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+---- Thread: *Dear Sim Team (/showthread.php?tid=48822)
*Dear Sim Team - lock180 - 12-12-2023
I don’t want to rant and I know no one wants to hear me rant. I was going to wait until the end of the season like I did last season until I spilled my heart out for all to see. However, I have sat here, week after week, watching my team be punished by the sim for NO reason and quite frankly, I’m sick of it and so is the rest of my team! I have been elected spokesperson by my team and I plan to do them justice. This is a formal complaint to HO regarding the actions of the sim team this season and a request to resim the entire season. Here are the reasons why:
Game 1 @ Colorado
The first game up for discussion is a game against the Colorado Yeti who at the time of writing this have the best record in the ISFL. Good for them but I won’t sit here and pretend like nothing fishy is going on here. For casual viewers to see a final score of 35-27 you would think it was a pretty standard game but to those watching they would know they witnessed quite possibly the most insane final 4 minutes to a game that didn’t involve a score ever to occur. Let me set the scene for you: The Wraiths are trailing 35-27 with roughly 4 minutes left on the clock. The Yeti have the ball and are looking to end the game. We should have seen what was about to occur coming considering earlier events in the game. Multiple times on both teams players fumbled the ball but were able to hang on but in these final four minutes, some sim magic started to occur. It all starts with a Mcdummy 2nd and 19 interception with 3:40 to play in the game. Plenty of time to score and potentially tie the game for the Wraiths especially because they are on the Yeti 32. But wait. After an incompletion a Wraiths receiver fumbles and gives the ball right back. But wait. 3 plays later the Yeti fumble and give the ball right back. But wait. After an incompletion a Wraiths receiver fumbles and gives the ball right back and at that point, the game was over.
Now look, I ain’t sayin I’m a gold digger….sorry that song’s stuck in my head. What I was going to say is I have become known for voicing my opinion oftentimes not necessary correctly but very passionately but when someone else who isn’t me voices their frustrations with the sim you know something is going on. This is an exert from a user who will remain anonymous talking about the game: “you think you've seen it all come here. first the interception by claypool. Fumble on 2nd play for us. fumble on 3rd play for them. THEN. FUMBLE ON OUR 2nd PLAY. YOU CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP. like how do you even make an excuse of like. "yo sim heads what the?". like you think we'd be able to drive down. tie it up. gives ourselves a chance. but no. we wanted to put ourselves in history. tell you what. my brain is just feeling the imprint of this game. it hurts. it so hurts. Trust me i started getting excited. then i was smiling. then i was laughing. then i was in dismay. i couldnt believe it”.
The Problem: The sim was CLEARLY glitched and the sim team didn’t do anything about it. Four turnovers in the final four minutes HELLO?! I’m not saying we would have won but you can’t tell me that was our own doing. And look at the trauma this game caused one of your users. Is that what you want to be advocating for in this league? I don’t think so.
Intermission
I know, I know. Intermission already? Yes unfortunately it is intermission while we take out the trash. There is no place for the behavior of one of our players so he must immediately be removed from the team. This isn’t anything to do with the sim this is just one person’s bad behavior causing his team to suffer. Removing the player was a necessity but that doesn’t change the fact that Yellowknife was at a tipping point and the sim gods were about to let this sled tip right over the top of the peak and start hurdling downhill.
Game 2 vs Orange County
The sim gods knew Yellowknife deserved a win after dealing with off the field issues so they granted a 27-7 win over the Orange County Otters. There isn’t much to say about this one except for the fact that the sim team knew what they were doing. Feeling bad and giving us a win is nice and all but they had doomed us for the next week and salivating at what was to come.
Game 3 vs Berlin
48 points. That is a LOT of points. In fact, according to Nathan Meagher, no one has ever scored that many points and lost. And no team has scored more than that and lost. Why am I mentioning this now you are asking yourself. Well inquisitive Ivan, we have arrived at game #3 of our sim screwing spectacular. Now that the sim team script writers have gotten a win out of the way it is full steam ahead to make Wraith losses as painful as possible. This game saw only 2 field goals the whole game. That may not seem terribly abnormal but putting in perspective the final score would be 54-48 I think it is warranted to bring that up. But no the sim team has decided the teams are going to play with two offenses on the field at the same time going back and forth with no defense to play against.13 touchdowns were scored in this game. I don’t think you understand. 13 TOUCHDOWNS were scored in one game. That is more than teams score in total points much less touchdowns. This was an exciting game sure but of course, the sim team had to make their mark. With 5 minutes 30 seconds to go in the game Akinfenwa scores a touchdown and 2 point conversion to give the Wraiths a 48-45 lead. After a few punts, the Fire Salami’s executed the 2 minute drill to perfection scoring a touchdown and taking a 48-52 lead with less than a minute to play. This would have been an agonizing loss as is but the sim team wasn’t satisfied. The sim team wasn’t satisfied with the over 1000 yards of offense, 13 touchdowns, and a perfectly executed 2 minute drill. Both team's defenses had been nonexistent but for this final series, the sim team decided to cause a false start on Yellowknife then thought. You know what would be funny? A FUCKING SAFETY. Good defenses have a hard time getting a safety on a normal day but you gave the SALAMIS a safety now?! This is a disgrace to the league.
The Problem: The game was high scoring and fair play for giving the Salamis a 2 minute drill touchdown. But to give them a safety as the icing on top for no other reason than to embarrass an already embarrassed team? That is unacceptable.
Game 4 @ Cape Town
The sim team finds a new way to make us suffer every game and this was no exception. Cape Town is a good team we get it (at least we thought so at the time) so we weren’t necessarily expecting a win. But just let them beat us fair and square. The sim team decided to push the ref ball button on this one giving the Wriaths 9 penalties for 70 yards. How many penalties did Cape Town get? 1 for 5 yards. GREAT JOB SIM TEAM! THEY REALLY NEEDED ALL THE HELP THEY COULD GET ON THIS ONE! Not like they won 34-10. I mean wtf are these calls even? Anytime we do something good you immediately take it away from us. We get a sack but a blind ref calls a facemask. We get a nice run but the refs call unnecessary roughness…. ON THE OFFENSE. HUH?! WHAT?! Plus nearly half the penalties were done by bots. Our team is still building up as is we don’t need the sim team gifting us terribly incompetent bots to make us even worse!
The Problem: Penalties. Bots. Battle Star Galactica
Game 5 vs Chicago
So we’ve arrived at this game huh sim team? Game 5 vs Chicago. We lost this game. I’m sure no one is surprised by that at this point. But like every game previous, it’s something new just to really drive that knife in. You LOVE seeing the pain and frustration we feel every game don’t you sim team? So what is it this time? Not penalties, not a garbage time safety, not four turnovers in four minutes. No. None of that. This one was going to be a slow burn. Really mix things up a bit. Throw 3 interceptions and one fumble throughout the entire game? Check. Miss 3 field goals throughout the entire game? Check. Be unable to convert on fourth down? Check. Giving us everything possible to fail. Why us? What have we done to warrant this behavior? It’s not like we were good last season. Go mess with another team. WE are bad enough on our own we don’t need the sim teams help to be bad. I know you are resimming our games until you get the result you want.
The Problem: Giving us a slow burn loss and not allowing 9 potential points to be scored that would have won us the game.
Game 6 @ Baltimore
I think this quote by Uber properly sums up my thoughts on the sim “The sim cares not for reason, only blood”. Except let me add a word to make it correct “The sim TEAM cares not for reason, only blood”. There is no reason for us to be losing these games. Against “good teams” maybe against the teams we have faced so far? No. Barring the Cape Town game our other 3 losses up to this point have been one score games and our one win was a blowout. So we are 0-3 in one score games and you already KNOW the sim team is giggling in their little penthouse suite thinking they are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO clever. But we are playing Baltimore this week so they just give us a blowout loss and call it a day. Looking at their scripts they must have realized they have Beatz on their teams so they gave him 5 touchdowns and a nearly 130 passer rating just for the fun of it.
The Problem: Insider betting. I know it’s happening you can’t hide it from me. I know you all want to win your fantasy leagues and cash in on your bets.
Game 7 vs Sarasota
The sentiment by the entire team after this game is that the sim is screwing us. I know that it is really the sim team behind these shenanigans but some of my teammates fear for what I might say about them based on last seasons end of season rant. But don’t worry teammates because we have a common enemy this time around. I was skeptical about how involved the sim team was in all of this considering we are still building a team for the future but. Diving in deeper it is clear that the sim team has tactically made the Wraiths the laughing stock of the league for no reason whatsoever. This time around in Sarasota they keep us on the edge of our seats for 3 quarters with Sarasota holding a tight 27-23 lead heading into the fourth And Zenzeroni even kicks a field goal to make it 27-26 early in the fourth. But this must have been when the sim team woke up and realized the Wraiths might actually win so with one press of a button they give Sarasota two touchdowns to make it seem like a blowout when we would have actually won had they not stepped in.
The Problem: Asleep at the wheel. The sim team forgets they are simming at times. I know teams put hours upon hours into simming their games and I think this may be a problem for the sim team. They are falling asleep when important games are happening allowing for mistakes to happen. For instance, us losing to Sarasota.
Game 8 @ San Jose
It’s all just a bunch of bullshit, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter who we play when we play how we play. The end result is always going to be the same. So how did it happen? Well the sim team must have been laughing extra hard at this one because they granted us a 104 yard kick return to give us a 20-10 lead in the third but then, and this is where I envision the impractical jokers laughing behind the scenes meme, they give San Jose a 96 yard pass along with a field goal to tie the game. But we score a touchdown and take the lead. The excitement is building within the Wraiths locker room despite a San Jose touchdown we have a 27-23 lead with 2 minutes to go and punt it to San Jose. The very next play the sim team dials up a 55 yard bomb for a touchdown giving San Jose the lead 27-30. Then the sim team has San Jose refuse to run out the clock and kick a field goal just as one last fuck you. That also brings our total one score game record to 0-4!
The Problem: Giving big plays to the opposing team after giving us a big play (there should be a rule outlawing this kind of behavior. Kind of like how Mahomes believed the offsides on Toney should have been negated because it was a "cool play" and that not having it would "hurt Kelce's hall of fame chances").
So here we sit approaching game number 9 with nothing left to give. So I first ask the sim team; You have brought us to our lowest of lows. There is nowhere else for us to go. At least let us go on a bit of a winning streak so that we aren’t completely in the dumps. We have suffered enough and I think deserve a little pick me up. I’m not asking for playoffs I’m asking for just a few wins. Is that really too much to ask for?
And to HO. SHUT THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS DOWN RIGHT NOW. I WANT THAT PLACE CLEANED STARTING FROM THE TOP DOWN. THEY HAVE BEEN LYING, CHEATING, COLLUDING, BETTING, SLEEPING ON THE JOB, AND I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. The Wraths organization has been unfairly prejudiced against by the sim team and we will not take it any longer. So I ask for a complete resim of the season. OR granting the Wraiths an automatic playoff spot for the sadness and frustration the sim team has caused us.
One last thing before I finish off this article, what the fuck is up with my kicking sim team? I go from one of the best kickers in the league last year to being Charlie Brown? A 68.4% field goal percentage? What the hell is that about? If you are going to punish my team at least leave me out of it. That being said I’m not so sure you are involved. I believe it has to do with another series I have been working on. I have been following the history of the (allegedly) best media writer in the league Baron1898 and my most recent article was on her kicker Venus Powers. Well, I think she has put a curse on me to make sure I don’t surpass her in the record books and don’t make the hall of fame. The curse of Venus is very real but I won’t back down. Part III is coming soon to a media page near you.
RE: Dear Sim Team - UptownCord - 12-12-2023
Skill issue
RE: Dear Sim Team - Thor - 12-12-2023
Damn he put in a formal complaint, guess we gotta resim it then. Roll it back everyone, season starts today!
RE: Dear Sim Team - juniped - 12-12-2023
Ctrl + f: Juni
0 results? Sick I'm safe brother
RE: Dear Sim Team - Baron1898 - 12-12-2023
Quote:I don’t want to rant
X to doubt
Also every kicker knows that the higher TPE you go, the worse you do. That’s life in the Kicker Mafia for you.
RE: Dear Sim Team - DREAMSLOTH - 12-12-2023
no wonder you are rich
RE: Dear Sim Team - homercrates - 12-12-2023
once again, from the mouth of ______.
every sentence an adventure, roller coaster ride through beautiful sarcasm, madness, oblivious narcissism. Karenzeroni Xystarch II (once agian i tripple check my spelling of the beasts name, lest I gain his ire)
All Pen no legs. The Sultan of Satire. The bard himself.
RE: *Dear Sim Team - lemonoppy - 12-14-2023
Should probably spend some of your writing time training to kick better