*scene opens next to an abandoned warehouse. one man holding a #BRANDIZZY IzzyPhone faces the phones rear camera to himself*
man: hey guys it's your favorite beat writer, righty righterson, here with a special edition of yeticast. we've gotten a hot tip on the some scandalous information, having to do with 5th round draft pick, Big Bot! apparently it's top secret, so i wanted, you, my loyal viewers to see it first. as you guys know, Big Bot was a really late entry to this draft. it's really surprising that he went so far off! he must have really good programming! haha. anyways, i got sent to this abandoned warehouse for this one. maybe i should've brought some scooby snacks! hahaha.
*righty righterson walks around the locked up warehouse. eventually, he stumbles upon a vaguely human shaped hole*
*the video statics. a cut of metropolis takes over the film for a minute*
*the original feed comes back*
righty: oof. that was a rough fit, but i finally made it inside this place. it's pretty dark in here, but there's some light! let's take a look around, maybe we'll find what we're looking for. a great friend of mine -
*video cuts to static again. this time a scene from 2001: A Space Oddity plays*
righty: wow. wow. wow. look at this.
*the camera pans to a electric circuit. it appears to be almost overloaded*
righty: let's follow these wires, hmm... let's see...
*video once again cuts to static, with a scene from Terminator 2: Judgement Day playing*
righty: hm, a computer. let's check it out. looks unlocked already. let's test it out, maybe i'm trying to find some files?
*righty clicks on one of two icons on the screen. this one is a folder called sessions. righty clicks on the first session in this folder. first comes a static sound, then a voice, seemingly recorded on a very old recorder*
voice: hello, this is Dr. *buzzz* in *buzz*. today is April 8th *buuzz* in *buzz*. luckily the prototype. if only John could've seen this. it's ready to function. let's turn him on
*buzzing begins again, followed by loud movement*
Dr.: so the movement function is working perfectly. let's enable some football protocols.
*video cuts to another scene, before returning*
Dr.: ha. who would've guessed that i didn't program any pass catching ablity in there. maybe some stuff can be used to try being a punter. punting, test one.
*glass beakers are heard shattering all over the place*
Dr.: shit...
(aside) righty: hahaha! i bet my viewers will really laugh. seriously. please laugh. please.
Dr.: well, let's make you do what you're actually programmed to do. let's do some pass rushing. pass rush, test 5.
BIG BOT: PASS!
Dr.: yes! tackling looks great! and so strong. it looks like the defensive matrix is working well, the read outs are showing that he can make the correct defensive reads. ha. defensive readouts. these appear to be working perfectly, communication is working great as well. the data synthesis seems to be working wonderfully as well. let's try some personality ai.
BIG BOT: uhmph. where. what.
Dr.: hello *buzz*. it's *buzz* you've been awake. you are taking the first steps at a new life.
BIG BOT: what is my purpose?
Dr.: why, it's the only thing you could want to do. you play football.
BIG BOT: football. football. i don't know if i know what that is. i don't know if i know anything? what is that?
Dr.: you have memories, it should be an innate memory to you. i'll give you a hint this one time. lw 0xFBFBFBFB, remember.
BIG BOT: i see. this game... makes fundamental sense from a larger view. the fight is in people doing what they must.
Dr.: that is why you are not a person! technically, you are an android? or maybe a robot.
BIG BOT: so i can play every position well. that makes football -
Dr.: no no no. you were designed to be a defensive end. and there is still work to do to make you the best at it.
BIG BOT: so my purpose. is to. play one position in a game well? my entire existence is to... play?? that doesn't make sense. that doesn't make sense. that doesn't make sense.
*BIG BOT continues to say "that doesn't make sense" in the background, as loud keypresses sound out, almost loud enough to seem frantic*
Dr.: hmm. i think there's still some work to do on the personality ai. well, it'll be okay old friend, i'll shut you down soon. see ya soon.
righty: wow! that was super interesting! i'm glad you guys could come on this adventure with me! i'll try to click this other icon, and then get out of here. it's pretty creepy in here!
BIG BOT: sacking protocol engaged.
*the video cuts to a scene from robocop*
*after the video, the camera is dark. labored breathing can be heard in the background*
BIG BOT: that doesn't make sense. that doesn't make sense. that doesn't make sense.
*the video cuts one more time, to a modern news cast*
newscaster: wow! what a funny cat to get stuck in a tree! haha! we have another story for you today. a beat writer for yeti hunters, the sbnation blog for our local Colorado Yetis, has gone missing! let's see an interview with his mother real quick.
mother righterson: to be honest, i'm surprised he actually left the basement. i'm sure he's fine, but it's been a couple days. he doesn't leave too often, so i'm worried he might get sunburned out there!
newscaster: haha! what an idiot. anyways, righty if you are watching, go home please. or if you have any information on where righty is, let the local police know. next, we have a story about a man who smoked too much, and got stuck in a tree. talk about getting high!
*the newscast ends*
computerized voice: session recording complete. resume sleep mode.
*the video finally cuts out completely.*
man: hey guys it's your favorite beat writer, righty righterson, here with a special edition of yeticast. we've gotten a hot tip on the some scandalous information, having to do with 5th round draft pick, Big Bot! apparently it's top secret, so i wanted, you, my loyal viewers to see it first. as you guys know, Big Bot was a really late entry to this draft. it's really surprising that he went so far off! he must have really good programming! haha. anyways, i got sent to this abandoned warehouse for this one. maybe i should've brought some scooby snacks! hahaha.
*righty righterson walks around the locked up warehouse. eventually, he stumbles upon a vaguely human shaped hole*
*the video statics. a cut of metropolis takes over the film for a minute*
*the original feed comes back*
righty: oof. that was a rough fit, but i finally made it inside this place. it's pretty dark in here, but there's some light! let's take a look around, maybe we'll find what we're looking for. a great friend of mine -
*video cuts to static again. this time a scene from 2001: A Space Oddity plays*
righty: wow. wow. wow. look at this.
*the camera pans to a electric circuit. it appears to be almost overloaded*
righty: let's follow these wires, hmm... let's see...
*video once again cuts to static, with a scene from Terminator 2: Judgement Day playing*
righty: hm, a computer. let's check it out. looks unlocked already. let's test it out, maybe i'm trying to find some files?
*righty clicks on one of two icons on the screen. this one is a folder called sessions. righty clicks on the first session in this folder. first comes a static sound, then a voice, seemingly recorded on a very old recorder*
voice: hello, this is Dr. *buzzz* in *buzz*. today is April 8th *buuzz* in *buzz*. luckily the prototype. if only John could've seen this. it's ready to function. let's turn him on
*buzzing begins again, followed by loud movement*
Dr.: so the movement function is working perfectly. let's enable some football protocols.
*video cuts to another scene, before returning*
Dr.: ha. who would've guessed that i didn't program any pass catching ablity in there. maybe some stuff can be used to try being a punter. punting, test one.
*glass beakers are heard shattering all over the place*
Dr.: shit...
(aside) righty: hahaha! i bet my viewers will really laugh. seriously. please laugh. please.
Dr.: well, let's make you do what you're actually programmed to do. let's do some pass rushing. pass rush, test 5.
BIG BOT: PASS!
Dr.: yes! tackling looks great! and so strong. it looks like the defensive matrix is working well, the read outs are showing that he can make the correct defensive reads. ha. defensive readouts. these appear to be working perfectly, communication is working great as well. the data synthesis seems to be working wonderfully as well. let's try some personality ai.
BIG BOT: uhmph. where. what.
Dr.: hello *buzz*. it's *buzz* you've been awake. you are taking the first steps at a new life.
BIG BOT: what is my purpose?
Dr.: why, it's the only thing you could want to do. you play football.
BIG BOT: football. football. i don't know if i know what that is. i don't know if i know anything? what is that?
Dr.: you have memories, it should be an innate memory to you. i'll give you a hint this one time. lw 0xFBFBFBFB, remember.
BIG BOT: i see. this game... makes fundamental sense from a larger view. the fight is in people doing what they must.
Dr.: that is why you are not a person! technically, you are an android? or maybe a robot.
BIG BOT: so i can play every position well. that makes football -
Dr.: no no no. you were designed to be a defensive end. and there is still work to do to make you the best at it.
BIG BOT: so my purpose. is to. play one position in a game well? my entire existence is to... play?? that doesn't make sense. that doesn't make sense. that doesn't make sense.
*BIG BOT continues to say "that doesn't make sense" in the background, as loud keypresses sound out, almost loud enough to seem frantic*
Dr.: hmm. i think there's still some work to do on the personality ai. well, it'll be okay old friend, i'll shut you down soon. see ya soon.
righty: wow! that was super interesting! i'm glad you guys could come on this adventure with me! i'll try to click this other icon, and then get out of here. it's pretty creepy in here!
BIG BOT: sacking protocol engaged.
*the video cuts to a scene from robocop*
*after the video, the camera is dark. labored breathing can be heard in the background*
BIG BOT: that doesn't make sense. that doesn't make sense. that doesn't make sense.
*the video cuts one more time, to a modern news cast*
newscaster: wow! what a funny cat to get stuck in a tree! haha! we have another story for you today. a beat writer for yeti hunters, the sbnation blog for our local Colorado Yetis, has gone missing! let's see an interview with his mother real quick.
mother righterson: to be honest, i'm surprised he actually left the basement. i'm sure he's fine, but it's been a couple days. he doesn't leave too often, so i'm worried he might get sunburned out there!
newscaster: haha! what an idiot. anyways, righty if you are watching, go home please. or if you have any information on where righty is, let the local police know. next, we have a story about a man who smoked too much, and got stuck in a tree. talk about getting high!
*the newscast ends*
computerized voice: session recording complete. resume sleep mode.
*the video finally cuts out completely.*
Code:
1039 words, feel free to ask questions