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+---- Thread: *Zen Phones Home (/showthread.php?tid=47967)
*Zen Phones Home - lock180 - 10-07-2023
The following phone call took place on October 6th 2023 following the brutal Yellowknife Wraith’s loss to the Chicago Butchers.
View Discretion is advised
*Phone Ringing*
*Phone Ringing*
*Phone Ringing*
Triceracop: Hello? Who is this?
Zenzeroni: Who do you think it is?! What were you doing? Sleeping??? Why the hell did you not answer on the first ring?!
Triceracop: I–
Zenzeroni: It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what just happened tonight. Do you know what I’m talking about?
Triceracop: Ye–
Zeneroni: Of course you do everyone and their mom saw what happened tonight. My new ISFL team the Yellowknife Wraiths just lost to the worst team in the league! Not only that but my survivor prediction (not that I’m betting on games or anything) was on the Wraiths to win the game. How could my own team knock me out of the game like that?!
Triceracop: I don–
Zenzeroni: 36 million dollars could have been mine! Do you know what they pay me to kick a ball?
Triceracop: Well–
Zenzeroni: 1 million freakin dollars! 1 million! That’s it! They said something like “Oh you can get money through media deals” or something like that. Bullshit. Who cares what a kicker has to say about anything. The fanbase already hates me because the prized rookie the Wraiths took got suspended and when they found out I was all that was left they were extremely disappointed. Yellowknife is miserable! Do you know what there is to do in Yellowknife?
Triceracop: Let me–
Zenzeroni: NOTHING. There is nothing to do here! I had more fun stranded on an island with poisonous animals than I am in the middle of nowhere Yellowknife! I keep wanting to call it Yellowstone but trust me even that desolate place is better than what it's like playing here. But I’m getting sidetracked. I called because I wanted to know if you had seen the game earlier tonight?
Triceracop: You–
Zenzeorni: Oh that’s right I already asked that question. Of course you’ve seen it. That’s right. We lost 34-16 to the Butchers. THE BUTCHERS!!! Do you know how bad they are? They are BAD. How could a team that I’m on be so bad as to lose to the Butchers?
Triceracop: Mayb–
Zenzeroni: I truly do not understand how it is possible. Oh wait I do. I will let you have a guess. Any guess as to what may have been the reason we lost the game against the worst team in the league. Go ahead…
Triceracop: If I–
Zenzeroni: That’s right our QUARTERBACK. What the hell was he doing?! I thought Thor was a bad quarterback but this guy may have topped even him. It’s truly mind boggling. 4 Interceptions! 4 of em! And you will never guess how many fumbles we had to go along with that.
*Long silence*
Zenzeroni: Go ahead and guess.
Triceracop: Zen–
Zenzeroni: That’s right another 3. That’s 7 TURNOVERS. What the hell? I thought this was the big leagues but I didn’t realize we decided we were going to play butterball from now on! I’m thinking about quitting and making my own team because this is ridiculous. I could handle losing in the DSFL because who even cares about winning a championship in the secondary league anyway?
Triceracop: Ze–
Zenzeroni: Besides Portland of course. They think they are so cool because they have a quarterback that should be in the ISFL by now and their wide receiver Bamford just rubs it in everyone’s face. Those are fake stats in a fake league buddy. Learn to grow up. You will get slaughtered by corners once you are in the ISFL big boy. No offense Triceracop you can understand my anger though I’m sure.
Triceracop: I ge–
Zenzeroni: And the worst part of it all….Triceracop guess what the worst part of it all was.
Triceracop: Te—
Zenzeroni: Two of those interceptions were intercepted by Amanda HugandKiss. My former teammate on the Buccaneers. How could she do something like that to a team she knew I was on? I really thought we had bonded at Bondi Beach and she goes and stabs me in the back. It’s truly unfair. OH and I almost forgot. You will never believe how much our quarterback is getting paid.
Triceracop: How much?
Zenzeroni: 4 Million dollars a year. 4 MILLION. FOUR MILLION to throw interceptions every other play. It’s ridiculous! And our amazing running back tandem of Akinfenwa and Tolliver. Guess how many touchdowns and yards they had.
Triceracop: on—
Zenzeroni: ZERO. ZERO TOUCHDOWNS!. Somehow Unit chucked the ball up and was able to miraculously score 2 touchdowns but our top tier running backs didn’t score a single touchdown! But even worse! Neither one reached 100 yards….COMBINED. And you know what that means?
Triceracop: Wh–
Zenzeroni: That means I scored more points than both of them with a grand total of 2 points! TWO! And you know why I had so few points?
Triceracop: Why?
Zenzeroni: BECAUSE WE KEPT TURNING THE BALL OVER TRICERACOP. HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION?! You don’t understand how badly I want to quit the ISFL and return to Bondi Beach.
Triceracop: Zen–
Zenzeroni: At least then I’d be on a winning team…
Triceracop: Zen–
Zenzeroni: I mean look at all the weapons you guys have! You have yourself of course…
Triceracop: Zen—
Zenzeroni: Then there is the man you are protecting. And while he may not have been amazing when I was there he seemed to be improving and by the end of the season, he looked like a force to be reckoned with.
Triceracop: Zen—
Zenzeroni: And of course, the most crucial piece on offense BMP is still going strong which is great to see. The rushing leader himself is an impenetrable wrecking ball….
Triceracop: Zen we lost.
Zenzeroni: And then the rookie class looks strong as well. I mean picking up Doctor Who at defensive end is a great addition to an already stacked defensive side of the ball.
Triceracop: Zen we lost to Norfolk on Thursday.
Zenzeroni: Then you got Local Cryptid as TE and you know how good the last TE’s have been that have gone through the BBB system. And I’m sure with a name like that you are thrilled about having them on the team. And how could I forget seasoned veterans like Blorgl and Cleocatchra to help usher in the young rookies on defense?
Triceracop: And Passarelli is their GM now.
Zenzeroni: I mean with all those weapons, a great mixture of veterans and rookies, and the best GM’s in the business I have a feeling you guys may be on your way to an undefeated season. And frankly, I would much rather be on a team that is winning than on a team that lost to the CHICAGO BUTCHERS.
Triceracop: GOD DAMMIT ZENZERONI SHUT YOUR MOUTH FOR ONE DAMN SECOND AND LET ME TALK. WE LOST TO NORFOLK ON THURSDAY WITH PASSARELLI AS THEIR GM. WE LOST 7-6 AND OUR KICKER MISSED A CHIP SHOT THAT WOULD HAVE WON US THE GAME. SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME BACK!
*Long Silence*
Zenzeroni: On second thought I think I’d prefer to be on the Wraiths though. Thanks anyway.
*Lots of banging and the sound of things breaking on Triceracop’s line*
Zenzeroni: So I’m just going to hang up now…..
Triceracop: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE–
*Zenzeroni hangs up*