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+---- Thread: *Chapter 34: The Spaghetti Monsters (/showthread.php?tid=51595)
*Chapter 34: The Spaghetti Monsters - lock180 - 06-06-2024
Catch Up on Previous Chapters:
Start From the Beginning: Chapter 1
Most Recent Chapter: Chapter 33
The Book of Zen
Chapter 34: The Spaghetti Monsters
Zenzeroni had been dreading this day the entire week. On the other hand, Linguine couldn’t stop talking about it. “Imagine the two of us, wide receiver 1 and wide receiver 2 lined up on either side of the line of scrimmage. No, no, no. Imagine the two of us, cornerbacks FACING the wide receivers and getting interceptions. No, no, no. What about me as fullback and you as runningback? Think of the powerhouse we could be? Or what if we both lined up on the offensive line. Or what if” Zenzeroni puts in his earbuds to avoid listening to Linguine’s continued theoretical plans on how they would end up playing football together. He had been here before. Well not exactly here, but he had suffered enough trying to play baseball. He knew what playing sports that involved a ball meant for him. He had even felt it as recently as in the tomato fight at the freshmen get-together. He was going to get humiliated again and he just wanted to get it over with.
Linguine excitedly shakes Zenzeroni so much so that his earbuds fall out “ARE YOU READY?! LETS FUCKING DO THIS!!!” Linguine sprints out of the room shouldering the door out of the way practicing his wide receiver and running back skills as he spins around a student walking down the hallway and leap frogs a table. Zenzeroni slowly and dejectedly walks behind him as they make their way to the stadium.
Despite the football stadium being new it was not a nice complex at all. The grass was dried up and patchy with mud visible throughout the field. The scoreboard was just an analog style sign that had to be manually altered to change the score that looked like it belonged (and probably was) in a gym class. There were no bleachers or seating for fans to watch the games from nor were there benches for the eventual players.
Zenzeroni and Linguine arrive just in time for a whistle to be blown which brings everyone to the middle of the field. And by everyone it seemed like the entire school was there.
“Listen up Spaghetti Monsters! I am Grill Chef George Threemen and I am the coach of The Spaghetti School Spaghetti Monsters. Today I will put you through rigorous tests that will prove to me and the rest of this coaching staff if you deserve a spot on this team” Zenzeroni did not have Chef Threemen as an instructor for any of his classes so this was the first time he was getting a look at him and if he hadn’t known better he would have assumed Chef Threemen was an actual football coach. He certainly looked the part of an old school era coach with slicked back hair and a face reminiscent of a member of the mafia. But while he was wearing a nice three piece suit, he countered the look with short gym shorts and crocs that made Zenzeroni really question his taste in fashion. However fashion aside, Chef Threemen was built like a former defensive tackle and clearly had some athletic ability.
“Okay so our first drill of the day is simply playing catch! Everyone go grab a ball and start about five feet away from each other and underhand it back and forth to each other!”
Linguine sprints off, grabs a ball, and runs back to Zenzeroni. “You ready for this? This is going to be so much fun.”
“Uh yeah I guess.” Zenzeroni can hold onto things however he does so by tying his noodle arms around whatever needs to be used. For instance in the kitchen he would loop his noodle arms around a fork or knife like it was tied via a string but catching or throwing an item was quite different and Linguine soon realized this. The weight and shape of the ball made it hard for Zenzeroni to pick the ball up and when he was finally able to pick it up his actual throw didn’t go more than an inch as it fell helplessly to the ground and Linguine would run up and scoop it up before doing it all over again.
Chef Threemen made his rounds walking through the lines and lines of partners tossing te ball back and forth before eventually blowing his whistle again “Okay! Everyone form one giant circle we are going to play an among us style game. Here’s how it is going to work: Everyone is going to close their eyes and I’m going to place the ball behind one person. Then together as a TEAM you all have to figure out who has the football. Sound good?” Everyone nods and begins to form a giant square around the entire border of the field.
“What exactly does this have to do with football?” Zenzeroni asks Linguine.
“I don’t know but I’m sure Chef Threemen knows what he is doing.” Linguine replies excitedly looking on as the Chef Threemen gives instructions.
“Everyone close your eyes!” Chef Threemen shouts. Zenzeroni obliges and the sound of footsteps is all he hears as they get closer then quieter as the Chef works his way around the giant square. Eventually the sound of footsteps gets louder again and Zenzeroni feels something on his noodle arms. He curls them and realizes he is now holding the football. Of all of the what had to be at least a thousand “players” he had been the one chosen.
“Okay you can open them but everyone keep your hands behind your back and begin discussing whenever you are ready!”.
There are murmurs across the group until one guy that must have been at least a junior clears his throat “Who has it? Come on then. Cough it up. Whoever has it better say right now.”
Another person speaks up “I bet he has it and he’s saying that to cover up his tracks!”
“No dipshit I don’t have it.”
Fighting and conversation break out across the field until Chef Threemen blows his whistle “Time to make a guess. Everyone on the count of three point to who you think has the football.” Chef Threemen counts down and everyone points to various people with no clear consensus on a specific person.
“Okay, whoever has the ball go ahead and reveal.”
Zenzeroni brings his arms to the front to reveal he was the one with the ball when he sees everyone else doing the same. Zenzeroni looks to Chef Threemen who is on the floor laughing “Oh my gosh I got you guys so good. HAHAHAHAHHAHHA!” Chef Threemen can barely speak out of breath from laughing so hard “Okay, okay. Thank you all for participating the roster will be posted on Monday and practices will begin that afternoon.”
“What the fuck was that” Zenzeroni asks Linguine in disbelief.
“Trust the process. It was fun wasn’t it?”
Zenzeroni doesn’t respond as he makes his way back to their dorm room.