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+---- Thread: *THE DOGHOUSE Vol. 4 (/showthread.php?tid=49553)
*THE DOGHOUSE Vol. 4 - Brad Woof - 01-30-2024
DOWN-UNDER DICTION DILEMMA! DEBUT DSFL-ers DEMAND DISCONTINUATION of DISCRIMINATION!
What appeared to be an innocent draft-day jest has now become a cause for concern for the DFSL's Bondi Beach Buccaneers, as reports allege that the club was serious about their calls for their draft picks to learn Australian.
"Get ready to learn Australian, buddy!" Buccs GM Triceracop (@"fireyheart") was heard announcing prior to each of their draft picks, usually to the crowd's delight. The DSFL draft presentation was full of fun and funny quips and jokes to both entertain and inform their viewers and prospective players but now that the draft has come and gone, players are getting nervous. Anonymous sources revealed to The Doghouse that many of the international players are having great difficulty adapting to the bizarre Australian language and they fear repercussions for not learning quickly enough.
"As a time traveling dinosaur-human hybrid from the year 3045, I find it offensive and quite frankly concerning that there are rumors that our players are forced to learn Australian," Triceracop responded to The Doghouse's request for comment. "Sure, all of our play calls are in Australian, as is all of the signage in our training facility at Emu War Memorial Stadium. But this is all part of the training process intended to shape this team into the Greatest Show On Surf. Honestly, they should just be glad we didn't make them learn Pirate."
Alarming threat aside, it appears Bondi Beach is content to "suggest" that their players learn the mind-boggling language, while obviously setting them up for failure should they choose not to. It certainly would surprise no one at The Doghouse if players that can't understand the playbook or get lost in their stadium suddenly became unemployed.
Conversely, reports also suggest that there are some benefits being provided by Bondi Beach in order to incentivize their players to learn the language. "We get rewarded in baby kangaroos if we do it!" says Buccs rookie CB Walter Yensid (@WalterYensid). Adorable!
But more importantly, also illegal. Under Australia's Nature Conservation Act of 1992, it is expressly illegal to buy, sell, or own kangaroos in the country, which raises the questions of: Where are these baby kangaroos coming from and why do the Buccaneers think they can offer them as pets? Complex international legal issues are a deeply undesirable headache for the ISFL/DSFL Head Offices so we expect any actions or reprocussions for Bondi Beach to come quickly.
The Doghouse has reached out to ISFL HO for comment.
RE: THE DOGHOUSE Vol. 4 - Triceracop - 01-30-2024
This quote was taken out of context, I demand arbitration.
RE: THE DOGHOUSE Vol. 4 - WalterYensid - 01-31-2024
I demand my baby kangaroo