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+---- Thread: *Coming Out: Midwest Emo (/showthread.php?tid=48269)
*Coming Out: Midwest Emo - Jiggly_333 - 11-04-2023
![[Image: E3EedrBXEAgoXFr.png?name=orig]](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E3EedrBXEAgoXFr.png?name=orig)
It’s no secret that Midwest Emo loves music.
“I mean, it’s a part of my name, isn’t it? It’s a part of who I am and a lot of my identity sort of starts from there.”
So it came to no one’s surprise that the New Orleans Secondline defensive end had music to share. However, the announcement of Emo’s new album “All At Once” came with another message that was a bit more unexpected.
“I am bigender. My pronouns are both she/her and he/him.”
Midwest Emo entered the league as a fairly pedestrian defensive end and has so far had a quiet rookie year. This may have been due to the team’s overall struggles on defense, but there was really no reason to note the late third rounder coming into the season. Except for a single milestone. While the league had long since broken the gender barrier and even the species barrier, there had yet to be an openly non-binary player. So this change came as a shock to some around the league. However, Emo explained his process.
“I know I took a lot of pride in being the first non-binary player in ISFL history, but I took some time to actually look into myself. I think that it’s important to have that conversation with yourself as often as necessary. If you feel uncomfortable with where you are in your life, sometimes you need to ask if you are comfortable with who you are. And especially when it comes to things like gender and sexual identity, there’s so many definitions and so many different lenses to look at yourself with, that sometimes you need to reevaluate your position. After some careful thinking, some conversations with myself and those close to me, I came across the bigender identity and just felt like it explained more about myself than non-binary did.”
A “Bigender” identity, for those unfamiliar with the wider scope of genderqueer identities, comes out of a combination of feminine and masculine identities. It is not the absence of gender in agender nor a rejection of the binary in a non-binary identity, nor is it a gender-fluid identity in which there is a fluctuation in where the individual places themself on the gender spectrum. Bigender, in Emo’s own explanation, comes from an embrace of both sides of the binary. That both the feminine and masculine identities exist within the individual at the same time and make the whole of the individual.
“I see myself not as one side of a spectrum or as someone completely off the spectrum, but as someone who encapsulates the spectrum. I like to joke that rather than being non-binary now, ‘I am the binary.’”
All of this comes at a time where Emo is looking to grow more as both an athlete and a person.
“Every step you take should be towards the place that you want to go. As a pass rusher, I am trying to get to the quarterback, so every step needs to be driving forward. Even if I’m getting around the tackle to get to the pocket, every step is towards the backfield. I think that your life should be like that. You’ve got to find something that you believe in, find the person that you want to be, and try to make every step forward that you can possibly make. Even if it’s just stomping your foot into the ground to get a better stance against an opposing lineman, you need to be pushing. So even if it’s just a re-visualization of who I want to be, it’s still important to embrace that identity without any regret.”
So far this season, Emo has garnered just 16 tackles in her sixteen games, but 6 of them have been sacks. In fact, she even picked up a team game ball with two sacks against the Orange County Otters in Week 5. As the Secondline have struggled this season, Emo still looks forward to the future.
“I want to do what I can to make sure that this team succeeds. Every single player has a part in this game and I will do my part as hard as I can on every down. There have been times where I’m not fully up for a game and I know that I’ve faltered. I know that I’ve let my team down at times. But all I can do is pick everything back up and go again. And part of getting my head right out on the field is getting my head right off of it. And I’m thankful for all of the help that I’ve received from my friends, my family and all the others who have kept me going on this journey to find who I want to be. And what I want to be right now is the best damn edge rusher New Orleans has ever seen.”
Whether his dream will come true or not is a mystery for another time. But it’s heartening to see someone find himself within the game of football. So often we see this game drag people down, but not so often do we see someone built up. As his career carries on, maybe we’ll see another identity out of Midwest Emo. But whatever he does, we can rest assured that he will be himself every step of the way, trying to be the best version of herself she can be.
So, this article is for Midwest Emo, who may not be my most well-written character or my most three-dimensional character, but is one of my most personal characters. If the grader wants to stop grading at the end of that, it's fine. That was 885 words, we can go on from there. But from the line on, this is for me. I also need to come out.
I am bigender.
Yeah, I gave my character the same gender identity as myself. Haven't most people? I'm known as someone who always writes gay girls into my stories. Now, as an actual screenwriter, it's almost a calling card. Everything I write has to have an athlete or a lesbian. I think that, if you're a man who writes about lesbians that much, you need to have a sit down and ask yourself if you yourself are one. I had that conversation, along with some who I met within this league, and came out the other end with an answer. I think that it must have been either timeconsumer or youngtb who first called me a "male lesbian", but that's about where I am. And after learning a bit more about the broad spectrum of gender identities, it's something that stuck with me.
I wrote most of the normal article sober, but now I'm about a quadruple martooni deep, plus the equivalent of maybe two brandy manhattans (I am very generous when I pour, so it's a lot) and I think that's appropriate. I think the best explanation of my gender identity comes from a meme I saw once of a Misato cosplayer bullying a Shinji cosplayer. On the one hand, I am a fragile little lad who just wants to be loved and cared for. On the other, I am a drunk, horny, and overly aggressive lesbian. I am not one or the other, I am both. I am the mech that both are piloting. And so a lot of my erratic decision making can sort of be taken in that way. I want to be seen, but I also want to hide. I want to be heard, but I also don't want to speak. I have a lot of inherent contradiction inside of me and a part of improving myself is recognizing it. It's embracing that it exists and that it is a part of who I am. And it also means embracing that I shouldn't take on the sort of role where that contradiction can lead to something that hurts people. Because I never want that to happen.
I have used this league as a playground way too often. I have created characters that have been too much for people, I have been a person that is too much for people. I get that. I've started therapy recently and started working on some of the issues that have been embedded in my identity for a long time. I'm someone who seeks out being accepted by people, I seek validation. And I think that I've put too much into this league over the past... six years, holy fuck. I've put too much into it where I'm trying to test the limits of who I am. I've taken on leadership roles, I've tried to take on emotional roles, and I've definitely played out enough sapphic fantasies with my characters I've written. I've used sim leagues as a way to not only discover the sort of stories I enjoy telling, but to also train myself within the way I tell stories. Hell, if I take that article I wrote above and place it next to an actual interview that I did with a real player, there's not much of a difference.
So I want to say thank you to this league. No matter how many times I've been knocked down, no matter how many times I've walked away, I've come back. Because it's still got that same something that I love. It's still got that same core meaning to me. I joined in 2017 after graduating high school cause I had nothing else better to do. Now, here I am with a college degree, still nothing better to do. But I've found people that I love. People who have pushed me to be a better person, who've pushed me to think critically about who I am and who I want to be. And there is nothing more that I can ask for from a community. To have people who help you look within, who help you to be better. There are still some who I hold grudges with, but I'm sure that maybe in a real conversation, we can solve it. It's fine. All of this has been done to keep this community moving and growing.
As one of the last of the S1 originals, I just want say that it's amazing to see where the NSFL has come. Or, now the ISFL. We went from something that felt so exclusive to a place where anyone is welcome. It is a place where people are allowed to play around in a comfortable space. Where you can write a character who isn't who you are. A character who is the person you wish you could be. Or a character who you wish you could see. Simulation sports in general are a beautiful thing and none of us should ever forget that. The core of what we do here is that we are all telling a story together. And we have seen dynasties, we've seen scandals, we've seen dominance, and we have seen redemption stories. I'm not sure if I'll ever truly have my redemption. I've skipped a couple weeks of PTs the past few weeks as I've had some bad mental health days, but my point is that anyone can turn it around. If you believe in who you are, if approach what you do with love, and if you strive to be a kinder person every day, then you'll be back to wherever you want to be. No matter who you are on the other side of that tunnel, you will be someone who is worth the effort.
In conclusion, the people who I want to thank have already been thanked. They already know who they are and they know that I love them. I've tagged enough people long gone from this league. Some are gone from this world. But they played an important role in my development as a human being. And for those who don't know me, for those just sorta reading this cause it's a new media piece, I want you to look around at those around you. I want you to think about the influence that they have provided you. Even if they're a piece of shit, that's still something that can change you. Be better than you think that you can be.
As for me, every time I've entered a new ISFL discord server, I search my name. It's impulse, it's a destructive impulse, but I need to know how I'm perceived. I'm incredibly vain and overly interested in how other people see me (likely because of a lack of outside social interaction/validation away from the internet). And something I've seen constantly is people using various different pronouns and there's always someone there to correct them. So I'll just step up and say right here that I'm fine with he/his and in the future I'll be able to take on she/her/hers. That's because I know that I'll never be "him", but also because I know I need to work on myself. I'm a fat fuck and I have some gender goals. Some of it may be unrealistic, some of it is pretty damn reasonable. And I want to earn to the right to be "her" someday. So I'm not gonna pitch a fit if I'm misgendered, I've dealt with that plenty in my life (my high school principal called me a girl twice when I was a freshman and a sophomore). But I just want to earn my gender, you know? A part of what drove me to finally coming out is to make myself accountable. That I wanted to work on my self-image issues with the purpose of working on my gender issues at the same time.
So, with that being said, I swear to fuckin Haruhi if you DM me with a "Wow, you're so brave. Thank you for coming out," I will take that as a "fuck you". You can say what you want in the thread, but if you've got anything to say directly to me about my gender, it better be workout tips so I can lose weight. Cause if I can't be "Him", I want to be "Her" someday. I don't need HRT for my transition, I need workout routines and martial arts training.
Also, while I've got you here: Trans rights or you can go fuckin die. I may not be specifically trans, but I'm somewhat under that umbrella and we've got enough of the ladies here to tell you to fuck off if you don't believe that trans people deserve to live.
<3 Jiggly
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - Jiggly_333 - 11-04-2023
Now I'm gonna watch the first halfhour of Spirited Away again while I finish my brandy.
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - WALDO - 11-04-2023
jiggly saw the bank account getting low and knew it was time
all jokes aside, congrats jiggly. glad you're becoming yourself more and more and im even more glad the league can help you do that. as for workout tips: literally just doing basic cardio and eating better will kill fat so quickly. im down like 20-25 pounds in the past two months from that alone. you've got this!
and when's that new album coming out?? it's been 4 years!
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - JoeSteel - 11-04-2023
Trash bag under your clothes will help you sweat out a lot of weight. Had to do that in wrestling to drop weight in a pinch. Cardio is probably the hardest on you but the most efficient.
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - Baron1898 - 11-04-2023
Thank you for sharing, Jiggly. I know it’s trite to say that you are brave to come out, but I also know it rings true. Best of luck in your journey forward.
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - Jiggly_333 - 11-04-2023
(11-04-2023, 01:54 AM)WALDO Wrote: jiggly saw the bank account getting low and knew it was timeI've been focusing more on screenwriting over the past couple of years, so I don't have many new songs right now. Plus, I didn't go on to make a third at that point cause I wanted to actually put some work into the production of it and create a more full sound. But I did get a new guitar recently and my access to screenwriting software is about to run out, so maybe.
all jokes aside, congrats jiggly. glad you're becoming yourself more and more and im even more glad the league can help you do that. as for workout tips: literally just doing basic cardio and eating better will kill fat so quickly. im down like 20-25 pounds in the past two months from that alone. you've got this!
and when's that new album coming out?? it's been 4 years!
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - Gadget - 11-04-2023
(11-04-2023, 02:34 AM)JoeSteel Wrote: Trash bag under your clothes will help you sweat out a lot of weight. Had to do that in wrestling to drop weight in a pinch. Cardio is probably the hardest on you but the most efficient.I never want to cut for wrestling ever again. I remember sleeping in 4 layers with the heat on max day before weigh in to make weight was some of the most miserable sleep I’ve ever gotten
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - WALDO - 11-04-2023
(11-04-2023, 10:39 AM)Jiggly_333 Wrote:(11-04-2023, 01:54 AM)WALDO Wrote: jiggly saw the bank account getting low and knew it was timeI've been focusing more on screenwriting over the past couple of years, so I don't have many new songs right now. Plus, I didn't go on to make a third at that point cause I wanted to actually put some work into the production of it and create a more full sound. But I did get a new guitar recently and my access to screenwriting software is about to run out, so maybe.
all jokes aside, congrats jiggly. glad you're becoming yourself more and more and im even more glad the league can help you do that. as for workout tips: literally just doing basic cardio and eating better will kill fat so quickly. im down like 20-25 pounds in the past two months from that alone. you've got this!
and when's that new album coming out?? it's been 4 years!
NEW JIGGLY ALBUM RAHHHHH
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - Jiggly_333 - 11-04-2023
(11-04-2023, 06:41 PM)WALDO Wrote:I do have my guitar out and Ableton open now.(11-04-2023, 10:39 AM)Jiggly_333 Wrote:(11-04-2023, 01:54 AM)WALDO Wrote: jiggly saw the bank account getting low and knew it was timeI've been focusing more on screenwriting over the past couple of years, so I don't have many new songs right now. Plus, I didn't go on to make a third at that point cause I wanted to actually put some work into the production of it and create a more full sound. But I did get a new guitar recently and my access to screenwriting software is about to run out, so maybe.
all jokes aside, congrats jiggly. glad you're becoming yourself more and more and im even more glad the league can help you do that. as for workout tips: literally just doing basic cardio and eating better will kill fat so quickly. im down like 20-25 pounds in the past two months from that alone. you've got this!
and when's that new album coming out?? it's been 4 years!
NEW JIGGLY ALBUM RAHHHHH
RE: Coming Out: Midwest Emo - manicmav36 - 11-04-2023
(11-04-2023, 02:34 AM)JoeSteel Wrote: Trash bag under your clothes will help you sweat out a lot of weight. Had to do that in wrestling to drop weight in a pinch. Cardio is probably the hardest on you but the most efficient.
This is wildly unhealthy, and should definitely not be done. The weight you lost was water. You were dehydrating yourself, and this can be very dangerous. As soon as you drink a glass of water that weight will come right back.