It won’t be long now until we’re all making mock drafts for the utterly GARGANTUAN class coming into the NSFL. And if you plan on making one of your own, you’re going to need to know what each team needs. And that is where your old uncle Nicky is here to help. I’ll help you find the holes in each team and how urgently those holes need to be plugged for them to bump up that all-important win/loss record. And we’ll grade these needs on a scale from 0-10. Zero means there is no reason to address that position unless it’s as a late-round flier. Ten means the GMs should be sacked if they don’t go here in the first round. Let’s roll.
Baltimore Hawks
Picks available: One in each round except the 8th, where they have none (6th round is from Austin)
QB: 2
Corvo Havran is on his way to Honolulu, to become GM/QB of the Hahalua. But even with that big departure imminent, the Hawks are ready to replace him. Chiki Fujiwara was selected in the fifth round of last year’s draft and has been staying in shape on the Kansas City Coyotes, waiting for his chance to shine. With Fujiwara being protected by being an S21 player, the Hawks can rest easy knowing their future is secure. They could look for Fujiwara’s heir, but it’s far too early to think about that.
RB: 2
Apollo Reed is a seasoned veteran who’s still putting up solid numbers, and Darrel Williams is right there with him, only younger. With the expansion draft on the horizon, the question is: do the Hawks protect both Reed and Williams? I think the smart money is on them only protecting one, and letting the other one get nabbed, and that would leave them with only one running back. However, waiting in the D-League is Rick Skuff, who could slip into Baltimore’s RB2 slot like a comfy pair of sweatpants. Maybe they’ll take a back if someone slides to them, but they look like they’re set at the position.
WR: 7
Errol Maddox is still putting up monstrous numbers in his tenth season. However, he’s in the final year of his contract, so he could choose to resign with Baltimore, only to get poached. It just depends on whether the expansion draft will happen before or after free agency. (Let me know if you know.) On the other hand, Asher Quinn and Chris Kross are young players just waiting for an opportunity to be a #1, either in Baltimore or elsewhere. The bottom line is this: the Hawks are going to lose at least one out of either Maddox, Quinn, or Kross, if not two. So, I’d go ahead and call that a need.
TE: 5
The Baltimore Hawks currently aren’t fielding a tight end. Now, this could be by design. The Wraiths have gone for years without a tight end, but with their potential departures at wide receiver, they won’t be able to cover up those deficiencies. They’ll either need to get themselves a tight end, or more people who can fill in for one.
OL: 7
Lately, we’ve seen a lot of articles discussing the value of a human offensive lineman over a bot. Bots are expensive, and if you can get a human who’s as good for cheaper, you should do it. My logic here is this: the closer a team is to a maxed-out salary cap, the more useful a human would be there. The Hawks only have about 16M in cap space next season, which is not the most, but it’s under the assumption that they’ll use five high-end bots next year. If they go for a human, that would help lower that cap number.
DL: 4
Fabricio Baldari looks like he’s likely to get protected, and Sardine Beaner is safe as an S21. Their third linemen, however, Terry Taffy, is both a free agent this season, and IA. So it’s likely that they’ll need to find someone to fill in the hole Taffy might leave behind. That someone might be Matt Hole, who’s currently stashed in Minnesota, but he hasn’t been the most active guy in the world, and could be usurped by an active mid-round pick.
LB: 9
I think this is where the Hawks need to make a big swing. Raymond Vans is in Season #10 and is still productive, but that might not last (it’s not lasting, he’s retiring, just found this one). Guy Nikko is only a year away from regression, but is at about the same level as Vans. Sandip Bakshi is a piece that can be played wherever, but he’s already in regression too. Here’s the kicker: all three of them are free agents, and there are no actives in the D-League waiting to replace them. So this needs to be the early round move. Take the best linebacker available, maybe two if one falls to them in the mid-rounds.
CB: 8
Marquees Acho has already made his retirement known, and Xandra Troyski is in her 12th season. She hasn’t made any retirement announcement yet, but if she stays another season, regression is going to give her a really bad time. That just leaves Juan Marston as Baltimore’s lone corner, and he’s been inconsistent with his updates, and I wouldn’t want to rely on him as the undisputed #1. This should be a position of great importance.
SF: 4
When the Baltimore Hawks drafted Walt Green and Logan Uchiha in the first two rounds of S15, I remember thinking they’d be set at the position for a decade. They’re both in Year 7, and yep, that’s looking like a winning prediction. (EDIT: Fatih Terim was drafted with Green, not Uchiha, my bad.) Walt Green has been plugging away for years for the Hawks, and Uchiha still pops up from time to time to let you know he’s there. Both guys are still playing at a high enough level that I’d be surprised if both men weren’t protected, and they’ve both still got multiple years on their contracts. Baltimore may draft some safety simply because of the versatility of the position, but this is more of a want than a need.
KP: 6
The Hawks are the only team this season who’ve employed two kickers. They started the year with ForThe Brand, then they switched to the veteran Kulture Fulture. Now, Fulture is in year eleven, so he may not be long for this league, and they might switch back to Brand for next season. Or they could let both of them walk, since they’re both in the final year of their contracts, so this could be a kicker-needy team shortly.
Final verdict: The Hawks are likely playoff-bound, so their picks will be in the latter half of all of the rounds. Because of that, they might miss out either Derred de Ville or Stanis?aw Koniecpolski, but they need to find a way to get one of those two, come hell or high water. In the second, go corner. Thubba Bumper, Eldrick Avery, Zamir Kehla, one of them will be there. The third round will be a little tricky. If WRs Michael Witheblock or Kevin Koh are there, take one of them. If not, maybe OL Bruce Buckley or TE Daniel George.
Chicago Butchers
Picks available: only one in the first five rounds (Philly’s 3rd), two sixths (their own and Baltimore’s), then their 7th, 8th, and 10th
QB: 4
This position is secure for the next few years. Rose Jenkins is signed with the team until S24, and while they don’t have an heir lined up, Rose is playing well enough for that to be a future problem rather than a now problem. They have much bigger problems to worry about anyways.
RB: 6
Ryan Leaf Jr. isn’t happy in Chicago, didn’t need a bowl of tea leaves to see that one coming. He’s stepped down as Chicago GM and wants out. I’d protect him anyway, since you don’t want a player that good to walk for nothing. Aside from him, the Butchers have Farley Hank and Jake Utler, two adequate rushers who aren’t consistent with their updates, and the latter of whom is about to retire. Hank is good enough to hold down the fort, but they’ll need someone new soon. If they do move Leaf though, the pick they get should go toward finding a new rusher.
WR: 2
Sean O’Leary was unexpectedly thrust into the WR1 position after Ahri Espeeyeeseetee’s shocking move to cornerback, and has done reasonably well given the circumstances. This moved Jerome James up to the main roster, and while he’s still adjusting to the big leagues, he’s still keeping mostly active, so that’s a good sign. With O’Leary likely to be protected, James too green to be worth a claim, both players under contract for three years, and Raheem Okusi still waiting for a call-up, the Butchers are alright at receiver.
TE: 1
Osiris Firestorm-Fjord is lucky for several reasons. Aside from having the greatest name in the history of mankind, he’s protected by being an S21, so Chicago will be able to hang onto their young tight end in training.
OL: 6
An offensive lineman here would be great in theory, as the Butchers are already nearly maxed out in next year’s cap, even with mid-level bots. But, they can’t go using their only moderately high pick on an OL, there will be bigger needs elsewhere. Maybe someone will be available late for them.
DL: 8
Now here is where things start getting really sketchy for the Butchers. They still have Thorian Skarsgard in his tenth season. He’s the only DL who’s active for the team, but he’s costing them a lot of money. Is it possible they leave Skarsgard unprotected to let someone take his incoming $8M cap hit? If they do, this goes from an 8 to a 10, because aside from Thorian, the Butchers have Stevie Vassallo under contract for a few more years, but he’s a ghost. Johnson Harding, Trae Bacon, and the regressing Benson Harris are all IAs on expiring contracts, so even if they keep Skarsgard, this is a huge need.
LB: 6
Leighton Lee is retiring this season, and that’ll leave just one linebacker on the Butchers roster. Mike Hockhertz is good, but he doesn’t always update, and even if he did, he’s only one man. Perry Tucker Jr. will likely get a call-up next season to fill Lee’s shoes, but he doesn’t update very often either. This might just be a short-term option while they wait to retool and stock up more picks.
CB: 8
Welp. Ahri’s gone. Everyone just had to meme him out of existence, did you? (Seriously y’all, bad form, we’re trying to look good for the new wave of rookies). So, as it stands, the Butchers have Xerxes Ridley and Spencer Castle, both on expiring deals. They don’t have the money to resign them both, so their only hope is to find some cheap talent in the draft, let’s hope there’s someone there for them.
SF: 5
Jack Rambo has been plugging away for this team for years, and doesn’t get the credit he deserves for being the backbone of this team’s secondary for years. The only problem is he’s just old enough and there are just enough players ahead of him in TPE, that he might not get protected. Beat has been solid so far, but I’m not sure he’s ready to be that center-fielder. But if Rambo goes, he might have to. And if that happens, this becomes a massive deal.
KP: 4
Diego Espinosa has been just good enough to not rock the boat, but if they had more draft capital, I could see them making a move here. He’s missed some short kicks though, so next year could be Espinosa’s last chance to kick in the majors.
Final verdict: The optics of having no early-round picks in the biggest NSFL class ever are pretty bad, but there does seem to be at least some plan in place, and the situation isn’t as dire as some have made it out to be. The offense is solid (if they can make Ryan Leaf happy), and their defense has fixable holes. In the third, they need the best cornerback available. Either Chester Sweets or Colt Mendoza should be an option there. Then if any D-linemen are active in the sixth, take them. If not, just take the best active defender available, and good luck.
Colorado Yeti
Picks available: One in each round except the 5th, where they have none, plus Chicago’s 9th
QB: 3
Wolfie McDummy is locked in for the next four years, and is the GM of the team, so he’s not going anywhere. The problem is there’s no heir to the throne. Now, this isn’t a problem… yet. Wolfie won’t hit regression until S23, but now would be the time to start the search. If someone falls into Colorado’s lap, they shouldn’t hesitate.
RB: 5
Ashley Owens is a strong bet to be protected, even with his down season, but Michael Vincent might not. He’s low on the priority list for them to protect and that could result in him leaving Colorado for some more tropical environs. If he leaves, that might open the door for Andrew Nova to get a call-up, but he’s not the most active in the world, so a new body in the running back pool couldn’t hurt.
WR: 4
Laszlo Fourty-Two is a lock for protection, being one of the best receivers in the game right now. And their youngster Red Arrow is safe from being pilfered. James Bishop, though, is in his tenth season, and they could let him go, as there are a lot of younger players that the Yeti need to prioritize. It wouldn’t be a popular move in Colorado, but it might be a necessary one. Alyx Sabor could potentially be the next man up, but it also wouldn’t hurt to find someone in the draft.
TE: 3
This is where the talent level comes back to bite the Yeti. Earl Sauce is one of the best young tight ends in the game, he’s an elite blocker and has great hands. Can the Yeti afford to not lock him down? If they do lose him, they have Gronk Robertkowski ready for a call-up, but he’s still a few years away from being ready for the big leagues, and even longer until he’s where Sauce is now, and that’s even assuming he stays active, which he hasn’t always been. This is a tough call, but one that shouldn’t require the use of a draft pick.
OL: 3
The Yeti are in that wonderful place where their young guys are still on their first or second contracts, so they have a lot of cap room to work with, and as such, a human OL wouldn’t be as useful. They can just pay the bots and look for talent elsewhere.
DL: 6
Everyone on the Yeti D-Line are young, active, and signed on until at least the end of next season, so there isn’t any worry there, and Bubba Thumper has got to be one of the ones the Yeti will preserve. Immanuel Blackstone and John Smirh are safe via S21, but there’s a chance they might lose Steco Ocewilder to one of the expansion teams. Plenty of teams have survived with three D-linemen, but if they lose him, they could definitely use one of their early picks to replace him.
LB: 5
There’s no danger of the Yeti losing Mo Berry, they’ll lock him down with shackles if necessary. Tony Gabagool though, is another story. He’s their leading tackler, but doesn’t provide much beyond that, and isn’t nearly as versatile as Berry. So I won’t be shocked if they have to let go of Gabagool as well. They have some secondary who can play down in the middle, so this isn’t quite as dire as losing Ocewilder, but it could still be an issue.
CB: 4
Another player who seems safe from being nabbed is Louisiana Purchase, who’s become a throw repellant cornerback. On the other side, both Quentin Sinclair is IA and on the last years of his deal, but is solid enough, especially for where he’s being played. Plus, down in the DSFL is Rotticus Scott, a solid corner in training, who could ease the pain of losing Axel Hornbacher to retirement.
SF: 6
In case you weren’t tired of hearing it yet, here’s another player Colorado might not be able to retain, Pete Parker. He’s really good, but there’s a lot of really good players in Colorado, and they can’t save them all. If they lose Parker, then Thor Kirkby will need to stay at his safety position, and they’ll need to find a replacement. I think safety will be a position they’ll target, just because they’re versatile and they’re useful to have around.
KP: 1
Silver Banana has been good this year, but not so good that he might get poached. Kicker is a safe position for them.
Final verdict: Whatever damage the Yeti take from the expansion draft should be remedied in the regular draft. A DL in the first would be wise, maybe Troen Eggheads or Octavio Clemente, followed by a safety in the second, like Buck Thornton or “Son of Havoc” Matt Cross. After that, you can kinda just go best player available, and should be just fine.
Philadelphia Liberty
Picks available: Philly’s 1st; Chicago’s 1st, 2nd and 3rd; Colorado’s 5th; Philly’s 6th and 7th; OC’s 8th; Philly’s 9th and 10th
QB: 1
Brock Phoenix is the man in Philadelphia and there’s no reason for that to change anytime soon. He’s locked up for four years, and he’s nowhere near regression, so it’s not time to look at a quarterback anytime soon.
RB: 6
Sam Torenson is pretty safe on the lock list, but then comes the fate of Fuzzy Dotson. There are bigger priorities for them to worry about besides their backup running back, especially when that is a problem that can be addressed in the draft. Plus, Torenson is approaching regression, so making sure someone will be there to replace him someday is probably a high priority.
WR: 5
Do the Liberty protect their ace receiver who’s on the cusp of regression, or one of their two young studs who might not even be snatched? They’ll probably protect Nacho Varga, but that means they’ll probably lose one of either Jake Dropson or Randy Vuxta. If they lose one of the young guys, they should look for a replacement soon, so that when Varga retires, the Liberty receiver corps will be in good shape.
TE: 7
The Philadelphia Liberty are chock full of young talent who are gonna give their front office fits about who to keep, like Avon Blocksdale Jr. He’s someone the team can build around, but he won’t be protected at the end of the day. He’s also in the last year of his contract, and might not even be coming back anyway, so the Liberty might be wise to bring in some new blood to the position and wish Avon best of luck.
OL: 6
If the Liberty decide to go for high-end bots, they’ll have less than $9M to work with in free agency. That’s not a ton, so it might be a good idea to see what human linemen can help them.
DL: 7
There’s a lot of potential problems coming up for the Liberty’s D-line. Ricardo Morris is on an expiring deal and heading toward regression. ILove Gimmy is right on the cusp of being protection-worthy, but he might miss the cut. Mike Franchet isn’t a particularly great player, and Jeff Personsacker is outright bad. So even if they retain everyone, they should still probably go there to get some more active bodies along the line.
LB: 5
Linebacker is an odd position to discuss Philly’s needs. They aren’t good enough to be poach-worthy, but they still need to improve there, as they have no one above 400 TPE. There is talent here, but I feel like they need a big piece to get the unit closer toward being elite. But, if they choose to ignore it, it won’t be the end of the world.
CB: 6
Originally, this was a difficult call as to who would be protected, Emondov Emoji or Julien McMorris, but McMorris is calling it a career, so slap that tag on Emoji and find some to take McMorris’s place so they can keep the Mouse (Stuart Little IV) as a slot corner.
SF: 3
As I mentioned before Richard D’Attoria and Lamont McKinnie are both among Philly’s best players, both at 1000 TPE or higher, so it would be really hard to see either of them go. I think they’ll end up holding onto both, even though they’re both on the verge of regression. Aging vet Lennox Garnett is in the last year of his deal and he might be on the way out, so a new third safety would be handy, but not dire.
KP: 0
I don’t think any specialists will be protected but Venus Powers has the strongest case for it. She’s #2 in kicker TPE, with the leader about to take regression, and she’s only in her second big-league season. And she’s only missed one field goal this season. If Philly loses her, that would be a loss, so either they protect her (or she avoids getting claimed), and this is a zero, or they lose her, and this is like a six. If these rules are the same as the last expansion draft, I think she’ll be unprotected at first, someone else from this team will be claimed, and she’ll be safe after that, so nil.
Final verdict: There are a lot of fives, sixes, and sevens on this list, and you know what that means? Take the best value available. The Liberty will have two first-round picks, their own and Chicago’s, which will both be in the 4-6 range, probably. So, just go take whoever falls to you out of any position besides QB, safety or kicker. The world is your oyster, Liberty. Sorry if this doesn’t help you in your mock drafts, just get a dartboard and have fun with it, that’s what we’re all trying to do here.
Yellowknife Wraiths
Picks available: One in each round (all of their own)
QB: 5
Cooter Bigsby is already starting to feel the effects of regression, he’s in Year 8, but the Wraiths have their future QB already in Colby Jack, their GM-created character who they’ll have to select in the second round. Bigsby is signed for another two years, so he’ll probably play out the rest of his contract, and then hand the keys over to Jack. Or they could leave Bigsby unprotected, let him get nabbed by Sarasota, use that protection for someone else, and go straight into the Jack era. Either way, problem solved.
RB: 5
The Wraiths aren’t going to let Mathias Hanyadi slip through their fingers, he’s one of the league’s best runners, and was the biggest reason why the Wraiths got to the Ultimus last year. Orion Drake, on the other hand, will not receive such protections. He’s gone ghost and should be pretty easy to replace in the draft. They shouldn’t even have to worry about this with their earliest picks, they can afford to let the draft come to them, and find a back when the time is right.
WR: 8
The Wraiths receiver corps is more dire than it looks. Yea, they have three guys well over 600 TPE, and two of them are young, but one of them is GMing Sarasota, and the third guy is about to get slammed by regression. I could easily envision Bender B. Rodriguez as the only receiver to come back next year, and that would mean some new blood would need to be brought in, whether in free agency or the draft.
TE: 5
Historically, the Wraiths operate well without a tight end, but this might be the year they actually get one, seeing as how there’re quite a few good TEs to find in the mid-rounds. Blake Gragg is on their payroll, but they might be able to find someone better in this class. Not a necessary move, as we’ve seen over the years, just something to think about.
OL: 3
The Wraiths are pretty well in the black in salary cap (perfectly on-brand for them), so human O-linemen can wait for them.
DL: 2
The Wraith’s D-line is older, but they still got some moves. Nero Alexander is the highest-rated player in the league, Giannis Kroustis is still active and playing well at DT, and even the new guy in the group, Jayson Kearse is doing alright. Kearse will need to be resigned, but that’s a good group if they can keep it together. Maybe they can replace the departing Chad Maulalo, but that’s not the biggest priority right now.
LB: 4
Maurice Virtanen, S18’s biggest star, is definitely under protection. Their rookie Douglas Quaid has been staying active and is doing well for himself, and Alex Selich has shown no signs of slowing down, even in his eleventh season. Maybe finding Selich’s replacement would be wise, since he’s in the last year of his deal, but if they bring back Selich on a one-year deal, they’ll be fine.
CB: 1
Will the Wraiths protect both Johnny Snuggles and Mervin Leonard? I think they will, but it could go either way. If they’re both safe, this is a non-issue. If one goes, probably Snuggles if either one, then it’s a mid-round priority. But I’m gonna side with both being safe, so a one here.
SF: 7
The Wraiths can’t keep trotting out S10’s Danny Grithead and S12’s Logan Lejune and expect everything to be fine. At some point (probably now, since they’re both on expiring contracts), the Wraiths need new safeties. They have “The Internet’s” Jon Bois hanging out in the D-League, doing pretty good things, but they need to replace both of their incumbents, so they’ll need one more guy to make their safety situation right.
KP: 0
Dougie Smalls is a rookie, and as such is protected, what more do you want, my fingers are tired.
Final verdict: The Wraiths are one of the few teams that could go offense at the top of the draft. WR Eddie Jeeta could be in play in the first for the Wraiths, or they could go safety with Buck Thornton. In the second, they’ll have to take Colby Jack, so that’s set in stone. With the third, I’d go the best offensive player available, maybe TE Jeffrey Phillips, RB Acura Skyline, or WR William Lim could be on the board.
Sarasota Sailfish
Picks available: all of their picks except 1st and 7th, plus NOLA’s 3rd and 5th
Right now, Sarasota just has WR Rayne Gordon and RB Dax Frost, but by the time the draft rolls around, they’ll have snagged a bunch of players in the expansion draft, so it’s impossible to know their draft needs until the expansion draft has happened, so that’s all for now, stay tuned for my ASFC version of this, and hopefully it won’t be horrifically outdated immediately with how crazy the league is right now.
4782 words .
Baltimore Hawks
Picks available: One in each round except the 8th, where they have none (6th round is from Austin)
QB: 2
Corvo Havran is on his way to Honolulu, to become GM/QB of the Hahalua. But even with that big departure imminent, the Hawks are ready to replace him. Chiki Fujiwara was selected in the fifth round of last year’s draft and has been staying in shape on the Kansas City Coyotes, waiting for his chance to shine. With Fujiwara being protected by being an S21 player, the Hawks can rest easy knowing their future is secure. They could look for Fujiwara’s heir, but it’s far too early to think about that.
RB: 2
Apollo Reed is a seasoned veteran who’s still putting up solid numbers, and Darrel Williams is right there with him, only younger. With the expansion draft on the horizon, the question is: do the Hawks protect both Reed and Williams? I think the smart money is on them only protecting one, and letting the other one get nabbed, and that would leave them with only one running back. However, waiting in the D-League is Rick Skuff, who could slip into Baltimore’s RB2 slot like a comfy pair of sweatpants. Maybe they’ll take a back if someone slides to them, but they look like they’re set at the position.
WR: 7
Errol Maddox is still putting up monstrous numbers in his tenth season. However, he’s in the final year of his contract, so he could choose to resign with Baltimore, only to get poached. It just depends on whether the expansion draft will happen before or after free agency. (Let me know if you know.) On the other hand, Asher Quinn and Chris Kross are young players just waiting for an opportunity to be a #1, either in Baltimore or elsewhere. The bottom line is this: the Hawks are going to lose at least one out of either Maddox, Quinn, or Kross, if not two. So, I’d go ahead and call that a need.
TE: 5
The Baltimore Hawks currently aren’t fielding a tight end. Now, this could be by design. The Wraiths have gone for years without a tight end, but with their potential departures at wide receiver, they won’t be able to cover up those deficiencies. They’ll either need to get themselves a tight end, or more people who can fill in for one.
OL: 7
Lately, we’ve seen a lot of articles discussing the value of a human offensive lineman over a bot. Bots are expensive, and if you can get a human who’s as good for cheaper, you should do it. My logic here is this: the closer a team is to a maxed-out salary cap, the more useful a human would be there. The Hawks only have about 16M in cap space next season, which is not the most, but it’s under the assumption that they’ll use five high-end bots next year. If they go for a human, that would help lower that cap number.
DL: 4
Fabricio Baldari looks like he’s likely to get protected, and Sardine Beaner is safe as an S21. Their third linemen, however, Terry Taffy, is both a free agent this season, and IA. So it’s likely that they’ll need to find someone to fill in the hole Taffy might leave behind. That someone might be Matt Hole, who’s currently stashed in Minnesota, but he hasn’t been the most active guy in the world, and could be usurped by an active mid-round pick.
LB: 9
I think this is where the Hawks need to make a big swing. Raymond Vans is in Season #10 and is still productive, but that might not last (it’s not lasting, he’s retiring, just found this one). Guy Nikko is only a year away from regression, but is at about the same level as Vans. Sandip Bakshi is a piece that can be played wherever, but he’s already in regression too. Here’s the kicker: all three of them are free agents, and there are no actives in the D-League waiting to replace them. So this needs to be the early round move. Take the best linebacker available, maybe two if one falls to them in the mid-rounds.
CB: 8
Marquees Acho has already made his retirement known, and Xandra Troyski is in her 12th season. She hasn’t made any retirement announcement yet, but if she stays another season, regression is going to give her a really bad time. That just leaves Juan Marston as Baltimore’s lone corner, and he’s been inconsistent with his updates, and I wouldn’t want to rely on him as the undisputed #1. This should be a position of great importance.
SF: 4
When the Baltimore Hawks drafted Walt Green and Logan Uchiha in the first two rounds of S15, I remember thinking they’d be set at the position for a decade. They’re both in Year 7, and yep, that’s looking like a winning prediction. (EDIT: Fatih Terim was drafted with Green, not Uchiha, my bad.) Walt Green has been plugging away for years for the Hawks, and Uchiha still pops up from time to time to let you know he’s there. Both guys are still playing at a high enough level that I’d be surprised if both men weren’t protected, and they’ve both still got multiple years on their contracts. Baltimore may draft some safety simply because of the versatility of the position, but this is more of a want than a need.
KP: 6
The Hawks are the only team this season who’ve employed two kickers. They started the year with ForThe Brand, then they switched to the veteran Kulture Fulture. Now, Fulture is in year eleven, so he may not be long for this league, and they might switch back to Brand for next season. Or they could let both of them walk, since they’re both in the final year of their contracts, so this could be a kicker-needy team shortly.
Final verdict: The Hawks are likely playoff-bound, so their picks will be in the latter half of all of the rounds. Because of that, they might miss out either Derred de Ville or Stanis?aw Koniecpolski, but they need to find a way to get one of those two, come hell or high water. In the second, go corner. Thubba Bumper, Eldrick Avery, Zamir Kehla, one of them will be there. The third round will be a little tricky. If WRs Michael Witheblock or Kevin Koh are there, take one of them. If not, maybe OL Bruce Buckley or TE Daniel George.
Chicago Butchers
Picks available: only one in the first five rounds (Philly’s 3rd), two sixths (their own and Baltimore’s), then their 7th, 8th, and 10th
QB: 4
This position is secure for the next few years. Rose Jenkins is signed with the team until S24, and while they don’t have an heir lined up, Rose is playing well enough for that to be a future problem rather than a now problem. They have much bigger problems to worry about anyways.
RB: 6
Ryan Leaf Jr. isn’t happy in Chicago, didn’t need a bowl of tea leaves to see that one coming. He’s stepped down as Chicago GM and wants out. I’d protect him anyway, since you don’t want a player that good to walk for nothing. Aside from him, the Butchers have Farley Hank and Jake Utler, two adequate rushers who aren’t consistent with their updates, and the latter of whom is about to retire. Hank is good enough to hold down the fort, but they’ll need someone new soon. If they do move Leaf though, the pick they get should go toward finding a new rusher.
WR: 2
Sean O’Leary was unexpectedly thrust into the WR1 position after Ahri Espeeyeeseetee’s shocking move to cornerback, and has done reasonably well given the circumstances. This moved Jerome James up to the main roster, and while he’s still adjusting to the big leagues, he’s still keeping mostly active, so that’s a good sign. With O’Leary likely to be protected, James too green to be worth a claim, both players under contract for three years, and Raheem Okusi still waiting for a call-up, the Butchers are alright at receiver.
TE: 1
Osiris Firestorm-Fjord is lucky for several reasons. Aside from having the greatest name in the history of mankind, he’s protected by being an S21, so Chicago will be able to hang onto their young tight end in training.
OL: 6
An offensive lineman here would be great in theory, as the Butchers are already nearly maxed out in next year’s cap, even with mid-level bots. But, they can’t go using their only moderately high pick on an OL, there will be bigger needs elsewhere. Maybe someone will be available late for them.
DL: 8
Now here is where things start getting really sketchy for the Butchers. They still have Thorian Skarsgard in his tenth season. He’s the only DL who’s active for the team, but he’s costing them a lot of money. Is it possible they leave Skarsgard unprotected to let someone take his incoming $8M cap hit? If they do, this goes from an 8 to a 10, because aside from Thorian, the Butchers have Stevie Vassallo under contract for a few more years, but he’s a ghost. Johnson Harding, Trae Bacon, and the regressing Benson Harris are all IAs on expiring contracts, so even if they keep Skarsgard, this is a huge need.
LB: 6
Leighton Lee is retiring this season, and that’ll leave just one linebacker on the Butchers roster. Mike Hockhertz is good, but he doesn’t always update, and even if he did, he’s only one man. Perry Tucker Jr. will likely get a call-up next season to fill Lee’s shoes, but he doesn’t update very often either. This might just be a short-term option while they wait to retool and stock up more picks.
CB: 8
Welp. Ahri’s gone. Everyone just had to meme him out of existence, did you? (Seriously y’all, bad form, we’re trying to look good for the new wave of rookies). So, as it stands, the Butchers have Xerxes Ridley and Spencer Castle, both on expiring deals. They don’t have the money to resign them both, so their only hope is to find some cheap talent in the draft, let’s hope there’s someone there for them.
SF: 5
Jack Rambo has been plugging away for this team for years, and doesn’t get the credit he deserves for being the backbone of this team’s secondary for years. The only problem is he’s just old enough and there are just enough players ahead of him in TPE, that he might not get protected. Beat has been solid so far, but I’m not sure he’s ready to be that center-fielder. But if Rambo goes, he might have to. And if that happens, this becomes a massive deal.
KP: 4
Diego Espinosa has been just good enough to not rock the boat, but if they had more draft capital, I could see them making a move here. He’s missed some short kicks though, so next year could be Espinosa’s last chance to kick in the majors.
Final verdict: The optics of having no early-round picks in the biggest NSFL class ever are pretty bad, but there does seem to be at least some plan in place, and the situation isn’t as dire as some have made it out to be. The offense is solid (if they can make Ryan Leaf happy), and their defense has fixable holes. In the third, they need the best cornerback available. Either Chester Sweets or Colt Mendoza should be an option there. Then if any D-linemen are active in the sixth, take them. If not, just take the best active defender available, and good luck.
Colorado Yeti
Picks available: One in each round except the 5th, where they have none, plus Chicago’s 9th
QB: 3
Wolfie McDummy is locked in for the next four years, and is the GM of the team, so he’s not going anywhere. The problem is there’s no heir to the throne. Now, this isn’t a problem… yet. Wolfie won’t hit regression until S23, but now would be the time to start the search. If someone falls into Colorado’s lap, they shouldn’t hesitate.
RB: 5
Ashley Owens is a strong bet to be protected, even with his down season, but Michael Vincent might not. He’s low on the priority list for them to protect and that could result in him leaving Colorado for some more tropical environs. If he leaves, that might open the door for Andrew Nova to get a call-up, but he’s not the most active in the world, so a new body in the running back pool couldn’t hurt.
WR: 4
Laszlo Fourty-Two is a lock for protection, being one of the best receivers in the game right now. And their youngster Red Arrow is safe from being pilfered. James Bishop, though, is in his tenth season, and they could let him go, as there are a lot of younger players that the Yeti need to prioritize. It wouldn’t be a popular move in Colorado, but it might be a necessary one. Alyx Sabor could potentially be the next man up, but it also wouldn’t hurt to find someone in the draft.
TE: 3
This is where the talent level comes back to bite the Yeti. Earl Sauce is one of the best young tight ends in the game, he’s an elite blocker and has great hands. Can the Yeti afford to not lock him down? If they do lose him, they have Gronk Robertkowski ready for a call-up, but he’s still a few years away from being ready for the big leagues, and even longer until he’s where Sauce is now, and that’s even assuming he stays active, which he hasn’t always been. This is a tough call, but one that shouldn’t require the use of a draft pick.
OL: 3
The Yeti are in that wonderful place where their young guys are still on their first or second contracts, so they have a lot of cap room to work with, and as such, a human OL wouldn’t be as useful. They can just pay the bots and look for talent elsewhere.
DL: 6
Everyone on the Yeti D-Line are young, active, and signed on until at least the end of next season, so there isn’t any worry there, and Bubba Thumper has got to be one of the ones the Yeti will preserve. Immanuel Blackstone and John Smirh are safe via S21, but there’s a chance they might lose Steco Ocewilder to one of the expansion teams. Plenty of teams have survived with three D-linemen, but if they lose him, they could definitely use one of their early picks to replace him.
LB: 5
There’s no danger of the Yeti losing Mo Berry, they’ll lock him down with shackles if necessary. Tony Gabagool though, is another story. He’s their leading tackler, but doesn’t provide much beyond that, and isn’t nearly as versatile as Berry. So I won’t be shocked if they have to let go of Gabagool as well. They have some secondary who can play down in the middle, so this isn’t quite as dire as losing Ocewilder, but it could still be an issue.
CB: 4
Another player who seems safe from being nabbed is Louisiana Purchase, who’s become a throw repellant cornerback. On the other side, both Quentin Sinclair is IA and on the last years of his deal, but is solid enough, especially for where he’s being played. Plus, down in the DSFL is Rotticus Scott, a solid corner in training, who could ease the pain of losing Axel Hornbacher to retirement.
SF: 6
In case you weren’t tired of hearing it yet, here’s another player Colorado might not be able to retain, Pete Parker. He’s really good, but there’s a lot of really good players in Colorado, and they can’t save them all. If they lose Parker, then Thor Kirkby will need to stay at his safety position, and they’ll need to find a replacement. I think safety will be a position they’ll target, just because they’re versatile and they’re useful to have around.
KP: 1
Silver Banana has been good this year, but not so good that he might get poached. Kicker is a safe position for them.
Final verdict: Whatever damage the Yeti take from the expansion draft should be remedied in the regular draft. A DL in the first would be wise, maybe Troen Eggheads or Octavio Clemente, followed by a safety in the second, like Buck Thornton or “Son of Havoc” Matt Cross. After that, you can kinda just go best player available, and should be just fine.
Philadelphia Liberty
Picks available: Philly’s 1st; Chicago’s 1st, 2nd and 3rd; Colorado’s 5th; Philly’s 6th and 7th; OC’s 8th; Philly’s 9th and 10th
QB: 1
Brock Phoenix is the man in Philadelphia and there’s no reason for that to change anytime soon. He’s locked up for four years, and he’s nowhere near regression, so it’s not time to look at a quarterback anytime soon.
RB: 6
Sam Torenson is pretty safe on the lock list, but then comes the fate of Fuzzy Dotson. There are bigger priorities for them to worry about besides their backup running back, especially when that is a problem that can be addressed in the draft. Plus, Torenson is approaching regression, so making sure someone will be there to replace him someday is probably a high priority.
WR: 5
Do the Liberty protect their ace receiver who’s on the cusp of regression, or one of their two young studs who might not even be snatched? They’ll probably protect Nacho Varga, but that means they’ll probably lose one of either Jake Dropson or Randy Vuxta. If they lose one of the young guys, they should look for a replacement soon, so that when Varga retires, the Liberty receiver corps will be in good shape.
TE: 7
The Philadelphia Liberty are chock full of young talent who are gonna give their front office fits about who to keep, like Avon Blocksdale Jr. He’s someone the team can build around, but he won’t be protected at the end of the day. He’s also in the last year of his contract, and might not even be coming back anyway, so the Liberty might be wise to bring in some new blood to the position and wish Avon best of luck.
OL: 6
If the Liberty decide to go for high-end bots, they’ll have less than $9M to work with in free agency. That’s not a ton, so it might be a good idea to see what human linemen can help them.
DL: 7
There’s a lot of potential problems coming up for the Liberty’s D-line. Ricardo Morris is on an expiring deal and heading toward regression. ILove Gimmy is right on the cusp of being protection-worthy, but he might miss the cut. Mike Franchet isn’t a particularly great player, and Jeff Personsacker is outright bad. So even if they retain everyone, they should still probably go there to get some more active bodies along the line.
LB: 5
Linebacker is an odd position to discuss Philly’s needs. They aren’t good enough to be poach-worthy, but they still need to improve there, as they have no one above 400 TPE. There is talent here, but I feel like they need a big piece to get the unit closer toward being elite. But, if they choose to ignore it, it won’t be the end of the world.
CB: 6
Originally, this was a difficult call as to who would be protected, Emondov Emoji or Julien McMorris, but McMorris is calling it a career, so slap that tag on Emoji and find some to take McMorris’s place so they can keep the Mouse (Stuart Little IV) as a slot corner.
SF: 3
As I mentioned before Richard D’Attoria and Lamont McKinnie are both among Philly’s best players, both at 1000 TPE or higher, so it would be really hard to see either of them go. I think they’ll end up holding onto both, even though they’re both on the verge of regression. Aging vet Lennox Garnett is in the last year of his deal and he might be on the way out, so a new third safety would be handy, but not dire.
KP: 0
I don’t think any specialists will be protected but Venus Powers has the strongest case for it. She’s #2 in kicker TPE, with the leader about to take regression, and she’s only in her second big-league season. And she’s only missed one field goal this season. If Philly loses her, that would be a loss, so either they protect her (or she avoids getting claimed), and this is a zero, or they lose her, and this is like a six. If these rules are the same as the last expansion draft, I think she’ll be unprotected at first, someone else from this team will be claimed, and she’ll be safe after that, so nil.
Final verdict: There are a lot of fives, sixes, and sevens on this list, and you know what that means? Take the best value available. The Liberty will have two first-round picks, their own and Chicago’s, which will both be in the 4-6 range, probably. So, just go take whoever falls to you out of any position besides QB, safety or kicker. The world is your oyster, Liberty. Sorry if this doesn’t help you in your mock drafts, just get a dartboard and have fun with it, that’s what we’re all trying to do here.
Yellowknife Wraiths
Picks available: One in each round (all of their own)
QB: 5
Cooter Bigsby is already starting to feel the effects of regression, he’s in Year 8, but the Wraiths have their future QB already in Colby Jack, their GM-created character who they’ll have to select in the second round. Bigsby is signed for another two years, so he’ll probably play out the rest of his contract, and then hand the keys over to Jack. Or they could leave Bigsby unprotected, let him get nabbed by Sarasota, use that protection for someone else, and go straight into the Jack era. Either way, problem solved.
RB: 5
The Wraiths aren’t going to let Mathias Hanyadi slip through their fingers, he’s one of the league’s best runners, and was the biggest reason why the Wraiths got to the Ultimus last year. Orion Drake, on the other hand, will not receive such protections. He’s gone ghost and should be pretty easy to replace in the draft. They shouldn’t even have to worry about this with their earliest picks, they can afford to let the draft come to them, and find a back when the time is right.
WR: 8
The Wraiths receiver corps is more dire than it looks. Yea, they have three guys well over 600 TPE, and two of them are young, but one of them is GMing Sarasota, and the third guy is about to get slammed by regression. I could easily envision Bender B. Rodriguez as the only receiver to come back next year, and that would mean some new blood would need to be brought in, whether in free agency or the draft.
TE: 5
Historically, the Wraiths operate well without a tight end, but this might be the year they actually get one, seeing as how there’re quite a few good TEs to find in the mid-rounds. Blake Gragg is on their payroll, but they might be able to find someone better in this class. Not a necessary move, as we’ve seen over the years, just something to think about.
OL: 3
The Wraiths are pretty well in the black in salary cap (perfectly on-brand for them), so human O-linemen can wait for them.
DL: 2
The Wraith’s D-line is older, but they still got some moves. Nero Alexander is the highest-rated player in the league, Giannis Kroustis is still active and playing well at DT, and even the new guy in the group, Jayson Kearse is doing alright. Kearse will need to be resigned, but that’s a good group if they can keep it together. Maybe they can replace the departing Chad Maulalo, but that’s not the biggest priority right now.
LB: 4
Maurice Virtanen, S18’s biggest star, is definitely under protection. Their rookie Douglas Quaid has been staying active and is doing well for himself, and Alex Selich has shown no signs of slowing down, even in his eleventh season. Maybe finding Selich’s replacement would be wise, since he’s in the last year of his deal, but if they bring back Selich on a one-year deal, they’ll be fine.
CB: 1
Will the Wraiths protect both Johnny Snuggles and Mervin Leonard? I think they will, but it could go either way. If they’re both safe, this is a non-issue. If one goes, probably Snuggles if either one, then it’s a mid-round priority. But I’m gonna side with both being safe, so a one here.
SF: 7
The Wraiths can’t keep trotting out S10’s Danny Grithead and S12’s Logan Lejune and expect everything to be fine. At some point (probably now, since they’re both on expiring contracts), the Wraiths need new safeties. They have “The Internet’s” Jon Bois hanging out in the D-League, doing pretty good things, but they need to replace both of their incumbents, so they’ll need one more guy to make their safety situation right.
KP: 0
Dougie Smalls is a rookie, and as such is protected, what more do you want, my fingers are tired.
Final verdict: The Wraiths are one of the few teams that could go offense at the top of the draft. WR Eddie Jeeta could be in play in the first for the Wraiths, or they could go safety with Buck Thornton. In the second, they’ll have to take Colby Jack, so that’s set in stone. With the third, I’d go the best offensive player available, maybe TE Jeffrey Phillips, RB Acura Skyline, or WR William Lim could be on the board.
Sarasota Sailfish
Picks available: all of their picks except 1st and 7th, plus NOLA’s 3rd and 5th
Right now, Sarasota just has WR Rayne Gordon and RB Dax Frost, but by the time the draft rolls around, they’ll have snagged a bunch of players in the expansion draft, so it’s impossible to know their draft needs until the expansion draft has happened, so that’s all for now, stay tuned for my ASFC version of this, and hopefully it won’t be horrifically outdated immediately with how crazy the league is right now.
4782 words .