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*Akou's Dazzling Draft Grade Extraordinaire (DSFL S40 Edition) - Akoustique - 02-21-2023
Note: the following is one guy’s opinion and observations. Don’t take it as fact, especially this early in the season!
Today, I’m going to analyze the DSFL teams after the fallout from the S40 DSFL Draft as much as one guy can, and give meaningless grades to each team! I’m hoping to get this out before preseason begins, so let’s see if we can get it done! Welcome to:
Akou’s Very Important And Completely Unbiased S40 DSFL Dazzling Draft Grade Extraordinaire!
I don’t feel like writing out an acronym.
Callups are based on the TPE Tracker as of 2/21/23; if they’re not updated/outdated, apologies!
Shall we begin with the first team to pick this season?
BONDI BEACH BUCCANEERS Notable Draft Additions: S Mary Marie (@aeonsjenni), WR Oliver Tolliver (@Memento Mori), DE Rolud Onyxgut (@crash1005), LB DJ Maclean (@Urq660), K/P Bob Kickerson (@Tiktaalik), CB Ivan Baldwin (@MrNoPass), DT Scruffy The Janitor (@pazuzu), TE Burnt Toast (@"Toast"), S Amanda HugAndKiss (@Quisvilius)
Callups: OL Bengal Tigerheart, WR Dick Grayson, WR Penger Tolliver (now TE), CB Eric Belmont, CB Jamdrian LeBayers, LB Money Tolliver (now RB), DT Twerky Dingleberry
SEE YOU IN THE ULTIMINI, BOYS!
Now that that’s out of the way; with four callups on the defensive side of the ball, Bondi Beach really needed to focus on that side. Their lead WR in Dick Grayson also got called up, but with the Portalnd trade to add Plant Based plus the addition of Oliver Tolliver, a lot of their fears on the offense will hopefully be put to rest this season. The first overall pick in Mary Marie feels like it could revitalize this defense, and adding help with Rolud Onyxgut and Scruffy the Janitor on the line as well as DJ Maclean at linebacker and Ivan Baldwin in the backfield has to have Bondi Beach chomping at the bit to get started this season. As long as the locker room and GMs keep the morale and activity up, Bondi Beach might have a shot at a winning season this time. Can they really shrug off their 2 win season? Only time will tell... but this draft really, really helped them.
Overall Draft Grade: A-
TIJUANA LUCHADORES Notable Draft Additions: DT Dub Redd (@wizard_literal), WR Benji Aguilera (@CROney3), RB Ezra Azazel (@"baz1757"), CB Synystyr Gates (@Dustillation), DE Logjammed McBobFace (@"marccelaat"), QB Lloyd Bannings (@bowl0), LB Spooky Diddler II (@tuddus), WR Orga Panda (@juniped), WR Garrett Cheetahman (@Porkypig78)
Callups: QB Gore Done Ram Say (now S), WR Jay Money
Not too many callups from Tijuana this season, which leaves them with an over-encumbrance on the offensive side of things. Four running backs, including their former waiver wire pickup in Ezra Azazel, as well as six wide receivers rostered. This can add into a bit of unpredictability towards Tijuana’s opponents, as preparing for that many options on an offense is a big ask for any defense. I think a lot of these drafted rookies will shine through, including Benji Aguilera and Orga Panda. The defensive pickup in the first round of Dub Redd is a huge get for Tijuana as well, and since their main QB was called up, grabbing Lloyd Bannings at the spot that they did was a no-brainer. Tijuana has a lot of good draftees, but adding two offensive players in their first three picks when they already had some of those spots filled is a bit too much futureproofing for my tastes. We’ll see if this approach works out for them.
Overall Draft Grade: C+
LONDON ROYALS Notable Draft Additions: LB Loose Cannon (@Jumbo), WR Diego Lopez Alonso (@DL14), TE Nick Williams (@nickWilliams), TE Max Honestly (@"LeSizz"), S Brian Vincent-Vega (@WrittinDirectino), OL Beeg Beeg Yoshi, Jr. (@"Beegbeegyoshi"), CB Bradley Welch Jr. (@Dolphins), DT Luca Rossi (@cove)
Callups: TE Pegme Amidala, CB Apollo Program, DT Lionel Scrimmage, DE Ginand Toxic
London lost three of their biggest contributors on the defensive side of the ball, and chose to focus on bolstering that side in this draft. Notably, Loose Cannon (a waiver pickup last season) has now officially joined the ranks of the Royals, alongside a new safety and cornerback in Brian Vincent-Vega and Bradley Welch Jr. They didn’t neglect the offensive side of the ball though, taking two top prospects at the TE position in Nick Williams and Max Honestly, alongside a top wide receiver in Diego Lopez Alonso. QB Willier Miller has plenty of weapons to choose from this time around, and with a bit more hope on the defensive side of the ball after losing their stalwart contributors, London could be a sleeper hit in the DSFL this time around.
Overall Draft Grade: B+
PORTLAND PYTHONS Notable Draft Additions: DE Bruce White (@toofpete), LB John Stark VIII (@UptownCord), CB Benjamin Duvernay (@Purpl3Spartan), DT Jumbo Edward (@furiousPanda), WR Emile Charles (@Number 82), OL Trent Silverback (@Kunra99), DE Leo Stud (@Matlestud), WR Forozka Duanei (@BWIII)
Callups: TE Detective Crashmore, TE Turt Golum, LB Fronky Fresh, LB Haloick Oasis, DE Lenny “Extra” Longpipe
The callups rear their ugly head here for Portland. Their two TEs are now gone, as well as two of their star linebackers. At the very least, they managed to get a great rookie to replace Lenny Longpipe in Bruce White alongside CB Benjamin Duvernay. Adding Jumbo Edward after he had a stint in Portland as a waiver pickup is a no-brainer as well, though I’m surprised they fell off the board in the position they did. Losing WR Plant Based in a trade to Bondi Beach, as well as their waiver pickup last season in Oliver Tolliver was a bit of a hit, but adding Emile Charles and Forozka Duanei to help fill that gap should put Portland right back where they were… and maybe even a little bit better? Notably, they did not lose either of their running backs to callups, and Portland had the rushing yards leader last season in Tyler One. Expect that dominance to continue this season. Portland filled the holes they needed (except for TE, perhaps) and I don’t expect their position in the DSFL to change much, which is good.
Overall Draft Grade: A-
DALLAS BIRDDOGS Notable Draft Additions: LB Craig Brand (@ElMerchanto), OL Justin Willis (@Cycro), WR Dr. Livesey (@"RenoJacksonHS"), WR Wolfie McDummy Jr. (@infinitempg), WR . The Riddler (@MattBake12), TE Pierce Hawthorne (@ianthebalance)
Callups: S Notso Smart
Dallas was in a very interesting position. They lost arguably their star defensive player in Notso Smart, yet even with other safeties like Brian Vincent-Vega and Icepick O’Hullihan still on the board during their first three picks, they chose not to go that route. Adding the former TE, now star linebacker in Craig Brand is a huge boon, however, and their offense is still a force to be reckoned with since the runningbacks Nakiri Ayame and KK Slider are still on their roster this season, and they managed to receive Dr. Livesey back to their receiving corps after their stint in Dallas as a waiver player. I question the addition of a non-updated DE as their second-round pick, but who knows? Perhaps it might work out for them. While Craig Brand is bound to be the centerpiece of their defense, I think they’re significantly hindered in the secondary with the loss of Notso Smart, and choosing to let their lone rostered Safety in Mike Holiday handle that workload with this draft is questionable in my eyes.
Overall Draft Grade: C
MINNESOTA GREY DUCKS Notable Draft Additions: WR Artemis Entreri (@entreri), DT Billy Jor-El (@LtHudz), CB Billy Cravy (@KlausGoatCasinos), OL Modest Mussorgsky (@Gragg9), TE Kenny Szymborski (@Hallmonitor_20), LB Liath Squirrel (@LiathTheSquirrel)
Callups: LB Walter Gunther, DT Johnson Lovehammer, DT Sir Tywrell Xah’Aawrone
Minnesota is likely going to enjoy the winning season wine yet again. While they lost some stalwart defenders to callups, they quickly filled the gaps with DT Billy Jor-El and LB Liath Squirrel. They only added to their offensive capabilities with the first round pick in Artemis Entreri, and bolstered the protection for both their quarterbacks with the addition of Modest Mussorgsky. While they have a bit of a crowded TE roster, they made smart, precise picks throughout the S40 DSFL Draft. This team is going to, at the least, stay in the same position they were before, and at the most, keep themselves in the conversation for an Ultimini.
Overall Draft Grade: A
NORFOLK SEAWOLVES Notable Draft Additions: S Rico Savage (@TheRake), CB Kadarius Claypool II (@Weaves), WR Legs McMillion (@jollyjiggs), TE Otto The Orange (@Greenbaynathan), WR Sean Robinson (@"ruffleSean18"), RB Sticky Hands (@Quasi), RB Akele Kekela (@YoungBuck), DT Nwoye Musa (@PonchoC), S Garth Silver (@MCHers)
Callups: RB Henry Oswald-Newman, CB Brooks Piggott, LB Mario Moloka’i
Norfolk had the third-least points against them in the DSFL, and the least in their division. Adding all the defensive players they did, they might manage to make it to the least points against them all season. They were struggling in the receiving corps as well; that was fixed with the additions of Legs McMillion and Sean Robinson. They’ve future-proofed themselves against the eventual callup of Howard Coward with the additions of Sticky Hands and Akele Kekela. Adding Otto The Orange after their stint with Norfolk as a waiver player rounds out their TE roster. Every pick here is looking towards the future. I expect Norfolk to shrug off their 2-5 start last season and dominate this season. Their path to the Ultimini might be the clearest path yet.
Overall Draft Grade: A+
KANSAS CITY COYOTES Notable Draft Additions: DT Jason Steele (@FireworkFuse), K/P Ray Baker (@jdc4654), S Icepick O’Hullihan (@Joe Shabado), QB Jake Jefferson (@thecanadiancanuck), TE William Barkley (@kinglord29), RB Elliot Berry (@titanfan34)
Callups: QB Creg Jerrith IV, RB Sherwin Blue Jr., DT Raya Ho’opa’i, TE Clint Mustache, DE Alex Armstrong
This team is going to look very, very different from the Ultimini-winning behemoth that tore through the DSFL last season. Their offense already takes hits with Creg Jerrith, Sherwin Blue Jr, and Clint Mustache all departing to the ISFL. As far as the draft goes, they did their best to compensate; QB Jake Jefferson is a good add to back up Mathias Mayhem, and William Barkley alongside Elliot Berry round out the holes they needed to fill. Adding a kicker in Ray Baker simply adds another weapon mot score points with, and they didn’t neglect the defense with Icepick O’Hullihan. Every single one of these rookies has the potential to outshine the veterans they’re replacing, but will they? Expect the Coyotes to get off to a slow start, but they’ve got enough talent to land themselves into a playoff spot. A well put-together draft by Kansas City, all things considered, but the question is whether it’ll be enough.
Overall Draft Grade: B
RE: Akou's Dazzling Draft Grade Extraordinaire (DSFL S40 Edition) - wizard_literal - 02-21-2023
DSFL hype! Stellar article, and seeing the call ups gives a draft perspective I was unfamiliar with.
RE: Akou's Dazzling Draft Grade Extraordinaire (DSFL S40 Edition) - Purpl3Spartan - 02-21-2023
Big hype for the season nice writeup
RE: Akou's Dazzling Draft Grade Extraordinaire (DSFL S40 Edition) - Weaves - 02-21-2023
loved the write up, should be a great season!!
RE: Akou's Dazzling Draft Grade Extraordinaire (DSFL S40 Edition) - jollyjiggs - 02-21-2023
Great read!! I second the call ups section being interesting and something I hadn’t thought of before.
RE: Akou's Dazzling Draft Grade Extraordinaire (DSFL S40 Edition) - lordcoolcats - 02-21-2023
In my totally unbiased opinion, I think you nailed it.
RE: Akou's Dazzling Draft Grade Extraordinaire (DSFL S40 Edition) - nickWilliams - 02-22-2023
Great writeup!