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+---- Thread: *Zen Thoughts Ep.4 - Which witch is Which? (/showthread.php?tid=47205)
*Zen Thoughts Ep.4 - Which witch is Which? - lock180 - 08-28-2023
Kansas City Coroner
Bucs Kicker to be released for week 6/7 matchups
The judge ruled earlier today that Zenzeroni, who threw a flip flop into a crowd and started aggressively hitting an empty chair with said flip flop, was allowed parole to participate in DSFL week 6/7 matchups. Zenzeroni has been a less than ideal kicker for the Bucs who have had a disappointing start to the season. We will see if Zenzeroni’s time in jail will allow him to gather his thoughts and focus on the games ahead. The Buccaneers coach did not have a comment for us.
From the desk of Doctor Fettucini Mozarella:
Dear REDACTED,
We accomplished the mission….there were some slight hiccups but the mission was completed. We can’t risk Zenzeroni getting out at this point so the swap was done to perfection. We paid off the officers and put Zenzeroni’s clothes on his brother Zenzizenzizenzic Xystarch and had him escorted through the prison and out the door like it was Zenzeroni. The media and fans couldn’t even tell the difference and we should be set with a fresh start in these next two weeks with our new subject. Zenzeroni is still being held in the jail under the name of an inmate who recently died. More to follow when we transcribe the new information.
- Dr. Fettucini Mozarella
Tijuana Week 6
Pregame @ Tijuana Week 6: Okay I was told this should be an easy matchup nothing to worry about too much just kick the ball through the uprights it can’t be that hard. I mean if my younger brother can do it surely I can do it without a problem. *Misses first 10 kicks and gives up*. Whatever I’m more of a game-time kicker anyways.
8:07 first quarter (0-6) Tijuana touchdown xp no good: Oh well if their kicker missed an extra point then I should be able to kick an extra point and miss and not get blamed. Then if I do make it I will seem like a legend because no one makes extra points! This really is the easiest thing since retiring from baseball I think I found my new profession.
2:50 first quarter (0-6) Bucs 39 yard field goal no good: Why is everyone yelling at me? It isn’t the kicker's job to score points. They are the ones who messed up by not scoring a touchdown. Most people don’t even want kickers anyway might as well have me sit on the bench while they do all the work that would be better for everyone.
2:37 first quarter (0-6) Bucs intercept Luchadores: See! Let everyone else do the work and you should win no problem. Great interception with great field position! Score a touchdown and just like that you are tied. I don’t get what is so hard about this game. I could play every position no problem. Why did my brother have to be a stupid kicker no one likes kickers being literally any other position is way cooler.
1:09 first quarter (7-6) Bucs touchdown xp good: Wow I’m already better than the Tijuana kicker haha what a loser. I’m probably already better than my brother too based on everyone around me cheering more for an easy kick than for that impressive run to score the touchdown. I should talk to coach about changing positions or maybe I play multiple positions and become the best football player ever!
15:00 second quarter (7-13) Tijuana touchdown xp good: I thought our defense was supposed to be good. They just walked through us like we weren’t even there. Maybe I should become a defensive lineman or cornerback because that was just pathetic. Oh and their kicker made a kick for once now he’s as good as me! Which frankly should be quite embarrassing.
9:57 second quarter (13-13) Bucs touchdown xp no good: Ok now we are really equal with that missed xp. Not that it’s a big deal we are still tied so who really cares? They can boo me all they want they don’t understand that their precious game of football is completely flawed. Should have let me do a trick play for 2 points. I could have easily ran through all of these giant guys they are as slow as quicksand I would have easily juked and weaved right through them.
2:59 second quarter (13-16) Tijuana 45 yard field goal: Oh so now you want to show me up huh? Pshh like anyone even cares about a made field goal. A touchdown will solve all the problems you could possibly have. I mean honestly, all you do as a kicker is sit by yourself on the bench the whole game and none of these kickers know how to tackle so they all just look stupid. Ban this position immediately.
00:46 second quarter (13-16) Thor interception: Haha now I see why my brother would be part of this poverty franchise! He sucks and so do they it all makes sense now. If only the Bucs and their fans knew how big of a disappointment Zenzeroni has always been. There’s a reason we shipped him off to Disappointment Island when we had the chance. Now all these poor Bucs fans are stuck with a terrible team and me as their kicker who might as well be playing for the other team.
9:02 third quarter (13-16) Bucs 28 yard field goal no good: I have come up with a genius new strategy. Instead of trying to make them which is a lot of effort that I don’t really want to put in, I purposely miss, tanking my brother's stock in the draft, and potentially even getting him cut from the team so that I don’t have to keep up this stupid charade any longer. Who cares if my teammates and fans are mad at me because I’m not even really “me” in the first place. When all of this is said and over I get to skip away in the distance while Zenzeroni becomes the most hated man on the Bucs.
6:34 third quarter (13-16) Thor interception: You can’t make this stuff up at this point. I mean Thor is becoming the most hated man on the team even though I am actively trying to hold that title. Like holy cow, I wonder if he realizes the players in red are on the other team. Maybe he is like a bull who sees red as a threat and is throwing it at them on purpose to banish the demons or something.
3:22 third quarter (13-22) Tijuana touchdown xp no good: Despite me missing two field goals and an extra point I still may not be the worst kicker on this field. This is unbelievable. Kickers really are the biggest joke of football. Which is kind of ironic if you think about it. Too bad our quarterback doesn’t know what team he is on otherwise this could actually be a close game.
11:50 fourth quarter (13-25) Tijuana 25 yard field goal good: Oh wow congratulations he actually made a field goal. Not like it matters there’s no way our offense is competent enough to stage a comeback. Two scores this late in the game is way out of our potential and to be honest my kicks don’t even matter that much. Those interceptions are far worse and my punts are actually pretty decent. Don’t really know how I’m pulling it off but it is kind of fun kicking it as hard as I can pretending it’s Zenzeroni’s head.
9:35 fourth quarter (16-25) Bucs 38 yard field goal good: I had to flex on the other kicker I think at this point I’m officially a better kicker than him despite literally 0 experience. Still a 2 score game so not sure what kicking accomplished but you're welcome for scoring some points. Because this team really needed it after the incompetence displayed by both the offense and defense. If I was in a more important position I would be the shining star of this team.
7:08 fourth quarter (16-25) Thor interception: AIN’T NO WAY THAT JUST HAPPENED. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah I am definitely not the most hated person on the Bucs right now which is an incredibly impressive thing to say. Despite ACTIVELY MISSING FIELD GOALS ON PURPOSE this bozo at quarterback is taking all the heat away from me. Absolutely incredible. I truly have no words.
2:40 fourth quarter (16-32) Tijuana touchdown xp good: The final nail in the coffin has been hammered in. What a fun game this was. I see why Zenzeroni likes it so much! Watching my fellow teammates suffer is probably the funniest thing I have seen in a while. How they have two wins is beyond me they must have gotten extremely lucky to pull that off. Zenzeroni loves to blame everyone but himself so I wouldn’t be surprised if he threw someone or something under the bus instead of himself. But he got himself put in jail like the disappointment from Disappointment Island that he truly is.
1:52 fourth quarter (16-32) Bucs fumble: I can’t even finish my thought without us making another turnover. Truly comical. I wonder if this is actually some kind of comedy instead of a football game because there is no way a team could possibly make this many errors in this short of a time frame. Someone should make a 30 for 30 on how bad this team is because with Thor, this terrible defense, butterfingers Sanchez, and god awful Zenzeroni it would make for a great little film.
Postgame: I can’t believe no one wanted to party with me after that epic loss. In my eyes that was an incredibly successful game and they should be proud of how badly they did because that had to set some kind of record for just how bad they played as a team. Put me at every position and I guarantee we win that game. We would always go for it on fourth down, only go for 2 point conversions, and do onside kicks for every kickoff attempt. I would be the greatest team ever assembled bar none.
Minnesota Week 7
Pregame vs Minnesota: I’ve had a week to think about it and decided it’s probably for the better that I make my extra points not to bring too much attention to myself so I’ve been practicing all week but that’s where it ends. There is no way I’m helping them out by making one of their stupid field goals that they think are oh so important. I’m also a natural with punting. You know what I am single handidly carrying this team. There’s no way I can carry them enough to get a win but I can at least make it competitive.
10:40 first quarter (0-7) Minnesota touchdown xp good: Was our defense even on the field? Do they know that the game started? I thought we were supposed to have one of the best defenses in the league and the last two weeks all I’ve been seeing is bowling pins getting absolutely plastered by a bowling ball time and time again. That was like 5 first downs in a row. They never even reached second down with how bad our defense was. This is what I was talking about with only being able to carry the team so much and why there is literally no point in trying.
1:18 first quarter (0-14) Minnesota touchdown xp good: 2 drives 2 touchdowns why does this team even bother showing up to games. I bet it is for the snacks that the parents give at the end of every game. That was always my favorite when I was playing baseball. But seriously how has this team lasted in this league. They should really just replace it with a bunch of bots. I bet nobody would even notice. Or even better a bunch of clones of me.
5:51 second quarter (0-21) Minnesota touchdown xp good: There should be a white flag you can rise if you want to give up. As someone who hasn’t had to do a damn thing besides kick the ball as far as I can, this has been optimal relaxation time. Kick my feet up sit near the fan and watch as the team implodes in front of my very eyes. I thought I would need to put in some work to kind of blend in how bad I would be but I forgot that Zenzeroni sucks but also didn’t realize that the team is just as bad as him so my misses really don’t mean anything. I mean they are down 21 already!
1:06 second quarter (0-21) Thor interception: The more Thor plays the more I think this is some kind of comedy movie that is being filmed and going to be released in the box office. I don’t see Kevin Hart or The Rock though so I’m still a bit skeptical. Oh, I bet I know what this is! I bet this is a special edition of Bondi Beach Rescue! Instead of rescuing drowning swimmers, they have to rescue a team drowning in their own stupidity! They have to save the sinking ship from collapse but what happens when the giant wave of Grey Ducks comes in and attempts to swallow the entire fleet of ships? Find out this episode on Bondi Beach Rescue!
9:31 third quarter (0-21) Bucs 47 yard field goal no good: Whoops. Hehehe they really think I’m going to make a field goal from that distance? When are they going to learn they are better off going for it like they are supposed to. Kicking at this point gives you nothing you need touchdowns right now so you better start getting to work before it’s too late. Oh wait….It already is!
5:28 third quarter (0-21) Bucs fumble: Anytime I make an error someone else on my team has to go ahead and one up me. I have no complaints I guess I mean I wish people came at me a little bit more because that means more heat on my brother but this works as well. And getting a front seat to this monstrosity of a team couldn’t make me happier. Being on a winning team is so boring when you can be on a failing team and watch people and players start to fight amongst themselves.
4:46 third quarter (0-21) Minnesota 40 yard field goal no good: Seriously. This has to be a movie. Or maybe it is just an exhibition to show why we shouldn’t have kickers in the game anymore. KICKERS SUCK when are they going to learn? Who is going to start enforcing the ban kicker movement because that will be the first candidate I would pick in an election. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Kickers offer nothing to the game of football. People have been asking for it for years so why not finally give it to them? Kickers do not deserve to be employed. Every kick is a 50/50 chance of going in. Weathermen have a better chance of getting the weather right than kickers do of having a ball go through the uprights.
2:17 third quarter (7-21) Bucs touchdown xp good: It only took nearly 3 quarters to score a touchdown way to go team! And I made that extra point just for you Zenzeroni I hope you are happy in your cute little prison cell. 14 points down with one quarter to go? And this team trying to score points and stop the other offense? Bucs should have packed up at halftime. Minnesota is just handing out pity points at this rate.
1:20 third quarter (14-21) Bucs pick 6: Woah I did not have that on my bingo card! The defense actually did something for once? That’s news to me!. Good for them I guess something good was bound to happen eventually I mean they had gone how long without forcing a turnover? Because it felt like forever. Thor certainly can’t score multiple touchdowns so I guess the defense took that a bit personal and are trying to win. Too bad they don’t understand it just isn’t possible with the players currently on the roster.
7:20 fourth quarter (14-21) Thor interception on the goalline: I have no words. I genuinely think this guy is trying to tank more than me. I don’t even know how that is possible but he’s doing the impossible. That looked like something out of the garbage NFL when Seattle threw on the goalline instead of handing it off to Marshawn Lynch. We have one of the most active running backs in the DSFL and you decide to throw it? HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHA. I really don’t have to do anything. This is the easiest job of my life.
4:37 fourth quarter (14-21) Bucs Intercept Minnesota: Woah and there’s still some fight left in the good ol’ Bucs defense. How is Thor going to mess up this time? This should be entertaining as hell. But props to the defense for finally deciding to show up. It certainly isn’t as good as I would have done but it’s a valiant effort at least. I mean the defense has scored as many points as the offense has which is a pretty funny thing to think about.
3:53 fourth quarter (21-21) Bucs touchdown xp good: I should have missed that what was I thinking? That would have tanked Zenzeroni’s image so hard. The other teams' fans already hate him and that would have sent Bucs fans into a frenzy. I have seen players cut for much less than that. Oh well, maybe our defense will go back to being nonexistent like they were in the first half.
1:28 fourth quarter (21-28) Minnesota touchdown xp good: There’s the defense I know and love. Cut up like swiss cheese. No shot at defending anything except their benches for the remaining minute of this game as Thor tries not to throw an interception (impossible).
1:07 fourth quarter (21-28) Thor Interception: I CAN’T BELIEVE I CALLED THAT. THERE IS NO WAY THIS MAN IS THIS BAD AT FOOTBALL. HOLY CANOLE THIS IS TRULY INCREDIBLE. I need a picture of Thor in my house immediately because he is my idol for tanking as hard if not harder than me. This is one of the all time best tank jobs in history. This is up there with the best of them for sure and there is no denying it.
Postgame: Oh man that was fun. I am so excited for this slaughter to continue next week this has been a lot of fun. I wonder how Zenzeroni is doing stuck up in jail. I hope he appreciates all the hard work and dedication I’m putting in to make sure he looks as bad as possible when he gets out. It will be a real treat to see what he’s like when he gets out. I wonder wh—
1 day ago
Kansas City Coroner
Inmate Escapes KC Jail
Developing Story - Developing story out of Kansas City this morning an inmate has successfully staged a prison escape by getting a helicopter to repel down what looked to be a long piece of spaghetti and tying himself to said spaghetti string from the jail yard and riding away on the helicopter. The inmate's identity is unknown at this time but we will provide more details as details become available.
RE: Zen Thoughts Ep.4 - Which witch is Which? - Assistant to the POR GM - 08-28-2023
You really trying to blame it on your brother?
RE: Zen Thoughts Ep.4 - Which witch is Which? - lock180 - 08-28-2023
(08-28-2023, 08:44 PM)Bamford13 Wrote: You really trying to blame it on your brother?@"Bamford13" 2:40 in the fourth quarter "Zenzeroni loves to blame everyone but himself so I wouldn’t be surprised if he threw someone or something under the bus instead of himself."
RE: Zen Thoughts Ep.4 - Which witch is Which? - homercrates - 08-28-2023
You do you boo... throw that guy under the bus.
Manha Manha
doo doo do do
Manha Manha
do dodit do
RE: *Zen Thoughts Ep.4 - Which witch is Which? - lemonoppy - 08-30-2023
Ban kickers