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+---- Thread: *Zen Thought's Ep.6 - The Final Frontier (/showthread.php?tid=47462)
*Zen Thought's Ep.6 - The Final Frontier - lock180 - 09-14-2023
Previously on Zen Thoughts:
Zenzeroni was part of a lab experiment run by Doctor Fettucini Mozarella that implanted a chip in his brain, called "The Noodler” that was able to read and manipulate his thoughts throughout the season causing hallucinations and chaos to reign supreme.
The first episode eased Zenzeroni into DSFL life and provided no outside noise purely focusing on Zenzeroni and his thought process.
But by the second episode, things had already taken a turn for the worse. Doctor Fettucini Mozarella with the help of some outside sources planted an article suspecting Zenzeroni of being a lizard person. Then throughout the next two games, implemented thoughts and feelings of truly being a lizard person. Unable to focus this led Zenzeroni down a dark and twisted path blaming anything and everything around him including the wind, fans, and the opposition. Things would only continue to get worse for Zenzeroni as Doctor Fettucini Mozzarella caused Zenzeroni to see a hallucination of his old friend who had tragically passed away before he could see Zenzeroni play in the DSFL.
When the third episode rolled around Doctor Fettucini Mozarella continued to ramp up the experimentation with some strange side effects. The hallucination of Zenzeroni’s dead friend once again paid him a visit but this time actually left something in the physical realm, a flip flop. Zenzeroni continued to be rattled by his own thoughts and upon seeing an innocent Go Bucs sign thought it was a poster making fun of him for being a lizard person so he took it and broke it over his knee. Then upon losing Zenzeroni would go into the stands and fight his dead friend in the stands with the flip flop that was left for him thinking his dead friend was there watching the game making fun of him. This is when communication with the chip malfunctioned and Doctor Fettucini Mozarella had to improvise.
With Zenzeroni in jail due to his reckless behavior. He was set to be released for his next two games however the experimentation team, worried about what Zenzeroni may or may not have known, staged a Zenzeroni exit from jail when it was really his brother Zenzizenzizenzic Xystarch. Zenzeroni’s brother played incredibly poor and the chip that was now also in his brother’s brain proved to show Zenzizenzizenzic’s carelessness toward everyone and everything around him. Zenzeroni broke out of jail and knocked his brother out making his triumphant return to the DSFL but without much knowledge about who exactly was responsible for keeping him in there for so long.
Heading into the homestretch of the season the experimentation team had lost all control over the functions of the chip in Zenzeroni’s head unable to execute behavioral changes or hallucinations at will. Zenzeroni appeared blissfully unaware and as the games continued on Doctor Fettucini Mozarella continued conversing back and forth with an unknown person whose last letter was as follows:
From the desk of REDACTED:
To: Dr. Fettucini Mozarella
Don’t worry. It will be fixed. Be prepared. Our time is near.
- REDACTED
We pick up now moments after Zenzeroni arrived home receiving and reading a letter that he received from an unknown person.
From the desk of Alfredo Marinara:
To: Zenzeroni Xystarch II
Preface: Dear Zenzeroni, this has been given to me by your good friend Linguine Zamboni who informed me upon something happening to him, you should receive this letter 1 full year after his death. That time has come and what you read below was written days before he would tragically fall to his death under mysterious circumstances into a vat of tomato sauce.
Dear Zen “The Spaghetti Splitter” Xystarch,
I wish I were writing this in better circumstances and that I could provide some humor within this letter but alas there is no time for that. I have uncovered a secret operation going on at our rival college school “Mario’s Meatball Madness University for Culinary Masters”. It appears they have not been too happy with your success and likelihood of making it into the DSFL and beyond. I have been following one of their top guys, a guy by the name of Doctor Fettucini Mozarella and have uncovered some alarming information. It looks like they are creating some weird device that is supposed to be placed in your brain and has the ability to manipulate you. I think they are calling it “The Noodler” and are hoping to use it to make you miss as many kicks as possible and make you a disgrace to the league and force you to retire or even worse….change positions. I’m trying to be careful about how close I get to the experiment but I’m afraid I may have gone too deep already. If you are reading this then that likely means I have indeed gone too deep but hopefully, this can get to you in time to save you from the dangers that you may be facing. Oh, and one more thing; this may hurt to know this but I thought you should know, it looks like your father Zenzeroni Xystarch is the one financing the whole operation I have seen his name on multiple letters Doctor Fettucini Mozarella has received. I know you two never got along but it seems he is trying to make sure to ruin you as best he can.
With great concern,
Your friend,
- Linguine Zamboni
PRESENT DAY
Zenzeroni Xystarch II's Official Press Release
What you are reading is not Zen’s Thoughts, at least not in the form you are used to. To whatever sick people have been reading and analyzing what I have been thinking over this past season I hope you’re happy. You are probably wondering where the normal format is so let me tell you that the whole “experiment” has now been shut down. Upon reading the letter that I assume I will have put before this official release, I contacted the proper authorities who shut down Doctor Fettucini Mozarella’s whole operation.As far as my father well, he will always be a thorn in my side. The great hall of fame baseball player with more rings than he has fingers always wanted me to play baseball but when I was born with noodle arms it became impossible. And he couldn’t handle that so he disowned me and threw me on Disappointment Island in the middle of the Pacific. I have clawed myself up to where I am today and do not plan on stopping anytime soon.
Since you are wondering what my thoughts are on the final four games I will sum it up in three words; disappointed but hopeful. Disappointed about missing the playoffs by one game despite winning our last 3 games and despite having the most powerful and strong teams in the league. Pair that with an incredibly active locker room and I thought surely there was no way we wouldn’t make the playoffs but now here I am writing this PR paper while the Pythons and Luchadores get ready for their big game. Two teams who we beat handily leading up to the playoffs. It’s a season of what could have been and that’s why the other word rings true.
Hopeful. Hopeful in what next season has to offer. Whether it is on the Bucs continuing to kick for the best team in the DSFL or moving up to the ISFL and kicking with the pros I am more than prepared for whatever is next for me and my career. There will always be the haters (my father included) along with a slew of other rookies thinking I am worthless and constantly hazing me. But you learn to drown them out after a while. They all have the same talking points. Nothing original. Ban kickers they say. Except they all come crying to me when things don’t go their way. Funny how that works.
I end the season 36/37 in xps and hitting 26 field goals which is tied for most in the league. I hit a career, and BBB record setting 56 yard field goal which is one of two field goals I both attempted and made which were the first time I had ever made a 50+ yard field goal in an official game both in the DSFL and throughout college. As far as punting was concerned I didn’t have to do too much. With our amazing team, they really limited the work needed for me but I still posted a league high 46.7 yard average punt and league high long 65 yard punt.
All in all, it was a great season and I look forward to what the future entails. My rivalries will continue with the likes of OJ, Bamford, DL, and Crazy Tomato and new ones will be etched in stone including an unexpected one in Thomas Passarelli, a recent traitor from right under my nose. As a final message, I want to shout out all my Bucs teammates. From the rookies like Passarelli, Triceracop, Thor, Pete Moss, and Ryan McBean to midseason acquisitions like Bolt and Kirby and finally to the veterans of the team like BMP, Hugandkiss, Dylan Duma, Sanchez, Cleocatchra, and everyone else that I may have forgotten that made this season special. And a final shoutout to the wonderful GM’s that brought me to their team in the first place, Jenni and Akoustique I wouldn’t be here without you.
And with that, I think I have touched on everything. To the ISFL GM’s reading this just know that I don’t care about my team at all. All I care about are my personal stats and I will drag everyone down with me if I don’t get what I want. Just kidding! Love you all! And I look forward to where the next chapter ends up taking me.
Au Revoir mes amis!
Zenzeroni Xystarch II
P.S. I’m sure there are a million typos I don’t have the time, nor want to put in that much effort, nor CARE, to fix them so you will just have to suffer.
RE: *Zen Thought's Ep.6 - The Final Frontier - lemonoppy - 09-22-2023
I wanna play the number guessing baseball game