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*This week in Simball - Week 14 - Printable Version

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*This week in Simball - Week 14 - KenitohMenara - 09-20-2022

*1431 Words*

This week in Simball - Week 14
Monday night is football night. Monday sucks apart from Monday Night Football. It’s why we put up with all the tedium and malaise of our day to day lives. Why we put up with those idiots who cut us up in traffic (naturally driving BMWs and Audis like the self important douchebags that they are) and why we put up with meetings that the boss says are going to be half an hour at most but continue to drag on passed the two hour mark and to the point where sitting through the Synder Cut of Justice League seems tame in comparison. Enough of that though, let's talk simball:

Yellowknife Wraiths 30 - 37 Sarasota Sailfish

This game here is exactly why you put up with all the nonsense of Mondays. Two of the league's premier teams duking it out for supremacy. This is what I will be saying about the second half of this game because Yellowknife seemed to leave their entire team back up at the Great Slave Lake. The offense couldn’t run or pass, the defence was swiss cheese. They couldn’t stop the pass so they made up for it by not tackling. By the end of the half it was 24-9 in favour of Sarasota and apart from Double Doink, no-one seemed to be there.

Then Yellowknife’s fishing trip ended and they emerged onto the field as a team. Jack McPherson in particular emerged as a force as he became a one man defensive crew to try and keep Yellowknife in the game. Timely throws kept it closer than it had been before Chris Knight and company decided that they were done playing around. Two touchdowns in the second half gave Sarasota all the cushion they needed to end the game. Next time, play the full 60 minutes, Yellowknife! You punted this game for no reason.

New Orleans Second Line 22 - 27 San Jose Sabercats

So, San Jose wants to play spoiler in the ASFC eh? Works for me I suppose, they tend to do that close to playoff times. New Orleans on the other hand had the exact opposite problem that Yellowknife had. All the effort was given in the first half. Going into the first quarter break with the secore 13-14 was strong but then San Jose found another gear and the Second Line couldn’t keep up.

Not that it was for lack of trying, they managed to slowly but surely chip away at the lead until they took control in the fourth but the problem was they were only getting field goals. All that effort for only three points a time was going to bite back and the second line found that out the hard way. San Jose would get the go ahead touchdown and hold the lead for the win. This late into the season in the tight ASFC, that could make things very uncomfortable for New Orleans moving forward. Be grateful the Silverbacks also lost.

Orange County Otters 29 - 24 Austin Copperheads

Speaking of teams making it tight in the ASFC. It seems that last week's surprising victory over the back to back champs has inspired the Otters. They played with swagger this week and made their presence felt all night long. It doesn’t matter that it was against the worst team in football, what’s important is that you play the games you are given and the Otters certainly did this week.

Anton Bruckner with the Pick Six, a safety in the third period and the league’s best rushing attack continuing the roll, Orange County is starting to look up the standings and thinking about which opponents they could potentially pick off next. They are within shooting distance of the third seed after all. Don’t give me that they almost blew the lead in the fourth quarter, shut up.

Austin, just take the loss and get ready for the draft.

Colorado Yeti 31 - 28 Honolulu Hahalua

Well this game should be an easy one for Honolulu. The last place Yeti against the back to back champs looking to go for the unprecedented triple? This should be an easy one for them. Look, they already have a 17 point lead in the second, I think it's safe to say that this game is over.

Reality shatters

What in the literal hell is going on, Honolulu? Did someone put Smirnoff in your water bottles? You blew the lead and allowed the Yeti back into this game? These are the games you are supposed to win! They are ones that matter if you want to keep up. Be thankful that Sal Ami put on a run of the year touchdown or you would have nothing to show for yourself. Just end this already… Why are the Yeti in Field Goal range?

“Doom kicks it up. The kick is up and the kick is… GOOD!”

Wow… literally wow. I think we are truly starting to see the trophy hangover. Honolulu, you had better right this ship soon or it will get ugly in a hurry.

Still though, Good stuff Colorado. Have a tall cold one on me.

Baltimore Hawks 20 - 21 Berlin Fire Salamanders

Don’t let this score fool you, folks. This game is yet another edition of “Tale of Two Halfs”. Baltimore was thoroughly in control of this game, a massive 17 point lead going into the half. The offense put up the points and the defence smothered the Salamanders. All was going well and Berlin was left with no answers.

This is when Baltimore decided to do what we call a Pro Gamer Move. They allowed Berlin a chance to breathe. But allowing oxygen on a fire is the dumbest thing you can do. Slowly but surely, Berlin would burn the Hawks for their showboating arrogance. It seems to be too little though as Baltimore got the field goal and time was winding down… but remember what I said about fire?

“Singh looks around, he finds Dangle. He throws, caught by Dangle! TOUCHDOWN!”

You shouldn’t have done  that Baltimore. Now your path just gets harder if you want playoffs. Berlin gets a glorious victory and earns some pride back.

Philadelphia Liberty 13 - 19 Chicago Butchers

Defence wins championships may be a tired cliche to some but it's absolutely true. This was exemplified by this game right here. The defences were absolutely smothering in this one. Reminded this commentator very much of the ‘three yards in a cloud of dust’ days of football. The field goal units worked hard today as they would be called upon many a time but the game seemed to be in Philadelphia’s hand. That one touchdown by Erwin Kemp would seemingly be the decider.

Then everything changed when the fourth period attacked!


Chicago would find their offensive groove, would dig down deep and force Philadelphia back again and again. Then Lalu Muhammad Zahri would find the clink in the Philadelphia armor and would bullrush his way through for the deciding score. It was a brutal game of bone crushing, heart pumping defensive action. Philadelphia and Chicago played very well and both deserved kudos. It was a game where unfortunately someone had to lose and this time it was the Liberty. Good stuff all around.

Arizona Outlaws 27 - 20 New York Silverbacks

There are two types of teams in the ISFL right now. There is the Arizona Outlaws and then there's everyone else. After being left for dead half way through the season, the Outlaws have gone on the type of run that championships are built upon and the conquering of an underrated Silverbacks squad only adds to their power. Not that New York made it easy for them though as they would strike first and have the 10 point lead going late into the first period.

The Outlaws though, as they so often have done during this run, slowly and methodically picked their opponents apart. First they nullified the lead and then they took it from the Silverbacks. They would only add more to their lead and their defence took control at every chance they had. By the time that New York found the end zone again, it was too little and far too late. Now Arizona sits uncontested at the top of the ASFC for this week and unless Honolulu and New Orleans don’t stop choking away games they are supposed to win, it could be the Outlaws with the first seed, hunting for another title.

That’s all for this week folks. Tune in next time for another edition of This Week in Simball.


RE: This week in Simball - Week 14 - DREAMSLOTH - 09-20-2022

Wiki-worthy. Excellent recap of the week.