+- International Simulation Football League (https://forums.sim-football.com)
+-- Forum: Community (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=5)
+--- Forum: Media (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=37)
+---- Forum: Graded Articles (https://forums.sim-football.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=38)
+---- Thread: *The Suspicious Case of the Two Blocked Punts (/showthread.php?tid=46637)
*The Suspicious Case of the Two Blocked Punts - lock180 - 07-27-2023
If you weren’t aware the Prospect Bowl happened last night and it was a DISASTER. Not only was it a disaster but something peculiar, mysterious, suspicious, and diabolical was going on against the London Redcoats but more specifically Zenzeroni Xystarch II.
The Redcoats went 1-2 in their 3-game set losing to the Pirates 16-17 before defeating the Mountaineers and then falling to the Aztecs. On the surface, they seemed like normal games but there is much more to unpack within these 3 games that may cause you to question the validity of these games.
Game 1
Game 1 was the most important game for Zenzeroni as he had a bet with Clown #2 Crazy Tomato (a 3 million dollar bet might I add). This is a crucial element to note as we analyze this first game. Throughout the first half, the Redcoats were absolutely DESTROYING the Pirates. The defense (including Crazy Tomato) had no answers for the Redcoats offense and were only able to salvage any semblance of dignity with a 4th & 1 stand at the goal line that would have given the Redcoats a 20-0 lead. Instead, the Redcoats went into the half up 13-0 a respectable lead.
However, everything changed after halftime. The first drive for the Pirates measly offense was a drive that was unable to get past the 50. But then something strange happened. The normally inept Pirates defense all of a sudden started to figure it out led by…Crazy Tomato who got his FIRST and only tackle on the first down play that opened the Redcoats second half. The Redcoats went three and out they were forced to punt. Zenzeroni stepped up confidently having had some pretty good punts already in the game, but as he get set for the punt, he noticed Crazy Tomato distracting the ref. As this was happening Redd Mistt who was nonexistent the whole game all of a sudden raced onto the field from the sideline just as the ball was snapped and easily blocked the ball giving the Pirates excellent field position. Mistt mysteriously disappeared for the rest of the game, likely hiding from authorities. Mistt would end the game with ZERO stats besides that one block while Crazy Tomato ended his day with that lone tackle. Both players did nothing the whole game except for that drive….or is there more to the story? Maybe while it didn’t seem like they were doing anything they were actually bribing officials throughout the game and possibly even stacking their team with….BOTS?
I took a look over at the stat sheet and I couldn’t believe what I saw. Quickly glancing over the stat sheet you may not see anything out of the ordinary but upon closer inspection, the truth is revealed. Let’s look at the top tacklers for each team, For the Redcoats we have Junior, Bot, Roberts, Uncertain, James, Gougar. I’d also like to note that every defender had at least two tackles. Now let’s take a look at the top tacklers for the Pirates: Bot, Stallion, Bot, Bot, Bot, Bot. Not only this but the bottom three in tackles were Tomato with 1, Mistt with none and that strange blocked punt, and Flex who also didn’t have a tackle but just so happened to recover a fumble. Seems kind of odd, doesn’t it? Now, using bots isn’t technically illegal as you could see the Redcoats even had one. But that’s the thing, we had one in our top 6 while the rest were real players with real human bodies. While FIVE of the top six tacklers were bots with three players having incredibly strange stats.
So here’s the conclusion I will provide for the people of the ISFL because the people need to know. The Pirates gave their bots increased stats in the second half to guarantee a victory. On top of this, they bribed the officials and/or distracted them in order to have a crucial blocked punt that set them up in great field position that ended in a field goal (because their offense still sucks). Then, Flex magically recovered a fumble seemingly from thin air, and here’s my theory on that. The Pirates were getting desperate so what did they do? They poked a hole in the actual football causing it to deflate, as the ball was slipping from grasp, Flex ran onto the field with another ball pretending he had picked it up. While everyone was looking his way, Tomato scooped up the deflated ball and walked off the field. Notice how on the stat sheet there was no fumble by the Redcoats and only shows the fumble recovery by Flex. They tried to wipe the fumble off the stat sheet so we wouldn’t think about how the fumble actually occurred.
With all of this said there are still two things to note about the end of this game. First is the time, and second is the penalties. The time seemed to be going normal throughout most of the game but with the Redcoats still in the lead with 2 minutes to go the Pirates received the ball with one timeout which they used nearly immediately. Then they somehow marched down the field without EVER going out of bounds and still magically had enough time to score. On top of this, and to my second point an unnecessary roughness call was tacked on to the end of a crucial catch by the Pirates. And the Pirates must have the weakest most floppy quarterback out there because there is no way that should have been unnecessary roughness. But that goes back to the fact that this whole game was rigged with the bribes and distractions that Crazy Tomato and his teammates participated in throughout the game. This would culminate in the Redcoats having twice as many penalty yards as the Pirates.
In conclusion, Crazy Tomato was likely sitting in a lawn chair most of the game with his buddies Flex and Mistt watching their handiwork unfold as they watched the officials make terrible calls against the Redcoats and watched their next-gen robots take over. I formally request that this game be omitted from any index due to the clear cheating and suspicious activity that the Pirates participated in.
The Bet
Crazy Tomato went a little crazy with betting on both game 1’s during the Prospect Bowl which is another thing that is important to note. He contacted Zenzeroni in regards to a 3 million dollar bet which Zenzeroni hastily accepted. Then minutes before game time Crazy Tomato made another bet this time with Thor in regards to the other game 1 matchup. Why do I bring this up? Well, both his teams were failing miserably throughout their respective first halves and it would seem as though Crazy Tomato’s bets were going down the drain. But then as if by magic (or bribery, cheating, distractions, and more) both teams that he had bet on turned it around. It’s like a switch was flipped or possibly steroids, bots, or maybe even TAMPERING???? Was going on within the DSFL and I’m afraid this may go deeper than just Crazy Tomato. It may go all the way to the top. All the way to the sim god himself Russet Buster. Let me explain how I know this to be true.
Russet Buster
Upon hearing about the release of the teams I went to my respective locker room where I was greeted by Chicken Lips. I thought it would be funny to joke about bribing someone in order to win so I said “Who can I bribe to make sure of it?”. Chicken Lips responds “Not while my boss is watching”.
Then Buster responds with a shocking message “I mean, if you're gunna bribe someone, it should be the guy who sims the thing. That's who I'd start with. And start big, so you don't offend him”. At the time I was unaware that Russet Buster was referring to himself so I asked who that might be. Upon his confirmation that he was referring to himself I told him that I couldn’t actually do it. Then he mysteriously said “I will remember this” as if to say that since I did not bribe him he would cause my team to suffer. And suffer we did! What I originally thought was ground-floor shenanigans has now proved to be a league-wide scandal that needs to be addressed immediately!
Game 2
The Mountaineers likely thought they could use the same tactics against us but we were more on our toes and prepared for any tomfoolery going on. We dominated every aspect of the game and the Mountaineers frankly stood no chance against our top-tier offense, Stingy defense, and amazing special teams. While Zenzeroni’s average punt distance wasn’t that far (only 40 yards on 8 punts) Zenzeroni managed to pin the Mountaineers within the 20 on three separate occasions which is because he reduced his would-be powerful leg in favor of a more nuanced strategic kick. However, on the fifth punt, something strange happened.
The winds suddenly shifted and Zenzeroni felt like Thor was no longer on his side. He looked over to Thor after they went four and out and saw him angrily yelling on the sideline. The energy in the stadium felt off and as Zenzeroni prepped to punt with the ball in hand, Ennair suddenly looked like he got air under him and seemingly floated and in a burst of energy closed the distance between Zenzeroni and himself in record time crashing into and on top of the ball successfully blocking the punt. No normal human could have moved as swiftly and energetically as Ennair had in that instance and as Zenzeroni turned to his quarterback the energy around Thor had dissipated and the revelation that Thor was trying to tank Zenzeroni’s draft stock was revealed. As quarterback Thor was angry that he had gone in as the backup QB and wanted to get the ball back as quickly as possible. So he had come up with a plan to allow the Mountaineers to block the punt so they could score right away and give him the ball back. It was a genius plan and it worked to perfection. Zenzeroni stared at the ground in disbelief still confused as to what had happened. The Mountaineers were crushed by the Redcoats in the end with a 20-9 final score and despite Thor’s best efforts Zenzeroni still racked up 8 punts with 3 of them inside the 20.
Game 3 was a wonderfully played game by both teams that ended with the Redcoats falling to the Aztecs 24-29 despite a chance at the end of the game for a last-second touchdown. This was a hard fought even game that was the perfect example of how a game is SUPPOSED to be played.
Zenzeroni Xystarch II’s final stat line read as
MXC: 5 punts 234 yards 46.8 avg 55 long 1 inside 20
DAV: 8 punts 319 yards 39.9 avg 61 long 3 inside 20
SAN: 6 punts 262 yards 43.7 avg 57 long 1 inside 20
TOT: 19 punts 815 yards 43.4 avg 61 long 4 inside 20
These stats are good for 1st, 1st, 2nd, T-3, 4th
TLDR of Zenzeroni’s stats is that he had to do ALOT of punting. Not naming any names but some quarterbacks that may or may not have a name that starts with a T might want to step it up. Zenzeroni can punt the ball far pretty consistently but when they go three and out every time it is kind of hard to pin the opponent inside the 20 with being so far away.
What’s next for Zenzeroni? Well according to coaches within the organization he is expected to get the official kicking duties for the next Bowl Game Day. This will allow for a good look at what Zenzeroni is capable of in the XP, FG, and kickoff game. We will see if he resorts back to his sophomore-year college disaster or if we show what his leg is truly capable of come July 29th.
All of these accomplishments from Zenzeroni occurred despite the entire league trying to prevent him and the Redcoats from reaching their true glory. Don’t you know we want to take over the world?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This scandal is brought to you by Bust Bot. It’s a bot. But better! Purchase now for the low low price of $16.17 to Bust those busters and reveal the true secrets that lie under every rock! If you purchase within the next 24 hours it will not show up at your door and will never arrive! Message Russet Buster with further details on how you can get Busted for Botting!
*Please do not get into any vehicle by the name of Russ the bus. Bust Bot is not responsible for any conspiracy theories or rabbit holes that may arise as a result of this purchase
RE: The Suspicious Case of the Two Blocked Punts - aeonsjenni - 07-27-2023
there's not a thing in this world better than a prospect bowl scandal
RE: The Suspicious Case of the Two Blocked Punts - JoeSteel - 07-27-2023
This is the type of hard-hitting reporting the league needs.
RE: The Suspicious Case of the Two Blocked Punts - Gadget - 07-27-2023
Getting in contact with the prospect bowl commish right now. I’ll crack this case wide open.
RE: The Suspicious Case of the Two Blocked Punts - Crazytomato - 07-27-2023
Or here's an Idea. Maybe you just suck
RE: The Suspicious Case of the Two Blocked Punts - Thor - 07-27-2023
Sounds like something Thor would do