1000 words on why JKortesi is cool. For him, this might be easy to do. But for many people in the International Simulation Football League, they don’t really know him. And those who do might not think he’s cool. But after reading this, there should be no doubt in your minds that he’s cool. Or there is, I’m just doing this because I want money.
Speaking of money, that’s reason number one why JKortesi is cool. He is in charge of all the bonus media events we get! That’s right, he is the media head person dude, so when we get 1.5x media, it’s him we have to thank. And in this case, we have a special 2x Christmas bonus, we should all be dming him him with songs of thanks and asking him for his address so we can send him late Christmas gifts. And this is just reason number one why He is actually more than just cool, but also awesome.
Reason number two is his player. Or more specifically, all his players. He started off his career back in season 4, with Carlito Crush. Crush was a great tight end on the Portland Pythons for that season, before being drafted to the Colorado Yeti in the season 5 draft. He eventually went on to have a hall of fame career, also playing for the Orange County Otters, where he position swapped to wide receiver and had the most receiving yards, at 1532, in season 9. After that he played on the New Orleans Second Line for a season, before going back to Orange County until season 15, the last one he played. Carlito Crush was eventually inducted into the NSFL Hall of Fame, not only for actually having a good player on the field, but also for being so cool. How else do you think people get their players into the hall of fame? Actually being good?
After the retirement of Carlito, JKortesi created another player, one that might be a little more recognisable, Easton Cole. He was drafted to the Palm Beach Solar Bears (rest in peace), which became the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers, a team that just recently relocated to Bondi Beach in Sydney, Australia. Easton Cole did alright in his rookie season, he had 2266 pass yards and threw 17 touchdowns and 9 interceptions, and had the best completion percentage (64.2%) and passer rating (88.1) among QBs with more than 10 passing attempts. He only played one season in the DSFL, which is unheard of today. Looking at his rookie year stats, there may be a good reason for that. Drafted to the Austin Copperheads at 19 overall near the end of the second round, Cole was the worst quarterback in the league. He has the least yards, completion percentage, and touchdowns, tied for the most interceptions, and had the shortest longest completion and the lowest passer rating. I sure hope Austin had a good running game that season, because Kortesi was looking very not cool and awesome that rookie season. Aaaaaaand I just looked at the home page of the index, the season 16 Austin Copperheads didn’t win a single game, including the preseason. Lmao. Luckily though, the Copperheads were at least a little better in their next season thanks to the progress of Easton Cole, and they weren’t last place in their division, finishing the season with 5 wins and 9 losses, ahead of the 4 and 9 New Orleans Second Line. As the seasons went on, Cole got better and better, not just throwing the ball but running the ball too. In season 20, he had almost 400 yards rushing, better than a few running backs, as well as the third most yards through the air, 3647, and the second most touchdowns, 27. The next season Easton Cole was just 10 yards away from having the most in the entire league, and after that he had a few long rushes, including a 63 yard touchdown. In season 24, when the league changed its name from the National Simulation Football League to the International Simulation Football League, Easton Cole started to slowly fade, throwing and running for fewer yards than he had in years before. In the league’s 25th season in existence, it was clear Easton Cole was not the same caliber of QB he was seasons ago. There weren’t any massive stat losses, but he was barely in the top half of the league for passing yards. This season, season 26, Cole is currently in the bottom half of quarterbacks for yards, which is expected. He’s getting old. Depending on how Austin’s quarterback situation is looking, I would suggest retiring and making a new player to tear up the league with. Every player gets old, that doesn’t make JK less cool or awesome. He also GMed the Copperheads at one point, but I won’t get into that too much because that isn’t cool to some people.
The third reason JKortesi is such a cool guy is that he makes podcasts! Who doesn’t like podcasts? I know I do. In his time in the league, he has made 20 podcasts, as well as been a guest for others’ podcasts on multiple occasions. If you don’t think that’s cool, then go try making your own podcast, and then make 20. I was on a running back podcast once. There was supposed to be more than one. There wasn’t more than one. To make 20? That’s just insane.
And now, the final, and in my opinion, most important reason why JKortesi is a cool user, is that he has a great name. Joe. In my completely unbiased opinion, Joe is the almost amazing name you could possibly have. According to Urban Dictionary, a person who is named Joe is “The most sweet and sesitive man you will ever meet. His heart is so big, sometimes he doesn't know quite what to do with it. He is beauiful inside and out. underneath his ruggid figure, his heart is huge. If you fall in love with a Joe, don't ever let him go. he just might not come back. Dont ever break his heart. He is to fragile. He doesn't care much for play fighting. Josephs always give the best hugs, you know you are safe when you are in his arms. You don't have to even meet him to know he is the one for you. Unsure of himself at times. Knows what he wants and goes after it. Hard to read his mind, but not afraid to share it. Always protects the ones he loves. Will do great things with his life. Probably will even change the world”. If that doesn’t define exactly the Joe we all know and love in JKortesi, then I don’t know what does.
Special thanks to JKortesi for being so cool and awesome that he inspired me to write this article. Because I was inspired to write this by him, I would like 0.1% of this article’s pay to go to him.
Another special thanks to also JKortesi for giving us the holiday miracle of double media on articles above 1000 words. He’s the coolest media head that I’ve written media under and without that I wouldn’t have written this and made money.
Please split the pay 99.9% to me and 0.1% to JKortesi c:
Speaking of money, that’s reason number one why JKortesi is cool. He is in charge of all the bonus media events we get! That’s right, he is the media head person dude, so when we get 1.5x media, it’s him we have to thank. And in this case, we have a special 2x Christmas bonus, we should all be dming him him with songs of thanks and asking him for his address so we can send him late Christmas gifts. And this is just reason number one why He is actually more than just cool, but also awesome.
Reason number two is his player. Or more specifically, all his players. He started off his career back in season 4, with Carlito Crush. Crush was a great tight end on the Portland Pythons for that season, before being drafted to the Colorado Yeti in the season 5 draft. He eventually went on to have a hall of fame career, also playing for the Orange County Otters, where he position swapped to wide receiver and had the most receiving yards, at 1532, in season 9. After that he played on the New Orleans Second Line for a season, before going back to Orange County until season 15, the last one he played. Carlito Crush was eventually inducted into the NSFL Hall of Fame, not only for actually having a good player on the field, but also for being so cool. How else do you think people get their players into the hall of fame? Actually being good?
After the retirement of Carlito, JKortesi created another player, one that might be a little more recognisable, Easton Cole. He was drafted to the Palm Beach Solar Bears (rest in peace), which became the Myrtle Beach Buccaneers, a team that just recently relocated to Bondi Beach in Sydney, Australia. Easton Cole did alright in his rookie season, he had 2266 pass yards and threw 17 touchdowns and 9 interceptions, and had the best completion percentage (64.2%) and passer rating (88.1) among QBs with more than 10 passing attempts. He only played one season in the DSFL, which is unheard of today. Looking at his rookie year stats, there may be a good reason for that. Drafted to the Austin Copperheads at 19 overall near the end of the second round, Cole was the worst quarterback in the league. He has the least yards, completion percentage, and touchdowns, tied for the most interceptions, and had the shortest longest completion and the lowest passer rating. I sure hope Austin had a good running game that season, because Kortesi was looking very not cool and awesome that rookie season. Aaaaaaand I just looked at the home page of the index, the season 16 Austin Copperheads didn’t win a single game, including the preseason. Lmao. Luckily though, the Copperheads were at least a little better in their next season thanks to the progress of Easton Cole, and they weren’t last place in their division, finishing the season with 5 wins and 9 losses, ahead of the 4 and 9 New Orleans Second Line. As the seasons went on, Cole got better and better, not just throwing the ball but running the ball too. In season 20, he had almost 400 yards rushing, better than a few running backs, as well as the third most yards through the air, 3647, and the second most touchdowns, 27. The next season Easton Cole was just 10 yards away from having the most in the entire league, and after that he had a few long rushes, including a 63 yard touchdown. In season 24, when the league changed its name from the National Simulation Football League to the International Simulation Football League, Easton Cole started to slowly fade, throwing and running for fewer yards than he had in years before. In the league’s 25th season in existence, it was clear Easton Cole was not the same caliber of QB he was seasons ago. There weren’t any massive stat losses, but he was barely in the top half of the league for passing yards. This season, season 26, Cole is currently in the bottom half of quarterbacks for yards, which is expected. He’s getting old. Depending on how Austin’s quarterback situation is looking, I would suggest retiring and making a new player to tear up the league with. Every player gets old, that doesn’t make JK less cool or awesome. He also GMed the Copperheads at one point, but I won’t get into that too much because that isn’t cool to some people.
The third reason JKortesi is such a cool guy is that he makes podcasts! Who doesn’t like podcasts? I know I do. In his time in the league, he has made 20 podcasts, as well as been a guest for others’ podcasts on multiple occasions. If you don’t think that’s cool, then go try making your own podcast, and then make 20. I was on a running back podcast once. There was supposed to be more than one. There wasn’t more than one. To make 20? That’s just insane.
And now, the final, and in my opinion, most important reason why JKortesi is a cool user, is that he has a great name. Joe. In my completely unbiased opinion, Joe is the almost amazing name you could possibly have. According to Urban Dictionary, a person who is named Joe is “The most sweet and sesitive man you will ever meet. His heart is so big, sometimes he doesn't know quite what to do with it. He is beauiful inside and out. underneath his ruggid figure, his heart is huge. If you fall in love with a Joe, don't ever let him go. he just might not come back. Dont ever break his heart. He is to fragile. He doesn't care much for play fighting. Josephs always give the best hugs, you know you are safe when you are in his arms. You don't have to even meet him to know he is the one for you. Unsure of himself at times. Knows what he wants and goes after it. Hard to read his mind, but not afraid to share it. Always protects the ones he loves. Will do great things with his life. Probably will even change the world”. If that doesn’t define exactly the Joe we all know and love in JKortesi, then I don’t know what does.
Special thanks to JKortesi for being so cool and awesome that he inspired me to write this article. Because I was inspired to write this by him, I would like 0.1% of this article’s pay to go to him.
Another special thanks to also JKortesi for giving us the holiday miracle of double media on articles above 1000 words. He’s the coolest media head that I’ve written media under and without that I wouldn’t have written this and made money.
Please split the pay 99.9% to me and 0.1% to JKortesi c:
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gib tpe