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*National Treasure compares teams to Nicolas Cage movies - electrictree - 05-13-2023 At the top of the article, please note that you're using your 2x First Gen bonus. As a complete newbie I have no idea who's teams are who's, what's good, what's bad, who's a good player, who's ends are tight (or loose?) and basically everything else. So, it's very difficult to do any sort of media with any sort of intelligent thoughts attached to it. Instead of trying to do that, I figured i'd have a drink (Becca please come back i didn't know she was your sister) and relax by really leaning into this whole Nic Cage thing that I apparently have going on. Who knew that a movie being on in the background as i created my player would become my whole persona. Donny? Low rider? So far my guy has ran around a bunch and scored a touchdown, yay! So, take note, GM's. If you need a vertical tight end who is low/moderately active and can promise nothing, i'm your guy!  Anyway, let's get to the good part... ISFL - The Baltimore Hawks The Baltimore Hawks? Seriously? Oh, a Baltimore bird team, wonder who that could possibly have been based on. Is your quarterback Shmamar Smhackson? I know creativity is hard, and that certainly means that we're eliminating most of the Cage movies in his credit list. I don't mean to come out of the gates so hot but I really don't connect with this one. This leaves us with either a cheesy remake (error 404, title not found) or a sequel. An easy choice for our pals up in Baltimore. Quoth the raven... I hereby dub thee: Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance - Berlin Fire Salamanders Now this is what i'm talking about! A fire salamander, pretty pretty pretty cool. I don't think a salamander would be tough to beat in a fight even if it's on fire. You might say oh, this one is obvious? The movie where Cage is literally on fire? Ghost Rider 1! WRONG. You'd be wrong, dear reader. Ghost Rider is HARD to beat in a fight, not easy. So, the choice has to come down to a few factors. Unique story, creative, main character not much of a fighter and preferably flames somewhere around. I was leaning Con-Air but i think Cam Poe is too tough in a match of fisticuffs. Instead... I hereby dub thee: The Rock - Cape Town Crash Oh, i like this concept. Cool, ambiguous team name. What's a crash? idk. Who's crashing into whom? don't ask me, bro. Neat-o burrito color scheme? Crash into me, baby girl. I'm searching for one of his best movies of which there are many. This one isn't super easy to match, but i think there is one Cage movie that embodies the 'crash' concept more then the rest. The more i think about it, the more i like it. For that reason... I hereby dub thee: Gone in 60 Seconds - Chicago Butchers Scary! I'm going to need someone to cuddle me to bed tonight. Any takers? No? Your loss. This name and color scheme calls forward very angry vibes. Mad, even. Did someone hurt these people and that's why they're so upset? Or do they just really like meat? Who's to say? Either way, I think this movie fits pretty dang well. Chicago is a retread city and in this movie Cage plays as a retread Batman. May Big Daddy rest in peace. It's an easy choice, I tell you... I hereby dub thee: Kick-Ass - Colorado Yeti Back to back black and red teams. First time cool, second time a bit boring. Maybe consider using a different color to blend with black or red? Like a nice pink glitter scheme. I think this is a bit derivative and not so memorable. The type of team you can find anywhere and that's been done in similar fashions a half dozen times. There are a few Cage options here, but sticking with the 'Yeti' aesthetic... I hereby dub thee: The Frozen Ground - Sarasota Sailfish Cool! All my homies like the fishies. Very cool and memorable color scheme and i'm a sucker for an alliterative name. Sarasota Sailfish. Rolls off the tongue. They seem like the type of team to be totally in control all the way until the bad guy bangs your girlfriend and then kills you. Unless you're the bad guy in which case the good guy bangs your gir- you know what? You get it... I hereby dub thee: Face/Off - Yellowknife Wraiths Hmmm, I like this one as well even if i had to google where tf Yellowknife is. Canada, eh? Black and white color scheme works well and definitely works with the whole 'scary wraith' theme. Canada makes me think of cold, so this movie has to be set in the winter. There aren't a whole lot of options left but with the wraith being a supernatural being, i think a movie where some supernatural stuff happens fits well. Remember Jack, you asked for this... I hereby dub thee: The Family Man - Arizona Outlaws Good lord, how many teams are there? I'm only halfway through the main league? F me. Anyway, this one is almost too obvious but i will comment on the third black and reddish color scheme so far. Other colors exist, people. I'm also finding i'm not much of a fan of locations that already have a football team in it. Baltimore, Chicago, Arizona...could take them or leave them. Not much of a surprise here but it's a movie i badly need to watch again... I hereby dub thee: Raising Arizona - Austin Copperheads Finally, some off brand colors. Some sort of light brown and tealish blue makes for a pleasant eye experience. I also like the mascot. A copperhead is a tough snake, a big venomous bitch that can wield one hell of a punch. Makes me think of a few Cage movies, like Vampire's Kiss or Kiss of Death (theme, anyone?) but neither of those are the right fit. The right fit for this team is... I hereby dub thee: Snake Eyes - Honolulu Hahalua Awesome. This one is my favorite so far. Checks every box. Unique colors, not a retread city, effin cool mascot. I had to google Hahalua and i'm so happy i did. A 3000lb manta ray? Yes daddy. This leaves a few options, do we pick the best Cage movie? (Con-Air). Or the one that is him at his literal largest? (Kiss of Death). Nope, this one deserves the award. Just like Cage did for the 1995 masterpiece... I hereby dub thee: Leaving Las Vegas   - New Orleans Second Line What happened to the first line? I don't understand. Is this some sort of local New Orleans thing that i don't get? idk. Not sure why you'd deliberately call yourself 'second' anything, isn't the point to finish first? Anywho, the color scheme is pretty nice but even though some may enjoy the total package, the city and the mascot leave this one as a miss for me. There is one movie that fits this completely subjective and arbitrary criteria i'm totally not making up on the fly... I hereby dub thee: The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans - New York Silverbacks The second retread city in a row leaves me a little disappointed but i do quite like the mascot. Greenish and blackish is nice and schematically, it does fit well with a classic city like New York. A silverback is a big mean gorilla. Was Harambe a silverback? A quick google search tells me he's not. Dicks out boys, may he rest in peace. This team and this movie sort of sneak up on you in that it's a bit better then you think it would be based on the title. Never forget ... I hereby dub thee: World Trade Center - Orange County Otters At first I didn't like this one. An otter is a poor mascot and Orange County is not a place i enjoy. But, i think everything comes together well and the more i look at it the more I appreciate the total package. I also appreciate how they're so vividly orange. They're the only team so far with an 'in your face' sort of look except maybe the Crash. There are a few 'this looks stupid but then I enjoy it way more then I thought I would' type movies on the Cage list, but I'm happy with my choice of... I hereby dub thee: Pig - San Jose SaberCats Hmm, this one has all the elements of what I like in a team/logo/color combination but something feels off. It could be that the dark color isn't the dominant one? Or maybe Cats (even ones of the Saber variety) are a bit played out and unoriginal? It's hard to say, I can't really pinpoint it but something just doesn't work. Need to find a flick that has all the elements of a banger but just falls flat. This is a surprisingly difficult movie to match, considering how many misses the ol' Nic Cage has made over the years but i'm not unhappy with the choice of... I hereby dub thee: Willy's Wonderland DSFL - Kansas City Coyotes You know, i'm starting to look at myself in the mirror and really evaluate what in my life has led me to watching all these movies. WTF? Whatever, it's a question for my therapist. Anyway, this one is a thumbs down. First of all, Kansas City. Ick. And we're co-opting a hockey team? At least make an effort, Kansas City. Either way, I do like the generic yet attention-grabbing color scheme so at least you've got that going. But, they're not all winners... I hereby dub thee: The Croods - London Royals Oof. This one is rough. Possibly the worst one i've seen so far? Back to back rough ones but I think this one may be slightly worse then Kansas City? There is almost no redeeming qualities except for the fact that it's thematically appropriate. F the monarchy, for one. For two, London? No thanks, Europe. Plain color scheme? Count me way way out. I'm sure they're all very nice guys over on this squad and for all I know they're the most successful DSFL franchise so maybe they're doing something super well. But, it's not for me. DNF... I hereby dub thee: Guarding Tess - Minnesota Grey Ducks Interesting concept here but very plain. Plain, but executed well, I think. Not exactly sure what a grey duck is or why you'd want your mascot to be a duck that is grey but alas. Some things I won't understand and that's okay. I like the color scheme a lot, a nice blue with a standard grey but i don't like the city. Ever been to Minnesota? not for me. There are a few options for movies that connect well here, but the one that makes the most sense is a standard style story executed very well. Without a doubt its... I hereby dub thee: The Sorcerer's Apprentice - Portland Pythons This one is nice! Green and black and not retread city. Also, another snake team? Fire Salamanders, Copperheads and now Pythons, apparently I like reptile teams. Should i get a snake? Try and find a goth girl? Pierce my septum? Let's get weird. I like the alliteration of the name and I even like Portland. Top job here to whomever designed this team. This means I need to find one of Cage's top movies that preferably has some tie in to dark or green or Portland or snakes or anything else I want. I'm choosing one of his best flicks with an alliterative title... I hereby dub thee: Matchstick Men - Bondi Beach Buccaneers So close! Almost a great setup on this one except the retread of the Buccaneers. Green and Gold (? maybe a yellow?) is really well schemed, and I'd never heard of Bondi Beach which gives an extra bonus point. Quick google says its somewhere in Australia which would be a pain in the ass to get to, another bonus point. Looking for a match that's in the tier below the top of the top. There is one where Cage could loosely be described as a Buccaneer (on land) that fits perfectly. It's close, but it's not top tier... I hereby dub thee: Lord of War - Dallas Birddogs I laughed, not going to lie. What the hell is a Birddog? I'm not even going to google that one. Color scheme is really fun, a blue and a gold is very classy. Not a bad scheme overall and a quality concept. Not sure how I feel about the team being located in Dallas but it's okay. I think this one is a fairly easy match especially when you consider the Bird part of the mascot. It's an old one, made before I was born but it fits too well to ignore... I hereby dub thee: Birdy - Norfolk SeaWolves Hey, not bad! I like the new location and the inventive mascot but not a big fan of the colors. Dark on dark isn't especially attractive to me but i get it's appeal. It's also another creation like the Fire Salamanders or the Birddogs which is fun. I don't think its the best on this list but it's far from the worst. Solidly middle. It's just fine if slightly forgettable but so is this movie... I hereby dub thee: USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage - Tijuana Luchadores My team! Finally! Why are we listed last? I don't know, it doesn't matter. In the top tier of names for sure, it's inventive and not a retread. The black and blue and red is okay but not truly outstanding. As much as I want to give it ConAir, i can't do it. There are a few other options that might fit for various reasons (Wicker Man, Pay the Ghost) but only one hits what I'm looking for. I'm looking for something exotic with a creative concept that is also slightly comedic. It's a clear choice... I hereby dub thee: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent Final Thoughts This took way longer then I expected and way longer then I wanted it to. But it was fun and a nice break so I didn't mind. I hope you all enjoy. It's worth repeating that I have no idea what I'm doing so don't take this seriously. There are a few notable movies that I didn't include, yes, he has a DEEP catalogue. ConAir - My opinion, his best movie. Didn't see anyone worthy. Renfield - Surprisingly hilarious but again, not a fit anywhere. Briefly considered for the Birddogs but there was no way Birdy could be beat for them. Joe - A good movie but a bit too dark in tone to be a match. Possibly the Wraiths but I'm happy with their choice. National Treasure - Nope. The Weather Man - Considered a few times but nothing felt right. One of those where there was always something a little better. Sort of like the movie to be honest. Considered for the SeaWolves given my association of the sea with weather but a movie on a boat for them made more sense. Adaptation - I loved this movie, probably his second best one. In the top tier for sure. Just didn't see a spot that made sense. Seriously considered for Baltimore but decided against it. Anyway, this is ready to be graded now so fire away. Fin. RE: National Treasure compares teams to Nicolas Cage movies - slothfacekilla - 05-13-2023 This absolutely rules haha RE: National Treasure compares teams to Nicolas Cage movies - Twenty6 - 05-13-2023 I love me some Matchstick Men, National Treasure, and Face/Off! RE: National Treasure compares teams to Nicolas Cage movies - Gage2 - 05-14-2023 The sim itself is definitely Between Worlds (2018) , Nonsensical and Silly and sometimes so bad it’s good. And the most important part, someone’s always getting screwed. RE: National Treasure compares teams to Nicolas Cage movies - wizard_literal - 05-14-2023 A true piece of art. RE: National Treasure compares teams to Nicolas Cage movies - Aleris - 05-14-2023 Smh no Color Out of Space