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+---- Thread: *ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition (/showthread.php?tid=50316)
*ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition - griis - 03-19-2024
ISFL Weekly Mirror
Ninth Edition
Senior Correspondants: @griis/@jreed12
Profit Split: 50/45/5 @griis/@jreed12/@roquefort
![[Image: tihpIJ7.png]](https://i.imgur.com/tihpIJ7.png)
Honolulu's Trade and Draft Dominance: Genius Gamble or Gaffed Gambit?
The dust has settled on the S47 ISFL Draft, and Honolulu's GM, Icebear, has emerged as the undeniable victor, securing both the coveted first and second overall picks after a series of blockbuster trades with teams such as the perpetually struggling New Orleans Second Line. But was it truly a stroke of glacial genius, or a risky gambit that just happened to pay off?
Draft Day Drama! Icebear's Masterful Maneuvers!
The first of the trades, the infamous “Happy Tanksgiving” trade, was completed between HON and NOLA on Feb 8. It saw NOLA receiving Liv Elsathelookout and Billy Jor-El in exchange for NOLA’s S47 and S48 first round picks, as well as James Batista and Inspector Gadget.
The S47 pick acquired from NOLA would eventually become the second overall, while HON retained the first overall pick after tanking in dramatic fashion. Icebear would go on to make 5 additional trades throughout the season, culminating in “Tanksgiving part 6” on Feb 20.
Many critics initially scoffed at Icebear's rapid fire trades, suggesting that he had been fleeced by his counterparts. However, as the draft unfolded and Honolulu secured both the first and second overall selections, skepticism turned to admiration.
While many pundits were quick to critique, the ISFL Weekly Mirror always knew that Icebear was playing 3-D chess with the rest of the league as he backed his way into the 1OA and 2OA picks back to back as well as a slew of other random assets.
The ISFL Weekly Mirror caught up with Icebear, GM for the Honolulu Hahalua, outside his vacation igloo to see how he felt about the haul his team acquired in the S47 draft.
“I think last season’s 0–5 start was a blessing in disguise,” said Icebear, stroking the wispy furs on his chin as he chuckled. “Got incredibly good value out of our picks acquired through the tank.”
As for those picks? With the first overall, HON took the roving reporter Brad Woof, who was an easy shoe-in across big boards as a first rounder. Second, they took Norfolk Sea Wolves and dedicated Discord yapper Roquefort, another sure shot for the first round.
Super excited with how this class has turned out. And they are creating a super fun environment,” said Icebear, in reference to the aforementioned Woof and Roquefort, as well as the rest of the HON S47 draft class. The polar pundit also noted that HON has three first-round picks in next season’s draft as well.
Around the League! ISFL’s Finest Sound Off!
When surveying GMs around the league, the ISFL Weekly Mirror found that many were actually impressed and applauding Icebear’s moves. While seemingly suspect at the inception, including many of the same GMs who said Icebear got “fleeced” by the Tanksgiving trades, the attitude after the draft seems to beat to a different drum.
During our interview at the Mirror, Berlin Fire Salamanders GM Gadget promptly stated: “as an Icebear multi myself, I feel that Honolulu's draft went perfectly, and that the plot to intentionally sabotage Berlin is coming along well.”
The ISFL Weekly Mirror is seeking immediate follow up for these unprecedented comments.
New Orleans Second Line GM Tmoney viewed the trade as a success for both teams. “HON gets to kick start their rebuild with 2 top picks, and NOLA potentially opens their window a season sooner,” said the NOLA GM.
Tmoney was called into Head Office (HO) for a random drug test later that day, unrelated to his comments.
Tmoney felt confident about the haul they received in return, including some draft capital NOLA felt they transformed into sleeper picks. “One is kind of sleeper, but I know some teams, including ourselves, had a very high draft grade on, and that's Matt Wilkins (Irthen). We expected them to be gone much earlier in the draft, so when it came to grabbing them with our pick, we literally sprinted to the podium. The other steal is Lloyd Boernsteen. There's limitless potential there, and we're hoping we can find a way to unlock it!” said Tmoney.
Tmoney had nothing but positive things to say about Ice’s top picks, WR Brad Woof and CB Roquefort, adding that Honolulu “had their pick of the litter and they chose the top dog in Woof. It's a solid pick for them, and sets the standard.”
As for being the second overall pick, Roquefort was quick to jump to his usual yapping ways. We sent Leo Simon Schwartz, father of 9, Weekly Mirror affiliate and S46 draftee to the Hahalua to catch up:
“How do I feel about being drafted to HON? Haha, what a preposterous question! How else could I feel but fantastic! Wonderful! Safe!? Splendid! So many adjectives I could use. In the last four days since the draft I've discovered that deep within me I've always had a pool of infinite love and loyalty for the team,” said the mouse cheerfully.
“In fact, I've become so tribalist since the draft that I have blocked every user who isn't from my team. I've already accepted a minimum contract and I look forward to forcing my way back here on my next 8 recreates. I've always loved Honolulu, and I think I would literally die if I tried playing somewhere else.”
Shrouded in Controversy! JJ What's Surprise Switcheroo!
The drama doesn’t stop there—in a stunning post-draft maneuver, Icebear also orchestrated a blockbuster trade to acquire WR JJ What from the Chicago Butchers right before the S47 preseason! The deal instantaneously sent shockwaves through the league and ignited controversy over JJ What's unexpected position switch and Icebear's willingness to take on the volatile talent.
After being Drafted to the Butchers, What was in competition for WR1 behind Chicago’s already established Sem’ga Nah’sim, managed by TheCC. JJ What's sudden transition from WR to CB, unapproved by Chicago, caught many off guard and sparked immediate debate and speculation within the Butchers locker room. With rumors about a bad fit in Chicago and a trade quickly sounding off, it seems Icebear was the first to pounce on the arctic seal.
News of the trade and JJ What's controversial trade quickly spread across the league's message boards like wildfire, with TheCC saying “More like JJ What were we thinking amirite?”
With JJ What's reputation for unpredictability and hotheadedness preceding him, all eyes are now on Icebear to see if he can harness his motherlode of new talent’s potential. Post-Tankalulu, these trades represent a high-risk, high-reward gamble, with the outcome likely to shape the team's fortunes for the next decade to come.
When questioned about whether Icebear was up to his usual tricks, Tmoney stated: “No bungling this time. But Ice still sucks.”
Nickname Mystery Reveals Lemonoppy's Media Magnamanity!
Is it Lemonoppy, or Lemonpoppy? While the username of the S47 Most Dedicated Member unequivocally spells Oppy, confusion reigns supreme in the ISFL—as a significant faction of users adamantly asserts that Poppy is the correct moniker and debate rages on.
The Mandela Effect! Collective Misconception!
Prominent figures within the ISFL, including CROney, negs, and amjohnson, stand firm in their belief that Lemonpoppy is the accurate rendition of this user's name.
Various references throughout media, Discord history, and podcasts refer to Poppy, rather than Oppy, in broad daylight. Many users seem to agree with this shocking sentiment, outright DENYING that Oppy is the correct nomenclature.
However, the ISFL Weekly Mirror theorizes that users might be experiencing the Mandela Effect, in which collective understanding of a term is different than how it actually occurred. Such seems to be the pattern with the aforementioned Oppy. However, the ISFL Weekly Mirror suspects that something more complex is afoot.
Media Graders Ring Unveiled! The Mirror Investigates!
Oppy has been responsible for much of the media grading over the past few seasons, in which our beloved Mirror was in hot contention with other inferior publications. As you may know, readers, Media payment is performed on a $2,000 per word basis, but graders have autonomy to award BONUSES to media they may find particularly exceptional!
We asked Raven, Head of the Banks, which criteria or rubric graders were provided with in order to award bonuses, but received no further comment at this time.
As speculation runs rife, the ISFL Weekly Mirror delves into the possibility of ulterior motives behind a seemingly harmless confusion in nomenclature. Could Lemonoppy, renowned for his role as a media grader, be utilizing the ambiguity of his many usernames to hatch a scheme about media windfalls? In a comprehensive, never-before-seen investigation, the Mirror vows to uncover the truth behind media payouts!
Checkbook Comparison! The Mirror Sets the Standard!
The ISFL Weekly Mirror remains steadfast in its commitment to upholding integrity within the league, ensuring that all members are held to the same standards of accountability and clarity.
With that being said, the ISFL Weekly Mirror is the highest bar of quality for media in the league, and thus, should in theory receive the highest bonus payout per publication.
Let’s take a look at several recent bank records, involving payouts for the Mirror against the schizophrenic ramblings of the embroiled kicker Zenzeroni Xystarch II. In theory, Xystrach’s incomprehensible word vomit is so incongruent, it should receive no bonus at all. His particularly torrid “Bye to Losers”, a reactionary piece to the fine exposé published by the ISFL Weekly Mirror, clocked in at 2,367 words.
Under the ISFL’s standard payment model, this should have given Xystarch a base payout of $4,734,000. However, on February 20, 2024, Oppy sent Transaction 53832 to Xystarch under the premise of this media, with a payout of $5,545,950. This is a whopping $811,950 difference, or a 17.2% bonus!
Now, let’s explore the original piece which Xystarch reacted to, Volume 6 of the ISFL Weekly Mirror. In a concise 1,079 words, the Mirror painted an illustrious canvas of the current happenings in the league.
Under the ISFL’s standard payment model, this should have earned griis, jreed12, and besmirched former intern Bamford, a collective sum of $2,158,000. After analyzing the transactions to each recipient, the ISFL Weekly Mirror found that Oppy delivered the following payments:
Transaction 53826, to griis, for $1,160,000.
Transaction 53827, to jreed12, for $1,160,000.
Transaction 53828, to Bamford, for $300,000.
This amounts to a grand sum of $2,620,000, or a well-deserved 21.4% bonus! So, it appears for comparable media, the finer standard of journalism received its due diligence in a higher bonus! Furthermore, despite rampant false accusations of the Mirror underpaying its interns, Bamford generously received over 11% of the cut—CLEARING the bar set by his own contract!
Astute Assessment! Lemonoppy's Grading Revealed!
The ISFL Weekly Mirror, renowned for its dedication to quality journalism, received a commendable 21.4% bonus from Lemonoppy for our media efforts. Contrastingly, Zenzeroni Xystarch II received a bonus of 17.2% for his inferior media, which the Mirror believes is still much too high for the excruciatingly poor quality of the input.
The ISFL Weekly Mirror extends its heartfelt gratitude to Lemonoppy for his unwavering dedication to honesty and integrity in grading Mirror media. However, the ISFL Weekly Mirror expresses its deepest concerns that Xystarch was allowed to run amok with such an unjustified bonus, and hopes that Lemonoppy will continue to maintain the standards put forth by the media council of this great league.
Shocking Arrest Rocks Weekly Mirror! Senior Correspondent jreed12 Nabbed in Explosive Raid, Later Set Free!
In an unprecedented breach of criminal justice, jreed12, our beloved Senior Correspondent at The ISFL Weekly Mirror, found himself in the crosshairs of law enforcement after a scathing exposé from none other than the diabolical Yellowknife Wraiths kicker, Zenzeroni Xystarch II, went viral online.
Compound Raid! Wrongful Writer’s Arrest!
As dusk settled over jreed12's Wisconsin estate on the eve of the S46 Ultimus, chaos erupted as the Simulation Bureau of Investigation (SBI) descended upon the compound following completely unsubstantiated allegations of hoarding of explosive weapons that came DIRECTLY from the top: Head Office (HO)! The ISFL Weekly Mirror wonders, who is this fiendish tipster, and why does NO media account decide to name them???
Reporters described a dramatic scene, with deadly attack helicopters circling overhead and dangerous armored vehicles converging on the property. However, jreed12 submitted to the invaders without protest during his WRONGFUL arrest, showing propensity to work PEACEFULLY with law enforcement!
Media pundits will have readers believe that the subsequent raid uncovered a trove of incriminating evidence, and felony charges quickly stacked up! However, there is NO clear evidence that any weapons were recovered from the compound, nor that jreed12 is complicit in any of the schemes that Head Office (HO) and the FOUNTAIN OF LIES ZENZERONI XYSTARCH II dare to accuse him of!
Media Maelstrom! ISFL Season of Turmoil!
The ISFL Weekly Mirror, the journalistic brainchild of jreed12 and griis, has been mired in controversy since its inception. The Mirror has fought an uphill battle in its never-ending quest to provide the truth directly to the hands of the reader—and has struck fear in the hearts of the league’s most corrupt individuals, who are now quivering to enact any more ill will against innocent rookies and bystanders!
Amidst the backdrop of jreed12's arrest, the ISFL has weathered a storm of chaos. From violent protests to stadium-burning riots, the league's reputation has taken a BEATING, casting a dark pallor over the otherwise ceremonious Ultimus game!
Well, the ISFL Weekly Mirror ponders, maybe the Head Office (HO) should invest more time into curbing the TROUBLEMAKERS of the league, and saving face with the public eye, rather than harassing journalists simply trying to do their job! Isn’t it strange how NO ACTION was taken against the VANDALS of Fishnet Stadium? Nor the scheming kicker who punched holes through the windows of Head Office (HO) with the dreaded Molotov footballs???
Mystery Donor Intervenes! Charges Dismissed!
However, in a pleasant twist for justice, our enigmatic Senior Correspondent has been released from federal custody after an anonymous benefactor posted his $1.2 MILLION bail. In a stunning blow to the prosecution's case, a federal judge has thrown out all eight felony counts against jreed12, citing a lack of substantial evidence and QUESTIONABLE, at best, grounds for indictment.
With the specter of incarceration lifted, jreed12 and griis wasted no time in returning to The ISFL Weekly Mirror's bustling newsroom, immediately resuming their mission of delivering elucidating media to the beloved, passionate readers of the ISFL.
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition - negs - 03-19-2024
who said HON did bad with the trades :>
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition - Dewalt27 - 03-19-2024
This is peak ISFL media
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition - lock180 - 03-19-2024
1. I'm confused. You denounce and question lemonoppy in one paragraph then praise him in another. Do you hate him or love him?
2. Still complaining about money and my media when you earn more per word. IDK what to even say to that. Worry about yourself you are already receiving more of a bonus your own research shows I'm favored less than you.
3. I've still yet to hear which GM's windows these so called Molotov footballs went through and what are you talking about "violent protests to stadium-burning riots" spreading fear amongst the public is the only way you make money these days and its a shame to see your great journalism regarding Honolulu go to waste chasing ghosts and blatantly lying to the public.
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition - amjohnson636 - 03-19-2024
Weekly Mirror back on top I see
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition - lemonoppy - 03-20-2024
lemonOPPY
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition - jreed12 - 03-20-2024
(03-19-2024, 11:19 PM)lock180 Wrote: 1. I'm confused. You denounce and question lemonoppy in one paragraph then praise him in another. Do you hate him or love him?I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened.
2. Still complaining about money and my media when you earn more per word. IDK what to even say to that. Worry about yourself you are already receiving more of a bonus your own research shows I'm favored less than you.
3. I've still yet to hear which GM's windows these so called Molotov footballs went through and what are you talking about "violent protests to stadium-burning riots" spreading fear amongst the public is the only way you make money these days and its a shame to see your great journalism regarding Honolulu go to waste chasing ghosts and blatantly lying to the public.
RE: ISFL Weekly Mirror, Ninth Edition - griis - 03-20-2024
(03-20-2024, 07:00 AM)lemonoppy Wrote: lemonOPPY
certain individuals (*cough*cough* @amjohnson636 *cough*cough*) have been saying otherwise and have spent many hours gaslighting and trying to convince me to stray from the truth