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+---- Thread: *Can Reptilians Even Punt? (/showthread.php?tid=47042)
*Can Reptilians Even Punt? - Triceracop - 08-15-2023
Shapeshifters are a common trope in fiction. There is something fundamental in the fear created by something we cannot trust. It is one of the ancient reoccurring themes in our folk tales and stories, beings that can take the faces of our loved ones and betray us or subvert us. It is a piece of human mythology that has developed across the world in multiple cultures independent of one another.
It is said that we fear the rain because of a deep history of humanity being exposed to the power and fury of the storms. Then the question becomes, dear reader, what causes us to fear being that can change their faces? Is there perhaps something in the blank pages of human history that has gifted us this shared fear without any tangible open evidence that currently exists?
The answers to these questions and more go far back into our history, to the days of the great floods and even earlier. It is the belief of some archaeologists and anthropologists that early humans were visited by alien life from beyond our own stars. It is a school of thought that is most popularly known as the Ancient Astronauts theory.
For the uninitiated, the Ancient Astronauts theory supposes that there have been several instances of extraterrestrial contact at various points in human history. The main pieces of evidence in support of this theory are ancient pictograms that could be interpreted to include such things as space ships, satellites, suits, and various things of that nature. Items that we, from our modern lense, associate with traveling the great void sea that exists outside our own atmosphere.
One arm of this school of study is specifically focused around the series of pyramids that exist in diverse geographic locations. These cultures coming to the conclusion to build these structures independently of one another, it is claimed, cannot be a simple coincidence. One explanation for these pyramids and their locations is that they are actually ancient space faring vessels of some description.
But dear reader, I can hear your question of who could possibly be the users of these vessels. These great pyramid ships that allegedly cross the void sea as easily as our own ships sail through the water. Where could these great ships have originated from, if we could assume that these structures are indeed ships that have the ability to cross such great distances.
For answers, we turn to the star system known as Thuban. Also known as Alpha Draonis, or the Draco constellation, is the alleged home of these colonizers that have shaped the course of both human history and perhaps even humanity's future.
It is posited that the ships carried a race of large reptilian humanoids that possess incredibly advanced technology. These wonders of technological innovation include such things as the basis for microchips, mass and gravity manipulation, and even things we cannot begin to theorize about. Such a massive technology gap from ourselves would certainly allow the reptilians to directly intervene in human affairs, but with their limited numbers they don't have the need to take such direct action.
Many scholars within this particular discipline of theorist believe that reptilians have been taking up positions of power in various human governments and institutions for thousands of years. Emperors, kings, popes, presidents, it is impossible to know which figures that have been leading humanity were never actually human.
In the modern era of social media and the growing influence of sports, it is believed by many investigative journalists that politicians no longer need to be directly replaced with reptilians . This coincides with the growing capability of athletes in the past fifty years or so. Today's DSFL and ISFL athletes are super humans when compared to the men who played the same sport even a hundred years ago. People will try to tell you that nutrition is the primary reason but it is the belief of this reporter and several ufologists that it is a direct result of reptilian genetic tampering.
Let us consider for a moment, dear reader, a certain member of the Bondi Beach Buccaneers. I am of course describing none other than the undeniable and irrevocable punter and kicker for the DSFL team, one Zenzeroni Xystarch II. And I know exactly what you're all thinking. With a name like that, how could he not be a reptilian bent on subjugated all of humanity to the will of his race's leadership back within the binary star system of Alpha Draconis.
We have to examine the man's history first and foremost. A graduate of Spaghetti School, which as we all know is a prestigious culinary arts institution that teaches its many students the fine craftsmanship that goes into constructing the most perfect plates of spaghetti. The school also offers classes on every component that goes into those dishes. From ceramics for the plates, to growing wheat and tomatoes, to animal husbandry that goes into caring for the cows that supply the beef. It is an utterly and entirely comprehensive education for the pasta enthusiast.
But it is my belief that Zenzeroni Xystarch II is not a pasta enthusiast. Not at all.
I was lucky enough to be able to interview a leading researcher in the field of the reptilian conspiracies at the University of Sydney in Australia. It is my understanding that Dr. Langstrom's latest book, "The Menace From Beyond Our Stars" is self published. Students that I talked to stated that they did not know Langstrom was a member of the university's faculty and was instead "Some weird guy."
Babineaux: Thank you for making the time in your schedule to meet with me for this interview.
Langstrom: Of course. I think it is very important to keep the masses informed about what is really going on in this world. I find that people are often too complacent to question the status quo.
B: You mean the idea proposed in your book? That there is an unseen secretive force that is directing world politics.
L: Exactly right. That is what no one wants to question.
B: So, I think I need to start with the most obvious question here. What do these reptilians want?
L: A couple of things, though I would say it all starts with our resources.
B: Resources?
L: Yes. Water, hydrogen, helium, and of course monatomic gold.
B: Monatomic gold?
L: Yes.
B: I'm afraid I don't understand.
L: Of course you don't. You believe what you have been told to believe by scientists and textbooks, which is that only gasses exist in monatomic states.
B: And you're saying that is not the case?
L: Who do you think wrote the textbooks?
B: I see. So what do the reptilians want with monatomic gold? Wouldn't there be easier ways to get it? Maybe from asteroids or something.
L: They use the gold to power their technology. I'm not exactly sure on the how, I haven't had the exposure to their tech the way that some of the people at Area 51 have, but I have it on good authority that that's what they want. But I definitely get the feeling that it serves as a justification for what they're really trying to accomplish.
B: And what would that be, exactly?
L: Have you ever heard of Coast to Coast AM?
B: The radio show? Started in the late 70s by Art Bell, if I remember correctly. They specialize in weird history, paranormal activities, and things of that nature. Everything from Bigfoot to free energy harmonics.
L: Sasquatch.
B: What?
L: They anthologically correct term is Sasquatch, not Bigfoot.
B: Ah, my apologies.
L: It's fine, it's fine. But this goes back to an incident on September 11th, 1997. Art Bell, the original host as you mentioned, had an open line for any person who worked at Area 51 to call in. And that night a young man did. A crying, terrified man who claimed to work at the base called in and talked about the plan for the human race.
B: And what was the plan?
L: It was to reduce our population through climate change and war in order to make us easier to control. He claimed that higher dimensional being that infiltrated many aspects of the military and the government knew about them. That they could move us to save us, and they choose not to so there will be fewer of us and we will be more easily controlled.
B: And then what happened?
L: In the middle of the call, Coast to Coast goes off the air entirely. Their entire signal gets cut off.
B: Wow.
L: It never happened before, and has not happened since to that program. That, more than anything else, has convinced many people that he was speaking the truth.
B: Was that man ever heard from again? Ever identified?
L: If I was a betting man, I would wager he disappeared.
B: Can I ask you something?
L: Sure thing. I mean, you already have, but I like to hear myself talk.
B: Are you a fan of the Bondi Beach Buccaneers?
L: The DSFL team? Sure. The University has a few season tickets, I try to go to a few games a season. My kid is a big fan of that new rookie Passarelli.
B: Have you seen their new punter and kicker?
L: Xystarch? Yeah. Kid has an absolute monster of a leg.
B: Do you think that his incredible athletic talent could be a product of reptilian genetic tampering? Or that he might be a reptilian himself?
L: That...That hadn't occurred to me. Now that you mention it, that might merit some investigation. Let me talk to my people and I'll see what I can turn up.
B: I think I've taken up enough of your time today. Thank you.
This is hardly definitive that Xystarch is a reptilian or one of their agents, but I think it is worth looking at the leadership of the Bondi Buccaneers as well as those of the ISFL and DSFL. They may be replacing entire teams with reptilian clones of players and flooding incoming rookie classes with super human athletes that have been genetically tampered with by these shadowy forces.
Now, dear reader, I am excited to continue our valiant reporting on the incident related to another Bondi Buccaneer, one Paul McLaughlin who was drafted in the fourth round by the DSFL team. Ardent readers of the Arcane and similar publications will remember that at one point the offensive lineman was sent to an intensive training camp in the middle of preparations for the DSFL's Prospect Bowl.
Since the DSFL draft, I have had the chance to talk with various staff members in and around the Buccaneers' facility located in Sydney and they have stated on the record and off that Paul is back to the more jovial and outgoing nature that he expressed in college and before the incident. By all accounts he is a first in, last out, lunch pail kind of guy that is mainly doing his best to improve in the finer points of the game. Some of his coaches remarked on how much he's focusing on technique rather than trying to use raw power at the higher level.
Though this is not a report that is all sunshine and roses, dear reader. I was luckily able to interview with multiple members of the Buccaneers security staff as well as members of the Sydney Police Department. There have been reports of tall men in dark suits driving antique cars around the team's hotels and in the neighborhood where McLaughlin purchased a house.
These men are always in pairs. They ask odd questions to the people who live in these areas. When asked to provide identification or credentials that allow them to access restricted locations, they either refuse or produce different credentials every time. One patrol officer reported that the badges were from mismatched agencies, or agencies that do not have the authority to operate in Australia.
All that to say, I believe that this story is still developing. If anything, it is this reporter's opinion that Paul McLaughlin is still in danger for his belief that we exist in a simulation run by some extra dimensional beings who's motivations are dubious. If you, or someone you know, is being followed by these Men in Black then it is the official stance of this publication that you must stay in public spaces and not go with them.
Whatever they try to do or say, do not follow them.
I will continue to follow this story and others, but it is imperative dear reader, that we all stay vigilant.
RE: Can Reptilians Even Punt? - hemhem - 08-15-2023
tldr, also what.
RE: Can Reptilians Even Punt? - lock180 - 08-15-2023
"I can neither confirm nor deny such blasphemous claims produced in this article. Thank you and I need to focus on the doubleheader later on tonight. I will not be taking any more questions at this time. Good day." -Zenzeroni Xystarch II