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*ISFL Weekly Mirror, Eighth Edition - griis - 03-01-2024
ISFL Weekly Mirror
Eighth Edition
Senior Correspondants: @griis/@jreed12
Intern: @McGriddy10
Profit Split: 45/45/10 griis/jreed12/mcgriddy
![[Image: XTc4OiS.png]](https://i.imgur.com/XTc4OiS.png)
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Letter from the Editor: Unmasking the Illusion of the ISFL!
Greetings, you captivated denizens of the ISFL! It is I, jreed12, Senior Correspondent for the great publication known as the ISFL WEEKLY MIRROR. I would like to step out from the shadows and air my mind on a few topics in a never-before-seen LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:
Behold, the Orange County Otters, the self-appropriated monarchs of the ISFL! Admired by many, yet beneath the glittering facade of these cute little shell-cracking critters lies a mirage, a team gasping for air, in the thin atmosphere of their own delusions. Their charm? A concoction of smoke, mirrors, and a dash of hubris. Step back, dear readers, as the Mirror shows the Otters for what they truly are – a feast for our amusement, not for Ultimus glory!
As we navigate this carnival of chaos, let's lift the curtain on the shadowy secrets lurking within the economy of the ISFL. Raven, that sneaky pickpocket, dances in the shadows, threatening the very soul of our beloved league with his BANKS that seek to TAKE your MONEY. Fear not, for the ISFL Weekly Mirror wields the torch of truth, ready to pierce through the darkness and uplift the true hero of our league, JDC, and his marvelous CASINO!
And now, this brings me to the final topic of my letter. The one and only Zenzeroni Xystarch II.
Ah, Xystarch, the audacious puppeteer of kicker lore, twirling through the ISFL stage, orchestrating a macabre dance of words and kicks alike. In his grand carnival of rhetoric, where each phrase is a flicker, there lies a foreboding melody, a harbinger of chaos for those entangled in the lyrical tango. As he spins his verbal tapestry in “THE YEAR OF THE JOKER”, the league watches with baited breath, for in the theater of banter, the line between jest and incendiary provocation is as thin as angel hair pasta…
Oh, Xystarch, you dare to dance on the same stage where the legendary Venus Powers once graced with unparalleled finesse? The echoes of her majestic kicks still resonate, casting a daunting shadow over your every attempt. Can you, in truth, EVER hold a candle to the incandescent legacy she left behind?
And let us not forget the dark overture of the Molotov footballs that shattered the stillness of the night at the Head Office (HO). Whispers in the underbelly of our great league insinuate that Xystarch indeed orchestrated this fiery spectacle! As our suspicions confirmed, hidden beneath the guise of the kicker's movement! Was he the unseen hand that flung those flaming projectiles, or a mere bystander ensnared in the chaos?
While Xystarch waltzes through his very verbose linguistic concerto, let it be known that the ISFL Weekly Mirror, a beacon of precision-point perfection, stands firm in its commitment to unleashing the antidote of truth. Xystarch, your words may fire up your readers, but they shall never rival the piercing precision of the Mirror's revelations.
And now, dear readers, my accomplices in curiosity: rest assured that the ISFL Weekly Mirror remains the ULTIMATE harbinger of truth! We shall delve into the abyss, dragging reality into the light, unmasking the grotesque dealers of deception. Truth is both our weapon and our shield!
Until next time,
![[Image: BH10fmN.png]](https://i.imgur.com/BH10fmN.png)
jreed12
ISFL Weekly Mirror Senior Correspondent
Media Meltdown! Bamford's Job Bungling Shakes ISFL Weekly Mirror!
In a shocking turn of events, the ISFL Weekly Mirror found itself at the epicenter of a media maelstrom as our intrepid Internal Specialist, Bamford, was unceremoniously ousted from its ranks early Wednesday. Citing an "unprecedented breach of contract," the Mirror's spokespeople revealed that Bamford had crossed a line that no media entity should dare to tread.
Contract Catastrophe! Xystarch's Machinations!
The incident stemmed from a recent payout conundrum where Bamford did not receive his due diligence of a 1% contribution to Volume 5. This led Bamford to seek higher pay; however, he will soon learn that media budgets in the ISFL are cramped and his resumé may not stack up to the compensation he believes he deserves.
We reached out to Raven, Head of the Banks, as to why Bamford did not get paid for his contribution to this piece of media, but received no further comment at this time.
Legal luminary AJ wasted no time in pointing out the glaring infraction—section 3.5 of Bamford's contract explicitly forbids him from collaborating with any other media-producing entity in the ISFL for the duration of FOREVER. It seems that the nefarious Zenzeroni Xystarch II, the kicker notorious for his alleged involvement in the Molotov Football incident, had ensnared Bamford into his web of trickery.
With accusations of an attempted coup flying like the dreaded Molotov Footballs, the Mirror suspects a covert strategy attempting to dismantle our humble publication from within. By luring Bamford into the folds of his publication, "The Year of the Joker," Xystarch appears to be playing a dangerous game of subterfuge!
Bamford’s Legacy! Welcome McGriddy!
During his tenure as Internal Specialist, Bamford lent his ink to stories that reverberated the unstoppable pulse of truth the ISFL Weekly Mirror sought to shine throughout our great league. From exposés on the Otters' controversies to tracking down the mysteries of Paul McGlaughlin, his contributions left an indelible mark.
As we bid adieu to Bamford, the ISFL Weekly Mirror proudly welcomes our new Internal Specialist, McGriddy! Along with managing successful players in the ISFL, McGriddy recently earned a 34 on his ACT! Looks like the SMARTEST publication in the league just gained a new protégé!
With fresh perspectives and unwavering dedication to journalistic integrity, we look forward to ushering him into a new chapter that continues to illuminate the truth for our voracious base of readers!
CrazyTomato's Culinary Catastrophe! A Feast of Food Follies!
In a culinary carnival that left the taste buds of ISFL onlookers in turmoil, CrazyTomato, the self-proclaimed "Pro Cook," unleashed a barrage of hot takes that sent shockwaves through the ISFL Discord. As he boldly donned the mantle of a “gastronomic revolutionary”, his unconventional food opinions left a trail of devastation in their wake.
Ketchup Chronicles! Midwesterners’ Meltdown!
Picture this: Ketchup on pizza, a savory sacrilege that defies the very essence of traditional pizza perfection. If that wasn't enough to raise eyebrows, CrazyTomato championed the cause of ketchup on spaghetti, arguing that it “helps the sauce stick to the noodles”. A bold theory, indeed.
But the culinary chaos didn't end there. CrazyTomato proceeded to double down. Honey mustard on mac 'n' cheese, a fusion that challenges the very fabric of comfort food conventions. And as if daring the culinary gods, he proposed the unholy union of RANCH and RICE, a combination that left all palates perplexed.
However, the crowning misstep in his tirade was CrazyTomato's proclamation that "potatoes are mid." A statement that elicited gasps from Midwesterners and general potato enthusiasts alike!
Burger Brouhaha! CrazyTomato's Nail in the Coffin!
In the grand tapestry of burger-building, there's an art to achieving the perfect bite – a delicate balance of flavors and textures that dance on the taste buds. CrazyTomato, in his quest for burger brilliance, laid out a blueprint that left many questioning the very foundations of burger architecture.
CrazyTomato's Burger Blueprint:
Bun
Sauce
Burger
Lettuce
Tomato
Onions
Sauce
Bun
The ISFL Weekly Mirror, the staunch gatekeepers of the sanctity of a well-constructed burger, take STRONG issue with this culinary decree. First off, CrazyTomato has given us cause to strike tomatoes from the menu entirely, since even the mere thought of a tomato reminds us of CrazyTomato’s painful hot takes. Furthermore, as TE Tyler Higbee II and other dissenting voices chimed in, the absence of bacon from CrazyTomato's burger manifesto raised eyebrows. And most importantly: where's the cheese—that gooey, melty essence that elevates a burger from ordinary to extraordinary?
The ISFL Weekly Mirror Official Burger Etiquette:
Bun
Sauce
Pickle
Onion
Cheese
Bacon
Burger
Lettuce
Bun
Despite facing a barrage of backlash from talking heads around the league—such as Baron, platanocat, and the embroiled Zenzeroni Xystarch II—the vine-growing vanguard stood unwavering, doubling down on his aspirations to become a professional chef. As the ISFL Weekly Mirror casts a skeptical gaze on this culinary maverick, one thing is clear: when it comes to the kitchen, it’s time to hit the books and learn a thing or two.
Introducing McGriddy: About the New Hire!
Introducing our most recent hire, McGriddy10, who is replacing our previous internal specialist Bumford. McGriddy joined the ISFL on December 1, 2022. In his 1.2 years in the league, he has had two players.
His first player was Quandale Dingle, who was drafted in the S39 DSFL draft in Round 3 with the 23rd overall pick by the Norfolk Seawolves. Dingle played Free Safety for the Norfolk Seawolves in the DSFL’s South Conference. In S40, Dingle was drafted by the Baltimore Hawks in the 3rd round with the 36th overall pick in the S40 ISFL Draft. Dingle never made it to the ISFL as he was retired right before he was to be called up in S42. Baltimore had wanted Dingle to switch to be a Vertical Threat TE, and Griddy was ok with it until he wasn’t.
Griddy’s next player needs no introduction. Meet the WR turned Safety by the name of Mega Tron. Mega Tron was a possession archetype wide receiver while he played for the London Royals of the DSFLs North Conference. Mega Tron was not a highly sought after prospect in the S43 ISFL Draft due to McGriddy’s previous player never playing an ISFL snap. However, one team took a chance not only on Mega Tron, but also McGriddy. That team was the San Jose Sabercats. They picked Mega Tron with the 32nd overall pick which happened to be in the 3rd round. After Mega Tron played his first season post draft in London, he got the call up to San Jose and that came with a position switch to safety which was a position that McGriddy knew all too well and enjoyed. Mega Tron is now up to 719 TPE and is a force to be reckoned with in San Jose.
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Eighth Edition - McGriddy10 - 03-01-2024
I LOVE IT
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Eighth Edition - Assistant to the POR GM - 03-01-2024
You will regret this
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Eighth Edition - lock180 - 03-01-2024
Can I hire the Weekly Mirror as my hype man? You guys know more adjectives than I could ever think of to describe myself so thank you for that.
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Eighth Edition - griis - 03-01-2024
(03-01-2024, 09:18 PM)Bamford13 Wrote: You will regret thisDon't let the door hit you on the way out!
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Eighth Edition - homercrates - 03-01-2024
(03-01-2024, 09:18 PM)Bamford13 Wrote: You will regret thisYou should use the word 'rue' it also aligns with culinary machinations well in sound only but, roux and rue.