04-06-2023, 12:31 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-09-2023, 09:54 PM by xenosthelegend. Edited 1 time in total.)
That's right, you thought I was done with Cravy Days? Fool!
Today's report brings us alongside Bill Cravy to the Cravy Inc. Warehouse in Minnesota
Establishing shot, a giant warehouse in an open field, snow falls gently to the ground above the view. The Sports 5 News camera is being carried on foot this time, the cameraman no longer trusted to bring his equipment in the helicopter after the debacle from last time. That's right Barney, no more flights above the open road for you Mr. Butterfingers, those cameras are expensive. Anyway, with the shake of a camera trudging through the snow, we arrive...
"Now then Bill!" Came the quiet oice of our ever important sportscaster Moe Sertanly as he stood outside the great barn doors, football in one arm and microphone snugly in the other. "It was a long trip from Bondi Beach, and after the last game you couldn't take the luxury of the trip away by driving up in the Cravy Boat and getting in your extra training. Was it difficult to leave the machine behind and fly instead?"
Bill shook his head as he fiddled with a large ring of keys, some 40 keys at least on the chain. One of them would open the doors, he was sure of it. "Of course not Moe and frankly I'm insulted that by now you don't realize my training and selling both never stop, certainly not after a game like that. That flight was electric, my teammates are my lifeblood." Came the excited response through the jingling of keys.
"Now that really was an exciting win, the Grey Ducks beat the Bondi Beach Buccaneers in a last laugh before the playoffs, defeating the team that would eventually go on to become the Ultimini champion for the season!" Moe responded. As he did, Bill seemed to finally find the key he was looking for. A rather conspicuous blue and grey stuffed duck hung off the end of it.
"You're damn right!" He shouted, unclear to the audience if his excitement was about ending the season on such a win, or finally finding the key. "And we held them to ten points too, not too bad. It was a hard fought game, but I especially got to hand it to my compatriots on Defense. I mean we were just a wall out there, a flying V that deflected their movements away to the edge, they couldn't see the other half of the field out there Moe!"
With that, Cravy opened the barn doors, opening the view of the Cravy Inc. Warehouse. Piled unceremoniously alongside boxes were heaps of unshucked corn, loose coffee beans, #45 Minnesota Grey Ducks jerseys, empty glass antique-style milk bottles, and footballs of varying degrees of inflation. The cameraman panned quickly away from those so as not to upset any ISFL fans from New England. The bad man Goodell was gone, they would remind themselves as they fled to the safety of the new ISFL organization.
Lining the walls were lines of refrigerators and freezers, each plugged into massive extension cords and labelled with the other famed products in the Cravy line. Beef gravy, lasagna, DEF Milk, 'Dead Doves do not eat', and overpriced eggs. Strange to see the word overpriced on the label, but honesty was an important policy to the Grey Ducks Cornerback. Except in the cases of his other products. Also he never specified chicken eggs, you can't get him on that one!
"My casa is Sue's Casa." Bill broke the silence with his voice echoing off the back of the warehouse, the Sports 5 News team following his lead inside. "Except Sue isn't here on Wednesday or Thursday, so you can crash in here for now. When she's back though this is her casa, so you'll have to stay in a tent outside."
"So Bill, this is where the magic happens. The place where all of the Bill Cravy product line begins, to be sold on the roadside outside the Grey Ducks stadium before and after games. How do you think your tenure in the DSFL has affected your earnings?"
"It's unquestionably better. Tell you what, before I made it my job to chase people down on a big field on national television fueled by nothing but Cravy's Crap (tm), people labeled my products as the unhealthy workings of a madman. But now that I'm famous, I can sell them anything!" He assured him. "Of course I imagine once I lose the thread of fitness and inevitably decline like any player, my fortune will be gone. That's why I gotta sell it all now!"
"I couldn't agree more Bill, and I can't wait to see you flying down the field to take a sip of lukewarm, watered down coffee in the next season. While you're here in the offseason, what are your plans?" Asked Moe.
"My plans are focused completely on the team." Came the response as Bill sat down in a pile of coffee beans, like a bean-bag without the covering. "Our wonderful GM has invited me to discuss further what we can do in the War Room to come out on top next year, and especially after those last few games, I can tell you I am pumped for it. Some of these rookie prospects have shown incredible promise, and I'm excited to see what we can do now that we've such a strong veteran core going into year 2."
With that, the Cornerback took a crunch on some coffee beans and the reported continued to converse with him, their interview straying from the bounds of the DSFL and ISFL, and instead begining to drop into the realm of history and psychology. Two topics on which the pair had no expertise or experience.
Join us next season for the saga's continuation!!
Until then, here is our next product showcase!
Cravy Inc. Product Showcase!
Today's product: Cravy's Lasagna
Lasagna! Cravy's Lasagna, or LAsagna as it is marketed in Los Angeles due originally to a typing error, is not for eating, but for destroying your enemies! The Lasagna is packed with heavy chunks of meat and cheese alongside uncooked lasagna noodles, to be thrown in the face of an opposing team member after they smoke you on the field. Smoke them off the field with the smokey flavors of a lasagna to the face! With Cravy's Lasagna!
---
For the extra 0.5 challenge, I've been super surprised by this game and community. I saw a post on reddit, honestly thinking it was from the Football GM browser game (very fun game I recommend it) subreddit, then realizing after I clicked on it that it was something dedicated to an entirely different type of football simulation: one where everyone claimed a single player, and the whole careers would be mapped out through simulated games, growth in different areas of the sport, contracts negotiated, and articles, graphics, podcasts, entire lore being written. And to top it all off, fun little creative writing projects like these are what we get to use to develop our player? I mean the fact that we can write entire sagas of a player's life based on in this case a character from a podcast, and use that writing to develop that player's growth in the sim, is genius. The whole idea for this league is really cool, and was right up my alley. So I decided to give it a shot. And I found out very quickly, after a brief period of being overwhelmed by the sheer number of discord servers, that not only was it a cool idea, but incredible execution by a welcoming, passionate, and impressive community. The amount of planning and coordination to go into a league like this is huge, and I had no idea that the concept even existed before randomly scrolling through the nfl subreddit just over a few months ago. Been a ton of fun to jump in and get involved in writing posts like these to earn money and TPE, learn what stats work best for the players in this game, join a war room for strategizing and a Town of Salem game run through the community. That's on top of the entirety of the wiki, the backlog of history and updates that people have written, the interesting and funny stories mixed with the more serious players, and the enormous log of statistics going back 40 some odd seasons for 22 teams... the vast community effort that went into making this whole league a reality is staggering. And the thing that unites all of us is football. Those first few days of the offseason always sucked, thinking about how long it would be until the draft, then the preseason games that we'd be waiting for more football. (Or like getting into the xfl or something idk). But most fun of all honestly, just watching the games. Great to tune in for the half hour or so with the rest of the team and cheer on our little dots as they run across the field. So huge props to the entire team and staff of the Grey Ducks, not sure I would have been as excited for this if not for them hyping up the whole team for this season. I am very much looking forward to the upcoming draft both for the ISFL to see what team I end up on next, and for the DSFL to see what is in store next season for the Grey Ducks as the team continues to build.
Today's report brings us alongside Bill Cravy to the Cravy Inc. Warehouse in Minnesota
Establishing shot, a giant warehouse in an open field, snow falls gently to the ground above the view. The Sports 5 News camera is being carried on foot this time, the cameraman no longer trusted to bring his equipment in the helicopter after the debacle from last time. That's right Barney, no more flights above the open road for you Mr. Butterfingers, those cameras are expensive. Anyway, with the shake of a camera trudging through the snow, we arrive...
"Now then Bill!" Came the quiet oice of our ever important sportscaster Moe Sertanly as he stood outside the great barn doors, football in one arm and microphone snugly in the other. "It was a long trip from Bondi Beach, and after the last game you couldn't take the luxury of the trip away by driving up in the Cravy Boat and getting in your extra training. Was it difficult to leave the machine behind and fly instead?"
Bill shook his head as he fiddled with a large ring of keys, some 40 keys at least on the chain. One of them would open the doors, he was sure of it. "Of course not Moe and frankly I'm insulted that by now you don't realize my training and selling both never stop, certainly not after a game like that. That flight was electric, my teammates are my lifeblood." Came the excited response through the jingling of keys.
"Now that really was an exciting win, the Grey Ducks beat the Bondi Beach Buccaneers in a last laugh before the playoffs, defeating the team that would eventually go on to become the Ultimini champion for the season!" Moe responded. As he did, Bill seemed to finally find the key he was looking for. A rather conspicuous blue and grey stuffed duck hung off the end of it.
"You're damn right!" He shouted, unclear to the audience if his excitement was about ending the season on such a win, or finally finding the key. "And we held them to ten points too, not too bad. It was a hard fought game, but I especially got to hand it to my compatriots on Defense. I mean we were just a wall out there, a flying V that deflected their movements away to the edge, they couldn't see the other half of the field out there Moe!"
With that, Cravy opened the barn doors, opening the view of the Cravy Inc. Warehouse. Piled unceremoniously alongside boxes were heaps of unshucked corn, loose coffee beans, #45 Minnesota Grey Ducks jerseys, empty glass antique-style milk bottles, and footballs of varying degrees of inflation. The cameraman panned quickly away from those so as not to upset any ISFL fans from New England. The bad man Goodell was gone, they would remind themselves as they fled to the safety of the new ISFL organization.
Lining the walls were lines of refrigerators and freezers, each plugged into massive extension cords and labelled with the other famed products in the Cravy line. Beef gravy, lasagna, DEF Milk, 'Dead Doves do not eat', and overpriced eggs. Strange to see the word overpriced on the label, but honesty was an important policy to the Grey Ducks Cornerback. Except in the cases of his other products. Also he never specified chicken eggs, you can't get him on that one!
"My casa is Sue's Casa." Bill broke the silence with his voice echoing off the back of the warehouse, the Sports 5 News team following his lead inside. "Except Sue isn't here on Wednesday or Thursday, so you can crash in here for now. When she's back though this is her casa, so you'll have to stay in a tent outside."
"So Bill, this is where the magic happens. The place where all of the Bill Cravy product line begins, to be sold on the roadside outside the Grey Ducks stadium before and after games. How do you think your tenure in the DSFL has affected your earnings?"
"It's unquestionably better. Tell you what, before I made it my job to chase people down on a big field on national television fueled by nothing but Cravy's Crap (tm), people labeled my products as the unhealthy workings of a madman. But now that I'm famous, I can sell them anything!" He assured him. "Of course I imagine once I lose the thread of fitness and inevitably decline like any player, my fortune will be gone. That's why I gotta sell it all now!"
"I couldn't agree more Bill, and I can't wait to see you flying down the field to take a sip of lukewarm, watered down coffee in the next season. While you're here in the offseason, what are your plans?" Asked Moe.
"My plans are focused completely on the team." Came the response as Bill sat down in a pile of coffee beans, like a bean-bag without the covering. "Our wonderful GM has invited me to discuss further what we can do in the War Room to come out on top next year, and especially after those last few games, I can tell you I am pumped for it. Some of these rookie prospects have shown incredible promise, and I'm excited to see what we can do now that we've such a strong veteran core going into year 2."
With that, the Cornerback took a crunch on some coffee beans and the reported continued to converse with him, their interview straying from the bounds of the DSFL and ISFL, and instead begining to drop into the realm of history and psychology. Two topics on which the pair had no expertise or experience.
Join us next season for the saga's continuation!!
Until then, here is our next product showcase!
Cravy Inc. Product Showcase!
Today's product: Cravy's Lasagna
Lasagna! Cravy's Lasagna, or LAsagna as it is marketed in Los Angeles due originally to a typing error, is not for eating, but for destroying your enemies! The Lasagna is packed with heavy chunks of meat and cheese alongside uncooked lasagna noodles, to be thrown in the face of an opposing team member after they smoke you on the field. Smoke them off the field with the smokey flavors of a lasagna to the face! With Cravy's Lasagna!
---
For the extra 0.5 challenge, I've been super surprised by this game and community. I saw a post on reddit, honestly thinking it was from the Football GM browser game (very fun game I recommend it) subreddit, then realizing after I clicked on it that it was something dedicated to an entirely different type of football simulation: one where everyone claimed a single player, and the whole careers would be mapped out through simulated games, growth in different areas of the sport, contracts negotiated, and articles, graphics, podcasts, entire lore being written. And to top it all off, fun little creative writing projects like these are what we get to use to develop our player? I mean the fact that we can write entire sagas of a player's life based on in this case a character from a podcast, and use that writing to develop that player's growth in the sim, is genius. The whole idea for this league is really cool, and was right up my alley. So I decided to give it a shot. And I found out very quickly, after a brief period of being overwhelmed by the sheer number of discord servers, that not only was it a cool idea, but incredible execution by a welcoming, passionate, and impressive community. The amount of planning and coordination to go into a league like this is huge, and I had no idea that the concept even existed before randomly scrolling through the nfl subreddit just over a few months ago. Been a ton of fun to jump in and get involved in writing posts like these to earn money and TPE, learn what stats work best for the players in this game, join a war room for strategizing and a Town of Salem game run through the community. That's on top of the entirety of the wiki, the backlog of history and updates that people have written, the interesting and funny stories mixed with the more serious players, and the enormous log of statistics going back 40 some odd seasons for 22 teams... the vast community effort that went into making this whole league a reality is staggering. And the thing that unites all of us is football. Those first few days of the offseason always sucked, thinking about how long it would be until the draft, then the preseason games that we'd be waiting for more football. (Or like getting into the xfl or something idk). But most fun of all honestly, just watching the games. Great to tune in for the half hour or so with the rest of the team and cheer on our little dots as they run across the field. So huge props to the entire team and staff of the Grey Ducks, not sure I would have been as excited for this if not for them hyping up the whole team for this season. I am very much looking forward to the upcoming draft both for the ISFL to see what team I end up on next, and for the DSFL to see what is in store next season for the Grey Ducks as the team continues to build.