Thomas Passmann, a new wide receiver who just declared for the draft, has had a bizarre start to his career after openly coming out as a Satan worshipper. He insisted that he had never partaken in blood sacrifices, but the way he smiled while he said that still left doubts. His draft stock has plummeted before it could rise due to this controversy, but it did not stop Passmann from coming to his first press conference dressed in a black T-shirt with a red pentagram drawn on it. This is a transcript of his first interview:
Q: So Thomas, why do you worship Satan?
A: I don’t know, I relate to him. I’d say I’m his biggest fan, I mean it’s pretty cool that he rebelled against God, it’s like the American revolution. Also, hell sounds pretty fun, think about it. It’s pretty much a big fire wonderland, and Satan runs all of that.
Q: What are your thoughts on the theory that Florida is actually hell?
A: I don’t know, it could be. It’s hot as a burning oven and there’s ton of crazy people, as well as apocalyptic storms.
Q: How will your Satanic worship effect your football playing?
A: I might say “Hail Satan” after I score a touchdown but I don’t think it will be a big deal. I think people are overreacting and being way too judgmental about this whole thing. What happened to freedom of religion?
Q: Where do you want to be drafted?
A: There’s no team called the Devils, so wherever will take me is fine. I’m willing to play for anyone. It all just depends on how things work out.
Q: How good are you as a player?
A: I’m pretty alright, I got a ton of speed and now it’s just about improving the other things. I work hard and I would say I have a good skill set. I think I’m probably already one of the better wide receivers in the class, but that may just be hubris talking.
Q: What are some of your goals for your rookie season?
A: Just score a lot of touchdowns, get drafted decently, win some games, and make some friends. Sacrifice a few goats along the way while I’m at it. All the good stuff. We’ll see what happens but I’m hopeful that my rookie season will be very, very good and surprise a lot of people.
Passmann is currently not listed on any draft boards but we could see some official projections for him soon. Who knows, maybe his strange personality will help him. GMs are always looking for someone who is willing to mix things up, and Thomas has been nothing if not unconventional. He seems true to his word on being a speedy receiver, but the true test of his foot speed will be when he hits the pitch in a few weeks for his first games. Talk is cheap but his actions will prove his worth, or lack of it, to the pro GMs.
Q: So Thomas, why do you worship Satan?
A: I don’t know, I relate to him. I’d say I’m his biggest fan, I mean it’s pretty cool that he rebelled against God, it’s like the American revolution. Also, hell sounds pretty fun, think about it. It’s pretty much a big fire wonderland, and Satan runs all of that.
Q: What are your thoughts on the theory that Florida is actually hell?
A: I don’t know, it could be. It’s hot as a burning oven and there’s ton of crazy people, as well as apocalyptic storms.
Q: How will your Satanic worship effect your football playing?
A: I might say “Hail Satan” after I score a touchdown but I don’t think it will be a big deal. I think people are overreacting and being way too judgmental about this whole thing. What happened to freedom of religion?
Q: Where do you want to be drafted?
A: There’s no team called the Devils, so wherever will take me is fine. I’m willing to play for anyone. It all just depends on how things work out.
Q: How good are you as a player?
A: I’m pretty alright, I got a ton of speed and now it’s just about improving the other things. I work hard and I would say I have a good skill set. I think I’m probably already one of the better wide receivers in the class, but that may just be hubris talking.
Q: What are some of your goals for your rookie season?
A: Just score a lot of touchdowns, get drafted decently, win some games, and make some friends. Sacrifice a few goats along the way while I’m at it. All the good stuff. We’ll see what happens but I’m hopeful that my rookie season will be very, very good and surprise a lot of people.
Passmann is currently not listed on any draft boards but we could see some official projections for him soon. Who knows, maybe his strange personality will help him. GMs are always looking for someone who is willing to mix things up, and Thomas has been nothing if not unconventional. He seems true to his word on being a speedy receiver, but the true test of his foot speed will be when he hits the pitch in a few weeks for his first games. Talk is cheap but his actions will prove his worth, or lack of it, to the pro GMs.