*Let Them Eat Cake

[SchwarzNarr]

Claim: Melvin Murder-Moose should continue to be contractually provided cake until his retirement from the league or death, whichever should come first.

Evidence: During the after-party of the S23 Ultimini, Melvin was celebrating with close friends Daria Guava-Fresca, Bjorn Ironside, Tesla Ironside, and Adelie de Pengu. During this celebration, Melvin signaled that he would desire a piece of cake. Guava-Fresca did not comply, and instead shooed Melvin away from the cake. With this refusal of cake, Melvin flew into a fit of rage and murdered Guava-Fresca.

Since then, Melvin’s lawyer made sure to include the stipulation in his contract that he be provided cake at any time. This contract went into effect at the start of the 24th season. Since then, Melvin had numerous disappointments: He wasn’t called up to the Yeti, he wasn’t able to win an Ultimini, and he sucked so badly at the position of kicker, that he didn’t win any awards or probowl nods which previously were earned by Guava-Fresca. However, let it be noted that there are no alleged murders being attributed to Murder-Moose from this season. Additionally, even with team celebrations of his friend Adelie de Pengu becoming a Norfolk Hall of Famer, he was still complacent enough that he did not feel the need to murder anyone. So whether it is a depressing event, or a happy occasion, when Melvin is provided cake, it is safer for the league. Therefore all future contracts involving the moose must also involve the provisions of cake.

[thevoicelesscreator]

- Note taking intensifies -