. Oh well! Alright, now lets get on the field. You’re about to get called up this season to Chicago, yeah? Despite this, you probably have a lot of memories with the London Royals. How does it feel to leave a team that you’ve been on for two years, and what do you have to say to Alikh and Bombay, the GMs?
QQ: Yes, sir, I've received the call from the front office telling me to get ready go to back to the States. Good guys. They even paid for my flight. Leaving London is bittersweet. On the one hand, I'm finally achieving my goal to contend with the best of the best. On the other hand, I leave behind some good people. I know the franchise will be in great hands, though. Alikh is a smart fellow, and Gordon is, too, despite the meme that he has only one brain cell. Both aren't afraid to speak up for what's right and I know those two will fight tooth and nail for London. I'll also miss the city. I actually like the rain, and I love fish and chips. I guess where I'm going, I'll have to get accustomed to deep dish pizza and Chicago-style hot dogs.
SH: Hey, deep dish isn’t that bad. Shit, I’ve actually got one more off the field question. You were raised by a single mom - which, by the way, God bless her, I know that shit’s hard. Do you think that her…for lack of a better term, “lessons” made you a better person?
QQ: Haha, they definitely helped. Fortunately (Hopefully?), I wasn't too bad of a kid. I was likely blessed with good genes or something because I was pretty aware of what was going on even as a little guy, so I tried to help out as much as possible. Getting to play pro ball is a dream come true for me. I get to do what I immensely enjoy, while at the same time provide for my mom. She likes cold weather so I'm thinking of getting a place for her there once I can get settled.
SH: Damnit, Q, you’re ‘boutta make a grown man cry. Last time I cried was during a showing of Titanic. Anyhoo, Chicago is home to great players, not just in the ISFL but in sports history. Michael Jordan, Walter Payton, Keith Magnuson, Kris Bryant, et cetera. Do you think you’ll be able to add your name to the list, and does it seem daunting?
QQ: Oh, geez, I haven't even stepped one foot on a field of this caliber yet, so I'm no where near comparing myself to the greats, least of all from other sports and leagues. Heck, I get enough aspirations from my own team right now. Oles threw near 5,000 yards four seasons ago. Then the next season he put up another 4,800. Then we have Zohri. The little guy exploded for 1,800 yards at a 4.8 clip! And he's still young! I think my main "competition" right now is my man Xave. He was good enough to be called up immediately last season, so he already has a year's experience ahead of me. He was a beast in Portland, and I bet he's gonna beast in the ISFL, too.
SH: Ooh, speaking of your “man’s”, this is a perfect segue into the one game that ruins relationships faster than Uno, it’s time for “This or That”! Rules are simple - I give you two names, you tell me which one you like better and why. Sound fun?
QQ: No, but let’s go!
SH: Great! Alright, your first names - D-Line Dilemma. Pick two - Big Joe Reed, Amadan Fool, and Marquis Clanton.
QQ: Oh, this one's easy. Big Joe and Fool. Clanton doesn't really hang out with the team.
SH: Linebackers. Pick 3 - Reilly, Quinn, Gribbuh, de Ville.
QQ: I feel like you're throwing slowballs, Shazam, trying to set me up for a knuckler. Reilly, Quinn, and de Ville, because they're all currently London.
SH: Fine, then, your GMs - Alikh or Bombay?
QQ: Alikh, because Gordo can't read so he won't know what this is all about.
SH: Shit, mind giving us the backstory on that?
QQ: Gordo's from Canada. He can't read American.
SH: Damn, that makes a lot of sense. Poor Yellowknifers. Anyway, fuck it - we’re doing teams. Butchers or Royals, yes we’re starting here.
QQ: I'm extremely honored to have the Butchers draft me, but since I've yet to play a snap with them, I gotta go with the Royals.
SH: Alright, so let’s do a couple more of these - let’s move away from your teams. Who’s the better QB: Pete Zuh or Queen Elizabeth?
QQ: This one's hard to compare. The Queen had a much better complement of receivers then Zuh so their passing numbers aren't even in the same league, but Zuh can give defenses fits with his running ability. I'm gonna lean toward Elizabeth because running QBs are still unproven in the ISFL level.
SH: Nice, nice. Running back competition - pick three. Jay Cue Jr., Goat Tank, Stig and JHM.
QQ: Cue, Stig, and JHM. Cue, although at the beginning of a decline, is still a baller. Stig is in the middle of an upswing and will only get better. JHM is a demon, so I have to pick him or he'll haunt my dreams.
SH: Last little question for you - pick 2 wide receivers you’ve had the “privilege” to cover - Austin Morley, Tom Robinson, Calvin Spliff, Don Dobbler.
QQ: Robinson for sure because the height difference makes it damn near impossible to defend him. Guy's got 7 inches on me... add his arm length and he wins all the jump balls. The other is Morley because he's shifty as heck. He may not be the fastest, but his hip movement and quick cuts create separation really quickly.
SH: Damn, that’s shocking. Anyway, let’s get back to on-the-field questions. You were the defensive captain in your rookie season - however, you lost that title to Joe Reed this season. How does it feel, and do you have any remorse about not being nominated again?
QQ: I feel more than fine about it. Big Joe was 10 times the captain I was. We made the playoffs last season, so that's a nod to his leadership. I'm not one who relishes the spotlight... kinda goes with that whole Mouse thing... Yeah, I was captain during my last year of varsity, but leading a bunch of kids is nothing compared to leading a room full of elite athletes.
SH: Who would you say helped you become who you are as a person?
QQ: Whew, this is a super serious question. You OK over there, Shazam? Fighting some demons?
SH: I’m…fine, yeah. Been seeing a therapist a lot lately, but hey, that’s life innit?
QQ: Anyway... uhhh, my mom, for sure. Constantly seeing her work ethic and discipline must've transferred over to me. When she starts something, she makes sure it gets done. This is probably the main reason I've stuck with football.
SH: Man, thats…damn, that’s good. Back to the questions. Now, you were a student at UofWashington, and you didn’t finish your 4 years of school. Had you finished, what do you think you’d have become? In other words, what if Big Q wasn’t a football player?
QQ: Haha, you sneaky SoB. I just said I stick with stuff and you throw UW in my face. Well played. Frankly... I don't know. I pretty much threw all my chips in one basket or whatever the saying is. I had a feeling I would at least make it to a team. Being a star or not didn't really matter to me. I was doing something I liked and I was decent at it, so I would still be making decent money. Also, I've never been injured while playing. The football gods smile upon me. I always feel like I can play forever.
SH: Damn, hey, you can always come back. I took a year off of college to explore the world, so you can do anything, buddy! That’s even a message to the kids - stay in school.
QQ: Yeah, kids! Stay in school!
SH: Alright, we’re almost done here, your second-to-last question is this: in your pre-draft presser, you said that you expected to be taken in the 7th or 8th round - which, obviously, wasn’t the case. Why were you so…for lack of a better term, humble back then?
QQ: "Were," huh? I'd like to think I'm still humble. When I just stepped into the league, I didn't think I was doing anything special. I see all the super-athletes around me networking, getting their names out there... I'm not really that type of person. Again, the whole mouse thing. I just put my head down and do my own thing. I'm also not very good at selling myself. I always feel like if I can do something, then it's pretty mundane... that someone out there is already doing it better than I am, especially since our class was so freaking big. After getting picked in the first round in the DSFL and ISFL, my thoughts are changing a bit. I'm thinking that maybe I am doing well, that maybe I am better than a lot of these guys. I still gotta work, though. You know everybody in this league is clawing to get an edge, a leg up to prove they belong. I'll be doing the same.
SH: Damn, we really gotta wrap this up? Cmon, Terrence, we’re having fun, can’t we just go on a bit longer? No? Alright, then, here’s your last question - you’re on a deserted island. Gimme 5 things you’d bring on that island.
QQ: A book, sunscreen, a hot plate, water, AND A FULLY-STOCKED YACHT! You slipped, Shazam!
SH: AWWWW, YOU FUCKER. GodDAMNIT, Q, you caught me, haha. Fine, fine - 5 PEOPLE you’d bring to a deserted island. Yeah, and no “captain of a fully stocked yacht” or whatever.
QQ: Haahahaa! OK...
1. Sebster: he's an awesome guy and if we come across a bottle of vodka with a stuck cap, he's perfect for the job of getting it open. I have a feeling he would go out and hunt things, too.
2. Alikh: he's my brother from another mother, and he's really good at catching crabs... like the sea animal, not the other kind.
3. Alton Brown: he can probably concoct some innovative cooking device to make us food.
4. Kevin McThumper: although he plays football, I have a feeling this guy knows medicine, so he can be our doctor.
5. Tough one... either JHM or Amir-Kani. Either of these two would be great to have in a fight if we were to run into any malicious people. I don't know which one would be easier to control, though.
SH: Well, good news for you! It’s not really deserted, but Carnival Cruise Lines is offering to take you and the 5 guests of your choosing on a trip to Curaçao during this off-season! Prepare to get FUNderstruck as you experience the thrills of a lifetime - alongside your buddies! Carnival Cruise Lines - Fun for All, All for Fun.
QQ: Daaaamn, Shazam going big! OK, I'll dump Alton Brown and take you instead. Let's goooooo!
SH: Yeahhhh buddy! Alright, that’s all the time we got. Anything else you wanna say to the Q-Crew or whatever you call your fan base?
QQ: Just to everyone in general: London best DSFL team! Chicago best ISFL team!
SH: And scene! Thanks to Double-Q for popping in and helping ChiNanigans get off the ground and thanks to all y’all for listening! The next two episodes on my 3-part run through Chicago’ll be up soon, but until then, I’m Shazam Hefner, and I’ll see you on the next slamming episode of Shazam!
Code:
3154 words.
55 to 26, 45 for me